by Tracey Ward
That’s something Lilly is learning about the paparazzi. Yeah, they can get up in your shit when you’re out at the clubs and they want the story about what’s going on, who you’re with, where you’re going. They found you and they want you to lead them to something sexy. Something salacious they can capture and sell the next day. Having lunch with her parents on a Monday after we’ve been an openly declared couple for two weeks? That’s old news. Boring, like I told her. It will end up in a ‘The Stars Are Just Like Us!’ section next to Selena Gomez pumping gas while eating a Slim Jim. No one really cares.
Lilly knocks on the door, something that seems weirdly formal at her own parents’ house. In Galena I just walk right in and make myself at home. My mom would yell at me for knocking. But then I remind myself why Lilly does it. Her dad. She can’t just walk in because if this is a bad day just the sight of her could send the whole family into a tailspin.
I put my hand on her shoulder, massaging it gently.
She casts me a warm, grateful smile over her shoulder.
The door swings open and I look across the threshold, across thirty years, right into the future. The woman waiting on the other side is Lilly. Same height, same eyes, same hair. Their faces are identical in shape, their features almost a mirror of each other. Lilly’s lips are different, though. They’re fuller. Rosier by nature. Her cheeks are a little higher as well, more defined. She must get that from her dad. But as I look at her mom smiling at me from inside the door, I can forgive the guy for his confusion. They look alarmingly alike.
“Mom, this is Colt,” Lilly introduces us. “Colt, this is my mom.”
“Mrs. Hendricks,” I greet her, offering her my hand.
She shakes it with one of hers while batting down the formal address with the other. “Call me Linda.”
“I will.”
Linda looks at me for a second longer before shaking her head, chuckling at herself. “I’m sorry, it’s just so strange seeing you in person. We see you on the TV and now here you are on our porch—oh no, you’re still on the porch! I’m so sorry. Come in. Come in.”
I laugh as I follow Lilly and Linda inside. I slip off my shoes next to Lilly’s, noting the other men’s shoes already parked by the door. Both are larger than mine.
I’ve seen pictures of Lilly’s brother on her online profile before. I know he’s a tall guy, taller than me, but I didn’t realize her dad was too. Lilly hasn’t shown me any pictures of him or her mom.
As they take me down a short hallway to the dining room I glance at the pictures on the walls, looking for a glimpse of him. Maybe an embarrassing shot of Lilly as a little girl with braids and braces. There’s nothing personal, though. They’re all art prints you can easily order online. It reminds me a little of the hotels I stay in; not the style, but the feel of it. Neutral. Impersonal.
“Blake! Michael!” Linda calls through the house. “They’re here!”
I hear the jostle of metal on concrete, patio furniture being scraped back from a table. A moment later the screen door to the backyard slides open and Michael steps into the dining room, a brown longneck in his hand. His dad follows close behind him. They’re the same height, the same build, but Michael looks almost as similar to his mom as Lilly does.
I nod to him, offering my hand as he crosses the room toward me. “Hey, man. Colt. Nice to meet you.”
Michael nods as well, shaking my hand. “Michael. Good to meet you too.”
“Colt Avery,” Mr. Hendricks greets me warmly. He takes my hand after Michael. “Welcome to our house.”
“Thank you, sir.”
“No, not sir. Blake. Call me Blake.” He lets me go, immediately crossing his arms over his barrel chest. “How are you feeling, son? How’s the knee?”
“Better than ever,” I lie, feeling a sting in the back of my throat as I do. “I’m cleared to be on the field for the Chiefs on Saturday.”
“It had to be hard to sit out the last couple games,” he replies sympathetically.
“It was brutal, yeah. Especially with the Chargers game being so tight.”
“It was a nail biter. We were all on the edge of our seats.”
I grin at Lilly. “All of you?”
Blake chuckles, draping his arm over Lilly’s shoulder and shaking her gently. “Even Lilly, if you can believe it. I’ve spent years trying to make a football fan out of her and you manage it in a month.”
