by A. J. Wynter
I’m contemplating whether I should order a pastry when my phone goes off, and my heart races when I see it’s Marissa. It’s a text, and there’s a link to an Instagram photo. I tap the link nervously, and my heart races, time slowing down significantly in the short seconds it takes to load.
It’s a photo she uploaded to her account about a day ago, her massively popular account with hundreds upon hundreds of followers. It’s the photo of the two of us that she took at Tim’s, where we’re huddled next to each other at the table, sitting together with the movie posters in the background. The caption simply read “Date Night xoxo” and I was surprised to see the photo had already garnered over a hundred likes. I clicked through the names…and a lot of them I recognized from high school.
I understood now. She was telling the world. She was deciding not to care.
She was letting go.
I laid down my coffee cup and sighed. I thought back to the first time we broke up, ages ago. Yes, both of us would agree it was primarily Marissa’s doing, but wasn’t a small part of it mine? That time, she had wanted to be forgiven too, and in my stubbornness, I had turned away and refused to listen, had refused to accept her apologies. Maybe it was my turn to change too.
I looked out the window and sighed. They had set up an ice rink in the middle of the city square, filled with couples gripping each other’s hands and children bundled up like Eskimos. Okay, I decided. I knew what I wanted, and I knew what I was going to do.
I picked up my phone and typed out a quick text to Marissa:
“Meet me at the coffee shop near the ice rink in an hour. I’m your secret Santa!”
I held my head in my hand, hoping that I had made the right choice. Marissa texted back a quick “okay,”and now all I had to do was wait.
I bought a newspaper to read in the corner of the coffee shop, but I could barely focus on the words in front of me. All I could think about was what I was going to say to Marissa once she got here.
I wasn’t going to try and deny it: I was excited to see her. The days since our fight had been excruciating, and I craved the peace, I craved her.
After an hour that seemed to stretch into days, I saw Marissa walk in carrying a cardboard box. She was dressed in a stunning Christmas ensemble: one that included her over-the-knee boots, her red pea coat, and a purple cable-knit sweater with jeans.
We met eyes as she came in through the door, and the pained look on her face made my heart sink…she really was sorry.
“…Kirk,” Marissa said, reaching my table and setting down her box. “I’m so sorry, I’m horrible, I know, and—”
“It’s okay,” I said. “I forgive you.”
Marissa sat down next to me and I wrapped her in a hug. “I really do,” I whispered. “For all of it. And it was my fault too, I was being stubborn.”
“Don’t say that,” Marissa said. “It was a hundred percent me, me and my stupid need to have everyone like me, even stupid girls from high school who were never even my real friends in the first place.”
“It’s okay,” I said.
“No,” Marissa said. “No, it’s not. And I never properly apologized for what happened in high school, either. But I’m done. I get it now, and I swear it won’t happen again.”
I smiled down at her, and I believed her.
“Back then, Kirk, I think you were my only real friend,” she said softly, staring down at the ground. “And you’re the only one I’m keeping, too.” She squeezed my arm and smiled. “By the way,” she said. “I’m your secret Santa too.” She pushed the cardboard box towards me and grinned.
I opened the box to find a microscope inside, an older looking one with a sticker bearing the name of our high school on it.
“No way,” I said. “How did you get this?”
Marissa blushed. “It might be stolen…”
“Marissa!” I laughed.
“It was supposed to be your birthday present, all those years ago,” she said. “I remembered you said in Bio how much you wanted to have a nice microscope like the ones at school to play around with…so I might have asked some guys from the football team to steal it while they were doing their senior prank, and it’s been sitting in my parent’s shed ever since. I asked them to ship it over from Buffalo.”
I couldn’t stop laughing. “Unbelievable,” I said. “Literally unbelievable.”
I reached into my briefcase and pulled out the box. “And this,” I said, sliding the box across the table. “Is for you.”
