“If you mean physically, the answer is no. The proof of that is you’re still walking and breathing,” she informed him meanly. She tilted her chin so high it almost collided with his.
Jim looked away and then back to meet her gaze. “I woke up sick as hell to a practically empty bottle of brandy. There were pink buttons stuck to my body, and a set of torn clothes in a trashcan by the bed. At first, I thought Ben and Casey had played a joke on me.”
“That would have been some joke,” Lauren said, irony dripping from her voice.
Jim dipped his head until his chin almost touched her shoulder. “Lauren—I have never forced myself on a woman in my life. If I thought I hurt you in any way, I would want to die. Knowing you can seriously kick my ass enough to stop me is the only reason I had the nerve to show up here and ask you what happened.”
“Do you honestly think I took five years of martial arts classes for the express purpose of being able to deflect a drunken pass from you?” Lauren asked sarcastically. She swore softly so only he could hear.
Jim winced at her angry swearing. “I can’t change the fact I don’t remember,” Jim said quietly. “Did something happen between us last night? Or did you stop me, Lauren? Did you plant those things in my room to make me feel bad about getting so drunk?”
“How do you even know it was me in your room?” Lauren asked. She was having a hard time holding in the hurt.
“I smelled your scent on what was left of the torn clothes,” he whispered. “And I have prayed really hard since that whatever happened—if anything—was with you. I feel—different today, but I don’t remember much about last night.”
His words sounded almost romantic, Lauren thought. The idea of him smelling her clothes weakened her knees for a moment, but she reminded herself of what he really felt about it all.
“Are you sorry you don’t remember what happened? Or just sorry about last night in general?” Lauren asked.
“I’m sorry for anything and everything I might have done to hurt you,” Jim said sincerely. “I would take it all back if I could and never have shown up at the hotel at all.”
Lauren pulled back then and met his gaze. Regret—gut wrenching regret—was etched in the lines of his tired face, making it obvious how sorry he was. Lauren closed her eyes, but when she opened them again, he still looked the same.
The realization she had in the church came true right in front of her. Jim was never going to give her even a gray version of the dream, much less a white one like Regina and Alexa had. If Jim stayed in her life, Lauren would have to get used to seeing constant agonizing regret on his face just because he wanted her.
Last night she might as well have been the prostitute she’d once accused him of using, Lauren thought. The guilt he would feel if he knew the truth would likely destroy all his softer feelings for her. There was simply no winning for her in the situation, and she simply couldn’t hope anymore.
But she wasn’t going to let Jim Gallagher ruin last night for her any more than he already had. Especially now, since it looked like it was the only time she was ever going to be with him.
“And people call me a saint,” Lauren said, sarcasm dripping from her tone. “If they only knew you better, knew how noble you are about not sinning with me. Well you can relax, Jim. Nothing life altering happened last night. Be grateful you ended up with me checking on you, and stick to beer next time you drink. Now you’ll have to excuse me, I have bridesmaid duties.”
Lauren turned and walked away, leaving Jim to process her answer any way he wanted. She didn’t owe him any further explanation. She was taking the details to her grave.
In retrospect, what had she thought Jim would say? Sorry I got drunk and missed our first time? No, instead he was sorry about everything.
Well, today that made two of them. She was now sorry too.
Chapter 12
The food at the reception was wonderful, and the bride and groom were finally getting to eat some of it. Casey watched Lauren leave Jim standing in the middle of the dance floor and sighed. Another mission blown all to hell, he decided, when Jim put his hands in his pockets and walked away.
When Casey felt Alexa’s arm link with his, he turned to look into his wife’s concerned face. “Have I ever told you how much I appreciate your don’t-give-a-damn approach to life? You are a hell of a woman. In a sick and twisted way, I’m a little sorry you and Gallagher didn’t hook up a little more when you dated. You might have influenced him to abandon his puritanical views.”
Alexa looked at her new husband, sure she had not heard him correctly.
