A lot of things had been different in her youth. After her mother’s death, her father had been stricter, and always leery. He suspected her of killing her mother, and the thought pierced through Catherine’s heart even deeper. She hadn’t remembered that night, but his accusing stare always caused her self-doubt. Insanity ran in her mother’s side of the family, he’d kept reminding her. Perhaps that’s why she didn’t recall hearing anything that awful night.
Father had been away in the neighboring county, and she stayed home to take care of her ill mother. She’d gone to bed like she always did, but when she awoke, something was different. Not only had her mind filled with a disturbing fog, but when she walked out of her room it was as if she were floating, moving through a different house. Dishes were broken and scattered all over the kitchen floor. The padding from the sofa had been ripped and strewn across the floor. On the floor by the fireplace…her mother lay…dead. The poker rested beside her head with blood still on the tip. Her mother’s head split open as crimson liquid stained the carpet beneath her.
Catherine shook the nightmare from her mind, turned on her side and willed herself to sleep. Trying to remember that fateful night would certainly drive her insane. Instead, she must think of more pleasant things...things like wondering if a pair of intoxicating royal blue eyes would look at her in a tender stare, exactly the way they’d gazed upon the serving woman not too long ago.
* * * *
Accepting Gregg’s hand, Catherine climbed down the steps of the carriage and gazed upon the house where she would be living as Grant’s wife. Its grandeur held her in awe. The grounds and the house itself were much larger than she remembered as a child. Carved gray stone held together the two-story mansion. A balcony on the second landing seemed to wrap all the way around the house. Certainly different from the other estates they’d passed.
A butler opened the double doors for her and she entered. Then she saw him. Grant stood just inside the first of many rooms that lined the large hallway. Bits and pieces still remained in her memory, but the man before her now was nothing like what she remembered. Now he was older. Frailer.
Although tall as Nick, Grant’s body stooped slightly as he rested on his cane for support. The years had taken away Grant’s thick black hair, replacing it with a thinner patch of prominent silver. His eyes bothered her the most. In her memory, they were a rich, chocolate brown, but not now. These were paler...sicker.
This was wrong. All of it. Suddenly, the stress of everything consumed her, suffocating her. She couldn’t breathe, and if she didn’t do something soon, she’d become sick all over the floor. Perhaps even swoon.
Taking a quick glance behind her, she paused. She wanted to turn and run, get far away from here. She didn’t want to go through with any of this; didn’t want to be married to a sick old man whom she’d have to nurse until his dying day. Didn’t want the responsibility of such a grand mansion with multitudes of servants, and especially, she didn’t want to be the step-aunt to three men who were all older than her nineteen years.
On shaky legs she took a step back to flee, but a strong, warm hand grasped her elbow and stopped her from flight. She looked into the stimulating eyes of Nick, and nearly melted. He smiled now only because of their agreement, but somehow it made her strong again. His expression eliminated all of her doubts, his warm eyes gave her the courage she needed to stay.
“Catherine, my dear?” Grant Fielding spoke loudly. “Come closer and let me look upon your loveliness.”
Nick kept his grip on her elbow and helped her over to stand in front of his uncle. “Here is Catherine, Uncle Grant,” he said. “Delivered to you safe and sound as promised.”
Grant smiled, his whole face brightening. “Oh, Catherine, you’re absolutely beautiful. Your very presence brings light to my house.” He took hold of her hand and brought it to his lips, kissing her knuckles. “Did you have a pleasant trip? Was everything to your liking?”
She smiled. “Yes, thank you very much, Your Grace.”
“No need to stick with formalities, my darling little one. When it’s just us, please call me Grant.”
She nodded. “As you wish.”
Mrs. Berkley hovered behind her like a mother hen and Catherine wished everyone would go away. Grant squinted in the older woman’s direction, then smiled.
“It’s nice to see you again, Mrs. Berkley. I assume you have been taking good care of Miss Catherine for me?”
The lady’s companion nodded. “Yes, Your Grace. I have not let her out of my sight this whole trip.”
“I commend you on a job well done.” Grant turned and placed Catherine’s hand in the crook of his elbow and led her into the drawing room. Nick and the others followed.
