by Eva Luxe
What is Janelle going to think!?
She must be fucking heartbroken. Just the thought of what she must be feeling is enough to make me want to kill somebody. Everything was going right. Well – maybe not right but things were at least on track to maybe start heading toward some sort of reconciliation or resolution or something. And now everything is fucked.
Now the real question is – should I leave and go see her? Or do I wait here until Shannon wakes up?
Chapter 23
Janelle
If the entire planet exploded right now I’d be fine with it.
Words can’t even explain what I’m feeling right now. The amount of anger inside me is almost impossible to process and has started to meld into a sort of calm detachment. It’s almost like if I think about things any harder, my feelings might actually kill me, so my mind is trying to keep me from feeling all the things I should be.
Part of me wants to drive my car straight into a tree, or a telephone pole, or off a bridge – or maybe just park on the tracks and let my car and me be crushed when a freight train comes by.
The other part of me wants to turn around and head straight back to Chris’s and scream at him until my voice is sore, pound my fists against his chest until my hands are bleeding and curse him out for breaking my heart.
And it’s such a beautiful day out too. I wish it was raining or thunder-storming like I am inside. At least that would make sense. If this was a movie, that’s what would be happening, but sadly, my life isn’t a movie. Things are not just going to work out because I want them to. I gambled on the wrong man and that bet is coming back to kick me in the ass – and stab me in the chest.
So what do I do? The only thing I can do. I drive home. Carla will be fine watching Max for a little longer, but there’s nothing left for me to do. I can’t even process this anymore. As I pull into the driveway and shut off my car, nothing but questions are racing through my mind.
Who was that girl? Is Chris really that horrible of a guy? How could he come over to my place, bare his soul like that to me, and then go back to his place and hook up with some slut?
Or maybe he’s been with her the entire time!
Maybe all that stuff he told me about his dad was a lie. Maybe he’s just been lying to me the entire time and is some sort of psychopath weirdo that can’t stand not getting what he wants one hundred percent of the time. But for a man who has everything, who has every woman he could ever want at his fingertips, why would he make up all that stuff just to have me again?
The fact that there are no answers to these questions is the hardest part. If I knew what was going on then maybe I’d be able to process things or come to peace with his behavior. But I don’t know. I don’t know what kind of man Chris is, and just when I thought I was starting to figure things out, this happens.
I shove open the door to my car and step outside. At least Carla is here and I’ll have someone to commiserate with. It’s going to be hard to keep a happy face in front of Max, but I’ll do my best. That’s part of being a mother, and apparently part of being a father that Chris doesn’t get; when you have a child, your life changes and no longer revolves around you. I was a fool for thinking Chris could understand that.
I open the front door and step inside. I don’t hear Max and Carla out back, and as I step into the kitchen I’m relieved to see her sitting at the table texting someone on her phone.
“Is he asleep?” I ask quietly. Carla looks up and nods, but when she sees my face, I know she knows something’s up.
‘Oh, God,” she groans. “What happened?”
“Let’s go outside,” I tell her, grabbing the baby monitor from the counter.
We take a seat out back and Carla just stares at me while I try to figure out what to say.
Where to even begin?
So much has happened in such a short period of time it’s almost hard to believe. It feels like a lifetime of history between Chris and me. Maybe that’s part of the reason why things have felt so intense.
The sun is shining right in my face. I pull my chair back into the shade and try to figure out how to begin. But I guess there’s really nothing else to it than to say exactly what’s on my mind.
“So, I went over to Chris’s,” I start. But as I speak, I feel the tears start to well up in my eyes. This is going to be harder than I thought. I swallow and take a deep breath and push them back down. “And there was another girl there…”
Carla sighs, almost like she had expected it. For a second, I want to jump to Chris’s defense. I don’t know why. It’s okay if I’m mad at him, but Carla has never liked him. But she never saw the side of him that I saw.
Why am I defending him!?
This is a guy who lied to me and broke my heart and here I am rationalizing his behavior and wanting Carla to like him. It doesn’t make any sense.
“Like…she was there there?” She asks.
“Oh, yeah,” I groan. “Kissing him with one hand down his pants.”
“Shit,” Carla says with a sigh. “What did you do?”
“What could I do?” I ask.
“I’d have grabbed that bitch by the hair and introduced her to the fucking floor!”
I choke up a laugh. She’s not lying. Back in high school when Carla caught her boyfriend talking to Chrissie Madison in the parking lot behind the gym, she tripped her into a puddle and dumped her book bag out into the dumpster. The worst part about it all, was that Chrissie turned out to just be asking her boyfriend about the math homework and really wanted nothing to do with him at all.
But did Carla learn anything from that about jumping to conclusions?
“Yeah, well, I just turned around and left,” I tell her. “Well – more like ran out, jumped into my car and floored it. I was driving like a maniac.”
“Understandably!” Carla exclaims. “Men are pigs, Janelle.”