Marissa opened the lid of the box and beamed when she saw the delicate ruby surrounded by the chain of gold. “It’s beautiful,” she said, and then looked up at me, “Oh my god, did you remember my birthstone?”
“Maybe,” I said, and grinned. Marissa came over and hugged me.
“I love it Kirk,” she said. “And even more, I love the fact that we’re okay.” She looked up at me with honest eyes. “I don’t think I could ever bear losing you again.”
“Me either,” I said, finally kissing her again. Marissa took the necklace out of the box and I helped her fasten it around her neck. She looked lovely in it, and as radiant as ever.
After another hour of sitting in the coffee shop, warm with the peace of our reunion, we went outside to rent skates and spend some time circling around the ice rink. The crowds had thinned out, giving Marissa room to skate across the rink in wide, graceful circles as I followed awkwardly behind. We held gloved hands as we made our way around and around, finally relishing our relationship, the version of it that was free of the tension that had always threatened it.
We stopped by the side of the rink to buy hot chocolate from a vendor, and smiled as large, fluffy flakes of snow began to fall down. Acoustic versions of Christmas carols rung out from the loudspeaker, and the tree next to the rink glowed with tiny lights.
“It’s almost too perfect, isn’t it?” Marissa said.
“I was just thinking the same thing,” I said, and leaned down to kiss her. “By the way,” I said. “It is Christmas in a couple of days, so, I was thinking…you want to attend my family dinner?”
“As your proper girlfriend, this time?”
“Oh, definitely,” I said, and kissed her again as the snow fell.
Chapter 17-Marissa
Ella and I are huddled together in a corner of the hallway, last day of sophomore year, and I’m already getting nostalgic. This was the year that brought me Kirk, after all, and we spent all of Biology class today in a sort of bittersweet coma, lamenting the fact that the two of us could no longer sit at that table where it all came together.
“It’s amazing how fast this year went by,” I remark to Ella, holding onto her yearbook as she sifts through her bag. “It still feels like September to me.”
“Hey Marissa?” Ella says, looking up at me suddenly. “It’s the last day of school, so I figured maybe today would be a good time.”
“A good time for what?”
“To break up with Kirk.”
I stare at Ella, completely dumbfounded. “What do you mean?”
Ella gives me an annoyed look, as if she’s bothered by the fact that she has to explain to me what is apparently so obvious. “There’s a lot of parties coming up this summer, important ones. And next year we’ll be juniors, and then seniors. We’re going to be at the top of the ladder soon, Marissa, and it’ll be better for you if don’t…you know…”
“Date Kirk?”
“He’s nice Marissa, but…” she sighed, as if she was about to deliver a grim prognosis. “…when you date him, you drag the rest of us down with you, you know? People have been talking.”
I stare at her blankly. “Oh…well I guess I didn’t think about it that way.”
Ella glares at me, dead serious. “You have to dump him, Marissa. Promise me you’ll do it.”
“Ella, I…”
“I never thought you’d be such a bitch.”
“What?” I exclaim, “How am I being a bitch?”
�
�Please,” Ella says. “You’re just one of those girls who is always going to put guys in front of her friends. I thought more of you, I really did.”
“But Ella, I—”
“He’s a weird kid, Marissa. At least promise me you’ll think about it.”
“Okay,” I say. “I guess.” I knew, however, that if it came down to it, I’d choose Kirk. Always Kirk.
“Fine. I’ll see you at Ben’s party next weekend,” Ella says, and makes her way down the hallway.
I turn around, and Kirk is standing behind me, his face frozen in a strange mix of terror and rage.
“You’ll think about it, huh?” he says, and I feel my heart practically sink into my stomach.
“No, Kirk,” I say, grabbing his arm before he can turn away. “I just said that so she wouldn’t freak out, I’ll fix it, I’ll—”
Kirk shook his head and scoffed at me. “You’re always thinking about them, aren’t you? It’s always going to be about them.”
“What do you mean?”
