Scanning the room, she spotted Jim coming through the door. He seemed to be looking around the room as well. Lauren hastily dropped her eyes to avoid getting caught sneaking looks at him.
The last thing she expected was for Jim to actually come over to her table.
“Hello, Lauren,” Jim said, trying hard not to glare at her short dress, her mostly chewed off lip gloss, and her hair tucked haphazardly behind one ear adorned with a silver hoop almost brushing her shoulder. Pretty much everything about her shouted she was on a date.
“Jim,” Lauren said tightly, with a small smile only because it would be rude not to acknowledge him.
“It’s good to see you,” Jim said, as casually as he could manage. “I stopped by the club this week. They said you’d been busy lately.”
“Yes,” Lauren said tightly again, clipping off the word, refusing to explain further. “I’ve been busy.”
“I can see that for myself now,” Jim said tightly himself, unable to keep the sarcasm from his tone. “Chad. Good to see you. How are things?”
“Fine, Jim,” Chad nodded, straightening in his chair. “I don’t think I’ve seen you since Ben Kaiser’s wedding. Things okay with you?”
Jim nodded in reply, saying nothing further. He watched Chad swing a questioning look at Lauren, who shrugged, before swinging an equally questioning gaze back to Jim. Jim shrugged as well in reply to the unspoken question about what the hell was going on, but continued to stand by the table. He wasn’t surprised when Chad politely excused himself, obviously not wanting to be in the middle.
“I think I see Mayor Anderson, Lauren. If you don’t mind, I believe I’ll just go over and say a quick hello. Back in a minute, okay? Jim, you’re welcome to keep Lauren company while I’m gone,” Chad said graciously, rising and leaving quickly.
Smart man, Jim thought, watching Chad stride away.
Lauren narrowed her eyes at Chad’s disappearing back before awarding Jim a defiant glare. “Well, that was fast work. Was it your intention to scare my date away?”
“I’m sure Chad will be back,” Jim answered. “If not, I’m sure you’ll find another one just like him in the next couple of days.”
The idea that Jim might be jealous made Lauren’s heart flutter for a moment, but foolish hope was soon followed by anger. He had created this situation by refusing to get to know her. What right did he have to say anything about whom or how often she dated?
“You have no right to take that tone with me,” Lauren said, crossing her arms and sending the cleavage pushing up and out of her dress. It pleased her when Jim’s gaze darkened as it fell to the ample amount of skin being revealed. “I’m only doing what you told me to do, Jim.”
“Well, stop,” Jim said, sitting down across from her. “Forget what I said and go back to the way you were.”
“No,” Lauren said firmly. “I like dating and I’m not finished yet. There are still plenty of frogs left in Falls Church.”
“Frogs? What the hell are you talking about?” Jim asked impatiently, irritated to be so distracted by her cleavage. The woman was lush. His sexual desire for her was playing hell with his already overwrought libido.
Lauren bit her lip, angry at herself as much as at Jim. He didn’t deserve even angry emotion points for irritating her. He deserved nothing—no emotion at all.
“Never mind what I said, it’s none of your business anyway,” she said cautiously, covering her nervous analogy with babbling. “Just like my dates are none of your business. Leave me alone, Jim.”
“I am trying to leave you alone,” Jim exclaimed, running a hand through his hair. “It would be easier if you’d stop serial dating and go back to your normal life.”
He sounded so much like her mother, Lauren wanted to hit him. To calm herself, she closed her eyes, but still not could stop her blood pressure rising to shoot an angry red flush over all her skin.
“I am not serial dating. I am just dating,” she hissed. “This is what normal people do.”
“Why do you have to date at all?” Jim asked, irritated and feeling childish for not having a better argument. “You didn’t date before and you were fine.”
She picked up her glass of wine, took a sip, and put it back on the table. The wine wasn’t strong enough to calm her. Lauren closed her eyes again and counted to ten before answering.
“I wanted you, but you declined, remember? What other choice is there now?” Lauren asked more quietly. “Dating other men is certainly better than being some pathetic shriveled up old maid pining away for a man I can never have. There’s no damn way I’m living like that.”