“Did you just tell me on our wedding day you wished my list of lovers had been longer? Why couldn’t you have mentioned this yesterday when I could have rectified the situation?” she asked, laughter crinkling the lines by her eyes, despite the perfect makeup. “And since when are you so magnanimous about sharing me? What happened to all that you’re mine stuff?”
“Try flirting with someone today and I’ll show you where it is,” Casey said, glaring but laughing too. “Maybe I’m just feeling a little guilty for taking you off the market in your prime.”
When she laughed and didn’t get mad at him, Casey was relieved. Progress, he thought, smiling back at her. They were both coming to terms with each other’s strong feelings.
“Prime? At fifty?” she said on a laugh. “You should have seen me twenty years ago.”
Casey shrugged a shoulder. “I see that every time Jenna comes to visit. I prefer the older, more settled version. Besides, I like having more sexual energy than you do. I need the edge to keep an experienced woman like you interested.”
“Interested? I’ve lost ten pounds since we’ve been sleeping together. I get to eat anything I want now. That alone is worth marrying you. The only complaint I have is you do get a little rough sometimes.” She took a sip of champagne and licked her bottom lip, while he looked longingly at her mouth. How Casey could arouse her at her age with just a look was something she still hadn’t figured out.
“I won’t be rough tonight,” Casey promised, his gaze watching her tongue as it stroked across her lip. “I have something special planned for my new wife. It’s going to take a very long time.”
“Oh? How intriguing, tell me—oh damn. Speaking of Jenna, her date is over there talking to Seth. Can’t you have a talk with Allen about not flaunting his relationship with Jenna in front of Seth?”
Casey looked over at Allen and Seth and snorted.
“Allen is Seth’s damn personal trainer now at the gym. Don’t ask me to get in the middle of that cluster fu—I mean mess. I’m not planning to buddy up with your old flames. That—” Casey said, nodding with his chin to the two men, “is beyond my understanding.”
*** *** ***
Jenna watched the two men talking as she sipped her champagne. Seth was smiling at Allen and talking as if they were old friends. Didn’t Seth know Allen was her date? Did he not care?
One potential answer to the question had her stomach threatening to reject the finger sandwich she just ate.
When Allen walked away from Seth, Jenna set her champagne glass down and walked over to where Seth stood. The easy smile he’d had talking to Allen disappeared when he saw her. His frown and sigh almost halted her approach, but she overrode the distress both caused.
She intended to find out how chummy Allen and Seth were with each other. She wanted to know if they talked about her relationship to Allen, not that she had one worth discussing. She and Allen weren’t lovers yet, but they weren’t just friends either.
“Got time for a dance with me?” Jenna asked, smiling brightly.
“Aren’t you here with Stedman? I thought he was your date,” Seth countered, glaring at her and putting his hands in his pockets to keep from touching her. “You shouldn’t be asking other guys to dance. It’s disrespectful.”
Seth wanted to laugh at himself for sounding like Casey, but he was too angry with Jenna.
“Come on, Set
h. What’s a dance between friends?” Jenna argued.
Seth looked at her. “I believe we’ve already had this discussion, Jenna. I haven’t changed my mind. Stop teasing me.”
“Why were you talking so friendly to my date?” Jenna asked.
Seth held her gaze until she looked away. “Why so interested? Are you worried what I might say to Allen or what he might say to me? ”
“I’m—I’m not worried at all,” Jenna denied.
Bullshit, Seth thought. He could tell Jenna was lying. And he was sick of being the pushover nice guy.
“Come on,” Jenna pleaded, “one dance.”
Seth reluctantly held out his hand. When Jenna took it, his grip closed tightly over her hand as he led her to the dance floor. He pulled her into his arms, not leaving a millimeter of space between their bodies. Jenna tried to pull back to put some breathing space between them, but Seth simply wouldn’t let her.
Dancers around them noticed their silent struggle before turning their heads discreetly away.
Jenna felt a blush creeping up her neck.
“Something wrong, Jenna? It’s just a simple dance between friends,” Seth mocked, feeling the heat between them growing. Every movement brushed them intimately against each other. He had missed her so much the sudden intimate contact nearly brought him to his knees.
