Josh stood, a signal for Grace to do the same. “The managers are meeting with Marvin this morning to discuss the details. Call a staff meeting for one this afternoon. I’ll tell everyone then. I want you to be prepared, Grace. This won’t be easy. Our people have a lot invested in this company and they aren’t going to take the news well. I’ll need your help to deal with them.”
Grace nodded. “Just tell me what to do.”
“Don’t mention our conversation to anyone. I don’t want the rumor mill to get this before this afternoon’s meeting. And don’t make a big deal out of the meeting; just make sure everybody’s there. I’ll handle the rest.”
Josh walked to the door and opened it. Grace followed him. Before she left the office, she said, “I should feel relieved for myself, Josh, because I do need this job, but it doesn’t seem fair.”
Josh agreed. But nobody had ever said business was fair. “Fair or not, Grace, you have a right to be happy. It’s my job to deal with the fairness of the issue, not yours.”
Josh closed the door and returned to his desk. He knew Grace was still upset, but there was nothing more he could say. He was upset himself. Though he had only worked with these people for three years, he felt close to them. He knew they had families. Jack Johnson’s wife had been hospitalized for the last six months. What would this news do to him? Lora Taylor was a single mother with two children in college. How was she going to cope?
Josh turned around in his chair and faced the windows. It was a clear day and he could see Stone Mountain. The thoughts he had kept at bay since hearing the news flooded his mind. How had his father felt when he had been laid off? Josh remembered very well the two years of his childhood that his father had been out of work. He tried not to think about that time since the memories brought pain. One memory was more painful than all the others.
The sounds of his parents arguing had wakened him. He had gone part of the way down the stairs and peeked through the rails to the living room. His father had been yelling and his mother was in tears. It had happened so fast. Josh had stood up to say something, to stop his father, but before he could open his mouth, his father had slapped his mother so hard that she had fallen to the couch.
Josh never told anyone what he had seen that night, but it had changed him. He had gone from a carefree child to a young man who had failed to take care of his mother. That night, he had promised himself he would never let her down again. He became his mother’s protector. His father became a nonentity to him.
When Josh was away for his second year of college, his parents were killed in a car accident. Josh blamed his father and himself. Again, he had failed his mother. It’s easier not to care, he had reasoned. That’s when he’d gotten the nickname Iceman. He had never dated much, but he had stopped altogether after the death of his parents.
Things had changed when he met Gloria. Something about her caused the gates of his heart to open. Beyond a doubt, it had been love at first sight for him. He had promised himself that he would take better care of Gloria than he had taken of his mother, better than his father had taken of his mother.
I’m not going to be like him, Josh thought. I love Gloria. We’re not going to end up like my parents.
Josh turned around to his desk. He pulled out a pad and began to make notes for the meeting with his staff. He knew that words wouldn’t make it easy, but maybe they could keep things from being too painful—for him and for them.
***
Nothing could have prepared Josh for how painful it really was. The meeting started as any other staff meeting. Then he dropped the news. The immediate reaction was silence or maybe stunned disbelief. Then came the questions.
“Why?”
“Why didn’t you tell us before now?”
Next, the accusations. “You knew before now and you didn’t tell us.”
Then, worst of all. “I have three kids—how am I supposed to make it?”
“My husband has already lost his job. How will we live?”
Josh had no answers for them because he had no answers for himself. He repeated the company line. “This is the last day . . . This is the severance package . . . These are the reasons I’ve been given . . . I’ll write each of you a personal recommendation . . .”
***
When Gloria met Josh for dinner at Mick’s later that evening, she immediately saw the change in his attitude since the morning. “Bad day?”
“That’s an understatement.”
“Want to talk about it?”
“Not now. Maybe later.”
Though Gloria wanted him to talk about it, she followed his lead and didn’t push. “Okay.”
“Are you ready for our anniversary trip?”
Gloria had wondered if Josh still wanted to go. She had mixed feelings about it. Though it was a perfect opportunity for them to get away and clear their heads, she wondered if it was the right time for a trip, given the change in their finances. “I’d understand, Josh,” she said, “if you didn’t feel up to the trip.”
“No. I still want to go. Don’t you?”
If he wanted to go, she thought, they needed to go. The time away would be good for them. “I do.”
Josh nodded. “My last day of work coincides with the beginning of our trip. Ironic, don’t you think? A celebration of beginnings and endings.”
Gloria winced at the dry laugh that Josh gave. “Celebrating our first year of married life should be a happy time, Josh. We’re not turning it into a wake because you’re losing your job. When we married, we promised to use these trips to celebrate the past year and to plan for the next year. Finding a new job for you will be a challenge that we’ll face together, but it won’t overshadow our relationship or this trip.”
“You’re right, Gloria, and I’m sorry. I promise not to let what’s happened ruin our anniversary trip.”
“We can work this out, Josh. I know we can.” She reached for his hand. Even though she believed her words, she knew that Josh didn’t. “Did you make any calls today?”
Josh shook his head. “I was in meetings all day. Tomorrow I’m having lunch with Dexter. He should know something. Have you told Portia yet?”
