He flipped his leather cap back on his curls and gave a stiff upper lip. “Right. Well, I’ll be off then. Good luck to ya.”
“Thanks.” Chandra watched his cocky gait as he made his way down the path to the knee-high gate. Before he reached it, she said. “Has anyone seen Talpidae?”
He turned half around. “Rumors only. But don’t ya be worrying, I’ll find him.” He tipped his cap and was gone.
* * * *
“Hey.” Chandra stroked a gentle hand over Fay’s forehead, waking her from another one of her daily naps under the Live Oak tree that shaded the private balcony off Fay’s room. “It’s another beautiful summer day in Santa Fe.” She tried to sound jovial, but felt nothing even close to cheery. “Aren’t you hot with that scarf on?”
Fay stirred, stretching her arms above her head. “It’s a breathable fabric.”
The depression in Fay’s voice crushed the air from Chandra’s lungs. The blackness of her friend’s gloom surrounded Chandra like a stifling blanket. She struggled free of its pessimistic grip by thrusting her shoulders back in pure determination. She would resist Fay’s merciless pit of negativity. “Hmm,” she chirped. “Starting a new fashion statement, are you?” At the expected silence, Chandra continued with her banter. “I got a letter for you from Logan today. He and his brothers must have created a sandsail express just to get these letters to you. You do realize it takes a good six and a half hours to get here from Sedona, right?”
“Trinidad is only three hours north of here. When are they going to rebuild their home in Colorado and move back there?”
“Do you really care? It’s not like you’re going to move there with them.”
Fay’s disapproving glance shot to her then down at the letter. She reached up, snatched the sealed correspondence from her hand, and put it on the side table. “When is Andonis going to operate on your arm?”
Chandra frowned as she leaned over to pick up the letter once again. “He already did. I’m healing now.”
The corners of Fay’s mouth turned down. “I’m sorry. I didn’t notice.”
The apology she hadn’t expected weakened her anger. “Yeah, I know.” She shrugged. “You’ve been in a dark spiral for a while now. Time to come out of it, girl.” She waved the letter in the air, attempting to turn their musty emotions into a sweeter, more positive energy. “Read it. I know it’ll pick you up. It’s from Logan.”
“How do you know that?”
“Because he uses a fine hand to scribe your name, and he always uses very elegant paper. Drakker’s hand is always heavy on the ink and written on whatever’s at hand.” She sat down next to her, setting the correspondence back on the table. “Now Arlo’s letters always have a scent and something sketched on the back or in a corner. His penmanship is very scrolled at the beginning and end of words. If you look, you’ll see he’s fancy on the F and Y of your name.”
“Hmmm.” Fay raised and dropped her shoulders with an I don’t care attitude. “I never noticed.”
“Because you never look at the letters I give you. Do you realize you’ve had a letter every day for the past three months from one or the other of them?”
“I know you’ve made a big deal about giving me a letter every day.”
Fay’s tone blistered her attitude into irritating prickles running up her arms. She twisted around on the wool blanket next to Fay to take a closer look at her. “What’s happened to you? Why don’t you care about anything anymore?”
Her answer was a shrug. “How are you getting these letters anyway?”
“Well, since you refuse to see any of the Abàn brothers, they’ve taken to sending their messages through the Nodin brothers. Andonis brings one each time he comes to check on your health and mine. Ortello or Nikias deliver the others. I’ve gotten to know all three of them quite well. Faerydae delivered today’s letter.”
“The Nodin brothers?” Fay flashed a rare smile. “How well is quite well?”
“Enough to know, if I had the chance, I’d like to get to know them better.” She smiled. It was a rare moment for Fay to interact with her. It was best if she struck while the iron was hot. “Speaking of men, how long are you going to let your men worry about you?”
Fay’s back stiffened as she swiped the envelope off the table and dropped the unopened letter into a full basket on the left. “I don’t know what you mean. They’re not my men.”