“Would you like anything to drink, my dear?” Grant asked.
Catherine swallowed the knot of fear down her dry throat, and although she should accept, the only thing she wanted to do right now was to be shown to her room. “No, thank you.”
He led her to a sofa where she sat then he settled beside her. He motioned to the servant hovering near. “I would like my usual.” Turning back to Catherine, he took her hands again. “I hope you don’t mind, but I have arranged a ball to introduce you into society.”
She nodded.
“Even if it’s tonight?”
She widened her eyes, but kept her smile even while her heart sank. “Tonight is fine.”
“We still have several hours before the ball. Would you like to rest a spell and freshen up?”
It’s about time! “Yes, that would please me very much.”
Grant looked up at Nick. “Would you be so kind as to escort Catherine and Mrs. Berkley to their chambers?”
* * * *
Inwardly Nick cringed. He suspected this would happen. Since his uncle couldn’t see to her needs, Grant left it to Nick.
“Yes, Uncle Grant,” he replied, his tone clipped. He moved and took Catherine’s hand to help her stand. Grant reached out and stopped them and pressed a chaste kiss to her cheek.
“It thrills me to have you here,” Grant said.
“Yes...um, me too,” she mumbled.
The smile Catherine gave his uncle was forced. Her lips were too tight, and she looked to be gritting her teeth. Once they started up the staircase, Nick released her arm. Mrs. Berkley followed closely.
He didn’t say a word until he opened the double doors to her bedchamber. “Catherine, this is your room.”
She walked in, her eyes growing wide. It appeared as if Grant had overspent on her account. Red and gold decor abounded throughout the room, and dashes of green and mauve gave it an elegant appearance. The drapes on the windows were thick, and the carpet plush instead of the wooden floor it used to be. The large bed stood against the far wall, and the sheer drapes around it cascaded to the floor.
“Are you pleased?” he asked.
She nodded but didn’t meet his stare. “Your uncle has gone out of his way to make me happy.” Her voice was low.
Nick turned to the older woman. “And your chamber is through here.” He walked out of Catherine’s room and across the hall, opening another pair of doors for Catherine’s companion. Although not as lavish, Mrs. Berkley was still treated well.
The older woman thanked him and he left. With each step away from the rooms, his chest tightened, as did his fists. It wasn’t proper, but he needed to speak to Catherine alone. He needed to find out what had almost happened downstairs. Had she tried to flee and would she do it again? They’d made a bargain in the coach yesterday, and Nick was going to make certain she stuck to it.
Turning sharply, he retraced his footsteps until he reached Catherine’s room. He knocked softly as to not alert Mrs. Berkley. Catherine opened the door and her eyes widened. He put his finger to her lips to hush her, stepped inside the room and closed the door.
He grabbed her arm and she gasped. “I seriously hope you won’t take leave of your senses again and try to run. I saw the fear in your eyes earl
ier, and I’m relieved I was able to stop you from escaping. I’m also thankful my uncle didn’t see your panic. Do not let it happen again.”
Her bottom lip quivered, and her eyes swam with tears. “Do you think this is easy for me? I can assure you it’s not. I’m truly sorry I had a moment of weakness, but the truth is I’m frightened to death. I have no idea what to expect from this whole situation, but what scares me is the thought of sharing ––” she paused and shivered, “—married life with a man who is as old as my father.” Tears streamed down her cheeks. “When your uncle first kissed me at age fourteen, I was disgusted by the feeling of his lips on mine, and I’m scared when he kisses me again, it will provoke the same feelings I once had. I know I promised to make him happy, but I’m just so terrified of everything.” She sniffed. “I really don’t know why I tell you this.” Sobs poured from her as she covered her face with her hands. “What does it matter to you? It’s not as if you care.”
Nick stood frozen. The control he’d seen her exert during their trip home had completely abandoned her. He really should give her a good talking to, but right now as she cried, the poor frightened girl inside the lovely woman touched him in an odd way. Without knowing why, he stepped closer and wrapped his arms around her, holding her against his chest. Warmth spread through him, bringing back feelings from long ago.