Jenna swallowed hard as she felt a familiar stirring in her belly that soon spread everywhere until she was all but melting against Seth.
This—she admitted wildly—this attraction was the reason she hadn’t been able to bring herself to do anything other than kiss Allen. It was God’s truth Allen Stedman was the hottest looking man she’d ever known, much hotter looking than Seth, but Allen just didn’t do it for her. She hadn’t found any other man who could arouse her like Seth could without even trying.
Jenna closed her eyes, trying hard not to believe what she now knew for certain. Shame at being weak filled her even as her nipples hardened. It was even worse when Seth dropped a knowing gaze to the top of her dress. The blush spread from her neck to her face as his gaze darkened with his own arousal. Jenna felt evidence of what he was feeling pressed hard against her belly, and had to bite back a groan.
Then Seth pulled her so tightly against him, she was lifted to her toes by the difference in their heights.
“Does Stedman arouse you like this too?” Seth demanded in harsh whisper, his gaze as angry as his words. He was satisfied his point had been made when Jenna wrenched away from his embrace. People around them stopped dancing to watch. Seth couldn’t care less.
Jenna stood breathing hard in front of him, looking like she was going to cry. Seth found himself enjoying her obvious misery with not a shred of sympathy in him. None of his apologies had worked to reconcile with Jenna. So, he had reluctantly done the good guy thing, just as she’d wanted. He’d stopped calling, stopped texting, and stayed as far away as he could from her and her dating life.
But he was never going to pretend away his feelings just to make Jenna Ranger feel better about being with men other than him. She could call their relationship what she wanted, but they were never going to be just friends.
“So what now, Jenna? Want me to give Allen a few friendly pointers about how to turn you on?” he asked, glaring at her again.
Jenna’s bottom lip trembled. He watched her swallow hard and lift her chin as she battled back the tears. Suddenly, the “she’s mine” thing he had teased Casey about made a hell of a lot of sense to him. If ever there was a woman meant to be his, it was this one.
Good-guy status be damned. Seth took a decisive step toward Jenna, intending to prove his ownership, intending to kiss her until she admitted her feelings for him. But then he stopped. His actions would likely ruin Alexa’s and Casey’s reception. What he planned to do certainly wasn’t fair to Allen.
Churned up by holding the woman he wanted and couldn’t have, Seth turned on his heel and left Jenna staring after him in shock.
*** *** ***
From a corner of the room, Allen Stedman watched the whole drama play out and sighed in defeat. He had guessed Jenna still had a thing for Seth, but now he saw clearly just how much of one. There had been a small part of him hoping Jenna really had moved on, but he could see now it wasn’t the case. He had even watched her spend quite a bit of time talking Seth into dancing with her. To give Seth credit, he had held out a lot longer than he would have, Allen thought.
Ironically, Allen was even glad the man had left Jenna stranded alone on the dance floor. Maybe it would shock some sense into her. Allen couldn’t understand why Jenna continued to lie to herself about her feelings for Seth Carter. What could the man have done to make her treat him so callously? It was obvious he was crazy about her.
“Oh, come on,” Sydney said to Allen, watching him frown at Jenna and Seth. “You knew how it was when you went out with her the first time.”
“Yeah, I did. It’s just a little sad to know for certain she’s still hung up on Seth Carter. Up to now, I guess I was counting on my powers of persuasion to change the fact,” Allen said.
“Jenna and Seth were happening long before you came along. It’s nothing against your sex appeal. The little blonde at the champagne fountain has been giving you the eye all night,” Sydney said.
“I saw her,” Allen said easily. Then he sighed again. He’d seen the blonde woman, but he hadn’t been interested.
He watched Jenna walk slowly up to him. Her eyes were red and her color was high. Allen could tell she was really close to full out crying.
“I’m not feeling well,” Jenna said to Allen. “I think I’ll take a cab home if you don’t mind.”
“Not necessary,” Allen replied. “I’ll see you home. I’m ready to leave too.”