“And just when did you start swearing so much? It doesn’t suit you, Lauren. Stop being so melodramatic,” Jim ordered.
Again, Lauren heard the echo of her mother’s advice in Jim’s tone. And again, the urge to be violent moved through her.
God knew, she had often seen Alexa and Regina angry to the point of not caring about appearances or politeness. It seemed like every time she was with Jim lately, she got furious within minutes. He had somehow developed a knack for reaching inside her and poking a sharp stick at the fearful woman cowering in her soul.
And just who the hell did he think he was, anyway?
It was damn lucky for Jim they were in public, surrounded by people who both knew and liked her. The good woman in her had had just about enough of being poked. One day soon she was going to yank the damn stick out of his hand and ram it through his heart. He had no idea who he was dealing with.
Lauren lifted her chin, narrowed her eyes, and glared.
“Since you and I are not romantically involved in any way, I don’t really give a damn what you think about what I say or do. Call it melodrama, or whatever else you want, but the bald truth is I’m finally being honest with myself. I want a man in my life. Your refusal forced me to move on to more willing possibilities,” Lauren said meanly. “And what do you know? There are other men in this town besides you, Jim.”
Jim gritted his teeth at her lifted chin. His temper ratcheted up a notch, tightening his muscles. Other men? The thought made him crazy. As irrational as it was, all he could think sitting across from Lauren in her silver dress was that there were no other men for her. Not only no, but hell no, not while he was still breathing.
Jealousy didn’t begin to describe what he felt about Lauren’s dates, especially now that he’d personally seen her on one. She was dressed to impress, but it was worse to see the effort she was making to be pleasant company. Watching her, his thoughts ran along the lines of breaking Chad’s fingers for daring to touch her, even if innocently. It also didn’t help that under the table Jim could see the hemline of Lauren’s dress inching further up her thighs as she squirmed in her seat. Every movement revealed her agitation, which made Jim more and more frustrated in return.
Looking like she did, being as nice as she was, sooner or later Lauren might actually find a guy she liked better than him.
He drummed hard fingertips on the table. There had to be a rational way to explain his complicated feelings and convince her to—what, he demanded of himself? Convince her to stop dating other men? The hypocrisy of it all bothered him, but despite his earlier recommendation she date other men, he was now just as determined to stop her. His sanity was at stake.
No use lying to yourself, a voice inside him taunted. You already think of her as yours.
“This was your idea,” Lauren said quietly. “You have no right to insult me.”
“Fine, no more insults. I just have a question. Have you found anyone you like more than me yet?” Jim asked, pleased to see hurt flashing across her gaze.
She shrugged to cover the hurt. “I’ve put a few on my short list,” Lauren replied quickly, unwilling to give Jim the satisfaction of knowing how his words stabbed her. “But I have definitely figured out I’m only sleeping alone because I choose to be.”
“Don’t even go there,” Jim warned. “I don’t want to hear how great your dates are in
bed.”
Lauren wasn’t planning to go there, and she wouldn’t lie to hurt him even though it would serve him right if she did. Alexa and Regina would have made him suffer, taunted him with half truths. Playing obvious head games just wasn’t her way.
“Fine. There’s a very simple way to stop me from dating,” she told him firmly. “Spend some real time with me. Tell me the truth about your wife. Tell me why you’re suddenly so concerned about me dating.”
Lauren glared at Jim, who sat across from her glaring back and saying nothing. If publicly arguing with him was embarrassing, the staring contest hanging over her last demand was downright scary.
As Lauren worked on holding her glare in place, it occurred to her that maybe her chicken date might come back and rescue her from the staring contest. Or maybe she could throw her glass of ice water on Jim’s head and break his steely-eyed scowl. Better yet, maybe she’d do a round-off and kick Jim in the head with one of her three inch silver stilettos. Now that would shock the arrogant stoicism right out of him.
