by Nikki Paris
“That’s a heavy load to carry.” Burke nodded, then gave me a curious look. “Who were you before you lost your old man?”
I paused and considered Burke’s question. I was eighteen while I watched my father waste away and die. “I was too young to even know.”
“And what about now?”
I rested my head against Burke’s shoulder and sighed. “My father’s death aged me a hundred years, Burke. Now I’m a tired old lady in a college kid’s body.”
Burke wrapped his arms around me and pressed a kiss to the top of my head. “I wish I could carry that for you, cutie.”
I tipped my head back to give him a soft smile. “You don’t need to carry it for me. My entire family carries it together. I just need you to hold me when I get tired from the weight.”
Burke’s eyes traveled over my face, and he leaned down to kiss my lips. “Of course, cutie. You’re strong and incredible. You don’t need me.”
I sat up suddenly and grabbed his face with both hands. “Yes, I do. Yes, I do fucking need you.”
I turned to straddle him, and he kissed me, soft at first, but slowly growing deeper, until we were lost in each other. Burke tugged my shirt off over my head and whispered in my ear. “I need you, too.”
Were we saying we loved each other? We were two strong, lonely people that tried to pretend we didn’t need anyone, and here we were, needing each other.
◆◆◆
I spent the night at Burke’s, and he dropped me off at school the next morning. We shared a nice long goodbye kiss in the icy parking lot, complete with an ass grab. We didn’t think anyone was around to see, but Simon pounced on me the second I entered the Humanities building.
“Was that old dude groping you in the parking lot your boyfriend? Or do you have a fucked up relationship with your daddy?”
“What would you like the answer to be, Simon?” I gave him a sweet fake smile and kept walking. He could have a pass today because I’d just had a fantastic orgasm, but I’d punch that dude in the face if he ever mentioned my father again.
“I would like the answer to be that you’ll dump his old ass and start dating me instead.”
“Is that supposed to work on me, Simon? Because I happen to be very happy with my current relationship status.”
Simon pouted and shoved his hands in his pockets. “Fine. I don’t need to wait around for you. Any girl on this campus would be happy to date me.”
“Confidence is key, man.” I saluted him and turned to walk down the hallway to my class. I knew all guys my age weren’t as dumb as Simon, but he was proving my point that I didn’t belong with college kids.
I belonged with Burke, though. I could be so fucking happy with Burke and Tess. They were like this little slice of perfection in an otherwise cold and dull world. I wanted them to be publicly mine, and I was almost getting excited to tell my family.
My mom would adore Tess, and she’d like Burke too as soon as she got to know him. Bea would be dramatic about it all for a minute, but she’d get over everything, as well. Evan was the only wild card, but he liked Burke, and he trusted me, right?
22
Burke
When I stepped out back to take my break, Charlie was waiting for me. She hadn’t done this for a while —she’d been busy working on a group research paper, and our schedules hadn’t aligned for almost a week. My little cutie was so damn good at these pleasant surprises.
“Hey.” She flung her arms around my neck and pressed her lips into mine. “I missed you.” Her pretty blue eyes traveled over my face, full of sweet adoration.
“I missed you, too, cutie.” I brushed her cheeks with my thumbs, then slid my hands into her hair, pulling her face up to steal another deep kiss. I adored her soft, minty lips and the feeling of her gorgeous body pressed against mine.
Charlie kissed me harder and pressed her tongue against my lips. I opened my mouth to let her in, and she let out a little sigh. Our kisses grew more heated, and our breathing heavier. We couldn’t get enough. We wanted more than kisses, and we were completely lost in each other.
That was why we didn’t hear the back door open and pull apart fast enough.
“WHAT THE FUCK!” Rough hands gripped my shoulders and yanked me away from Charlie. Then a fist collided with the side of my face.
Shit. Boss-man Bingley could really throw a punch. I blinked against the blinding pain and reached up to clutch my jaw.
“Don’t you fucking touch her!” Evan’s fist was cocked again, ready to beat the shit out of me. I could take him, but I wasn’t going to fight back. I couldn’t blame the guy for being furious when I had my tongue down his baby sister’s throat.
