“Would you like me to draw your bath?”
“No, Emily. I’m not ready to retire for the night yet.” Not until after her talk with Grant.
“Well, let me know when you’re ready.”
“I will.”
“I’ll fix you some tea for now.”
“That’s a good idea.”
After Emily left, Catherine walked around the room in a numbed daze. She couldn’t think, and she couldn’t feel anything except gloom.
As she stared at herself in the vanity mirror, she nearly cried at the pitiful, depressed woman staring back. She plucked the pins from her hair before pulling a brush through her locks. The small fire from the hearth calmed her slightly, but also made her sleepy. There was no rest tonight. She feared her nerves wouldn’t allow it.
Could she actually talk to Grant about their relationship without her stomach roiling? And if she did, would Grant notice and ask her about it? She should tell him what she expected, or at least ask him questions to see if he had truly loved her mother. Then again, she didn’t want to bring any excitement to him. If he died tonight, Nick would never forgive her.
From out in the hallway, the grandfather clock chimed the late hour. A piece of wood popped in the fireplace. If she listened closer, she’d probably hear her heart crying out for someone to rescue her.
The door opened and closed, but she didn’t look away from her saddened expression in the reflection. “Emily? Could you please set the tray on the table?” Without looking at her maid, Catherine walked toward the fireplace, continuing to pull the brush through her hair.
Footsteps came behind her, but were too heavy to be her maid’s. Her heartbeat quickened and she froze. Only one man had ever entered her room, and she didn’t need to turn to see who it was. His woodsy scent surrounded her, making her knees weak. With her heart thumping madly, she held her breath, not knowing what to say. If she said the wrong thing, she feared he’d give her a verbal lashing like he did last time.
“Kitty,” he whispered as he gently caressed her shoulder.
She didn’t dare turn and face him yet for fear he’d see the excitement on her face. After a few moments of waiting for him to say more, she finally broke the silence. “Where—” Her voice cracked, so she cleared her throat and started again. “Where have you been these past ten days?”
“You’ve been counting?” His voice came out deep.
“I’ve been waiting to speak with you, but you were never around.”
He placed both of his hands on her shoulders, his thumbs moving in a soft caress. “I’ve just barely received your message.”
“I sent that message almost three days ago.”
“I’ve been staying at my shipping office.” There was a pause, then he asked, “What did you need, my sweet Kitty?”
Her heart thumped in a fierce rhythm, and still she didn’t dare turn. She folded her arms. “I...I needed to speak with you about...”
“Did you miss me as much as I missed you?”
He wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her back against him. His breath whispered across her neck. She squeezed her eyes closed. The heat radiating from him sent shivers throughout her, immobilizing her.
Perhaps she would be the one to die from a wildly beating heart tonight instead of Grant.
* * * *
Nick’s breaths came out ragged as he closed his eyes and enjoyed holding this woman in his arms. Catherine was absolutely breathtaking with her hair long and hanging around her shoulders. And her scent was the same rose fragrance he hadn’t been able to get out of his mind for ten very long days.
“You didn’t answer me, Kitty. Did you miss me?”
“Y—yes.”
“Did you know I came home tonight? Is that why you didn’t come down for dinner?” He kissed the back of her head. “Were you hoping I would come to your room?”
“N—no, Nicholas. I didn’t know you were here at all.”
“Then why are you practically melting in my arms? Why were you not surprised when I came in your bedchambers?”
“I knew it was you because of your scent,” she said softly.
He smiled. “You should be in bed by now. You must have known I would come see you.”
“Truly, Nicholas, I didn’t know. I’m still up because... Your uncle—”
This wasn’t the answer he expected and her words jerked him from his dreamlike state of mind. He withdrew as if she were made of hot coals. She swayed, but righted herself before falling. Finally, she turned and faced him.
“My uncle?” His voice rose, anger gripped his chest. “You are still up because of Uncle Grant? Why?”