Holding his gaze, she took a sip of ice water to cool both her tongue and her temper. Jim’s chocolate gaze flickered but did not leave her as she licked the wetness from her bottom lip. She took another sip of water, but this time her hand trembled. It made her angry that Jim could reduce her to quivering need without even touching her. It made her furious that he wouldn’t act on what he damn well knew was between them.
Well, to hell with this, Lauren thought, frustrated and tired of being in a spun-up state. She should climb into his lap right here in front of everyone, and kiss the tight-lipped snarl right off his face. Erotic images of how she would kiss him passed through her mind, and Lauren watched Jim blink and sit up straighter in his chair.
Good. Signals received at least, she thought meanly. You better squirm, buddy. I’ve been wet and aroused since you sat down to talk to me.
Feeling a bit better for having made him physically uncomfortable, Lauren opened her mouth intending to tell Jim just exactly what she was thinking and feeling, but she never got the chance. Her ex-husband walked up to the table, leaned over and kissed both her cheeks while Jim looked on.
When Lauren glanced at Jim’s expression, she almost shivered at the violence directed toward Jared. She wondered how Jared could have missed seeing it.
“Hello, Lauren,” Jared said sweetly, smiling possessively at her. “You look smashing, darling. That dress always was one of my favorites on you. And you’ve grown out your hair a little. It makes you look young and gorgeous.”
At his smarmy praise, Lauren treated Jared to one of the glares she’d been serving up to Jim. Of all the places Jared could have picked to flaunt his refusal to accept their dead relationship, she thought, why did it have to be here and in front of Jim?
She studied her sneaky ex-husband, suspecting this was not a casual hello. Jared rarely acknowledged her in public, most especially if his latest conquest was on his arm. It was odd he seemed to be alone tonight, and that he would choose this specific moment to confront her. She could only conclude her mother must have told him she was dating.
Well she had news for both of them, she might not be passing out numbers yet for a night in her bed, but Dr. Regina Logan did good work.
Hell would be serving ice cream before she let Jared Smith warm her bed again.
Maybe she hadn’t made her feelings clear enough to Jared. If not, it was certainly time to set things straight with at least one man in her life.
“Imagine seeing you here, Jared. How’s your fiancée doing? I’ve been waiting for my invitation to the wedding. When’s the big day? ” Lauren asked sweetly.
Jared hung his head, a sad smile on his face. His would-be fiancée hadn’t tolerated his other women any better than Lauren had, but losing her had not stung as much as losing Lauren. Lauren was one of a kind, and the most generous, giving woman he had ever bedded. He had found no one her equal so far, and he’d sampled enough to know about quality. If he ever got her back, he would be more appreciative next time and find better ways to handle his weakness.
“Worried about my happiness, darling?” Jared said softly. “I’m still a free man.”
“Still?” Lauren asked, feigning surprise at his choice of words. “When have you ever been committed? Having a wife certainly never stopped you from acting like a free man when we were together.”
Jared blinked at her open hostility, but finally shrugged. “I guess I thought you might be more understanding about such things now,” he said, giving Jim a pointed look.
Enough of this bullshit, Jim decided. He had heard all the veiled insults from Jared Smith he could handle. Jim was mildly upset about Chad, but he was mad as hell about Jared flirting with Lauren in front of him.
When Jim started to stand, Lauren put a restraining hand on his arm, gripping hard to hold him down. He looked at her strong, capable hand with considerable interest, and a bit of surprise at how much force was in her grip. He forgot about Jared for a moment while he simply enjoyed how right it felt for Lauren to be touching him.
Lauren’s grip eased as she felt Jim let some of the tension slide away, but she didn’t let go.
“Jared has a wicked sense of humor,” Lauren said to Jim, smiling. “It comes from all those years he worked so hard at being an ass when we were married. Now it appears he’s elevated it to an art form.”
Lauren looked back at Jared. “Tell my mother I am going to date who I want. Both of you need to get used to the fact that you and I are never getting back together. It has not been good to see you, Jared. You can go away now.”