“Evan!” Charlie screamed and placed her petite body between us. “Stop it! Stop!” she begged with tears streaming down her face.
“Charlie, go home! NOW!” Evan glowered at his sister and pointed to the parking lot.
“No!” Charlie yelled back and shoved Evan’s chest. He didn’t budge.
“Get your ass home, Charlie, because I know you don’t want to see what I’m about to do this piece of shit!”
I hated the way he was raising his voice at her. Maybe I could find the motivation to throw a few punches.
The back door flung open, and Sienna glanced back and forth between the three of us with wild eyes. She pulled the door shut behind her. “What the hell is going on out here? The whole bar can hear you yelling, Evan!”
“This fucking asshole had his hands all over Charlie!” Evan didn’t lower his voice and addressed me again. “I trusted you, man! I trusted you with my business and my family, and this is the shit you pull? She’s twenty fucking years old!” Evan buried his hands in his hair. “Fuck!”
Sienna’s gaze settled on me. I met it for a second before looking away.
“I’m sorry. I’m leaving, okay.” I held up my hands and shook my head. “I’ll grab my stuff inside, and you never have to see me again.”
“Burke…” Charlie choked out and reached for me.
I wanted to pull my little cutie into my arms, but I backed away. “Sorry, Charlie. I never should have—"
“Damn fucking straight you never should have!”
“Evan, shut the hell up!” Charlie yelled at her brother.
Sienna placed her hand on Evan’s arm. “Go home, babe.”
“Like hell I’m going home!” Evan yelled.
Sienna raised both eyebrows at him. “Get. Your. Ass. Home. I will handle this.” Evan’s chest rose and fell rapidly, but he squared his jaw and gave her a stiff nod before yanking the back door open and disappearing behind it. Sienna turned to Charlie next. “Charlie, honey, you need to go home, too.”
Charlie was sobbing now. “Sienna, please! You don’t understand! Evan doesn’t understand! Please! We were going to tell everyone! We were going to set up a dinner next week and tell everyone! Don’t fire Burke. It’s not his fault, and he needs this job to be here for Tess. Please!”
Sienna pulled Charlie into her arms. “Charlie, I’m just going to have a talk with Burke. Do you trust me?”
Charlie sobbed and nodded. Fuck, I wanted to hold her. She pulled away from Sienna and shook her head. “But Evan! I’ve never seen him like that, Sienna. He’s so much angrier than I thought he would be.”
Sienna sighed and tucked Charlie’s hair behind her ear. “You let me worry about Evan, okay.”
“Okay.” Her voice shook, and Charlie turned and flung herself into my arms without warning. “Burke,” she whispered. “I’m so sorry. I screwed this all up for you. I’m so sorry.”
I stepped back and brushed the tears from her cheeks. “You have nothing to be sorry about, Charlie. Go on home, okay?”
Charlie nodded and sniffled. “Okay. Call me?”
I ran my hand through my beard and let out a long slow breath. I could feel Sienna’s inquisitive eyes on me as I nodded and said, “Okay. Bye, Charlie.” I watched her walk through the back gate with a sinking sense of dread. She w
asn’t mine anymore. I knew it deep in my soul.
“So.” Sienna’s voice pulled me back from the edge of my pain.
I groaned and covered my face with both hands. “Sienna, I’m sorry. I never meant to break anyone’s trust. I never meant for any of this to happen. I know she’s almost half my age, and I never should have touched her. I’ll get lost.”
Sienna wrapped her coat more tightly around her body and shook her head. “I already sent Evan home, and I’m not licensed to run the bar. If you take off, you’re really screwing me over. Please finish your shift and then stay to talk to me after.”
“Right.” I nodded and followed Sienna back inside. I could shove all of my feelings down and do what needed to be done to survive. I was good at that.
◆◆◆
The bar closed at midnight on weeknights, so I didn’t have to wait too long to have my ass handed to me by my boss’s girl.
