by Tracey Ward
I attach the picture to a post on the bakery’s Facebook page telling the world that we’ve caught Kodiak Fever.
Before I can think it through, I tag Colt Avery’s page.
I stow my phone, take a bracing breath, and go out front to unlock the doors with Rona.
The next five hours are a blur. We sell out of a lot of our hottest items, nearly every flavor of the Käsebrezel. When John shows up we put him on register so Rona and I can go to the back and make more. Those sell out too, so we make more. An hour later they’re gone. Eventually we have to stop making them because we run out of cheese. We look outside to check the line periodically and it seems like it never goes down. It’s like a hydra. Once we serve one person, two more appear in their place. It’s five hours of non-stop sales before the last person is out the door and we’re alone. My ears ring with the silence inside the building.
“Wow,” Rona mutters numbly.
I push my hands through my hair, shoving it away from my face. “Yeah. Holy crap.”
“That was intense. Is that what success feels like?”
“I think so.”
“It’s a rush.”
“I’m exhausted.”
“I’m pumped,” she proclaims with a smile. “I could run a marathon.”
I look at her doubtfully. “I thought we swore off running in middle school when we decided ‘sweat soaked’ wasn’t a good look for us.”
She waves me away carelessly. “It’s a figure of speech. I’m seriously so hyper right now.”
“Then do you mind if I take a break first? I’m spent.”
“Yeah, sure. You should anyway. You got here first.”
“Thanks, Ro.” I stop as I move past her, grabbing her into a quick, awkward hug. “Today is a good day, isn’t it?”
She laughs, rocking me excitedly from side to side. “Today is a great fucking day, Lil. Enjoy it.” When she releases me she slaps me on the ass. “We’ll have to find a way to thank Colt for this. We owe him big.”
“We’ll find a way.”
“You could reconsider sleeping with him,” she suggests.
“Sure. Prostitution is the sensible choice.”
In the back I grab my phone from the office, taking it out to the alley. John is there smoking a cigarette at the far end, deep in the shadows. He raises the burning red embers to me in silent salute before blowing a cloud to the sky. I park on my favorite pallet and check my messages.
My heart skips a beat when I find a text from Colt.
You want me to come down and handle crowd control?
He sent the message twenty minutes ago.
My fingers hover over the keys, my heart hammering in my throat.
What the fuck is wrong with me?
We’re good, thanks. And I mean that seriously – THANK YOU! From both of us.
He answers me immediately, sending my blood flying.
Anytime. Are you girls busy Saturday night?
That depends.
I figured. I’m throwing a party at my place. You should come by. Both of you.
What kind of a party?
It’s a bris. Domata’s getting his balls cut off.
That’s not how a bris works.
Tell it to his girlfriend. Will you be there?
We’ll try to make it.
I hope you do. Here’s the address. Later, Hendricks.
He sends me another message with the address in it, but I don’t reply. I sit there staring at it and I wonder if I’ll go. I wonder why I want to.
I wonder what I’ll wear.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
COLT
Palmetto Warehouse
Los Angeles, CA
“Who are you texting?” Lowry asks, leaning back into the couch to look at my screen.
I put my hand in his face as I send my address off to Lilly. “No one. Get out of my business.”
“It’s a girl?”
Tyus snorts. “Isn’t it always?”
“Not always,” I argue.
“Let’s break it down then.” Tyus ticks names off on his fingers. “I’m here. Lowry is here.” He thinks for a second before dropping his hands. “That’s it. That’s all the friends you’ve got. If it’s not us you’re talking to and it’s not your mom, it’s a girl.”
I don’t answer him. He doesn’t need me to. Son of a bitch has me dead to rights.
“It’s not Nikki again, is it?” Lowry asks, taking a sip of his beer.
I shake my head. “Nah, that’s done.”
“Since when?”
“Since she came over the other night and I told her we weren’t getting back together.”
Tyus laughs shortly. “Was that before or after she blew you?”
I shake my head. “Didn’t happen.”
“You’re lying.”
“Nope. I thought I was going to sleep with her one last time, but I couldn’t do it. I told her we were finished for good.”
“And you didn’t fuck her?”
“What’d I just say?”
“Nah, man, I’m proud of you if that’s true ‘cause she’ll claim your shit like Christopher Columbus. Violently and against your will. You just got clear of her, man. Don’t do it again.”
“I’m not.”
“Good.”
“So she’s single?” Lowry asks.
I chuckle. “If you think you’re man enough to ride that ride, go ahead. You’re welcome to her.”
He nods his head, looking back to the game on the TV. “I’ll think about it.”
“Better think fast,” Tyus warns him. “She never stays single for long.”
“Yeah, neither does Avery. That’s probably who he was texting. Nikki’s replacement.”
“Lilly,” I tell him, my voice taking on more steel than I intended. I shake out my arm, throwing it over the back of the couch casually. “Her name is Lilly.”
Tyus is looking at me with interest. “Is that the girl from the party? The one you didn’t fuck in the closet?”
“Pantry, and yeah. That’s her.”