Wrapping her arms around her middle, she shook her head as her bottom lip trembled. “He asked if I would return tonight so we could talk about our...relationship.”
“And you agreed? Do you know how improper that is?”
“Nicholas, I’m his...his...”
“You are not engaged yet, and the announcement hasn’t been made.” He raked his fingers through his hair. His stomach clenched as if he’d just received a hard punch. “Don’t you even care about his health? Did you forget what the physician said?”
Tears formed in her eyes. “No, I haven’t forgotten, and I told Grant no, but he said he wanted to talk to me about this now – before he dies.” Her voice broke. “What am I supposed to do? I don’t want to go to him either because I’m not ready. Tell me Nicholas, what kind of choice was I to make?”
He turned away and scrubbed a hand over his chin. “I don’t know, Catherine. All I know is I don’t want him to die. I’m not ready for that to happen, and with you going to his room, at night, just the two of you...heaven knows what will happen. Most likely his heart will fail him.”
She stepped up to him and placed her hand on his shoulder. “Why don’t you try and talk some sense into him? He’s not expecting me for a while, so speak with him before I get there.”
He turned and faced her. He wanted to take her back in his arms, but he couldn’t. He shouldn’t have done it in the first place. Staying away from her only made him want to be with her more. Ten days were too many, yet he had needed that separation. This feeling between them was a dangerous attraction, and was getting worse by the second.
Then again, he didn’t want it to end. Confusion pounded behind his eyes, but he had to come back and see her again for his own peace of mind.
“All right. I’ll speak to him.” He turned to leave.
“Nicholas?”
She stopped him before he reached the door. He turned and looked at her.
“Why did you come in my room tonight?”
He ran his gaze over her again, knowing he couldn’t tell her the reason. She made him remember she was his uncle’s soon-to-be-bride, not his.
“Not to worry, my dear Kitty. The reason no longer exists, or will it ever.” He walked out the door, closing it tightly behind him.
Chapter Ten
Catherine held her breath – afraid her churning stomach would deposit all over the floor – and knocked on Grant’s door.
“Come in.”
She hadn’t heard from Nick, so assumed he didn’t talk his uncle out of wanting to see her tonight. She had no other choice but to go.
On shaky legs, she entered Grant’s room. Shadows danced on every wall, making the moment more ominous. His servant, nurse, and sister were gone, as she expected.
Her heart hammered against her ribs, causing her chest to ache. The quick rhythm made her stomach churn that much more.
Propped up by pillows, Grant sat straighter on his mattress. He squinted her way until she stood beside the bed. When he could finally see her, his eyes widened. “Catherine? Why are you here without Mrs. Berkley or my sister? That’s very inappropriate.”
She caught her breath.
“What would Mrs. Berkley say if she knew you were in my room alone?”
She bit her lower lip, afraid to let out the relieved sigh waiting to come forth.
He doesn’t remember. That could be the only explanation. He’d been a different man while talking to her earlier, thinking she was her mother, and now he was back to being the man she enjoyed talking with.
Ashamed, she nearly cried with relief. “Please forgive me, Grant, but...I hurried to see you because you made it sound like it was most important.”
His forehead creased as a blank expression covered his face. Within moments, he smiled and nodded. “Ah, yes. I remember now. We need to discuss the betrothal.”
Inwardly, she groaned. Now there was no way out.
He patted the mattress next to his hip. “Please sit.”
Hesitantly, she lowered herself to the very edge of the bed.
“I haven’t made our betrothal public yet, only to give you time to adjust to the idea.”
She nodded. “I appreciate that.”
“But now I want to make it public. Is that all right?”
The lump in her throat cut off her supply of air and she tried to swallow it. How should she answer? No, it wasn’t all right. No, she didn’t love him as a wife should.
“That’s fine, Grant.”
“You don’t know how happy you’ve made me.” He smiled.
Her chest tightened. “When...when is our wedding date?”