“No, I thought you’d want to tell Dexter first.”
“Thanks for that,” Josh said. “You know, I’m thinking about giving Walter a call. He may be able to help.”
“I wouldn’t think Walter had many contacts in Atlanta. He’s been in San Francisco since you graduated.”
“I know, but maybe there’s something in San Francisco. How do you feel about relocating?”
Gloria thought about the promotion Portia had mentioned. “How do you feel about it, Josh? We’ve always planned to plant roots in Atlanta. We’ve bought a house. Atlanta is home for us.”
“We need to keep all of our options open. What if I can’t find a job here?”
“You’ll find a job here,” Gloria said with confidence. “Let’s not talk about moving until we’ve exhausted all possibilities here. Call one of those executive search firms. They should know about openings at your level.”
“I may do that later. Dexter and Marvin will be my first steps. Marvin has contacts in the city. He’s making some inquiries.”
“He owes you that much, Josh. I still believe he knew about this long before he told you. He could have given you more notice.”
Josh shook his head again. “I disagree with you on that. These decisions are made at levels a lot higher than Marvin’s or mine. They come down and everybody is affected. I don’t blame Marvin.”
Gloria still didn’t buy it. Marvin was a department head; he had to have known. “Who is Marvin talking to?”
Josh told Gloria of his discussion with Marvin. Her thoughts wandered as he talked. Josh’s job loss was already affecting their relationship. She wasn’t being straight with him about her feelings. She hadn’t told him about her possible promotion. And she was sure there were things he wasn’t sharin
g with her. The idea of moving unsettled her. She didn’t want to move. She loved Atlanta. She loved their life here in Atlanta. She loved her job. Everything was perfect. Correction. Everything had been perfect until Josh lost his job.
“You haven’t heard a word I’ve said, have you, Gloria?”
His question brought her thoughts back to him. Thoughts she didn’t want to share with him. She handled it the way she was handling a lot of her feelings these days. She lied.
Three
Grace closed the bottom drawer of the file cabinet in Josh’s office and stood up. “I still don’t believe this is happening. It’s been two weeks since you told me and I still don’t believe this is happening.”
Seeing the strain on her face, Josh walked over to her. “Grace, you have to get over this. It’s not that bad. We’ll find other positions.”
Her eyes registered disbelief. “I know you will, Josh, and so will some of the other engineers, but what about the others? It’s a tough market out there now. The more education you have, the better off you’ll be. Some of these people don’t have the education you do. I don’t know what will happen to them.”
Josh hoped Grace was right about his finding a job with ease, but he doubted it. He knew she was right about one thing though—it was a tough market now. For everybody. “You can’t worry about everybody, Grace. It’s not your fault.”
“But I feel so guilty. Why do I get to keep my job when nobody else does?”
Josh looked at the gray-haired woman who had been his secretary for the past three years. She worried about him. She worried about all the workers. He pulled her into his arms for a big hug. “One of the saddest things about leaving this job is that I won’t see you every day.” He pulled back from her to see her teary eyes. “You’ve been more than a good employee, you’ve been a good friend and I’ll miss you.”
Grace wiped at the tears in her eyes. “I’ll miss you too, Josh.”
Josh tapped her on her nose. “Gloria and I will make sure that we continue to see you.”
Grace nodded as her tears fell more freely. “You’re all packed up here. I’d better get to my desk and finish my packing.”
Grace turned and walked out of the office. Josh closed the door behind her, then walked back to his desk. He remembered the day he had moved into this office. He and Gloria had come in over the weekend to decorate. She had wanted the office to say “Josh.” He had laughed at her, but her excitement had been contagious.
***
“I’m so proud of you, Josh,” she had said from her seat at his desk.
He sat on the edge of the desk, facing her. “I’m proud of you too,” he had responded.
“Josh, I’m serious. You’ve accomplished a lot in a short time. The youngest Chief Engineer in General Electronics’ history. One of only four African-Americans. That’s something to be proud of. Aren’t you excited?”
Josh smiled at her. “I’m excited, but I don’t express my excitement the way you express yours.”
“You can say that again. That’s why you need me. You need someone in your life to express emotions. That way you can maintain your macho exterior.”
Josh leaned toward her and kissed her. “I do need you.”
Gloria pulled away. “You’re so bad. That’s not the kind of need I’m talking about and you know it.”
***
Josh smiled at the memory. He had known what she was talking about. And he knew she was right. She was the emotion in his life. She saw joy and made him see it. She felt pain and made him feel it. She had a courage that left him in awe. She was proud of him. Josh gave a wry laugh. No, Gloria, I’m proud of you.
Gloria had been proud of him then, but he wondered how she felt now. He knew she loved him. That wasn’t the question. He also knew this job thing had her worried. He had seen fear in her eyes the day he had mentioned moving, but he hadn’t responded to it. How could he? He didn’t have the answers. All he could do was find another job. Fast.
Marvin’s entry into his office brought Josh out of his thoughts. “Do you have a few minutes?”
Josh gave a grim smile. “I’ve got nothing but time.”