Tyus doesn’t say anything else about it, but he’s thinking. He’s watching me, and I want to leave to get away from his stare. Dude sees too much.
Three hours later the Saints admit defeat to the Browns. It’s a garbage game between two garbage teams that we’ve already beaten this year, and I’m glad when it’s done. When the guys leave and my apartment is mine again. It was a late game. I started feeling tired toward the end when the clock crept toward ten, but the second I close the door behind them I feel anxious. I feel that energy in my blood that I get when I’m alone.
I hate that feeling. I hate it so much I actually consider playing Russian Roulette with my phone again.
Instead I do something even crazier.
I’m actually nervous as the phone rings. I can’t remember the last time that happened.
She answers on the third ring. “Hello?”
“Are you a dog person?”
Lilly pauses. “Colt?”
“Kat wants to know.”
“Your cat wants to know if I’m a dog person?”
“K-A-T. Kat is a dog. She’s named after Kit Kats.”
“That is so random.”
“It’s not. Kit Kats are my favorite.”
Kat’s ears twitch every time I say her name. She’s going to pounce on me soon if I keep this up.
“Then why wouldn’t you call her Kit?” Lilly asks.
“Because her name is Kat.”
“Right. Of course.”
“You didn’t answer the question.”
“Am I a dog person? Yeah,” she answers amiably. “I love dogs. Cats are okay too.”
“Really?”
“You don’t think so?”
I sit down on the couch next to Kat, running my hand gently over her head. “It doesn’t matter what I think. This is between you and Kat, and Kat hates cats.”
“I feel like you’re making this confusing on purpose.”
/> “Talking to a dog isn’t easy.”
“Ain’t that the truth.”
I smile. “Kat needs to go for a walk.”
She nudges me with her wet nose.
“Then you better get to steppin’,” Lilly scolds me lightly.
“Do you want to walk with us?”
She hesitates. When she speaks, her rough voice is hesitant and so fucking hot. It’s like it’s concentrated now that I can’t see her, now that her voice is all I have. I can’t get enough of it. “Yes and no.”
“Will you walk with us?”
“I doubt I live anywhere near you.”
“I’m gonna text you an address and we’ll meet you there.”
“When did I agree to go? I must have missed it.”
“We’ll see you there in twenty minutes,” I tell her, breezing by her complaint.
“Will there be other people there?”
“Yeah. Kat.”
“Kat’s not people,” she reminds me impatiently.
“Don’t let her hear you say that. Just go to the address. It’s safe, I promise. And we won’t be alone. There’s always someone there.”
She hesitates, drawing the silence out to a painful degree. “I’m trusting you. Is that a bad idea?”
“Would you expect me to admit it to you if it was?”
“No.”
“Then you’re not really trusting me.” I drop my voice seriously, my eyes on the dark wood planks of my floor. “I’m being real with you, Lilly. I’m not real with everyone all the time, but I’m being real with you right now. I just want to walk with you. I want you to meet my dog and hang out. That’s it. And if I suddenly want anything else from you, I’ll tell you. I won’t try to trick you into giving it.”
Another silence. Another eternity.
“Okay,” she agrees softly. “Send me the address.”
CHAPTER TWELVE
COLT
Charlie Windt Stadium
Los Angeles, CA
Lilly beats me to the stadium. Either she lives closer than I do or she drives faster. I’m hoping it’s the former, because if it’s the latter that is fucking terrifying.
I know the old silver and black Jeep Cherokee is hers because it’s the only car in the parking lot. I pull up next to her so my driver’s side window is across from hers. Kat immediately shoves her face out the window the second I roll it down.
“Oh, so you have a big dog,” Lilly comments when she sees her.
“You know what they say about guys with big dogs.”
“Big egos?”
“Big bills. She eats like an elephant and she’s expensive as shit to fly anywhere.” I shift the car into gear, slowly rolling forward. “We aren’t parking here. Follow me to the back.”
She nods, turning her engine on. I gun it across the empty parking lot toward the back of the stadium, watching admiringly in my rearview the way she cuts a hard U-turn and doesn’t hesitate to match pace behind me. Kat keeps her head out the window, happily licking the wind.
When I park I shoot a quick text to my man on the inside. Even though I’m a player on the team, that doesn’t mean I have keys to the stadium. After hours like this we’ll have to be let in by the security team, but not a single one of them would turn me away. More than once I’ve come here in the middle of the night looking to blow off some steam in the weight room. In fact, there’s a familiar blue Blazer not far from where I’ve parked. Matthews is here somewhere.
I don’t bother with a leash when I open the door and let Kat go bounding out onto the asphalt. She sniffs quickly around my feet before running to meet Lilly at her door.
“Hey, Kat,” Lilly greets her sweetly, her voice high and sing songy, the rasp lost in the pure melodic tone. “You’re a pretty girl, aren’t you?”
Kat wags her tail in eager agreement.
Lilly kneels down to get face to face with my girl. She takes Kat’s head in her hands so she can scratch behind her ears. “She really is beautiful.”
“And she knows it.”
“Like father, like daughter.”
I smirk. “You sayin’ I’m beautiful, Hendricks?”
“I’m saying you know you are, Avery.”
