“What did it say?”
“I… “Christopher began. Before he could continue any further, he broke down and buried his face in his hands, crumpling the envelope as he allowed himself to fully show his grief.
“Please dad,” Alena said as she hugged tightly onto her father. “Please don’t be sad. We found the window again… I found the letter for you. I did a good job, right?” You can see mom again too and then we can finally be okay…”
“You did perfectly,” Christopher said as he held onto his daughter tightly as though she might slip away from him. He allowed more tears to fall, yet composed himself as best he could. He did not understand the part about sacrificing a friend. However, as enticing as the memory was—as much as he felt he needed it, no life was worth it. There was no choice to be made. He would leave Pine Hollow. He would stop searching for that chance to relive time with Kylie. “It’s just that… that was the last time the window could appear.”
“No….” Alena said as tears began to stream down her red cheeks. “I’m so sorry dad—I didn’t know. I would have given it to you. If I could take it back I would. I would have given you that chance. I know you need it. I know you’re not okay.”
“Allie…no,” Christopher said as he attempted to wipe away her tears. It seemed as though all they could do this early morning was cry. “I am so happy that you had that memory with your mother—you keep that. It belongs to you and only you. It was your birthday. It was a gift. I will be fine. We’ll be fine from here on out…alright?”
“You must hate me.”
“Allie I love you,” Christopher said as he kissed her cheek. “I will never hate you. I promise. You keep that memory with you. You deserve it.”
“I’ll never forget it.” Alena whispered as she looked down to her arm, Face’s collar was missing. “I suppose Face led me there—I just can’t imagine him thinking I needed it more than you.”
“I think he made the right decision,” Christopher said as he allowed the sadness to wash away. After all, he wanted nothing more than his daughter to believe that there was some kind of magic in the world—that there ultimately was hope. Face had helped him succeed in that and he would be eternally grateful to the old cat for it.
“Do you want to know what I saw?”
“You keep that with you,” Christopher said as he smiled. “Guard it like gold; keep it in your heart forever. I still remember my memory with my parents… Just keep it with you always. If you can promise me that, then this trip was worth every sad moment.”
“I promise dad,” Alena said as she nodded and wiped away the last of the tears from her face. “I’ll keep it forever.”
“Then this is not at all a time for tears,” Christopher said as he got to his feet and brought Alena up. He led her outside. The sky was a dreamlike grey—it was that magical time just moments before the sun rises.
As he sat against the staircase, Alena sat beside him.
“How was that flying part?” Christopher asked as he remembered back to the moment he was snapped up into the air. “That’s something that not everyone gets to see.”
“That was…” Alena began as she let out a short laugh, “…absolutely terrifying. I thought I was going to die at least two times in the room. Where was the heads up or story about that?”
“Sorry…” Christopher replied with a short chuckle. “I didn’t expect we’d find it, so I kind of forgot to mention it.”
“….and the window, I bet that was quite a shock—I remember the first time James and I saw that we thought we were crazy,” Christopher added as he allowed his mind to wander off into the past. “Your mother was so surprised. I think we all nearly fell over in shock.”
“It was beautiful,” Alena said as she nodded. “The room—it sparked. It was hard to walk around in, like being underwater I guess. Still, it was awesome.”
“So,” Christopher said as he placed a hand on Alena’s knee. “I’m too wound up to sleep. I’d say it’s about time we headed home. Help me load up the car?”
“Yeah, of course,” Alena said. “You’ll be okay though—is there anything else you need to see here?”
“I think I am good,” Christopher said as he nodded and got to his feet. He would be lying if he said that he was completely happy with how things had turned out. There was still some sadness that lingered; there was still some doubt that he could do this alone. Despite the doubts, he found encouragement in his brother’s words. He always suspected his brother was looking in on him from time to time—even if he never understood how. He wondered if he would have returned earlier, if things would have been different. He dismissed this thought, a person can often make themselves mad wondering what could have been—he did not want to be that person. He still had apprehensive feelings about returning home. After all, he had quit his job—he had no idea what the future had in store for him and Alena. “I’m okay with what I’m leaving here with.”
“You don’t look it,” Alena whispered as she opened up the door.
“Just give me time,” Christopher replied as he followed behind her.
They split up as they packed up whatever meager belongings they had brought along on their rushed adventure. Christopher carried everything out to the car and loaded up the trunk of the red Mazda. The sun shone in bright red and orange tones through the translucent leaves overhead. A clear day lay ahead of them.
“I’ll miss this place in a way,” Alena said as she nodded and bit bottom lip. “It is beautiful.”
“We’ll come back someday,” Christopher added.
“Just remember to bring milk, and jelly, next time, right?”
“Of course,” Christopher said with a laugh. He had a feeling it would be a while until he lived that down. “Goodbye old house.”
“Goodbye… everyone,” Alena said as her voice sounded saddened. “Thank you.”
“Let’s go home,” Christopher said as he stepped into the car.
Alena gave the door a tug and was about to step in—a small jingling sound could be heard off the distance. “What is that?”
