Julie sat on the sofa, near enough to reach over and pat Lauren’s knee. “Believe me, I’ve been praying real hard. I want to see that boy nearly as much as you.”
Lauren called Shane again. When he didn’t answer, she jumped up from the chair, and paced the room. “Why won’t he answer the damn phone?”
Her fears took on a life of their own. Every mother’s nightmare exploded in her mind. He could be lost, or hit by a car, or meet the kind of people who harm little boys.
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
Shane ran up and down the area, shouting Josh’s name. Major barked madly, overly excited by all the drama. After several minutes of this, Shane stopped and called Lauren.
“Haven’t got him yet, but there’s a blue Nike backpack under a bench with a Woody toy sticking out. Is that his?”
“Yes, yes, but where is he? If the bag’s there, what happened to him?” Lauren cried, “Shane. You’ve got to find him before something terrible happens.”
“I will. Hang in there.” Shane put his phone away and retraced his steps to the place he’d seen the bag. For the first time that night, Shane feared the worst.
Long Beach was a quirky, unorthodox community, which made the beach town an interesting place to live. But right now, all he could think about was the possibility that a pedophile might have gotten to Josh first.
He found the bag and gave Major the toy to catch the boy’s scent. “Gotta find Josh. Come on Major. Focus. This is important.”
Major ran around in circles then put his head in the air, nostrils twitching, and raced up and down the street. Shane chased after him, breathing heavily.
“Focus, Major. This isn’t a game. We’ve got to get Josh.” He wagged the toy in front of the dog’s nose. “Now do it.”
Shane thought he heard a whimper. “Did you hear something?” he spoke aloud. “Come on. Let’s find him.”
The dog slowed down, sniffing every bush, running from one to the next, then he lifted his head, his ears twitched, and he began yipping and jumping all over the place.
Shane was a few steps behind. “Josh? Josh! Are you there?” He pulled back branches, trying to uncover the small shape that hid from sight.
He heard the boy sniffle and cry. “Mommy’s going to be so mad. I ran away and I got lost.”
“You’re not lost anymore. I found you, son.” He pulled Josh out of the bush, not giving a damn if they were both covered in scratches. He held the small body tight to his chest and kissed the top of his head. “Oh, Josh, you had us so worried.”
Major had to greet him too. He stood on his hind legs to lick the boy’s face.
Josh giggled, then a sob ripped out. He had his little arms wrapped around Shane in a stranglehold. “I was so scared I wet my pants. Some weirdo offered me a drink for my bag. I ran like crazy and dropped my bag, but I didn’t go back. I hid in the bushes.”
“That was very smart of you.” He moved slightly away so he could see the boy’s face. “Your mom is going to be so happy to see you. She’s waiting for you at home. What do you say?” He kissed the boy’s wet cheeks. “Shall we go home now and see your mom?”
“Will you come too?” he asked in a small voice. “Please, please come too.”
“Of course, I’ll come.” He hit redial, and Lauren answered immediately in a breathless voice. He could picture her, a total wreck on the inside, but holding it all together on the outside, putting on a brave front for the world to see.
“I have him. He’s safe.”
“Oh, thank God.” A sob ripped from her. “Shane, Shane, how can I ever thank you enough?”
“You just did.” Shane held the phone out to Josh. “Say hi to your mom.”
“Mom, I’m sorry.” His little face crumpled, and tears slid down his face. “I’ll never do it again. Promise.”
Shane recaptured the phone. “I’ll have him home in a few minutes. He’s fine, Lauren. Just fine.”
“Shane.” Tears filled her eyes, and she couldn’t speak. The phone slipped out of her hand.
Julie picked it up and stood watching her, anxiously waiting to hear. Lauren nodded and swallowed a rather large lump. “Josh is safe. Shane’s bringing him home.”
The moment Shane pulled up the driveway, Lauren flung the door open and ran outside. She threw her arms around her son, laughing and crying.