“Would you stop?!” I blurt out before I know what I’m saying. “He’s not – he’s not…”
“Not what? A pig?” Carla can’t believe her ears. “The guy bails on you after he fucks you, comes back two years later and expects you to be waiting on him, gives you some speech about how great he is and then goes back to his house to fuck some other girl? And he’s not a pig!?”
“I mean, when you put it that way…” My voice trails off as I think about what she’s saying. She’s not wrong, but somehow hearing it all laid out like that doesn’t seem to get to the heart of it all.
But I’m just being stupid, aren’t I? This is just more of dumb Janelle refusing to accept the reality of the situation in front of her.
“He’s a pig, Janelle,” Carla says, putting her hand on mine. “You need to get over him and move on. He’s just going to keep doing this, and I hate seeing you hurting.”
She’s right.
My eyes drift to the backyard and I see Max’s football lying in the grass. I want to throw it away, but I know how much Max already loves it. Maybe I’ll replace it tomorrow so I don’t have to see this one and be reminded of Chris every time I look at it.
It feels nice holding Carla’s hand. Having a friend like her is something so great I can’t even put words to it. If only I knew a man who could give me the same thing. I thought I might have that with Chris, but now I know that is an impossibility.
It’s time to move on.
Chapter 24
Chris
I look at the cell phone in my hand and want nothing more than to smash it. It’s Shannon’s phone, and there’s a name on the screen that I’m about to dial: Brian cell.
Shannon made it, like I thought she would. The doctors said they found drugs in her system and gave me some explanation of it all, but I blanked on most of what they were saying. “She’s going to be all right.” That was all that was important.
“Are you her husband?” The doctor had asked me.
“No,” I told him firmly. “Just an old…friend…”
“Well, you should call someone,” the
y told me. “Parents, boyfriend, husband.”
They gave me Shannon’s phone and I stepped outside. Her favorites had her mom’s cell listed first, so I dialed. It went straight to voicemail three times before I gave up. I left a message, but her mom’s a wreck and that means her phone is probably dead somewhere and it’ll be a day before she gets to it.
Her dad’s number wasn’t even listed, and as much as I don’t want to do it, I know what the right thing to do is. I have to call Brian.
I haven’t heard his voice since Shannon left me for him. He tried to get in touch with me a bunch of times, but I didn’t want to hear it. Whatever his excuse was, his reasoning for fucking my wife, I just couldn’t listen.
There’s nothing he could ever say to make things okay between us, and he’s lucky I didn’t break his face in for what he did to me. All those years of friendship, thrown away in the blink of an eye. Your buddy’s girl is just off limits. Every guy knows that. You turn off any sexual urge you have for her the minute he introduces her as his girlfriend.
I couldn’t fuck my buddy’s girl if she was the hottest chick on the planet with a pussy that dripped gold and beer-flavored nipples. You just don’t do it. That’s the bro-code.
But if there’s one rule in life that’s more important than not fucking your buddy’s girl, it’s this; don’t marry a cheater. Once a cheater – always a cheater. And now Brian’s about to learn that lesson.
I should be relishing this moment. This is the ultimate payback. The asshole fucks my wife and then his wife leaves him and comes running back to me. I should have whipped out my phone, taken a video and texted it to his bitch ass.
But there’s nothing satisfying about this situation at all. I don’t want to talk to Brian. I don’t want to be here. I want to be at home with Janelle, talking to her and letting her know how much I care about her. I want to be fixing things with her and moving on with my fucking life, not dipping my feet back into the slimy waters of my past.
But this has to be done. I take a deep breath and press Brian’s name. It starts to ring. I lift my phone to my ear. Adrenaline shoots through my body like it does before a game or like I’m about to get into a fight. I ball my fist and pace back and forth as it rings. Finally, he picks up.
“Hey, sweetie!” He says with delight. “Where are you?”
I can’t answer immediately. There are about a thousand things I could say in response and for once, I’m at a total loss for words. There’s a long silence before he speaks again.
“Sweetie?”
“Hey, Brian,” I say simply. I know he’ll recognize the voice, and from the silence on the other end of the line, I can tell that he does.
“D-Chris?” He stammers like the pussy that he is. Then the anger comes. “What the fuck are you doing with Janelle’s phone?”
“Hey!” I shout, feeling myself snap. “Shut the fuck up, asshole! I’m standing outside the fucking emergency room where I took your wife after she showed up at my house and almost fucking OD’d on my floor!”
“What!?” He shouts back. “What the Hell are you talking about!?”
“Shannon,” I repeat, my voice a little lower but filled with venom. “She showed up at my fucking house. Drunk out of her mind and telling me that she loved me and was leaving you.”
I can only imagine what Brian is feeling as he hears me say this to him, but I don’t care. Any real consideration I had for this guy has been gone for years. I’m only making this phone call because it’s the right thing to do and someone has to be responsible for Shannon right now.
But Brian doesn’t respond, and after what feels like forever, I finally break the silence.
“Coldstream Hospital,” I tell him. “Get your fucking ass here.”
And I hang up.
How could one conversation even begin to resolve the bullshit that’s gone on between us? At least he knows now. I head back inside and feel Shannon’s phone vibrate in my hand. It’s Brian calling back. I answer and repeat myself.