“Really?” Her repressed anger clawed at her insides fighting to get out. “Well, they seem to think they are. Maybe if you read some of those letters you’d see how concerned they are about you, and how much they love and miss you, and—”
“Okay!” Fay sat up straighter. “Okay. I get the picture, Chandra.”
“So?”
“What?” She barked, pulling her quilt up to her chin.
“It’s time you did some reading.”
“Look.” Fay sighed and rolled her eyes, but the shaky timbre in her voice and the sadness in her eyes drew on Chandra’s sympathy. “It doesn’t matter what they say. I can’t…I can’t forget what happened to me.”
“Sweetie, you can’t let what the UG did to you affect the rest of your life. We’re spies.”
“Not any more, we’re not.”
“Fay, whatever happened…happened. We’ve been trained to accept even the worse violations and move on.”
“That’s easy for you to say. Nothing happened to you.”
You couldn’t be more wrong. I’m just not wallowing in it like you. “It’s pretty hard to beat a woman who’s already unconscious. Kind of defeats the purpose of torture, wouldn’t you say? But it doesn’t mean I escaped Landen Reto’s wrath.”
“Whatever happened to you can’t even come close to what he did to me! I took more than my fair share of torture from him to make up for what he couldn’t do to you!”
The unfairness and insensitivity of Fay’s words squeezed at her throat until they choked the breath out of her. To keep from slapping Fay, she gripped her hands on her hips. “I know one thing. If whatever happened to you had happened to me, I wouldn’t let it control me forever. I wouldn’t let it destroy my life.”
“God damn it! It’s not the beating I’m talking about. It’s the other thing they did to me.”
“Well, since you’ve never told any of us what that was, it’s hard to help you.” She was taxing Chandra’s patience like a spoiled child. “So the best I can offer you is…whatever they did to you…get over it, or you’re letting them win.”
“I can’t forget! Anyone looking at me won’t forget it either.”
Her temper ignited like flash paper. “Well, I hate to tell you, Fay, but I’ve been looking at your sour puss for three months. I still don’t know what I’m supposed to see that will forever remind me of your capture. The swelling and bruising from the beating have disappeared. Your face is as pretty as it was. So what is it?”
As usual, Fay got up and stalked off in a huff.
Chandra followed her from the porch back into her room, determined to get to the issue once and for all. “Fay, I’m your friend. We’re like sisters.” She reached out to console her, but Fay jerked away brushing her off. “Damn it, Fay! What did they do to you that you can’t tell even me about?”
“I don’t want to discuss it!”
“I’m trying here, Fay!”
Her lips squished into a fine line of stubborn resolve. “Nothing can be done or changed.”
She drew a tolerant breath and held it in hopes of keeping her anger and hurt from exploding over both of them. One more last-ditch effort, and then I’m done with you, Fay. “If you don’t talk to me, I can’t help you through this.”
“No one can help me!” She jumped forward and pushed at her. “Please, Chandra! Leave me alone.” She headed toward the bathroom. “I’m going to take a shower. Just please, let me be.”
Well, if that just don’t beat it all. Chandra stood in the doorway, her blood boiling from the rejection of her sincere efforts to r
each Fay. Her friend’s unexpected dismissal burned deep into their friendship. “Fine! I didn’t want to spend time with an unappreciative self-indulgent friend who’s only interested in a self-pity party for the rest of her life. I don’t know you anymore, Fay. You’ve turned into someone who doesn’t care about anyone but yourself. And you don’t care who your selfishness hurts.”
“Go away!” Fay slammed the bathroom door.
“I’m going!” Chandra mimicked her by slamming the bedroom door then came back into the room. Using her good arm, she banged hard on the bathroom door. “Just remember, Fay.”
“Go away!” she shouted through the door, but Chandra was determined to have her say.
“God damn it, Fay! Most women can only dream of finding a man who’s kind and loving to her! You’ve got three men devoted to you, and here you sit, punishing them and yourself for something the Underworld government did.”
“Shut up!”
“You can walk, talk, see, hear, and smell. You function just like the rest of us! Emotionally, we’re all damaged goods! It’s called life, Fay!”