Jenna nodded. “Let me say goodbye to Mama and Casey. I’ll meet you at the door.”
After Jenna was out of hearing range, Sydney studied the man beside him.
“You’re going to do the honorable thing aren’t you?” Sydney asked. “I mean, it’s none of my business, but I would hate to see you shoot your career in the foot by taking advantage of the boss’s daughter who is obviously in distress.”
“Sydney, you’re worse than my mother,” Allen said on a laugh. “Yes. I’m going to do the right thing, but not to save my damn career. I like Gunny. Hell, I like Seth—he’s a good man.”
“Yes, Seth is a good man. Don’t fret, my friend. Noble men like you get a lot of action,” Sydney said, putting a hand on Allen’s shoulder. “It’s just love that’s hard to find.”
“Yeah. That’s about right,” Allen said. “See you next week, Sydney.”
“Take care of Jenna,” Sydney said back, feeling sorry as he watched Allen walk sadly toward the woman waiting for him at the door.
*** *** ***
Lauren walked over to Alexa just as Jenna was dashing away.
“Is something wrong with Jenna?” Lauren asked.
Alexa studied at her daughter’s retreating back, her shoulders slumping.
“Reality in the form of Seth Carter just smacked her in the face. Did you see them dancing? Seth wasn’t being his usual polite self,” Alexa said.
Lauren nodded. “There’s a lot of that going around today. How are the bride and groom doing?”
“We are great,” Alexa said sincerely. “Thank you for the awesome reception.”
Lauren leaned forward and kissed Alexa’s cheek. “You are very welcome.”
“I saw you talking to Jim earlier. How did that go?” Alexa asked, keeping her voice light while she noted Lauren searching for him around the room and not finding him. Alexa had seen him walk out shortly after his dance with Lauren.
“About like I expected,” Lauren replied vaguely. “We’re back to fighting again. But no worries, he’ll be back. We’re not done yet.”
At least not until I break it off completely, Lauren thought.
Alexa put her hands on both sides of Lauren’s face. “I’m going to sound li
ke Regina for a moment, but—honey, I am so proud of you. You’re out of your shell after all those lonely years. Don’t crawl back in, okay?”
“Okay—Mom,” Lauren said on a laugh. “Stop worrying about me and go have a honeymoon. I’m made of sterner stuff than you think.”
“If you give up waiting on Jim, I can make you a top ten list of Falls Church men who are excellent in bed,” Alexa said, laughing at the blush creeping up Lauren’s neck to her face.
Appalled, Lauren had a vision of herself checking men off a list as they left her bedroom. It made her laugh even as she groaned.
“This notorious life is going to take some getting used to,” she said, trying to joke about it. “I’m sure one day I’ll stop blushing when you and Regina say things like that to me.”
“I’m secretly hoping you never have to get used to it,” Alexa whispered, leaning forward and hugging Lauren tightly.
“Me too,” Lauren whispered, hugging her back just as hard.
Chapter 13
On the drive out to Whispering Pines the following Tuesday, Jim couldn’t stop thinking about Lauren. He had kept himself busy enough the day before to not dwell on their discussion at the reception. Today on the lonely drive to Maryland it was inescapable, and he found himself wondering again if she had lied to him. Maybe her anger was throwing him off, but instinct was telling him something more had happened than she had shared with him.
There was a change in how he felt about himself, how he felt about her now. It was subtle, but there just the same.
The mangled clothes in the trash still deeply disturbed him. They had been torn to bits and Jim had a good idea he was directly responsible. It was one thing to emotionally hurt her; it was worse to think he might have physically harmed Lauren.
Why Lauren wasn’t calling him names and blasting him for it, he didn’t know. His guess was Lauren had fought him off but lost her clothes and her dignity in the process. Jim knew his size would have made him a formidable drunken asshole to deal with, not to mention, he’d likely left her churned up and unsatisfied yet again. His own libido seemed to have settled down some since he got drunk, but at the reception he had noticed Lauren was still as tense as ever—even more so in some ways.
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