“Josh, oh baby, thank God you’re safe.”
“Are you mad at me?” Josh asked in a small voice, rapidly blinking back tears. “I’m sorry I ran away. I didn’t have my phone.”
He let out a heart-wrenching sob. “I wanted to call, but I couldn’t.”
Lauren cried too. “I know, honey. I promise I’ll never take your phone away again. Never, ever.” She pulled Josh into her arms and grabbed Shane’s hand. “You were very lucky tonight that Shane found you, but what you did was a terrible, scary thing. You must never run away again, no matter how bad you feel, and how angry you get.” She kissed his cheeks and wiped his tears. “Promise me, sweetheart. Something terrible could have happened to you, and I love you so much.”
“I won’t, Mommy. I promise.”
She turned her eyes on Shane. “We will talk later, but I’ll never forget what you did tonight. I can never thank you enough.”
“I don’t need your thanks,” he said quietly. “I love Josh, and he had me worried too.” He ruffled the boy’s hair. “You won’t ever do this again, will you? Your Mom has good reasons for the things she does and your best interests at heart.”
“But I wanted to see you.”
Shane and Lauren exchanged a glance. She bit her lip and sucked back tears. “Maybe you can. But this was a bad way of going about it,” she said sternly.
Shane just looked at her, and she knew he was thinking about their relationship. But she had no answers for him right now. She loved him, she wanted him back in their lives, but tonight was not a night to make those decisions.
She kept her fingers entwined with his, but glanced away. Her emotions were on overload, and she needed a clear head to answer the question in his eyes.
“Shane, Josh, are you hungry? I put on a pot of coffee, and Julie made a raisin zucchini loaf this afternoon.”
Shane answered first. “I’ve got Major with me.” He glanced at the dog, who had his head out the window, tongue hanging out, and spittle running down the side of the car. “He doesn’t look like much right now, but he was the real hero tonight. Sniffed out Josh, didn’t you boy?”
Lauren smiled. “Bring him in too.”
Josh laughed. “Yeah. I want a dog just like him. Can I, mom?”
“We’ll talk about that later.” She put an arm around his shoulders. “First let’s get you cleaned up and put something in that stomach of yours.”
“Good. I’m so hungry, I could eat a whale.”
“A whale?” Shane laughed, then rescued Major from the car, and they all walked together toward the house. “I’ll stick to Julie’s loaf, if that’s all right.”
When they were washed up and seated at the kitchen table, Lauren couldn’t take her eyes off her son. She wanted to gobble him up. He was laughing and talking to Shane, and he hadn’t looked so happy since … since the last time Shane had been there.
Her gaze lifted from her son’s face to Shane. She wanted him in their life as much as her son did. Maybe she had made a serious mistake by not giving him another chance. Being an alcoholic was an illness, but one that could be managed. Millions of people around the world had this disease but had kicked the addiction and lived happy, successful lives. If there ever was a man she’d bet her money on, it was Shane.
Besides, who was she to judge? She had more to atone for than this brave wounded warrior who sat before her.
She smiled at him and felt warmed all over when he smiled back. “More coffee?” she asked, getting up to refill his cup.
He took her hand when she reached for his cup and looked deep into her eyes. She felt a sudden flash of heat and a powerful yearning de
ep inside, a physical reaction so strong it took her breath away.
“I’ve had enough,” he said. “I don’t want to overstay my welcome.”
“You could never do that,” she answered, pouring him another half cup.
He raised an eyebrow, and she flushed. “Josh and I want you here. It was wrong of me to keep you apart.” Her eyes were steady on his. “You’re strong. You can beat this. I know you can. I know.”
He glanced away and shrugged. “You did what you had to do.”
Although obviously happy to be with Shane again, Josh was falling asleep at the table. Lauren told him she’d tuck him into bed, and then looked at Shane, asking if he could stay for a few more minutes. He agreed, much to her relief.