“I thought about having it one month from today. There’s no reason to have a large ceremony. Our family members will be enough, do you not agree?”
“Yes.” Her voice choked. If she didn’t leave soon, she’d cry in front of him, and right now, she didn’t want to explain her mixed feelings.
His arms dropped to his side and he sagged against the pillows. “I shall make the announcement to the family tomorrow evening. Is that suitable?”
“Yes.”
His eyes closed. “Again, thank you, Catherine. You’re a very special woman.”
She waited for him to say more, but his slow, deep breaths let her know he’d fallen asleep. A tear leaked from her eye and ran down her cheek. She wiped it and stood. With each step out of his room, her heart sank. Her life was over, and there wasn’t a thing she could do to stop it.
Instead of going directly to her room for fear she’d see Nick, she wandered down the back stairs and passed several empty rooms on the bottom floor. In the library, she found a sofa and curled on the soft cushions, burying her face into the throw pillows, sobbing out her frustrations.
* * * *
Heat touched Catherine’s face and a bright light stirred her from a deep sleep. She blinked a couple of times, squinting against the rays of sun streaming through the window. Out of the corner of her eyes, a wall of books drew her attention.
She jumped up, but her stiff body cried out in pain. She’d spent the night on the sofa. Stretching her limbs, she grimaced and slowly eased the inflexibility. She drudged back to her room to bathe and dress for the day since she’d slept in the clothes she wore yesterday. If Mrs. Berkley knew...
Unfortunately, Catherine would have to ring for her maid to come draw her bath and get her clothes ready. This morning, Catherine wanted to wallow in her sadness without having to explain anything to Emily. She wanted to ponder her dreary life and how she could make it happy.
As she moved to the bell cord to ring for Emily, an unfamiliar sound made her pause, and her heartbeat tripled in rhythm. She snapped her head toward the deep breathing coming from the corner of the room.
Asleep in the chair next to her bed, Nick’s head rested against the wall, his mouth open, soft snores escaping his throat. He still had on the clothes he’d worn last night. Taking soft steps, she walked to him. He must have waited to see how things had gone between her and his uncle. She smiled.
Even with a night’s growth of beard, he was still quite handsome. Slightly messed, his raven hair stood in clumps, and his clothes were wrinkled. It didn’t matter. He still made her heart come alive.
Pushing a lock of hair off his forehead, she whispered, “Nicholas? Nicholas, wake up.”
His eyes fluttered open. He blinked, scanned the room, then his gaze flew back to her. He straightened and rubbed his eyes, blinking a couple times more before meeting her stare.
She smiled. “Good morning, Nicholas. Did you sleep well in my chair?”
He stood and stretched his arms high in the air, arching his back. “Heavens, no. That piece of furniture is definitely not made to sleep in.”
She chuckled. “Why did you spend the night in my room? Do you know what would have happened if Mrs. Berkley had caught you?”
He scrubbed his hand over his unshaven chin. “I hoped you’d come back last night. I thought maybe you’d want to tell me about the talk you had with Grant.”
“Everything turned out just fine,” she said sadly. “He didn’t even remember telling me to come to his room at first, but then once he did, he told me he wanted to announce our engagement tonight.”
His shoulders sagged and he sighed. “So, it’s official now?”
“I suppose, but I’m certain there are still papers my father has to sign.”
“Did my uncle act all right?”
“Yes. Better than I have seen him lately.”
“Splendid.” He stepped away and ran his fingers through his messy hair. “I suppose I had better go back to my room before I get caught.”
“Yes, you should.”
His gaze roamed over her before meeting her eyes. When he grinned, his eyes twinkled.
“Would you like to go horseback riding with me this morning, before breakfast?”
She nodded, her heart quickening. More than anything she wanted to ride her horse, to feel the wind in her hair. And yes, heaven help her, to spend some time with Nick. “Nothing would please me more right now.”
“Then I’ll meet you at the stables in one hour.”