At 12:04, Sienna plopped down on a barstool across from me. “Start talking, Burke. What the hell happened tonight? What the hell’s been happening?”
I ran my hands through my beard and stared up at the ceiling before meeting her fiery gaze. Sienna was pissed, too, not as pissed as Evan, but still pissed. “I swear I didn’t mean for this to happen. Charlie’s beautiful. Any straight, breathing male could tell you that, but I’m not the kind of guy that chases shiny things. You have to know that’s not me.”
Sienna raised both eyebrows at me, so I sighed and continued, “We talked a lot when she’d hang out here, and we had a lot in common. Then she watched Tess for me and hung out with us a few times. I tried not to have feelings for her. I tried so damn hard, Sienna, but Charlie’s perfect.” I met Sienna’s cold gaze with a pleading one.
“How far did it go, Burke?”
I swallowed the lump in my throat, picturing Charlie’s beautiful body and hearing her sighs of pleasure. I stared down at the black marble bar top. “Way too far.”
“Shit.” Sienna ran her hands through her hair and looked away. “Charlie was a virgin, Burke. Did she tell you that?”
I hung my head in shame. “Yes.”
“Shit.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I swear I’ll never touch her again.” My breath caught. The thought of never touching Charlie again tore my heart clean out of my chest.
Sienna rested her forehead in her hands and took a few deep breaths. When she lifted her head and spoke again, her words surprised me. “Do you love her, Burke?”
“Yes.” The word escaped my lips without a second thought. I hadn’t even said the words to Charlie yet, but I loved her. I loved her so damn much.
Sienna stood and paced in front of the bar. “Okay. Look, Charlie is the baby of the Cox family, and none of those fantastic people are willing to let her grow up. Evan is fiercely protective of her, and he’s trying to play dad, but he has no idea what he’s doing.”
She stopped to drum her fingers against the bar and started pacing again. “I’ve known Charlie since she was like twelve, so I’m protective, too, but I’m a little removed from the situation so I can see it more clearly. She’s never acted her age. Charlie is an old soul, definitely not a kid. I know that, and you know that, but like I said, her family doesn’t want her to grow up.”
Sienna sank back onto the barstool. “God damn-it. I should have been paying more attention. I saw the way Charlie looked at you the day you guys met, and then I let myself get wrapped up in wedding plans.”
Silence settled over us. Finally, I spoke up. “I’ll back off. I’ll quit so that Evan doesn’t have to fire me and piss Charlie off even more. I’ll leave her alone.”
Sienna gave me a pained look and bit her lip. “I hate to say this, Burke, but that might be for the best. I think things need to cool off a little if we’re ever going to fix this.” She ran her hands through her hair. “Just give me some time to work on the family, okay?”
“Have a little patience.”
Sienna smiled. “That’s Charlie’s favorite song.”
“I know.”
“You do love her, huh?”
“So much.”
“Look, I’m not mad that you love Charlie, and the age thing is like, whatever.” Sienna waved her hand and rolled her eyes. “I can easily sell that part to her family. The problem is that you guys hid what was going on between you two. Hiding shit causes so many problems.”
I nodded. “I understand. But if we’d been honest and open about it from the beginning, do you think her family would have accepted it?”
Sienna sighed. “No.”
“I’m not making excuses, you know that, don’t you? I was wrong, and I’ll back off. I just want someone to understand why we did what we did.”
Sienna nodded. “I’m no stranger to secrets and mistakes, Burke, and I hardly have any room to talk right now. Evan and I both screwed up in so many ways.” She laughed and shook her head. “Honestly, I think we have Charlie to thank for ever getting our mess figured out. She was wiser than both of us put together.”
I gave Sienna a half-smile and nodded. “She’s not a kid.”
Sienna groaned and covered her face with both hands again. “Okay, Burke, I’ll call around and find you another job with one of our competitors. You um, you cool things off with Charlie and give me a chance to do some damage control.”
