His words and the kiss enchanted her...and may the Lord strike her down, because she wanted more because of it. “No, really Nick. Take all the time you need.”
He kissed her once more, making this one slightly longer. She leaned into him and participated fully. Before she could enjoy it too much, he stepped away.
“I won’t be able to go very long without wanting to be near you again.”
“All right. I’ll be here.”
He gazed into her eyes for a few more minutes, then finally turned and left the bedroom.
She loved him so much. How could she leave him after Grant died? But she’d been selfish for too long. Nick needed a wealthy woman of nobility. She wasn’t that woman and never would be.
Chapter Sixteen
Grant slept the whole time Nick was gone. Sitting in the same chair Nick had been in, Catherine stared at the man who’d been her parents’ best friend for as long as she could remember, and her heart cried for him. Why did death have to be so hard? True, he’d meet his maker a different way than her mother had, but the heartache was still very real. She wished he’d open his eyes so she could give him a proper farewell. Not as the woman he’d wanted to marry, but the girl who’d adored him for many years.
When the bedroom door clicked open, she wiped away a stray tear. Nick walked in wearing a fresh shirt and pressed trousers. He came to her and pulled her out of the chair. Wrapping his arms around her, he gave her a tender hug.
“I missed you.”
She laughed lightly. “Oh, Nick. You weren’t even gone for a whole hour.”
He pulled back slightly and gazed into her face. “No, I mean I have missed you these past few days.” He stroked her cheek. “I know you missed me, too. Tell me, Kitty. Admit it.”
“Indeed, I have, but—”
“Shhh,” he hushed her as his finger touched her lips. “There are no buts. Not anymore.”
“This cannot be right between us, Nick.”
“Maybe not now. But soon.”
“We shouldn’t think that way.”
“Why? I believe he wants to die now. I believe he’s giving up on his life now so we can be together – the right way.”
Catherine couldn’t believe what he was saying. Her heart burst with happiness, yet at the same time she worried it was too soon to feel such joy. After all, she wasn’t the woman he should marry. She could never offer him a large dowry, and she certainly didn’t come from a family of wealth.
“Kitty? Why are you so quiet? Don’t you love me any longer?”
Her heart melted as she gazed into his narrowed eyes. She should let him know she loved him, but love wasn’t enough. Not this time. When she went to speak, the bedroom door opened and in walked Gregg and Ian, startling her and making her jump out of Nick’s arms.
Ian acted like he didn’t notice the two embracing, but Gregg’s gaze shot daggers at Nick, and Gregg barely looked at her.
“How is our uncle doing?” Gregg snipped.
Nick stepped to the bed and looked at Grant. “He hasn’t changed, except for the fact that every time he wakes up, he’s a little further back in time.”
Gregg and Ian walked to the side of the bed and sat beside their uncle. “How long did the doctor say until he dies?” Ian asked, in a choked voice.
“The doctor gave no indication, but did say it would be soon,” Nick answered. “The disease in our uncle’s body is taking over fast.”
Catherine stood back away from the brothers. Shame and guilt crept through her. She’d been caught in Nick’s arms while the man she was supposed to marry lay dying. Gregg had noticed the look of love on her face a moment ago. Yet he knew how she felt, so why did he scowl so?
She still didn’t feel part of this family, especially now. Perhaps, she’d leave the brothers to be alone with their dying relative. As she turned to leave, Nick grasped her arm. His eyes pleaded with her to stay, and she couldn’t turn him down.
He pulled on her hand and she moved by his side. Sliding his arm around her, he held her in a friendly embrace, which made her feel a little better. She relaxed slightly and leaned against him as her arm slipped around his waist for support.
There was nothing said after that and the room remained quiet, except for the few times Grant moaned in pain. Nick comforted her more than anyone could, and now as she watched Grant die, she was happy for the support from the man she loved.
* * * *
Catherine awoke the next morning feeling cramped, yet she was in somebody’s arms and didn’t want to move on the heavily cushioned sofa. As she lifted her head, she opened her eyes. Nick snuggled against her. Across the room, Grant lay in bed. She glanced around the room, and luckily, Gregg and Ian were not present.