“Sounds like…”
Alena screamed as she ran off into the field. She returned moments later with an old grey cat with a blue and silver collar around its neck. “Dad… it’s… Face. How is this possible?” She said as she hugged the cat which meowed somewhat apprehensively.
Christopher thought back to James’s letter ‘the sacrifice of a friend’—Face’s existence would have been the price he and Alena would have had to pay in order for him to have his memory. “Thank you… James.”
Alena got into the car and buried her face into the cat’s fur. “Thank you so much. Thank you for coming back to us.”
Christopher put the car into reverse and traversed the rough driveway and onto the old road. He looked over to Alena and saw her so happy—so complete. If his own wishes weren’t granted, he was at least proud that he could make her happy once more. He was glad that he did not even entertain the thought of choosing between Face and the memory of Kylie. Had he known what he was truly giving up, he would never be able to live with himself. He would forever be shamed that he robbed his daughter of this moment.
Chapter 9: Christopher and Alena Return Home
We came home with just as many as we left with—only some of us returned lighter, less burdened. I went in search of something I needed for myself; perhaps the answers were with me all along?
It was evening by the time Christopher dug out the keys to the old red door to the house they owned in the suburbs of Bloomington, Illinois. As he passed into the entryway he was greeted with the familiar scents of the house. The world was certainly a lot noisier here. In a way it was jarring. Alena rushed past Christopher with Face in tow as she ran up to her bedroom. She giggled all along the way as the cat was one step behind her.
Christopher smiled as the two made their way up the stairs. He paused by the mail slot and looked at the huge pile that had accumulated over such a short time. He p
icked up the letters, mostly bills, or junk mail. He shoved the letters into the metal holder on a wooden library table in the hallway. He continued onward into the kitchen. He opened up the refrigerator and laughed at all the condiments and conveniences he had been without. It had only been a few days, but it seemed so much longer.
He walked through the sparsely decorated living room. He looked at the couch; it was still covered in sheets from all the nights he had slept there over the past few months. Much like the bedroom at Bones’s old house—he had dared not to enter because of the memory of Kylie.
Then it dawned upon him. He was avoiding the very thing that he went to Pine Hollow in search of. He walked over to their bedroom. He paused as he placed his hand upon the bronze doorknob. A small carved sign with a bear upon it read “Kylie and Christopher’s Room.”
Christopher took in a deep breath and pushed upon the door which gracefully and silently opened as the room let out a short sigh from the gust of wind. He sat on the side of the bed and picked up a picture of him and Kylie together—taken just a few months before she had passed away. He looked at her smiling face, and suddenly they came—like a flood.
The memories of her filled his head as the world seemed to spin around. He remembered simple things—picnic lunches in the park on warm spring days. Those early moving lovemaking sessions kept quiet, as to not alert anyone to their passionate muted moments—movie night on Saturday with a bowl of popcorn and Alena seated between the two of them. Christopher lost himself in a memory of their wedding, their first dance. The trip they took out west when they stayed with her mother for a short time and explored the dry dusty deserts and painted mountains. He remembered the first time they bought this house, the things they filled it with—not material things, but life, and laughter. He remembered her tired, home from work late. No matter how tired she was, she would stay awake and talk to him for hours. They would laugh about their day. Alone, together, they would often talk about the past. There were so many happy moments. Their time may have been short, but they filled it with so many good memories. Even if he was not always there or, not as much present as he would have liked, Christopher had so many memories of Kylie—so many cherished times and quiet moments—and, all at once, he understood: this was never about him.
The next day, Christopher sat down and had breakfast with Alena. She had cereal—he had a can of ravioli. A decision on Christopher’s part that received a bit of ridicule from Alena, however, the humor of his breakfast choice was not lost upon him.
“Alice will be here soon,” Christopher said as he placed his bowl in the sink and allowed it to fill with water.
“Going job hunting today?” Alena asked as she followed behind and placed her bowl beside his.
“Yep,” Christopher replied as he placed a hand upon Alena’s shoulder. “That’s the plan.” He did not know what the future held in store for him—he did not plan on returning to his old job. However, somehow, he knew he would be alright. No matter what happened, he would be fine. After all, Kylie was always going to be with him.
“Even though you didn’t get to see mom… Did you find what you needed?” Alena asked as she looked up to her father, she wore her look of worry as though it weighed heavily upon her.
Christopher’s eyes met Alena’s as he nodded and smiled. He no longer felt that he was incapable of caring for Alena as a good father. He saw those familiar blue eyes and understood, together, that they would be just fine. They were not alone. “I realized I never lost what I needed.”
***
Other titles by Matthew Fish
A Window in the Earth
A Window in the Darkness
A Window in the Earth: Revisited
Softland
Softland 2
Fireflies in Winter
Charlotte’s Feathers
In Rust
Without Warning, I Suddenly Feel Everything
Waiting for Fireflies
Einstein and the Nuclear Space Dolphins VS The Terrorist Comet Armageddon
Lily’s Dick
Coming Fall 2012:
Free Lives in Transit (At the End of Time)
Window in the Earth Trilogy Page 55