The sound of glass smashing against the door filled the silence.
“Just remember, your men aren’t here because they’re still out there fighting to protect you and the rest of us. And you…you should be helping them with your abilities. Instead, you’re handing the UG a win! I never thought you were the kind of girl to give up! The fight in you is what made you a great spy. What happened to you?” At the silence, she finished her thought. “You disappoint me, sister! I’m out of here.” Chandra stalked to the door and slammed it as hard as she could.
Chapter 16
The usual four o’clock tap at the door woke Fay from her nap. The person would tap another four times before going away. It’d been thirty-eight days since Chandra left and returned to the Sedona area. The pile of letters slipped under the front door had to be pretty high by now. The last rap at the door stopped. Fay took a deep breath and held it until she heard the letter swish under the door’s crack. At the release of her breath, she sat up and looked over the back of the sofa to see the shadowed figure through the frosted glass doors turn and walk away.
She took the last two crackers from a crumpled package she’d left there two days ago and shoved one in her mouth. The cracker tasted stale, but not having brushed her teeth yet today, she wanted to get the horrible taste of sleep breath out of her mouth.
Santa Fe summers were stifling. Fay yanked her dirty robe open at the neck. Her hair was wet from sweat. She had no idea how to cool the place down. Chandra had taken care of those details, not her. She’d have to figure it out one day, but until then she’d have to open the back door of the house and hope for a little circulation. The slight breeze that entered dragged a reeking scent to her nose, reminding her she hadn’t showered in days. She didn’t care.
Before swallowing the first cracker, she shoved the second one into her mouth. The wad of dried flakes sucked up the little moisture she had. Panic set in. She couldn’t breathe! Her tongue and the sides of her mouth were coated in a dried ball of soda crackers. Desperate to fill her lungs with oxygen, she coughed, spraying a fan of crackers over the living room floor. Dragging in a ragged breath, she headed toward the kitchen. A forceful cough exited her lungs and forced an even stronger inhalation, causing a painful pinching at the back of her mouth. She coughed again, gripping at her throat. Bits of dried crumbs stuck to the sides of her esophagus, and with each breath she took, the crumbs stabbed at her. She coughed, rushing into the kitchen. Each time she inhaled it made things worse. She gagged, trying like hell to dislodge the shards of crackers from her lungs. Her eyes watered, and her face burned with the heat of her straining breaths. She found a little wine left in the bottom of a dirty glass and tossed her head back letting the liquid bathe the dryness from her throat.
Once she was sure she could breathe again, she dragged herself back toward the living room. Catching a reflection of herself in the dining-room mirror, she stopped to stare at the woman she didn’t recognize. Her cropped hair was greasy, knotted, and stuck up in every direction. Her eyes were shadowed with dark circles. They appeared sunken and as haunted as her soul. Her already pale skin now looked ghostly. In all honesty, she looked as dead as she felt. She stood there in shock, looking at her reflection. She had fallen this far in her life? She walked toward her image, appalled by the neglect reflected in the mirror before her. She ripped open the robe, throwing it on the floor.
Mesmerized, she moved in close to get a good look at her chest. The reflection was slightly lopsided just above her breasts and ran the width of her chest from nipple to nipple. It was the first time she dared to look at the nasty one-inch letters burned into her flesh. Tears filled her eyes as she remembered Logan and Arlo’s words of adoration for her beautiful breasts. Never again would she hear them admire their loveliness. They were ugly and marred. The only thing anyone would ever see now was this. She traced her shaking fingers over the deeply channeled, reddish-black lines running over her otherwise silky skin, to form the brand—TRAITOR.
“Bastards, couldn’t they have at least centered it?”
Logan? That was his voice! Her heart seized. She spun around. “Don’t look!” she screamed, covering the scar with her hands as she dashed to grab her discarded robe. “How the hell did you get in here?” She wrapped the robe around herself and combed through her tousled, dirty hair with her fingers.