Looking back at the handsome man beside her, she smiled at his sleeping face. He was such a brave, strong, wonderful man, and she was so happy to be in love with him. Last night he didn’t let her out of his reach the whole time Gregg and Ian were in the room. He kept asking her if she were all right or if she needed anything. He was so caring and it made her fall deeper in love with him. She shouldn’t have allowed it but couldn’t stop it from happening.
She stayed awake last night until after the two brothers left to retire for the night, and weariness had taken her over. Nick had taken her over to the sofa and sat beside her, and within time they fell asleep.
It was so nice to wake up in his arms, and she’d cherish this moment forever – even after he married another woman and went on with his life. Slipping out of his arms as not to wake him, she stood and stretched her aching body before going over to check on Grant. He was deathly pale. Her heart dropped and she rushed to his side. His chest rose and fell in a ragged rhythm. She let out the air she hadn’t realized she’d been holding.
She sat next to him and softly touched his cheek. He jerked, which in turn made her jump also. His eyes fluttered open, but she knew he couldn’t see anything anyway.
“Catherine? Is that you?”
Her heart sped up. This was the first time he’d known who she was since his attack. “Yes, Grant. It is I.”
He smiled. “How long have you been here?”
“Since yesterday morning.” She continued to caress his frail face. “How do you feel?”
His smile disappeared. “I’m in a tremendous amount of pain. Is the doctor here? I need him to give me some more laudanum.”
“He’s probably still asleep. I shall fetch him. I put him in one of the extra bedrooms for the night.” She moved to leave, but his hand grasped hers, stopping her.
“Catherine, my dear? Stay one minute longer. I want to remember the feel of your touch before I die.”
“Oh, Grant.” Her voice broke. “Don’t say things like that. I don’t want you to die.”
“Now, now, my precious darling, don’t fret. I have lived a good life and I’m ready to meet my maker in peace. I want to let you know that even though our engagement was very short, I was extremely happy the whole time, especially lately.”
“Please forgive me for not loving you the way you wanted.” Her voice shook.
“There’s nothing to forgive. I just hope after I die, you’ll be able to put all of your anger and hurt feelings aside and start a new life. I hope you’ll forgive me for all I’ve done.”
“But, Grant, there is nothing to forgive.”
He squeezed his eyes shut and held his breath. His body stiffened as if another wave of pain washed over him. A minute passed by before he was able to breathe normal again. “Catherine, fetch the doctor for me.”
“Yes, Grant.” She hurried out of the room, her heart a little lighter than before, knowing he held no ill feelings against her.
* * * *
When the bedroom door clicked close, Nick awoke with a start. He jumped up and looked around. Catherine wasn’t here, so he assumed she’d been the one to leave. He glanced at his uncle’s bed. A painful expression creased his aged face. He rushed to him. “Uncle Grant?”
Gr
ant breathed slower. “Nick, is that you?”
“Yes. Are you all right?”
“I’m as well as could be expected for a dying man, I suppose.”
Nick thanked God his uncle had returned to the present time. Nick almost cried out in relief, but the knot in his throat stopped him. “Did Catherine leave to get the doctor?”
“Yes.” Grant blindly reached out his hand and felt around for Nick’s, touching it, then grabbing onto it tightly. “Nick? Before they get here, I want to tell you something.”
“What?”
“First, I want to thank you for all you’ve helped me with. I know some of the things I have asked of you have been despicable and you probably think I was half-insane for asking, but because you’re a good nephew, you have done them obediently. But before I die, there’s just one more thing I want you to do for me.”
“Anything, Uncle Grant.”
“I know how much you care about Catherine. I know you’re in love with her, although you don’t want to admit it to me. I also know she’s in love with you.” He chuckled lightly. “I may be blind, but I can still see. I want you to take Catherine as your wife after I die. Don’t make the same mistake I made and marry the wrong woman just because she’s wealthy. I want you to marry the woman you love.”