“Y—y—you don’t understand.” She hiccupped and struck her fists against his chest.
“Yes, I do.”
Through her struggles, he stroked her stiff back and within seconds she stopped, her arms snaked around his waist and she pressed herself next to him. Automatically, he tightened his hold. What am I doing? This was torture plain and simple. He’d never been one to comfort another, but within moments, the strange feeling soothed him. As he held her in his arms and rocked slowly back and forth, an ache in his chest grew and nearly suffocated him.
He bent his head closer to her ear and whispered, “It’s all right, Catherine. I’m here.”
Now why did I say that? He really didn’t want to be here for her. Didn’t want to be the person she turned to for comfort whenever she had a problem, but he couldn’t stop himself. The longer he held her, the more he wanted to bring some kind of solace. “It’s all right...Kitty.”
Her crying stopped and her face lifted and he gazed into her wide blue eyes. The nearness made his heart hammer, and the warmth expanded in his chest.
“Why did you call me Kitty?”
As he stared at her full, heart-shaped lips, he battled with the urge to kiss her. But he couldn’t. She would never be his.
Forcing himself to pull away, he took two steps back. “I—I—I don’t know. Perhaps it’s because you are cuddly as a kitten. Cat fits you, but not when your eyes are swimming with tears.”
Her hands shook as she clutched them against her stomach. “When I was a child, my parents called me Cat.”
His gaze swept over her once more. “Right now, you look like a Kitty.”
She smiled.
Nick’s heart melted again from the tenderness of her expression, and he had to mentally shake himself out of the stupor. “You had better wash away those tears and get some rest before tonight’s activities.”
Her smile faded and she nodded.
“I’m truly sorry you are so frightened. I can tell you don’t wish to marry.” He shrugged. “I thought all girls your age wanted to marry.”
“Don’t get me wrong. I do wish to marry in the eyes of God and one day start a family, but my fear of the unknown has robbed me of my happiness.”
“I remember your grandfather was a Pastor.”
“Yes. He was a great man.” She managed a small smile. “He taught me to love the Lord.”
“Do you not believe this is what the Lord wants for you?”
She sniffed and wiped the moisture under her eyes. “No, I don’t.”
Nick’s chest tightened even more. If only he could tell her how much he felt the same agony as she. He’d felt as if God had abandoned him and ignored his prayers. “I do understand, Kitty. I wish I could help, but I cannot. You have no reason to be afraid of my uncle. He’s a good man. He took in his brother’s sons to care for us. Grant is gentle and kind. Just let him know your worries, and he will understand.”
“Thank you.”
He winked, smiled, then left her room and hurried down the stairs. Taking deep breaths, he willed the fluttering sensations in his chest to leave as he hurried into the drawing room. Gregg and Ian were absent, but his uncle sat in his high-backed leather chair by the fireplace, his attention turned to the low burning flames. Nick took a step toward the older man and the floor creaked. Grant’s head turned Nick’s way.
“Catherine is settled in her room,” Nick informed. “She seemed very pleased with everything. It appears you have changed a lot of the furniture and redecorated a bit.”
“Indeed. I didn’t think she would appreciate getting your aunt’s second-hand furniture.”
“No, probably not.”
“So, nephew? What do you think of Catherine now that you know her better?”
Nick arched an eyebrow. “Who says I know her better?”
“Well, you did spend time with her on the trip, did you not?”
Nick walked to the small table and poured him some tea. He gulped the contents back. As the liquid slid down his throat, he squeezed his eyes close. Indeed, he got to know her better, which made things worse.
He shrugged. “She was in the coach, I was on my horse. We may have visited briefly during our meals, but that was all.”
“True, but since I know my nephew, I know you kept a close eye on her, trying to discover her faults. Am I correct?”
Nick chuckled and walked closer to the fire. “Yes. I watched her to see if she had any faults, but regretfully I report she has none. Gregg and Ian found her charming and irresistible. They are the two who got to know her well, and I’m certain they will praise her highly.”
Grant laughed. “They already have. So if you didn’t find any faults with her, why do you still disapprove?”
