by Ruby Forrest
“Feeling…looser?” Blake asked, drawing the word out. Raelyn felt his voice like a static shock.
Raelyn lifted her arms from the water, pulling herself into Blake’s lap. “Yes. What about you?”
Blake didn’t say anything. Raelyn could feel how hard he was beneath her and she pressed against him, a moan catching in her throat. One of Blake’s hands curled around her hip, nails biting into her skin. He watched her move and Raelyn wondered why he hadn’t done anything, yet.
“Yesterday, you were all over me,” Raelyn said, panting. She barely got the words out before Blake was in her, sudden and hot. Any other words died in her mouth and she moaned, barely holding onto Blake while he started to thrust.
She was too mouthy for her own good. He’d been planning on dragging things out, as usual, but Raelyn’s half-formed accusation broke his patience. She felt too good for him to ignore and he was in her before he could think twice.
Blake watched her bounce and took one of her nipples in his mouth, raking with his teeth enough to make Raelyn jump and gasp. He lost track of what he was doing, but before he knew it, he was pulling Raelyn out of the water and laying her on the floor. She made a startled noise, but he pushed on her back with one hand, watching her slide onto her arms with her ass in the air. He stopped thinking after that, pounding against her and losing himself in the slap of skin until they both finished with a flash of intensity.
Raelyn sighed, one hand pushing hair back from her face. Blake’s run hadn’t done him any good; he’d expected to burn off some energy before going to Raelyn, but instead, he wound himself up so much that he hadn’t been able to hold back when he went back to her. I’ll have all night, he thought to himself. There was no reason to rush. Blake pushed himself upright, leaving Raelyn where she lay as he made his way inside. He didn’t even think about it; he just went in, expecting her to be behind him.
It wasn’t until Blake was in the shower that he realized Raelyn wasn’t with him. He frowned, wondering what she was doing, but the water was on and he wasn’t about to step out. When Blake finished, he walked out to find Raelyn sitting in a robe, scrolling on her phone.
“What are you doing?” Blake asked. Raelyn shrugged. It felt almost like a dismissal and Blake bristled at the way she casually ignored his question.
“I won’t be long,” Raelyn said. She disappeared into the bathroom and Blake frowned. He let her be, moving to the kitchen. She was acting oddly, but she didn’t seem angry. He couldn’t figure out what was wrong—so he gave up.
Raelyn sighed, lifting her leg onto the edge of the tub. There were bruises on the back of her thighs. I guess I can’t go too short with my dress, this weekend. She was tired. Mostly, she was tired of pretending not to care. Of not talking. She wanted to ask Blake questions, like if he’d always been a shifter and if he’d ever told anyone else. What his parents were like. Why he’d chosen the life he did.
She didn’t even know what his favorite color was. Raelyn threw her clothes on after showering; it felt like days since she’d first come to the apartment in jeans and a t-shirt, but they were clean and barely worn. When Raelyn walked into the kitchen, Blake was heating something on a pan.
Raelyn slid onto a barstool, wondering where to start. When she opened her mouth, the first thing that came out was, “Sweet or salty?”
Blake paused. He turned a little to look at her over his shoulder, curiosity and confusion mingled in his expression. “What?”
“Which do you like better—sweet or salty?”
“That depends on my mood,” Blake replied. His smile spread slowly across his face. Raelyn tried to avoid his searching gaze; she could tell he was considering abandoning the food to walk over to her. She didn’t need to lose conversation again to sex, even if it was good.
Raelyn leaned on the bar, chin propped on her hand. “What about cake or pie?”
“Are you going somewhere with this? Because I don’t have either of those here. We could get some, though.”
“I’m trying to…learn,” Raelyn finally said. It felt like a lame explanation. Blake seemed to agree, lifting an eyebrow at her with a critical stare. His mouth pressed into a line and he returned his attention to the stove, adjusting the heat.
“Learn.”
“Yes. I don’t know much about you. What you like.”