Josh climbed right into bed, and Lauren was still giving him a good-night hug when he fell asleep. She sat on his bed for a few minutes more, watching him sleep, thanking God that he was home with her again.
When she returned to the kitchen, she found Shane standing by the front door. A new anxiety gripped her. He seemed in a hurry to leave, and she very much wanted him to stay.
“Do you have to go?” she asked quietly. “There are so many things I need to say.”
“Not now. I know what an emotional night it’s been. Whatever you feel that you need to say can wait until you are in a more rational frame of mind.”
“No, it can’t. I need to make this right with you.”
“Not now, Lauren.” He opened the door. “I really have to leave.”
“Shane … you’re not going to do anything you’re regret, are you?”
“No, Lauren. Never again. You don’t need to worry about that.”
“Then why?”
He didn’t answer, just shook his head, his eyes skittering away from hers.
The door closed behind him, and feeling as though her heart had been ripped right out of her, Lauren let him go.
CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
By the time Shane got home, he had the shakes. Wanted a drink so bad, it was eating him alive. What the fuck had happened tonight to set him off? He hadn’t had the urge since he’d fallen off the wagon several weeks ago, when Brent’s plane went down.
He put his head in his hands, disgusted with himself. He hadn’t wanted Lauren to see him this way. What was his problem, anyway? It wasn’t like he wanted a damn drink. He needed one. Would it always be like this? Could he not face a stressful situation without needing a drink?
He looked at his shaking hand and wanted to smash something. Getting up, he looked in the bathroom mirror, seeing the terror and the disgust in his own eyes. Breathing deeply, he forced himself to be calm.
After he’d splashed water over his face, he returned to the living room to call his AA sponsor, Jimmy. “It’s Shane here. I’m in trouble right now.”
“Give me your address and I’ll get there as fast as I can.”
He spieled off his address, then sat down to wait, loathing himself, weighed down by shame. How could he be so weak? After all the things he’d experienced in his life, why couldn’t he be strong? He’d faced danger most of his adult life.
Spent eight years with Cal Fire, saving lives amid raging forest fires, putting his own life on the line. Then he’d packed it in and gone off to Iraq, where every minute of every day and night could have been his last. He’d patched up women and men younger than himself, and had lost a great many too. He’d worked on victims whose limbs had been torn off or flesh burned off; held brave soldiers who’d screamed in pain as they died in his arms.
He’d lived through all that without the need for a drink. So why now? Now, when he had a chance for a normal life, why was he screwing up the best possible thing that had ever happened to him? He loved Lauren and Josh, and he knew they loved him.
Hell, when he’d seen the backpack lying there, he’d nearly lost it. If something bad had happened to the boy, he didn’t know what he would have done, but it wouldn’t have been pretty.
Even though Josh was home safe, all he could think about was a drink. His hands had started to shake while waiting for Lauren to get Josh off to bed. The longing for alcohol had come fast and hard.
He was not much better than that bum he’d met on the pier. Given the right circumstances, it could have been him drinking cheap rotgut out of a brown paper bag.
He might be weak, but he would not drink, not tonight, not tomorrow, not if it killed him. For once, he would do something right, and not screw up again.
Lauren woke up the next day, her mind going in a million directions. She loved Shane and so did Josh. If he was riddled with cancer or had some other deadly disease, would she have turned her back on him? Of course not. She was a doctor, and she had taken an oath to save lives. When it came to Shane, it was probably her own prejudice that had made her judge him so harshly. Had her husband not been killed by someone with a DUI, she might have been more understanding with his problem.
Yes, he was an alcoholic, but he was strong, and he could fight this disease. And she would fight it with him.
Her thoughts turned to Josh and she realized she’d made an error in trying to protect him from Shane’s potentially recurring problem. By refusing them a relationship, she’d also closed the door on all the good things that could come from it.
After she dropped Josh at school, she drove over to Shane’s, determined to put things right. He had a solid reason for keeping her at arm’s length after cutting him out of their lives, but she would prove to him that it would be different now.