“You know I’ll never stop trying, darling. It’s not just Lydia who keeps me interested. I’ve always wanted you back. When you get tired of the other men, give me a call,” Jared blew her an air kiss as he left.
Jim watched Jared grin as he walked away. The bastard was probably wondering if Jim seriously would have taken a swing if Lauren hadn’t stopped him. Jim looked back at Lauren with the same possessiveness Jared had just demonstrated, but he couldn’t help it. Right or not, if Lauren had shown the slightest sign of distress over the discussion, her ex-husband would be sporting a bloody nose and black eye instead of a smug grin.
Jim had been making damn good use of the weights Kaiser helped him pick out and would like nothing better than a real target to take out his frustration on.
“What in the world did you ever see in that slimy piece of shit in a suit?” Jim growled the question when Jared was out of earshot.
Lauren sighed, laughing a little. Jim’s description was right, but she hadn’t seen Jared that way when they were married.
“He was never ugly to me before the divorce,” Lauren said easily. “In fact, he was very good to me. The problem was he was also very good to a lot of women. I honestly don’t think Jared has it in him to be faithful, but I got over him and his infidelity years ago.”
Jim frowned at her statement. Lauren released his arm quickly when she realized she still held him.
“I don’t really give a damn what Jared Smith does or thinks, but I do still care about you,” she told Jim firmly, “and I know you know it. At least tell me why you’re staying away from me, when I know there’s been at least one other woman in your life who was not your wife. She told me herself. What is your problem with me?”
Lauren was heartsick and deeply disappointed when Jim just looked at her, not saying a word in his defense. Eventually, he just sighed and dropped his gaze from hers to scan the rest of the room. It took just that long for her to realize Jim wasn’t going to answer her questions. It made her want to kick him, but also it made her want to cry. All the pain she’d suffered in her marriage hadn’t hurt nearly as much as Jim’s outright rejection of her feelings for him.
“Fine. Keep your damn secrets. My instincts tell me you’re not a cheating bastard like Jared, even without you saying a damn word to prove it. Since it’s obvious you have nothing genuine to say to me, I believe I’ll just go look for a m
ore interested man.” Lauren rose from the table and walked away to find Chad.
Jim’s gaze followed Lauren across the floor, or at least it followed her legs. Her silver dress skimmed just a few inches above her knees and the heels elevated her to super model height. He could see Lauren’s hips moving seductively inside the silver sheath. He wondered what it would be like to have her long legs wrapped around him, to hold her hips as he made love to her, and hear her laugh against him.
Torn between what was right to do and what he wanted to do, Jim stood and did what he’d taught himself to do in situations posing a moral dilemma about his sex life.
He simply got up and left.
*** *** ***
At Lauren’s front door, Chad leaned into her, at first placing a chaste, grateful kiss on her mouth, before pressing a little more firmly against her when she remained pliant in his arms.
“Thanks for the evening, Lauren. Maybe next time we’ll do something a little more private.”
Lauren nodded as she watched Chad walk to his black Lexus CRV and climb inside. Then she sighed, finished unlocking her door, and went into her house.
She was alone again. She hadn’t even been tempted for more with Chad, not even to prove to Jim she didn’t need him, or to prove to Jared she didn’t want him.
She was so damn tired of kissing men who didn’t turn her on at all.
No more random dating, she promised herself. Instead, she was going to find a way to meet someone who could stop her from longing so much for Jim.
Maybe she’d sign up for one of those Internet dating services, let herself be matched with the perfect man. Regina had thought about doing that before she met Ben. Maybe she’d ask Regina to help.
Lauren went upstairs and put on cropped yoga pants and a tank top. Feeling more normal after her change of clothes, she came back down to the kitchen and poured herself a glass of wine. She was standing at her marble-topped kitchen island drinking it when the doorbell rang.
Looking down at herself, Lauren frowned. If Chad had forgotten something, she wasn’t exactly dressed to talk with him. Maybe she just wouldn’t answer. It was rude, but she was pretty sure she could be rude—at least this once.
Dating A Saint Page 4