“You know what I like. What’s important,” Blake replied, shrugging. It was the answer Raelyn had expected, but not what she’d hoped for. He was pushing back against her attempts. She was frustrated; it was like he didn’t care about her trying at all.
Fine, Raelyn thought. So, I can’t draw him out. She didn’t need to. Either he’d trust her in time or he wouldn’t. In the meantime, she wasn’t going to put her life on hold. “I should head back. I’ll need to do a few things in my apartment before this weekend.”
“You can wait,” Blake said, as if it were a suggestion. She knew it was very close to be a demand. “What do you have to do?”
“I have cats, remember? My sister isn’t going to remember them. One night was bad enough with me calling her three times,” Raelyn said. “And it doesn’t matter what I have to do. I’m going.”
She could tell he didn’t like her second answer, but Blake didn’t say anything else. They ate leftovers in silence and Raelyn coolly ignored Blake’s wandering gaze. He’s not stopping me with any of his distractions. When they finished, Raelyn gathered her things and went to the door. Blake leaned against the door frame.
“This weekend, I’ll send for you at your apartment.”
“I’ll be out,” Raelyn said steadily. She watched Blake’s eyes flash and pretended not to see. “Em is taking me out. I’ll call, or text. I should be free Sunday.”
Raelyn left, trying not to look back over her shoulder. She felt somehow guilty, even though she knew she hadn’t done anything wrong. It felt odd, walking out to the blinding light and the sherbet hues of the sunset. She felt as if she’d been in and out of Blake’s bedroom for an indeterminate amount of time. He’ll come around, she thought, even as she remembered the way he’d looked when she said she’d be busy. It’ll be fine.
Chapter Thirteen
Blake dug the knife into the letter in his hand. He ripped it open in a swift move, watching the stack of folded papers spill onto his desk. Aaron was watching him; Blake could tell how his brother’s stare was resting on him, heavy and significant. Blake could only handle the silent judgment for so long. He gave in after barely a minute, slamming the letter opener on his desk and glaring up at Aaron.
“What?”
Aaron raised both eyebrows, waiting a painful amount of time before speaking. “I take it she kicked you out. Or kicked herself out.”
“I don’t need this from you,” Blake said sharply. He meant it as a dismissal, but Aaron didn’t take it, as usual.
“If you keep treating her like the others, how would you expect her to stay?”
“I don’t want her to stay.”
“Are we playing truth or lie, now?” Aaron replied, crossing his arms. “Because you always lose.”
Blake itched to reach for the letter opener. He wanted to hit a wall. He felt like he was crawling in his skin; he was too tight in his body and the shift was digging into him. It had been too long. The last shift had been before he’d met with Raelyn at the hot tub. There were too many hazy and sensual memories tied to the shift and he wanted to forget.
“She knows. No one can know,” Blake reminded Aaron. His brother rolled his eyes.
Aaron dropped into a chair across from Blake. “You know, I wasn’t going to say anything, but Daniel knows about me.”
Blake froze. Something cold ran through him, like the trickle of condensation down a glass of icy water. He carefully folded his hands on his desk, staring at Aaron. “How bad?”
Aaron made a disgusted noise, crossing his legs. He leaned back in the plush chair he was sitting in, dropping his head into his hand an
d looking at Blake sideways. “It’s not fucking bad, you moron.”
“Who’s the moron here—”
“Well, considering I told Daniel, you. You’re the one that accidentally outed yourself,” Aaron snapped. His usual amused patience was gone. Blake rarely saw his brother so aggravated, but the few times he lost his cheer, they’d usually ended up fighting. Blake could already feel his legs twitching in anticipation, muscles flexing for a run.
“Why the hell would you tell him?”
Aaron sighed through his nose. “Because I trust him.”
“Then you really are the moron.”
“Yeah, sure,” Aaron said, finally rising from his chair. “Maybe think about this for a change—do you even remember who you were, before you started being the person Laura told you to be? Because I do. And I’d honestly take him over you, any day. This Blake does nothing but pout, and I’m tired of it.”