“I wouldn’t say I’m a fan,” she cautions us.
“I wouldn’t either,” Michael agrees. “Last week you asked me what an onside kick is.”
“And I still don’t get it.”
I raise my eyebrows. “Do you want to get it?”
“Do you want to get what the proofing drawer is for, or are you happy just to know that it exists and leave it at that?”
“Let’s leave it at that.”
She smiles. “My thoughts exactly.”
“It was good to see Tyus Anthony back in last week’s game,” Blake comments.
Inside I feel my smile faltering but I maintain it on the surface. It feels like I’m telling another lie. “It was. The team needed him and he was more restless than I was on the sidelines.”
The truth is he was mad. He was also getting headaches, so they benched him. Concussions aren’t something the athletic trainers play with, and this was Tyus’ second one this year. He could be mad all he wanted, there was no way he was getting out on the field again one game after taking that hit.
“Lilly, can you help me in the kitchen with the last of lunch?” Linda asks her. “Your dad and brother can take Colt into the living room to watch the game.”
“Yeah, sure. I’ll be right in.” Lilly looks to me as her family leaves us alone in the dining room. “Do you want a beer?”
“Definitely. Thanks. Are they in the kitchen?”
“I’ll get it for you. Get to the living room. Didn’t you hear? The game is on.”
I smirk at her. “Who’s playing?”
She laughs shortly. “Not the Kodiaks. That’s all I know.”
“And here I thought you were actually starting to follow football.”
“I was shining you on. It was all part of the seduction.”
I grin down at her, stepping closer. “It worked.”
Lilly steps up on her toes to kiss me once quickly. When she drops back down she’s smiling. I’m glad to see how easy she is all of the sudden. Like the world didn’t blow up in our faces when we knocked on the door and she’s breathing again. Smiling again. “I’ll get you that beer, then you get your ass into the living room.”
“Deal.”
When I get to the living room Blake turns to smile at me. He’s parked in an armchair. A nice one. My mom would hate it.
“Is it entertaining or boring for you to watch other teams play like this?” he asks.
I sink down onto the couch opposite Michael, throwing my arm over the back. “Hard to know who to root for, that’s for sure. After that loss on Thanksgiving the Jets are pretty dead to me, but if the Chargers win they could knock us out of the running for the Wild Card.”
“So who are you going to root for?” Michael asks curiously.
I grin crookedly. “I want that ring more than I want revenge. I’m going Jets.”
“Good man,” Blake agrees with an appreciative nod. “Victory over vengeance. That’s the way to play.”
He likes me. They always do. If I’m not competition, men warm up to me fast. I’m a good hang, what can I say?
This feels good, though. Better than it usually would. His words, his attitude toward me; it matters to me in a way that it never has before. I haven’t met a girl’s dad since high school when I took Leslie Carter to the prom, and that was only because my mom told me I had to.
“I’m not raising a punk,” she informed me, waving to me as I hurried out the door with a corsage in one hand and her car keys in the other. “Now try not to get arrested and don’t you dare get anyone pregnant.”
Lilly’s hand comes down softly on my shoulder, a cold beer pressing into the palm of my hand resting on the back of the couch. I lean my head back to look up at her but she’s not looking at me. She’s looking at her dad. A small, sad smile on her lips.
I reach up to squeeze her hand on my shoulder. She sweeps her eyes to mine. “Today is a good day, Lilly,” I tell her quietly.
She leans down to kiss my forehead, her eyes holding onto her melancholy. “I think you’re right.”
***
The Jets win. In my heart I’m pissed, but in my mind I’m satisfied. The Chargers are out of the way. Now, as long as we can stay out of our own way, we can beat the Chiefs and clinch the Wild Card. We’ll be in the playoffs. We’ll be on our way to the Super Bowl.
I’m flying high, but Lilly is riding low. She has been all day. I thought that when we got to the house and she saw that her dad was good, that he was lucid, she would relax, but it never happened. She was under a cloud all afternoon and it’s only now that we’re in the car on the way back to my place that I have a chance to ask her why.