He answered the door and seemed surprised to see her. “Lauren, hi. Come on in.”
Major greeted her by jumping up and down, but she only had eyes for Shane. He was wearing a pair of well-worn jeans and had a knit top that outlined his muscular chest and iron-hard stomach. No doubt about it. He was definitely drool worthy.
She smiled and moved in close, eager to show him why she’d come. “Shane, I thought about you all last night. I couldn’t wait another moment to do this.” Before he had a chance to react, she put her hands behind his neck and gave him a warm kiss. She rubbed her cheek against him, breathing in his familiar aftershave. There wasn’t a damn thing she didn’t love about this guy.
“Lauren, I—”
She put a finger over his mouth. “Don’t say a word. Not yet. I have so much to tell you first.” She took his hand and led him to the sofa, tugging him down to sit next to her.
“I need to tell you a few things too,” he said.
She smiled and cuddled up beside him. “Me first.” She leaned over to kiss his cheek. “I made a terrible mistake, trying to keep you and Josh apart. By trying to protect him, I also shut out all the wonderful, positive blessings you bring to us. We are so much better with you in our lives.”
He pushed away from her. “No, that’s not true.” He wouldn’t meet her eyes. “You were right to kick me out of your lives. I know that now, and I’m going to stay clear. It’s best.”
“What are you talking about?” She felt a flash of fear. “You can’t do that to Josh. Not now, not when I’ve told him he can see you again.”
“You don’t get to call the shots anymore.” His jaw was set. “I’m calling them.”
“Why?” Hurt slammed into her, and the morning’s happiness evaporated. “Is this to punish me?”
“You still don’t get me, do you?” He got off the couch and began to pace the room. “I would never hurt you or Josh. That’s not what this is about.” He paused, rubbing his hands over his face. “Believe me when I say it’s not you. It’s me.”
“Did you just give me the worst break-up line ever?”
He turned to her. “Lauren, you’re a bright woman. Don’t pretend to be dense.” He shook his head and spoke slowly. “I’m not breaking up with you. We are not in a relationship and whatever we had is over. It wasn’t right for either of us, and we both knew it.”
“But that changed. We fell in love.” She said with a little more desperation, “I know we have obstacles, but I’m w
illing to face them. I love you.”
“You’ll get over it.”
His face had closed down, and he seemed emotionless. She couldn’t read him at all.
“I don’t want to get over it.” Her stubborn spirit kicked in. No way was he getting rid of her. “Josh loves you, and I have finally found the man I want to spend the rest of my life with.”
“You don’t mean that, and if you do, it’s time I set you straight.”
His jaw muscle twitched, and she knew he was fighting his feelings for her. What she didn’t understand was the why. “There is nothing you can say that’ll change my mind,” she told him.
“Oh, yeah? Try this.” He ran a hand through his hair, took a deep breath, and exhaled loudly. “I had to call my AA sponsor last night to come over and sit with me. He just left a few minutes before you showed up.”
“Why?” Dread filled her. “Why did you call him?”
“Because I didn’t trust myself. Sitting in your house last night, I didn’t want coffee, I wanted a drink.”
“That’s why you left the way you did?”
“Yes.” He looked angry now. “I’m an alcoholic, Lauren, and that will never change.”
“I know you are, but you can handle this. You can change your life around.” She jumped off the couch and put her arms around his middle. She leaned her head on his chest. “You didn’t have a drink, did you?” She looked up into his face. “Did you?”
“No, but the next time I might. It’s an incurable sickness and I’ll never get rid of it. God knows, if I could, I would.”
“Shane, so you’re not perfect. Neither am I. But you are worth fighting for, and I’m not giving up on you. Don’t you dare give up on yourself.”
“This is pointless.” He prowled the room, and she could see the frustration in the lines of his face. “I’ve told you I’m no good. You and Josh can do better.”
Handle With Care Page 23