Aaron left. Blake opened his mouth well after he’d left, but nothing came out; just the halfhearted sound of air and jumbled words. Blake was furious, at first. What kind of stupid insult is that supposed to be? He was mostly angry that Aaron had said the name of Blake’s ex; he never had before. It had been the one thing he’d always been respectful about. As much truth as Aaron spoke, he never gave voice to Blake’s bad relationship. Until now. Blake threw his papers into his desk, snatched his jacket from the wall, and left his office early.
***
Emily’s event was another swanky, upscale event. She’d been invited by chance, and she took Raelyn shopping ahead of time, casting a critical eye over the selection of dresses at their usual store. Emily had managed to coax a few details about Blake from Raelyn—enough for her to get the hint that things weren’t perfect, and that Raelyn was frustrated.
“You know,” Emily said, passing a dress to Raelyn. “I think I should have expected this.”
“What do you mean?” Raelyn asked, examining a sizing label.
“I mean, you’re the most driven person I know. You’re always on top of things, and you’re used to cleaning up after other people’s messes. It makes sense that you’d get dragged into this guy’s life.”
Raelyn frowned. Cleaning up messes? It felt true, but that didn’t mean she liked to hear it. It was depressing, being told her life was that sad, even from an outside point of view. Emily was right, though. Raelyn’s job description was handling other people’s messes, and she’d grown up taking care of her twin. But I don’t want to do that for the rest of my life.
“Well, maybe that’s why it’s not working. I don’t want to clean up my partner. I want a break.”
“Maybe he’ll clean himself up,” Emily said, shrugging.
Raelyn cast her friend a doubtful look as they walked into changing rooms. She wasn’t excited about her dresses, but at least it took her mind off the ones Blake had given her. “I doubt it.”
They both emerged. Emily looked pretty, as usual, but Raelyn hated what she was wearing. Emily handed her a dress and Raelyn took three and gave them to Emily. “I think so. I mean—you told me he only keeps girls for a short time, right? He obviously wanted you around a lot. Plus, he bought you stuff. Took you out to a business dinner barely a day or two after you met. I don’t know the detail about your sex life, but…it seems like he’s in the middle of catching feelings.”
Raelyn wanted to tell Emily she was crazy. Instead, she shifted the conversation. Emily’s words didn’t leave her, though. As she was going to sleep that night, thinking about the party, she wondered if Emily was partially right. She’d assumed Blake’s attraction had been normal. That he just had a high sexual appetite and she was just another person to fill the need. Maybe Em’s right. Maybe it’s me and not the sex. Maybe he’s actually starting to want me around.
Raelyn couldn’t stop thinking about it. She left for the party with Emily wondering how to figure out if Blake wanted her, and not just another body. Raelyn barely registered being admitted to the club, or the way Emily disappeared into the crowd. The bar had an empty spot and Raelyn slid onto a seat, trying to think of a plan.
“Hey, beautiful. I don’t think I’ve seen you around.” A man leaned toward Raelyn, smirking. He smelled faintly like whiskey. Raelyn absentmindedly replied, not really thinking about her words, but the man kept talking to her. She wanted to tell him to leave her alone, but at least he was keeping other people away—and he didn’t seem to notice she wasn’t paying attention. She was too busy thinking about another man.
He didn’t expect to see her. At first, Blake thought it was a trick. Raelyn was sitting on a barstool and Blake walked closer, listening to the man making innuendos and leaning too close. Blake couldn’t tell how long they'd been talking, but Aaron’s words came into his mind and then Blake crossed the crowded dance floor before he could figure out what he was going to do.
Raelyn looked up in surprise when he approached them. Blake laid a heavy hand on the man’s shoulder, grinning when he jerked in surprise. Blake settled for his smoothest tone. “Don’t touch things that don’t belong to you.”
The man floundered for an answer. Blake tightened his grip and the man resentfully left. His departure felt like triumph, but when Blake turned to Raelyn, she was glaring at him with a fury he’d never seen before. Her glare sent conflicting urges through him at once—attraction to her fire and dread for whatever he’d done to make her mad.