“When we walk down the halls, you’re always so tense, so self-conscious, you breathe a god-damn sigh of relief every time we get a moment alone. You’re always going to care more about what people think, always.” Kirk shook his head, and I could see tears welling up behind his glasses. “Did you ever stop and consider how that makes me feel?”
“Kirk, I—”
He shook his head. “One day, Marissa, I hope you can be brave enough to be your own person.”
“But—” I felt like collapsing on the spot, feeling everything float out of my control, far away from my grasp.
“I’m done,” Kirk said, and turned away sharply to walk down the hallway, getting away from me as fast as he possibly could.
I stood frozen on the spot, my books shaking in my arms as I watched Kirk disappear. In a matter of moments, everything was gone.
He was gone.
Johnathan’s New Year’s Eve speech is supposed to be a bore, according to my coworkers, but this time he’s broken all of the rules and is roaring drunk.
I watch him gulp down another tequila shot and giggle. Kirk has already advised him to hold back and has been consistently handing him tiny paper cones of water from the water cooler, but he’s still a mess.
“This company,” Johnathan slurs. “You guys! You’re amazing! You really, really are. Except when Cassidy takes too many sick days to go on his yacht. But otherwise, wow, you guys…” he breaks down laughing, and I do too. There’s something indescribably empowering and amusing about seeing your powerful boss so completely hammered. Ever since Johnathan and Samantha had become a couple, Kirk had told me, Johnathan had gotten a lot more low-key with things…which hey, could be bad for Torver Corporation in the long run, but for now, it seemed pretty good to us.
I know spending New Year’s Eve at an office party, in your office building, with your boss, sound pretty horrifying—and I thought it was too, at first. But Torver Corporation New Year’s Eve parties are the best ones around, and I even saw a few people trying to sneak in through the door. Johnathan went all out this year, supplying bottles upon bottles of expensive champagne that I knew must have cost a fortune. Sabryna’s reception desk had been moved aside to make way for a jazz band, and servers roamed around the room with food on platters. Kirk had been right about skipping dinner—I was already full from all of the bizarre and expensive food constantly being offered to me on platters. I had eaten smoked salmon with capers, caviar, stuffed mushrooms, brie and cranberry tarts, and a couple of things that were beyond any sort of identification but were delicious anyway.
I look over at Johnathan and Kirk and laugh. Johnathan is staring at one of the strange and abstract modern paintings he bought on the wall, telling Kirk his drunken thoughts on them as he stares quizzically at it. I was looking forward to hearing the full report of the conversation later.
“Hello, darling,” came a voice behind me, and I jumped in my skin. It was Cassidy, drunk on what looked like a glass of scotch and, most likely, his ego.
“Hey Cassidy,” I said, taking a breath. Cassidy was one of those men that even a woman head over heels in love with someone else has to try and keep her composure while talking to. The deep, melodic tones of Cassidy’s British-accented voice had won him many a woman over the years.
“You sure are lucky to have Kirk,” Cassidy said, looking over at him with Johnathan and smiling. “He’s a good guy, to be taking care of Johnathan like that. He’s been that good for as long as I’ve known him.”
“Same here,” I said, and smiled. I loved that about Kirk. He was so…good. Every moment I was with him, I was proud of him for being that good, and that kind. I had total faith in him, and I felt safe.
I watched Cassidy wander over to some girls in their early twenties, strangers who must have managed to sneak in for the party. He was somehow managing to flirt with all three of them at once, seamlessly and shamelessly. I thought back to all the men like Cassidy I had dated over the years…bad boys and flirts who annoyed me on dates and bored me in the bedroom. All those men, and all that wasted time, just to end up back where I had started.
I turned around to find Kirk behind me. With him.
Kirk was dressed in a dark gray button-down with navy jeans, the sleeves of his shirt rolled up to show the muscular lines of his forearms. “There’s some paperwork we need to look at for the case with the electric company,” Kirk said, and I looked at him quizzically. He winked and motioned for me to follow him down the hall to my office.