“Coldstream Hospital, you piece of shit. You know where it is. I’m not answering this phone again.”
I hang up and step back inside. I spot one of Shannon’s nurses and toss the phone to her.
“Her husband’s on the way,” I tell her. “You’ll know him by how big of a douchebag he is.”
Without waiting for a response, I turn my back on her and walk through the sliding doors back into the parking lot. This time I really am turning my back on her. I’ll sell my house and she’ll never be able to find me again. I don’t care what happens between her and Brian. All I know is I won’t be any part of it.
There’s only one person I want in my life now, and I’m going to get her back.
Chapter 25
Janelle
The last rays of the day’s sun are just beginning to vanish as I take the last sip of my wine. I rarely drink, and basically never get drunk, but I allowed myself one glass of wine tonight after putting Max down to bed. He’ll probably wake up in a couple of hours for a story, but right now I’m just trying to get my head straight and relax.
On any other normal night this would be just what the doctor ordered. But tonight is not any normal night. In fact, I don’t know if I’ve had a normal night for the last two years since I met Chris. Nothing was the same after him.
I didn’t see anyone that entire time. Sure, I went on a few dates, just trying to prove to myself I was over him and could be with someone else. But they didn’t work out. And it wasn’t the guys – it was me.
Some nights I’d dream about him. Sometimes they’d be good. Sometimes they’d be bad. But I was never able to get him out of my mind, and if I tried that hard for two years and failed, I’m sure not going to be able to do it after one day.
The sun dips over the trees and bathes the backyard in the purple, blue comfort of dusk. Warm evenings are my favorite time of day. Carla left about an hour ago. She didn’t want to and told me she’d stay and we could have a girls’ night watching reality TV, eating ice cream and bitching about men, but I just wanted to be alone.
I probably shouldn’t be sitting here thinking about Chris, wallowing in my own misery, but for some reason it’s what I want to do right now. Part of me still thinks there’s an explanation for all this and wants him to come over here like the ending scene from some movie and tell me – clear everything up so I can jump into his arms and kiss him.
But this is real life, not a movie. And in real life, things like that just don’t happen.
But why did he shout at me like that as I was leaving? It sounded like he really had something to say to me – but if he did, how come he hasn’t come to see me all day? He knows where I live. He’s done it before.
He was just upset he got caught. That’s all there is to it. If he really cared he would have been here by now.
Son of a bitch!
I set my wine glass down and walk across the grass of the backyard over to the football Chris gave to Max. I pick it up and turn it over in my hands. Red. Max’s favorite color.
How did he know?
There’s no way he could have. He never met Max and he never asked me. Maybe it’s Chris’s favorite color and Max takes after his father.
It’s funny all the places your mind will take you when you sit and think about something and have no answers. Everything becomes a possibility. All the scenarios in the world suddenly become possible and you can convince yourself that if you think hard enough about one of them, maybe it will actually happen.
I drop the football to the ground and step back to my chair. I can hear Max on the baby monitor. He’s sleeping soundly. For a second, I wish I had something to distract me, but only for a second. I want to feel everything right now. I can’t explain it, but something this important in my life feels strange to try and push aside.
I hear a knock at the door. My heart tenses up, but I shake my head immediately.
“Shut up, Janelle,” I scold myself. “It’s not him.”
&
nbsp; I really need to stop all this. I need to get my mind right. Chris isn’t who I thought he was, he isn’t coming back and that’s all there is to it. At least I didn’t let him meet Max. After all this, he never will.
I step inside and set my wine glass in the sink. It must be Carla with ice cream and other junk food. She’s not the best at taking no for an answer and knows that I need someone to hang out with tonight.
It’s great to have her as such a good friend.
“So,” I say, grabbing the knob and pulling open the door. “What’d you get? Cookie dough or chocolate chip brownie?”
There she is. Carla is standing on my front steps, just like I thought she would be, with a brown paper bag in her hand. She doesn’t say anything though – just stands there staring at me like she’s been paralyzed or something.
“Hello? Carla?” I wave my hand in front of her face and give her a goofy grin. “Did someone give you a sedative or something?”
But still she doesn’t answer. Just as I’m about to open my mouth to speak again, I understand why. Someone is standing behind her, and I can see by the shoulders that there’s only one person it could be.
Chris.
He steps around her and forces a smile. “Hey, Janelle.”
“We got here at the exact same time,” Carla finally blurts out. She looks at Chris – then at me – then back to Chris before raising her eyebrows at me.
“Do you want me to stay…?”
Part of me really does. I know it’s silly, but having her here makes me feel much more confident and secure. Talking to Chris on my own is risky. I have to restrain myself from giving into his charm and good looks and the things he says. I’ve tried before and it doesn’t work. Obviously, I just don’t have the self-control.
Do I want her to stay?
I look at Chris, and I can see the look in his eye. Something has changed. He’s not here for that. He’s not here to seduce me. It’s impossible to ignore how gorgeous he is, but there’s something on his mind, and I know he won’t be able to say it with Carla around.