“What did you just say?”
Blake could barely hear her. Her voice was low and shaking with effort. “I told him to leave off.”
“You told him I was yours,” Raelyn hissed, emphasizing the last word and spitting it out as if it tasted bad. She slid off the stool, snatching her purse from the bar. “I don’t belong to you. Or anyone.”
“I just—”
“The last time someone said that, he was screwing two other women,” Raelyn said. Her words pinned Blake in place. “You can’t have it both ways.”
Raelyn turned on her heel and left. Blake started to follow her, but she made it through the crowd easier and he didn’t even know what he was supposed to say. Damn it, Blake. He’d opened his mouth and it hadn’t been his brain doing the talking; it had been the shifter in him. He’d let his base instincts take over—the need he felt to have her and keep her from anyone else—and she had walked away without hesitation. She’d been right to. Raelyn was attractive to him because she wasn’t submissive; she was a leader. A woman that ran things. And I’ve been holding her back this entire time.
Blake left the party. He felt the gnawing of guilt in his stomach; something he hadn’t felt in a long time. Here I was, thinking about my bad experience, but she never even said anything about hers. Raelyn had allowed Blake to take control and direct her. She had given him that control, maybe expecting that he would need to be comfortable with her, and he’d used it. It was a waste of a woman to push Raelyn down the way he had. He wondered, with a sudden flush of shame, what things could have been like if he hadn’t given her such strict rules. Will I ever get to find out? Blake doubted that she was going to give him a second chance. That was what his first one had been, too.
Raelyn hadn’t expected to hear the words come out of his mouth. She’d known he was different and knew he had bad experiences, even if he’d never talked about them. Raelyn knew she could never imagine what he’d been through, hiding such a huge part of himself, but she’d tried. Except Blake had called her a belonging, and she couldn’t just ignore that.
Lucy was back in town the day after the party. She came by Raelyn’s apartment, fawning over the cats and going on about how her boyfriend—the one she’d crossed an ocean for—had been a waste of time. Lucy laughed and tossed her hair and Raelyn felt like she was looking into another universe, where Raelyn was unapologetic and unafraid.
“How do you do it?” Raelyn asked. Lucy looked up, surprised.
“What do you mean?”
Raelyn waved a hand uselessly. “How do you…keep go
ing? Not feel it so much? I mean, the last guy you dated called you a whore. After what—months of dating? I don’t know how you just move on from that. From trusting and being happy to be dragged through the mud.”
Lucy hummed in understanding. She leaned back into the sofa, crossing her arms. Raelyn waited, taking in her sister as she waited. Lucy was exactly what she looked like; an expensive leather jacket, perfectly tailored jeans, a white t-shirt that was tastefully sheer. Her lipstick was cherry-red, and her hair fell over her shoulders in waves meant to look artless, but everything was perfect. Nothing was out of place with Lucy. She was the cool girl that people wanted to be. Me included.
“I’ve never cared about someone the way you cared about Christian,” Lucy finally said, shrugging with one shoulder. “I think you’re lucky. From where I am, I can’t understand really loving someone so much you start to think about the future. Sure, I’ve had good guys—but I always know nothing lasts. I just enjoy what I have, when I have it.”
That’s sad, Raelyn wanted to say. She felt a little bad for having asked in the first place, but she wanted to know. Needed to know, because Raelyn felt like she was stuck in place. She hadn’t moved since Christian. “I just…I wanted Blake to be different. I knew he was like Christian, like others—but I thought maybe he was changing.”
She can’t say, I thought being a shifter would make things different. Raelyn knew the frustration she felt at giving half-truths was nothing like what Blake probably felt. How can he stand it? How could he keep pushing me away when I knew, and I wanted to try?
“You can’t change people, Rae. You took a chance and it didn’t work the way you wanted it to, but that doesn’t mean you can’t appreciate what was good. I mean, I ate so much ice cream when I broke up with Dan that I gained like a pound or something, but I still enjoyed the hell out of it.”