I nodded and stepped out from behind the bar. “I’ll lay low.” I couldn’t stand to picture the conversation I’d have to have with Charlie. It would break her little heart, but I had to do it. She couldn’t blow up all of her family relationships for me. I wouldn’t let her, and I wouldn’t wait around for Sienna to fix my mess either. I screwed up, and I needed to pay for that. If it meant losing Charlie, I’d suck it up and deal with it.
I gave Sienna a final nod and pushed open the front door of ’69. The frigid air hit my face, and it felt like I was back in Alaska, being reminded that life was full of painful disappointment.
23
Burke
The next morning, I had six missed calls from Charlie and nine text messages.
Burke, what happened?
What’s going on? Talk to me! I’m freaking out!
Where are you??? Please answer your phone!
Sienna said you quit and that she found you a job at another bar, but she won’t tell me where.
Are you home??
Burke, please! Where are you?
ANSWER YOUR DAMN PHONE!!!!
Burke, don’t do this. You’re breaking my fucking heart.
Please.
After a full thirty-six hours, I knew I needed to call her. I couldn’t do her wrong like this. Charlie deserved better. I picked up my phone and swallowed the lump in my throat. “Burke!” she sobbed into the phone the second she answered. “What the hell is wrong with you?”
My heart constricted in my chest. “I’m sorry, cutie. I needed some time to think.”
“To think?” Her voice shook. “About what?”
I let out a deep breath and stared up at my ceiling. “About what we’ve been doing and how we can’t keep doing it.”
“Oh fuck no!” Charlie yelled into the phone. “If you’re breaking up with me, you’re going to do it to my face!” Then she hung up on me.
I smiled and shook my head. Of course my cutie wasn’t going to take my shit. That was one of the reasons I loved her so damn much. But now I had to say it to her face and watch the pain fill those perfect blue eyes.
She’d survive, though. Charlie was strong.
I texted her the address of a park and asked her to meet me there in twenty minutes. It would be cold out, but I was sure I wouldn’t be welcome at her mother’s house, and I wasn’t about to ask her to come to my apartment. There were too many memories there, and if she walked through the door, I would selfishly fuck her and never let her go.
But I had to let her go because she deserved so much better than me and the mess I created for her.
I arrived at the park first. It was a cold, gray February
afternoon that reminded me of the oil rigs. As I waited for Charlie to show up, that old familiar feeling like I would never get warm again seeped into my bones. Then her car pulled up, and she yanked open the door, marching toward me. She set my bones ablaze.
“You’re being an ass!” Charlie headed right for me, and I thought maybe she was going to slap me. I hoped she didn’t hit as hard as her brother. Instead, she flung her arms around my neck.
“Charlie,” I sighed and wrapped my arms around her waist. “How’s your family?”
She pulled away and stared at the ground. “Hell’s going to have to freeze over before I speak to Evan again.” Charlie played with the fringe on her scarf and glanced back up at me. “My mom and sister know something’s wrong, but I haven’t told them what happened yet. I think Sienna’s keeping Evan on his leash because he hasn’t said anything to them.”
I swallowed and nodded. “They aren’t going to take it well, Charlie, and I don’t blame them. I’m almost twice your age, and I knew better.” I looked away and ran my hands through my beard. “I should have stayed the hell away from you. I didn’t, but I’m going to start now. I won’t hurt you anymore.”
“You don’t have to do this, Burke. You think you’re like saving me from you or some dumb shit like that, but you’re not! I want you.” Charlie bit her lip to stop the trembling. “I need you!”
I pulled her into my arms. I couldn’t stop myself. “Charlie, I have to do this. Maybe you don’t see it now, but it’s for the best.”
“Stop!” She shoved away from me, fury dancing in her eyes. “You act like this big, strong badass, but you’re afraid! You’re scared of letting someone get close to you! And you’re fucking afraid of what other people think, so you’re going to ruin this!”
“Charlie!” I groaned and covered my face with both hands, aching to pull her back into my arms and kiss her angry mouth. “You know we can’t be together! We hid shit from your family, and they are never going to be okay with this. I’m going to be a wedge, and you all need each other right now.”