Lilly presses her forehead to Kat’s briefly before standing up. Her black leggings are dusted in yellow dog hair, the sleeves of her purple fleece pullover covered even worse. She brushes at the hair ineffectively before giving up all together.
I grimace at her apologetically. “One of the dangers of loving her. Sorry.”
“It’s no big deal. I came here to see a couple dogs. I expected to get dirty.” She gestures to the stadium towering over us. “Can we really go inside after hours like this?”
“Yeah, sure. Security is here all night. They’ll let us in.”
I lead the way to the door. It’s the same one we come out of after games when there’s family and press waiting for us. It’s crazy then but eerily quiet now. Dark and deserted. The rhythmic click of Kat’s claws on the asphalt follows me closely on my left. Lilly falls silently in step with me on my right.
The door pops open when we’re a few paces away. Ray stands in the open space, his short, round body draped in security blue and black. He smiles when he sees us.
Right up until he spots Kat.
“Whoa, you didn’t say you were bringing a dog, man,” he complains.
“She’s cool.”
“Not in here she’s not.”
“Dude, it’s a football stadium. What is she going to hurt?”
“I don’t know and I don’t want to find out.”
“Look, if she damages anything they can take it out of my paycheck, alright?”
He eyes Kat doubtfully. “Yeah, alright. Just as long as they don’t take it out of my ass.”
“You never saw her. That’s my story.”
“Then I’m not in trouble for letting a dog inside, I’m in trouble for being so fucking bad at my job that I didn’t see a dog walk in with you.” He opens the door wider. “If she shits on the field, pick it up. You hear me?”
“Cross my heart.”
“Yeah, yeah.” He nods at Lilly, giving her a friendly smile as she walks by. “What’s up?”
She mirrors his expression. “Hey. How’s it going?”
“You know how it is. Enjoying my last night of employment before this guy gets me fired.”
“You’ll be fine,” I groan, getting tired of the argument.
“We’ll see. Y’all have a good night. Make sure the door is closed tight when you leave, alright?”
“We’ll make sure,” Lilly promises.
He points at her as he walks away. “You, I trust. Thank you.”
“G’night, Ray!” I shout after him.
“Fuck you, Colt!”
Lilly’s smile widens. “I like him so much,” she tells me earnestly.
“Yeah, I thought you might. Come on. This way.”
I lead her to the tunnel that will take us to the field. It’s wide, meant to house fifty big men made even bigger by pads and helmets and adrenaline. At this time of night it’s barely lit. Only every other light tracking along the ceiling is burning, leaving dark sections that we get lost in before emerging in the light again. I feel Lilly close ranks next to me, pulling in tighter to my side in the first dark section. She’s nearly close enough to touch, her hand swinging a breath away from mine. I could extend my fingers to touch her but I don’t because I don’t want her to pull away. She seems like she spooks easy.
I’m surprised she showed up. I’m surprised she answered the phone when I called. I’m surprised by a lot of things about her, the biggest one being how much I like her. How psyched I am that she’s here with me.
When I was seven I saw Aladdin for the first time. It was by far the greatest movie I had ever seen, maybe still one of the top ten I’ve seen to date. Even now if I catch it playing on the Disney Channel you better believe I’m stopping to check it out. I got addicted to it when I was a kid. I p
layed it over and over again until my mom nearly went insane. Then I played it some more. I couldn’t control how much I watched it. I just wanted it on all the time. I liked it that much.
Being with Lilly feels like that. Like loving Aladdin. I just discovered her, just saw her the other day, but tonight I had to call her. I had to see her again. And in the morning I’ll probably feel the same way.
I don’t have an addictive personality. I don’t flip my shit over everything I see, but there are things that stick with me. That make me feel high. Things that make me feel so damn good inside that I can’t get enough of them.
Football is one of them.
Aladdin is another.
And tonight, there’s Lilly.
From the glow at the end of the tunnel I can tell Ray has turned some of the field lights on. Not everything, not like it’s game night, but enough to get by with. When we come out of the entrance and set foot on the field I look down at Lilly to catch her reaction.
Her eyes are big and round, light with wonder at the scope of it all. The height of the goal post, the unending rise of the seats around us, the sprawling length of the field at our feet. It looks big on TV, but get down on the field and it feels huge. Gargantuan. Put thousands of fans in the seats and set ‘em to screaming and it feels like the end of the world. The first time I walked onto this field as a pro player I literally peed myself a little, I was that kind of excited.
“What do you think?” I ask her.
She grins at me, shrugging her shoulders helplessly. “I think your office is pretty cool. Great view.”
“High ceilings.”
She laughs, leaning her head back to look up at the sky. Through the lights burning down on us you can’t see much. Black sky, expansive and humbling.
Kat dances at my feet. She’s seen the field and she’s eager to run it, but she’s like me. She wants a ball to chase. I pull a yellow tennis ball out of the pocket of my pants. Kat absolutely loses her mind when she sees it.
“Too bad you don’t have one of those chucking things,” Lilly comments, pantomiming ‘chucking’ I guess. “The ones that help you throw the ball really far.”