Tears gathered in Nick’s eyes, the lump in his throat thickening. His heart burst with happiness and he wanted to cry aloud. “You are giving me your blessing?”
“Yes. I know you two will be happy together. Hopefully, within time you and Catherine will be able to forgive me for keeping you apart for so long. I know society will disapprove, but they don’t matter. You don’t need to live a lonely life like I did. Follow your heart Nick, and marry Catherine.”
A tear slipped down Nick’s cheek. “Thank you, Uncle Grant. This is the best thing you have ever done for me. I do love her and I don’t want to live without her.”
“Then make her yours.”
The knot in Nick’s throat tightened enough to keep words from escaping. He leaned over, gave his uncle a hug then kissed his cheek. Nick watched closely for any more signs of discomfort, but there seemed to be none. Then a peaceful look came over his relative’s face and he opened his eyes again.
“I can see,” Grant exclaimed. “There’s a bright light ahead of me, and I can see it.” His mouth turned into a pleasant smile. “Elizabeth? Is that you?”
Chills shot up Nick’s spine and tears fell in buckets. His uncle was dying and the good Lord had sent Grant’s wife to take him to heaven with her.
Grant said nothing more, but slowly closed his eyes. And just like that, the breath left his lungs. Nick still held his uncle’s hand and could actually feel the very life being taken away. It was as if his uncle pulled his hand out from Nick’s grasp, yet his limb didn’t move. As though a hand slipped gently from a glove.
He sniffed. “Uncle Grant, I love you,” he whispered brokenly before resting his head on the duke’s chest and sobbing out his anguish.
* * * *
“This isn’t proper.” Mrs. Berkley tossed Catherine a scowl as the old woman marched toward the closet with a satchel in her hand. “We must get you packed immediately.”
Catherine’s heart pounded as fear climbed through her body, she grasped the older woman’s elbow as she passed. “Stop now! Don’t touch my clothes. We are not leaving.”
Lines appeared on Mrs. Berkley’s forehead, around her lips, and made crow’s feet in the corners of her eyes. “Grant is dead, and you are now living with his nephews – whom I might add, are not married. If you stay any longer, your name will be tarnished. Rumors will fly through England and neither you nor your father will be able to hold your head in society. And I, for one, will not be your companion if that happens.” Her chest heaved as she planted her hands on her beefy hips.
How could Catherine stop Mrs. Berkley from packing? How could she stop her father from taking her back home? They were right. It wasn’t proper...but then again, she couldn’t leave. Since Grant died, she’d waited for Nick to proclaim his love for her to the world; to ask for her hand in marriage on bended knee. It didn’t matter that her mind told her it would never happen, she still could not leave.
Moisture stung her eyes and she turned away from Mrs. Berkley. Agony clenched Catherine’s heart. Her bottom lip trembled, so she bit it to keep it still. Blinking, she tried to hold back the tears.
“What do you wish me to do, Miss Catherine?”
A knot of emotions lodged in Catherine’s throat. What did she wish? For everyone to go away. I want to be in Nick’s loving arms. She wanted to be told her girlish dream would come true and Nick would be her husband.
She cleared her throat. “Please, Mrs. Berkley, just one more day. It’s too soon after the funeral.”
“As you wish.”
When the door clicked shut and Catherine remained the only one in the room, she allowed the tears to stream down her cheeks. Her shoulders shook in silent sobs as she clutched the bedpost, her head resting on the smooth, round oak.
If she couldn’t have Nick, how could she live? How could she go from one day to the next knowing he was courting another woman? She sniffed. Plain and simple...she couldn’t go on. And to think she’d have to go back and live with her father? Impossible! She wouldn’t live with the man who thought she killed her own mother.
She tore herself away from the post and wiped her eyes. Something had to be done. Now. She couldn’t leave the estate. She wouldn’t go! Not without the man she loved.