“It’s my house. Out of respect for your feelings, my brothers and I have stayed away. We decided, even though it was against every emotion we were feeling, we’d give you the time you needed to get your head on straight.” He cocked his head to the side, looking at her with confusion. “We wanted to let you come to terms with your pain. But when Chandra returned and told us about the circumstances of her leaving—”
“So, why are you here then? Leave me alone in my pain.”
“Chandra returned over a month ago.” He squinted. There was no doubt those fiery slits held his temper back. “It’s been long enough. I decided I’d come over here and take care of things myself. I explained it all in the notes I left with the food. Did you bother to read any of them?”
“No.” She wrapped her robe tighter around her throat, making sure her brand was covered. She tied the belt so tight she could hardly breathe. “I was just going to shower.”
“Not yet. Please.” Logan inclined his head toward the sofa in a silent suggestion they sit. “I’ll only stay for a moment.”
It’d been too long since she’d seen him. Logan seemed even more handsome than she remembered. He looked sexy in his black, leather pants and loose-fitting, canary-yellow shirt. She’d missed him. Honestly missed him. How her heart ached to tell him, but she couldn’t.
He took a spot on the sofa and patted the seat next to him. To control her desire to run into his protective embrace, Fay perched herself on the armrest of a chair across from him, and even that seemed too close.
His look of disappointment couldn’t be missed. His emerald eyes scanned her from head to toe, assessing her appearance. It was then she realized she hadn’t shaved her legs in weeks, or was it months? She flipped the lap quilt she’d tossed in the chair last night over her hairy legs to cover them. “So.” She cleared her throat. “How are you, Arlo, and Drakker doing?”
“To be honest, we’re doing horribly.” He placed his elbows on his knees as he leaned forward. “Looks like you’re doing just as bad.”
She rose. “Logan—”
He followed. “Don’t, Logan me. I want to know what the problem is, and I’m not leaving here until you tell me.” He sat down with a thump and propped his booted feet on the low wooden table in front of him. “As I once told you, you can make this easy on yourself and start talking, or we can spend days here while I try to pry it out of you. But…since I don’t have that kind of time, I thought to speed up the process and brought several bottles of Drakker’s truth serum with me.” He reached into his pocket and pu
lled out the red liquid, giving the bottle a little shake.
Memories of the Drakker’s interrogation and his provocative ways collided with her last torturous interrogation by the UG. The heat of tears burned at her eyes, threatening to spill.
“I can use the serum to force you to talk, but…” Logan cocked a suggestive eyebrow at her. “We’ll have to deal with the aftereffects…it’s up to you.”
A rush of desire began to thaw her cold interior, but she knew the need would never be answered again.
“So…what’s the problem?”
“There’s nothing to talk about.” Her trembling lips made it hard to speak. “You saw it!”
“Saw what?”
“Don’t play stupid with me, Logan! It’ll piss me off even more. You saw it.”
“Fay.” His brows knitted together. “I came in here today to find you naked looking at the branding—oh. God Almighty Fay, don’t tell me it’s that.”
“No? What do you want to hear?” Anger still burned her like the hot tip of the branding iron. She shot up from her perch. “Something stupid? Like I can’t get over a simple beating?”
“It wasn’t simple beating. You could have had a severe brain injury or died.”
Her shoulders collapsed, and her body bent inward. “I wish I could tell you it was the beating. It would be so easy to get over, but I can’t. I was trained to expect a beating, rape, and torture from the barbarians. When you chained me up, I expected Drakker to do one, if not several of those to me. I even thought at one point he was going to poison me, but he didn’t. The barbaric Airbornes I was warned about, and trained against, didn’t hurt me at all. The odd form of interrogation was done with compassion.”
She swiped the falling tears from her face, determined not to cry. “From what I learned from Drakker, it’s a very humane way to gain information from someone, and it was done by the barbarians, not the better than thou Underworld government. Instead, they were the ones to torture and brutalize me. My very own government.”
“I just wish I had gotten there sooner.”
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