The second he left her room, she rang for Emily. As she rushed through her toilette, she instructed her maid to make haste and get her presentable. She dressed in her purple riding habit; the skirt and jacket were deep violet trimmed with black lace. She wore a white blouse that ruffled at the neck and around her wrists. The jacket fit snugly and made her waist appear smaller.
Emily fixed Catherine’s hair in a tight braid, leaving a few tendrils loose around her ears. Catherine wanted to look her best for Nick, hoping he wouldn’t get upset at her for making the effort. Nonetheless, she would enjoy herself to the fullest. After all, her freedom would soon be taken from her once the betrothal announcement was made.
Exactly forty-five minutes later, Catherine hurried down the stairs, peeking over her shoulder on the lookout for Mrs. Berkley. Catherine rushed outside to the stable without seeing her companion. Right away Nick’s deep voice made warm tingles shoot through her as he conversed with one of the stable hands.
When she entered, both men turned her way, but it was Nick she couldn’t take her eyes off her. His face was clean-shaven and his hair, still a little damp and combed away from his face. The black riding trousers fit his body like a glove, and on his muscular legs, black knee-length riding boots. The white lawn shirt under his fawn-colored jacket had a couple of buttons undone at the throat, which he really should have fastened, but she was glad he didn’t. Strange that he didn’t have his vest and cravat. He looked so relaxed, so casual.
When his gaze traveled over her, the beat of her heart doubled in rhythm. He met her stare and his green eyes softened.
He grinned. “You’re early.”
She shrugged. “I can’t help it. I love to ride. I love horses.” I love you... She quickly stopped her thoughts. She definitely couldn’t think that.
“Good. I’m glad because I have a long morning planned for the two of us.”
He took the reins from the groom and led the horse over to her. “I believe you have ridden Beauty before, correct?”
“Yes. She’s a perfect horse.”
He walked up to her, placing his hands on her waist.
“Do you mind if I help you?”
She shook her head.
>
He picked her up and set her on top of the horse without taking his eyes off hers. “Are you comfortable?”
“Yes.” She was helpless to look away as the warmth in his gaze kept her enchanted.
He winked before turning back to his horse, which the groom had brought over. Nick expertly mounted. He glanced at her and smiled. “So...you like to race, do you?”
She grinned wider. “You cannot remember?”
He chuckled. “Good. I’ll trust you can keep up with me?”
She joined in his laughter as she urged her horse forward. “Keep up with you? I don’t think so. You will be keeping up with me.” She dug her heels into the horse’s belly and pushed the mare forward, taking off in a run.
Nick’s laughter rang out as he pushed his stallion forward to catch up. He did eventually, and then for the next little while, they each played catch up. First her, then him as they raced. Nick must have been holding back out of kindness, because he allowed her to win more times than she should have.
After a while, they stopped by a stream to rest the horses. Nick jumped off his horse first and hurried to help her dismount. He held her close for a few minutes longer than propriety allowed. Hesitantly, she stepped away. But what she wanted to do was fling herself in his arms instead.
* * * *
Nick smiled at the beautiful woman, and wished he could remove this infatuation, but being with her made him happy. It was more than physical attraction; it was the twinkle in her eyes and the heavenly lift of her voice that made his heart pitter-patter like it’d never done before. Childhood memories were now replaced with recent memories...those he couldn’t dismiss no matter how hard he tried.
Nick had arranged with the cook to prepare a basket of food for their breakfast. He laid out a blanket, helped Catherine down then sat beside her. She sectioned out the food on plates and they ate. The mood was still very joyous while they discussed their morning ride. It pleased Nick when he made her laugh and to see her smile.
“Oh, Nicholas.” Catherine sighed heavily after she’d finished eating. She stood and walked to the edge of the stream. “Although I know I shall be forever reprimanded by Mrs. Berkley when she discovers I left without her, being with you this morning has been such a delight.”
Love Me Always (The Fielding Brothers' Saga) Page 12