“It’s stupid,” she mutters, shaking her head at herself.
“Tell me anyway.”
“It was a good day. That’s the problem.”
I frown. “I don’t get it.”
“Part of me kind of wanted it to be a bad day,” she admits reluctantly. “I wanted you to see it when it’s ugly. I wanted it out of the way, but today was good. It was fun, but it wasn’t normal. That’s not our normal anymore. My normal is my dad doesn’t know me and that day is still out there. Eventually you’re going to see it and it’s going to be awful, and I never know when it’s going to happen. I can’t be ready for it.”
“Then you shouldn’t worry about it. And so what if I see it? I’m not judging anything, Lilly. I’ll be there for you when it happens. That’s my only stake in it.”
“I know. I just… I just want a resolution.” Her voice cracks. Her foot stops. “I want him here or I want him gone. It’s so fucking terrible to say, but this half-in, half-out way that it’s happening it’s… it’s too hard. My dad is gone but sometimes he’s not. How am I supposed to handle that?”
I reach for her hand, taking it in mine. “Exactly the way you’re handling it right now. The best you can. And talking about it. You can tell me anything about any of it and I’ll listen. You never have to pretend to be okay for me, okay?”
She sniffs sharply, but I can see her smile. I can feel her relief in the air. “Okay.”
“Okay.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
COLT
December 27th
Leavenworth, WA
We beat the Kansas City Chiefs yesterday; twenty-one to seven. Back in fighting form, I got to play almost the entire game and I’ve never felt better. Never been stronger.
And that last win clinched it for us, winning us the Wild Card slot in the playoffs for the Super Bowl.
It’s always bitter sweet playing against the Chiefs. I grew up loving them. Rooting for them. Playing that game, dismantling them like we did, it felt good but wrong at the same time. Like kicking Santa in the balls and liking it.
I flew out to Kansas early and did Christmas in Galena with my family before the game. I tried to convince Lilly to go with me but she said she didn’t want to intrude on a holiday. Besides, she has the bakery to run with Rona. They don’t get holidays and breaks. I wish she’d hire more help so she didn’t have to live and die by that store, but she loves it and I’m picking my battles. Her taking more time for herself isn’t one of them. Not yet.
Christmas in Kansas was the same as it always is; big and loud, just the way I like it. It felt good to go home to Galena. To a small town after the sprawling crazy of L.A. I like the big city, but I’m a small town boy at heart. I’ll move back to Galena someday when this ride is over. Maybe in ten years, maybe in thirty, but it’s going to happen because sooner or later a country boy always comes home.
My mom asked about Lilly nonstop while I was home, even taking the phone from me on Christmas day to talk to her and tell her to have a happy holiday. She really fell in love with her in the short time they saw each other in Minnesota. My mom said she liked that Lilly is, ‘genuine’. I’m taking that to mean she appreciates the fact that I’m dating a girl who doesn’t have plastic tits or bottle bought hair.
It was good to be home but it’s even better to be back with Lilly. I was gone three days and I missed her for every single one of them. Once I flew back to L.A. I picked her up at her apartment and immediately turned around to head back to the airport. I’m stealing her from Rona and the store for two days and I’m going to make the most of them. We’re getting out town. We’re having a redo on Christmas so we can do it together.
“What is this place again?” she asks, looking out the window of the rental car as we plow up the snowy mountain road.
“The town or the lodge?”
“The town?”
“It’s a Bavarian village. It’s made to look like an old German town. Like a little slice of Europe up in these mountains. They light it up like crazy at Christmas and have this big festival. It goes on through January so I thought it’d be perfect for us since we missed Christmas together.”
Lilly smiles. “It sounds perfect.”
“I’d have taken you to the real Germany if you’d let me.”
“I would not,” she answers simply.
“I figured. I have a present for you, though. And my mom sent me home with presents for you too.”
“She didn’t have to do that. Now I feel bad that I didn’t get her anything.”
“She doesn’t expect anything from you. She knows you’re poor.”