Nick blew out an aggravated breath and turned toward his uncle. “Because she’s only nineteen, and because...you are dying.” He hated to be blunt, but he had no other choice. He needed to make his relative see how insane it was for him to marry.
Grant nodded as his gaze left Nick and rested on the small fire. “Yes, I’m dying, but do I have to be miserable until that day arrives? Catherine will make me happy. She already has. Can’t you see how happy I am?”
“Yes, but I think it’s rather selfish of you not to think about her needs. She’ll be miserable if she’s forced to remain home and take care of a dying husband. I think she would rather attend balls and tea parties and shopping trips into town instead of staying home playing nursemaid.”
Grant sat in silence for a long time. Usually, this was the way his uncle ended a conversation, but as Nick turned to leave, his relative cleared his throat.
“You are correct, Nick. I cannot deprive her of the parties and outings and social events. I have no idea how much longer I have to live, and it’s not fair of me to keep her as a nursemaid all that time.” He turned and looked at Nick. “So, during the day she can be with me and tend to my needs if she wishes, but at night she can be escorted to balls and functions by you.”
Nick gasped. “Me? Why me?” His voice rose as his heart hammered with uncertainty. “I will not play the part of her nanny.”
Grant flipped his hand through the air. “Once again, you are being over dramatic, because you know she doesn’t need a nanny. Besides, you enjoy attending those kinds of functions with beautiful women, and so you will take her with you when you go. Gregg and Ian can have their turns, as well. I’m certain they will love it, but since you are the oldest – and next to inherit the dukedom – you have more responsibility. She will be a joy to have around, just wait and see.”
Grant stood, and with help from his cane, slowly made his way toward the d
oor. Obviously, his uncle wanted the conversation ended. Nick clenched his jaw. Not this time. He would add his last thoughts before his uncle left.
“But, Uncle Grant, how—”
“Enough!” Still keeping his eyes toward the hallway, Grant stiffened but shifted his head and glanced at Nick. “You will follow my wishes, Nick. There will be no more talk of this. What’s done is done,” Grant snapped then proceeded out the door.
A blaze of fury ignited in Nick’s chest the longer his uncle’s echoing footsteps boomed in the hallway. Why had Grant put this kind of responsibility on Nick’s shoulders? Catherine wasn’t going to be his wife.
Nick grumbled irritably and threw his empty teacup into the fireplace, shattering it into a million pieces.
His life was cursed!
* * * *
A tear slipped down Catherine’s cheek as she studied her reflection in the full-length mirror at the gown Grant had purchased for her. The ice blue silk molded nicely to her bosom and shoulders. A full, high-waist skirt fell in soft folds to a small train in the back. Wearing such a dress in front of others scared her to death, but she worried more about seeing Grant’s expression. Would her stomach churn if his face held traces of interest when he gazed upon her?
Emily curled Catherine’s hair in loose ringlets around her head, and then threaded a blue ribbon throughout. The color of the ribbon enhanced Catherine’s auburn curls. She liked the way it made her look. For the first time, Catherine felt like a woman instead of a girl trying to resemble a woman.
Taking a deep breath, she prayed her nervous stomach wouldn’t be a problem during the evening’s events. How embarrassing would it be if her ailment showed itself to the guests soon to arrive tonight? She hoped her weak knees would stay strong and keep her from crumbling.
What worried her more was the inevitable kiss – the kiss to seal their betrothal announcement. She squeezed her eyes closed. Please do not kiss me tonight, Grant.
She must keep in mind what Nick had told her earlier this afternoon – that Grant was a kind man. If she explained her fears to him, he’d understand.
While in Nick’s arms earlier today, comfort had actually spread through every part of her. His soft voice and tender caress had helped her to relax. Perhaps she shouldn’t have enjoyed those feelings. He was, after all, to be her step-nephew. She shook her head. How could she think like that when he was so much older? The years between them weren’t many. Ian was twenty-three, Gregg was twenty-five, and Nicholas, twenty-six. Nevertheless, she shouldn’t be seeking comfort in his arms, not when that was supposed to be Grant’s responsibility.
Love Me Always (The Fielding Brothers' Saga) Page 4