Marvin took the chair in front of Josh’s desk. “Have you made any plans yet?”
“I’ve put out some feelers, Marvin, but no responses yet. It’s short notice to find another job.”
Marvin winced. “I guess I deserved that.”
Josh stood up and stretched to relieve tension. “I’m not blaming you.”
Marvin waved his hand. “No matter. I’m not here to talk about that. I have some news for you. I’ve made a few calls.”
Josh sat on the comer of his desk and faced Marvin. “What did you find?”
Marvin handed him a slip of paper. “There are four names on that list. No promises have been made, but they’re all willing to talk with you.”
Josh looked at the list of names. He recognized all of the companies, but only one of the names. He put the list in his wallet. “Thanks, Marvin.”
“No thanks needed. What are friends for? We are still friends, aren’t we?”
Josh extended a hand to him. “We’re friends, Marvin. I know you couldn’t have prevented this. It just came as such a surprise that it threw me off balance.”
“I know, Josh. I had planned to stay around another year or so before retiring, so I wasn’t ready to leave either. We’ll both have to make adjustments, though I won’t be in the market for another job.”
Josh nodded.
“How’s Gloria handling all this?”
“As expected, she’s being a trouper. She’s positive we’ll find something better. I hope she’s right.”
“I know she’s right,” Marvin said. “It may take a while, but you’ll land on your feet. You’re like me in that respect. We rise to the challenge every time.”
“Especially when there’s no other choice.”
Marvin laughed. “When are you leaving?”
“Around three. Gloria’s picking me up. We’re going straight to the airport.”
“Oh, yes, your anniversary trip.”
“We’re off to Aruba. The trip couldn’t have come at a better time. Since we found out about the termination, there’s been a black cloud hanging over our heads. This trip will give us a chance to focus solely on each other.”
Marvin stood. “I’m happy for you, Josh. And I wish you the best. If you need me for anything, just call. Martha and I will be there for you.”
“I appreciate the offer, Marvin.” Josh patted his coat pocket. “You’ve done more than enough by giving me this list.”
***
Portia drank the last of her coffee. “I’m so envious.”
“You have no reason to be. You and Dexter travel a lot,” Gloria reminded her.
“Never to some romantic place Dexter has picked out. I can’t believe you haven’t found out where he’s taking you.”
Gloria pushed her plate away, placed her napkin on the table and looked away. “Well, I . . .”
“You found out, didn’t you?”
Gloria laughed. She knew Portia wouldn’t stop until she had an answer. “I found out. We’re going to Aruba.”
“How did you find out?”
“I . . . ah . . . sorta . . . went through his closet. He has a box where he ‘hides’ things. The tickets were in the box.”
Portia laughed. “You’ve only been married a year and you already know Josh’s secret hiding place? Shame on you.”
Gloria shrugged her shoulders. “Shame on Josh. He ought to stop using the same place. He puts everything in that box.”
Portia nodded her head knowingly. “That’s the difference between men and women. A woman would never use the same place twice.”
“I’m glad Josh does. Thinking about this trip has kept me sane these last two weeks.”
Portia sobered then. “Do you want to talk about it?”
Gloria shrugge
d again. “What’s there to say? Josh lost his job.”
“There’s more to it than that, isn’t there?” Portia probed.
“I don’t know how to talk about it, Portia. Josh is different, but he’s not really different. He says the right things but I know there’s a lot he’s not saying.”
“You can understand that, can’t you?”
“Of course, I understand, but I feel shut out and helpless.”
Portia reached across the table and touched Gloria’s hand. “All you need to do is be there for Josh. He loves you, Gloria. He needs your reassurance that you love him.”
Gloria squeezed Portia’s fingers. She needed her friend’s reassurance now. “I’m trying, Portia, but it’s hard. It’s only been two weeks and I already feel a breach between us.”
“You’re blowing this out of proportion,” Portia said softly. “This is the first real trial you’ve had in your marriage. You’ll deal with it.”
Gloria removed her hand from Portia’s and needlessly adjusted the napkin she had placed on the table. “Josh doesn’t trust me as much as I thought he did.”
“What makes you say that?”
Gloria placed her hands in her lap. “Sometimes he just sits and stares. When I ask what he’s thinking, he shrugs and says nothing.”
“You already know what he’s thinking, Gloria. The man has lost his job. Give him a break, will you? You can’t expect him to act as if nothing has happened.”
Gloria picked up her napkin and placed it in her lap. She was feeling sorry for herself and she knew it, but she couldn’t stop her feelings. “I know that, and I understand it, but it doesn’t change the way I feel. Josh and I have always talked about everything.”
“You need to wake up, Gloria. You can focus on how things were or you can adjust to how things are."
“Maybe that’s it, Portia. My marriage, my life, is changing and I’m not adjusting very well.”
“But you will.”
Gloria nodded because she knew Portia was right. She had to adjust to this new situation. “I will because Josh loves me and I love him, but I don’t like this feeling of helplessness. I didn’t want my marriage or my life to change. Things were great the way they were.”
For All Time Page 3