Lilly scowls at me. “Gee. Thanks.”
I smile. “No fighting the truth, Hendricks. If it makes you feel any better I grew up poor. If I didn’t know how to catch a football and take a hit, I’d still be there. I’ll probably be there again someday.”
Her face softens, her scowl fading. “I’ll still love you.”
“Oh yeah?” I chuckle, loving the sound of those words from her voice.
“Yeah,” she confirms. She reaches out to drape her hand over mine where it rests on the gear shift. “We’ll be poor together.”
“I’ll have to let Maria go. Thank God you know how to cook.”
“I hope you know how to hunt.”
“And fish.”
“We’re set for life.”
I turn my hand over, threading my fingers through hers, and bringing the back of her hand to my lips. “Man, I hope so.”
She blushes. I knew she would. She looks beautiful with her cheeks flushed pink, the snow falling white and downy outside her window onto black trees.
The world is black and white but Lilly is vivid color. That’s how it feels to be with her. Like I was living fast and furious for so long until she came along and showed me what it is to slow down. To settle down. To look at the world around me with new interest and new eyes. And the view from where I’m sitting right now? It’s breathtaking.
We get into Leavenworth just as it’s getting dark. It looks like a fairly normal small town when you first roll into the outskirts. Some of the buildings have that Bavarian look to them; neutral colors on the outside with thick brown trim around the edges and cutting across the front. That gingerbread house look that screams Christmas. There are banks and a McDonalds mixed in with the hotels, all of them covered in snow and Christmas lights, but nothing really special. It’s not until you turn down a side street to head back toward the river that you get the real deal. That you step out of America and straight into a small Bavarian mountain village. Every storefront has signs written in both German and English, the words in a scrolling, curling font. Hotels, hat shops, bakeries, bars – all ornately decorated with multicolored lights, thick garland, and banners wishing us a ‘Frohe Weihnachten’.
“Whoa,” Lilly whispers, her eyes wide. “This is beautiful.”
I shak
e my head as I slide us into a parking spot across from the park. There’s a gazebo on one end of it that’s lit with hundreds of small, white lights that hang like icicles from the snow covered roof. “I didn’t expect it to be this cool.”
“No, me either. How’d you here about this?”
“Lowry. He’s from Washington. He said he used to come to this with his family every Christmas.”
“I can see why.”
We step out onto the street, our shoes crunching loudly on the snow that keeps on falling. It’s in my hair, on my coat, in Lilly’s long eyelashes making her laugh and blink the flakes away. I take her hand to lead her down the sidewalk toward the nearest pub. I’m dreaming of a cold beer and warm schnitzel, but I go slow. I set the pace and we take it easy because I’m photographing this moment in my memory. I’m memorizing the snow and the glow of the lights and the rose in her cheeks. I’m drinking in the sound of her voice as she points out pastries in a bakery window, asking if we can come back to them later. I’m getting drunk off the excitement in her eyes and the love in her smile, and I’m thinking I don’t need that beer after all.
We make our way through the streets doing every touristy thing we can find to do, the cheesier the better. We eat a delicious dinner by a huge brick fireplace. We stop to listen to a Bavarian folk band playing in a bar. We get a caricature of us drawn in an art studio; me in my football jersey, Lilly in an apron and chef’s hat getting ready to throw me a baguette downfield. It makes Lilly laugh but I’m framing it when we get home. It’s going on my bedroom wall. We stop in a bakery where Lilly talks shop with the woman behind the counter for a good twenty minutes before scoring a recipe for something called Schneeballen, a flaky dough ball that’s dusted in powdered sugar to look like a snowball.
When it starts to get late and the stores are closing down we go back to the car. I set the GPS to direct us to the lodge where we’re staying and we make our way out of Leavenworth. Lilly shares a thick chocolate donut with me as I drive, feeding bites to me as she continually asks if I’m keeping my eyes on the road. It’s full dark now, the snow still coming down across the headlights, and her California heart can’t shake the fear of the ice on the road. I go slow for her, promising her we’re safe.