Straightening her shoulders, she marched to the door, yanked it open and hurried down the hall. Down the corridor, she saw Hodgson, so hurried to catch up to him. When he saw her, he smiled and gave her a hug.
“My dear, Catherine.” He rubbed his thumb underneath her eyes. “You’ve been crying again.”
She shrugged. “It seems lately I cannot control my tears. They burst forth no matter how hard I try to stop them.”
“They that sow in tears shall reap in joy.”
Catherine grinned from the verse in Psalms he quoted. How could she forget he grew up with her father and attended the same sermons her grandfather gave? “Thank you, Hodgson. I firmly believe one day I’ll reap in joy…but it’s so hard to know what will happen next in my life.”
“Nobody knows the outcome, my dear.”
She sighed heavily. “Very true.” She clutched his hand. “I’m relieved to know I shall always have your love and support.”
“Until the ends of the earth.”
“Hodgson? Have you seen Father? I really need to speak with him.”
“I haven’t. Would you like me to help you find him?”
“Thank you, but no. This is something I have to do on my own.”
He leaned forward and kissed her forehead. Determined to talk to her father, she hurried toward her destination.
* * * *
Fielding, old chap, you’re in mourning for one year. Nick glanced at his solemn reflection in the rain-splattered window. Outside, the wind blew hard against the glass. Trees bent so far they threatened to break. Heavy, dark clouds mirrored his tattered emotions.
His uncle had given him permission to take Catherine as his wife, yet society would require him to wait twelve months to do it.
It had been this morning since they laid Grant in the earth. His final resting place. Now there was a new duke...head of the estate and the shipping companies; one who wanted to go against society and make himself happy. Would he disappoint his family by wanting to follow his heart so soon after the funeral?
A knock came upon the study door, announcing two people he didn’t really want to see at this moment. Gregg and Ian walked in. Both moved to the liquor tray and fixed their drinks before taking a chair. The drab black mourning garb they were required to wear for the next year did nothing to help their dreary expressions. In fact, it made them gloomier.
During the funeral, Gregg hadn’t left Catherine’s side for one minute. How Nick had wanted t
o stand beside her, giving her the comfort and love he’d dreamed about for so long. But all eyes were upon him, expecting him to act proper. To behave proper...just as he’d been taught.
Nick sat back in his chair and linked his fingers over his stomach. “Have all the guests departed?”
Gregg nodded. “Catherine saw the last one to the door a couple hours ago. She retired to her room soon afterward.”
“She’s certainly been a godsend. She’s been so helpful these past several days.” Nick massaged the ache in his bruised arm. “I don’t know what I’d do without her.”
Ian humphed and shifted in his chair, bringing his drink to his lips and gulping a large amount as he trying to drown out his sorrow…or was it anger?
Nick scrubbed his hand over his unshaven chin. His brother had been acting this way for a little while. So different from the way he’d been with Catherine when she first arrived. It seemed Ian had been upset with her more than necessary. Definitely, something was on his brother’s mind, and Nick would get his sibling to talk even if he had to strangle it out of him.
He leaned forward in his chair. “Ian? What ails you? Is your drink not to your satisfaction?”
Ian rolled his eyes. “My drink is fine.”
“I’m sure you’re aware,” Nick continued leaning forward, “that eventually both you and Gregg will have to give up that sin altogether.”
Ian scowled. “What sin?”
“Drinking, of course.”
Gregg chuckled and took a gulp out of his drink. Ian shook his head. “Nick, this is the way we are. I do not rather care if you’re vexed with my vise. And I’d appreciate it if you’d keep your sermons for the good church members.”
Nick gave his brother a hard stare. Indeed, something was upsetting Ian. “Obviously, you have something on your mind. Would you please share it so we can know why you have been so irritated lately?”
Ian brother shot him a glare. “I don’t wish to share at this time.”
Gregg met Nick’s gaze, then switched to the younger Ian. “You’ve been acting this way for a few days, maybe even longer. Something is wrong and I think you should tell Nick what it is.”
Love Me Always (The Fielding Brothers' Saga) Page 20