I sat on the edge of my desk and looked at Kirk invitingly. “So, paperwork, huh?”
“Nope,” Kirk said knowingly, brushing a strand of hair behind my ear. He slid a hand up my dress and whispered in my ear. “I just didn’t think I could stand in that room with you in that little black dress any longer without taking you right then and there…”
“Ah,” I said, smirking. “So, you take me here.”
We smiled at each other, giddy with the thought of having a secret tryst in the midst of an office party. And why not?
Kirk took the blanket I had thrown in the chair in the corner and laid it down on the floor behind my desk, keeping his eyes locked on me the whole time.
“We’re really doing this?” I giggled, looking him up and down. “You, Kirk Atkins, the rule follower, former valedictorian and current Torver Corporation star lawyer…you’re going to fuck me in my office? Since when do you break rules?”
Kirk grinned and pulled me towards him in one sharp movement. “You know I’d break any rule for you…” he whispered, and I sighed as he pulled me down to the ground with him.
I straddled Kirk and kissed him, running my hands over the firm muscles of his chest as I worked on unbuttoning his shirt. I loved the thrill of having him on the floor of my office while the party carried on outside…I did lock the door, right? But either way, the thrill of it was exhilarating.
I peeled off my dress and flung it over the office chair, leaving me straddling Kirk in the corner of the room in my bra and panties. Kirk looked up at me in awe as I yanked off the rest of his shirt, revealing the rippling curves of his arms. He laid back down on the blanket, breathless, as I undid his belt and dress pants and pulled them down, freeing his hardened cock from the confines of his boxers. I leaned down to kiss him roughly and he groaned, already begging for more friction. I stroked my hand up and down his cock and watched him tilt his head back in pleasure. I kissed the inside of his neck and smiled as he sighed.
“You’re such a tease” he said breathlessly as I ground against him.
“You love it though.”
“I do.”
I finally relented, peeling off my panties and sinking down onto the hard length of him with a sigh of pleasure. I moved back and forth ecstatically, keeping my hands on Kirk’s chest, my fingertips gripping his pecs for balance. He felt incredible inside of me and I couldn’t get enough.
I looked around the room in disbelief for a moment, thinking of how di
fferent things were from when I walked in this office for the first time. Now here I was, panting on the floor of it, riding the sexiest and most gorgeous man, I had ever been with. Who knew.
Kirk brought his fingers down to me to touch me as I rode him, and I could feel myself getting close. I sunk my head into his neck and moaned as I came with an electric euphoria, and Kirk held me tighter. He followed soon after, and I rolled off of him with a contented and smug sort of satisfaction.
“Wow,” Kirk said. “I mean, that was…”
“I know,” I said, and giggled.
Kirk pulled me into him and wrapped the blanket around us, and we sunk into a sleepy, post-coital cuddle there on the floor. The floor was a bit uncomfortable, and I could see some food wrappers and eraser shavings in the corner, but I hardly cared…I could have stayed there forever.
“Hey look,” Kirk said, pulling his phone out of his pile of clothes on the floor next to us. “It’s already one a.m. We missed the countdown.”
“Eh, it was worth it,” I said, and winked at him.
“Oh absolutely,” Kirk said, and pulled me down for a deep kiss in the warm folds of the blanket. “I have a good feeling about this year.”
“Me too,” I said, and smiled, huddling myself even closer to him. I loved him. God, I really, really did. Part of me always had.
Suddenly we heard the sharp crack of the door opening, and we jumped, burying ourselves deeper inside the blanket.
“I think Marissa has sticky notes we can use!” we heard Cassidy shout to someone down the hall. “You set up the shot glasses and get the cards!” We heard Cassidy shut the door behind him, and Kirk and I looked at each other in terror.
“Woah,” said Cassidy the second he walked into the room. He was obviously still pretty inebriated. “Woahhhh.” We must have made quite a sight, the two of us wrapped naked in a blanket on the floor of my office.
