by Cassie Mae
Bang!
Both Lex and I jump clean out of our skins as my door swings open, and I grab the comforter and toss it over her chest. Brett isn’t even looking up, eyes trained on the fuel pump in his greasy hands.
“Man, I killed her, I killed her.”
“Dude!” I say, shoving the comforter around my junk now. Brett finally looks up and his eyes bulge out of their sockets.
“Oh, s-sorry.”
Lex starts laughing under the sheets next to me, and I wave my hand at the door. “I’ll look at it in a minute.”
“Yeah, yeah…” He rushes from the room, but not before air-fist-bumping me.
“You owe me twenty bucks!” I call after him. He doesn’t even shut my door.
Sighing and pushing the comforter off, I stroll my naked butt across the room and give us privacy again. Lex’s gorgeous cheeks are indented with dimples, blush filling out the color of her skin.
“Sorry,” I say.
“Better him than Grams?”
“Hell no. I don’t care if Grams sees your boobs.”
“That’s so sweet of you.”
I smirk and sit on the edge of the bed, resting a hand on her foot. Her toenails aren’t painted, and now I know she really isn’t doing okay.
“So… your dad—”
“Is back.”
“For how long?”
She shrugs.
“What does he want?”
She shrugs again.
“Did you talk to him?”
She shakes her head.
“Lex…” I scoot closer and push the comforter over the lower half of my body. “You sure it was him?” I’m thinking that maybe she saw some stranger on the street or something at this point.
She nods, biting her bottom lip and playing with my fingertips. “He showed up at my house.”
“Shit.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“What do you… I mean… are you going to talk to him?”
Her big round eyes look up at me, and I can tell she’s trying to hold it together but she’s just as confused (if not more so) than I am. So I do the thing I wanted to since I saw her at my doorway. I pull her into a hug and hold her in silence for as long as she needs me to.
I can tell she’s drifting after a few long minutes, so I rearrange the blankets, lay her back on the pillow and tuck in next to her. It’s getting late, bed checks will be run tonight when my grandparents get home, so I keep my eye on the clock and let Lex sleep on my arm.
This is huge, and I know Lex likes to handle shit on her own. She’s tough, and I know she can, since she’s been watching over a drunk mother for more than half her adolescence, but I want her to know that she doesn’t have to this time. Whatever crap that douchebag father is trying to pull on her I’ll be there to back her up. She’ll graduate, go to college, and move out like she’s been planning since she was twelve. He’s not screwing that up for her.
The clock ticks on my nightstand, and I don’t want to, but I wiggle from the sheets and stretch out my limbs. I slide into some boxers and a t-shirt, then sneak out of the room, cell phone in hand. Pop-pop and Grams should be home in an hour, and I can still hear Brett out in the garage. As much as I want Lex to stay here and as much as I want to hold her all night, I won’t be able to when we’re caught. And she should not be alone.
I bring up the one contact in my phone who I know will help Lex through tonight when I can’t.
Me: Hey, need a favor.
Kaylee: Sure, what’s up?
Me: Lex’s dad is back in town.
Kaylee: WTF????
Kaylee: When did this happen?
Kaylee: OMG, her mom…
Kaylee: Please tell me Lex is with you.
Kaylee: She’s not answering her phone!!!
Me: She’s with me. Happened earlier today, I guess. I want her here, but Pops and Grams’ll castrate me in my sleep if they find her in my bed, and I don’t want her on the couch…
Kaylee: On my way.
Me: Thanks.
Me: Oh, and warning you, she might be pissed that I texted.
Kaylee: I will pretend you didn’t.
Me: We both know what a good liar you are. *cough, cough*
Kaylee: Well, lying isn’t good for anybody. Driving now. Talk soon.
Me: Thanks, Kaylee
Then I set my phone on the charger and go hold Lex some more so she knows that when her dad leaves again, I’ll still be here.
Chapter 3
Lexie
I don’t know what time it is, and I don’t really care. What I do know is I can’t stay here. Grams will have us both in chastity belts, and honestly, that would be a travesty. But I don’t want to go home either. The minute I walk through the door, I’ll have to face reality and I’m not ready. Not yet.
Maybe not ever.
Ryan hugs me closer, and I snuggle into his sandalwood-scented chest. I relish in the familiar comfort and hold on a little tighter.
He brushes my hair back and kisses my forehead. “You want to talk about it?”
I look down at my yellow nails, wishing I could go back to when I was painting them. Back before my deadbeat dad showed up on my doorstep. Do I want to talk about it? No. I want to pretend it never happened. That it was just another one of my nightmares. Unfortunately, it wasn’t a nightmare, and there’s no waking up. The only thing that makes it a little easier is knowing that, just like my nightmares, Ryan will be there when I need him most.
I force a smile. “Talking is so overrated,” I say and press my lips to his neck, dragging my tongue along the soft, smooth skin, then nibble his earlobe.
He runs his hands over my cheeks and pulls me back gently. “Evil wench,” he hisses through his teeth. “I know what you’re doing…”
“You need to stop talking,” I say and go to kiss him, but he shifts away from me. He locks my wrists together as if it pains him to stop my super addictive advances. He had the same look on his face when we got dressed. I convinced him to lie back down with me at least.
“No,” he says. “You need to start talking.”
“What is there to talk about? My dad is back. Whatever.” I go to brush off the whole situation when Ryan’s door swings open and Kaylee bounces in, her hand over her eyes as she tries to navigate the room blindly.
She bumps into his dresser and knocks a box of condoms to the floor. “Whoops,” she squeals. “Is the coast clear?”
“Open your eyes,” I say.
Her hand falls from her lids and she picks up the dropped box and sets it back on the dresser. “Oh, those are good ones,” she says, making Ryan’s ears go up in smoke. I hold back an amused grin, and Kaylee flips her braid over her shoulder. Her big cartoon like green eyes are full of concern, and I don’t even need to ask a single question. I already know.
I turn to Ryan and swat his chest a little harder than I mean to.
“Ow! What was that for?”
“You have a big mouth.”
He rubs at his chest. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Try again, Barney.” I twirl my finger at his purple face.
He tucks my hair behind my ear and rests his palm against my cheek. His beautiful brown eyes gaze into mine, and darn it, I can see the truth. He didn’t do it because he has a big mouth. He did it because he cares. Because more than anyone, he gets me. Even if I don’t say a single word, he knows exactly what I’m feeling and what I’m thinking. He knows the last place I want to be is home.
“I wish you could stay here with me, but I like my manhood intact.”
“She likes it too,” Kaylee says and my cheeks turn into an inferno, but when she and Ryan laugh I can’t help but laugh too. “Besides that, big mouths don’t exist when it comes to besties. We tell each other everything. And if you thought for even one minute you weren’t going to tell me about this, well then we would have had some major—”
I hold my hand up and cut off her tirade. “I was going to tell
you.” Kaylee’s hands land on her hips, and she juts her left side out, head tilted down with her eyebrow raised. “Okay fine. I might not have planned to tell you anytime soon, but I was going to tell you.”
“Have you not learned anything from Ryan’s moment of stupidity?”
“Hey!” Ryan exclaims, but Kaylee raises her eyebrow to new heights. “Yeah okay it was stupid.”
“Secrets don’t work with us,” Kaylee says. “They always come out and people get hurt. I for one never want that to happen again. Now get that cute little butt of yours off the bed and get your stuff. We have a girls night planned.”
“We do?” I ask a little less than thrilled.
“There will be none of that Miss Alexis Boggs. You are going to come with me and we are going to drink hot chocolate while drooling over Ryan Gosling’s chest in Crazy Stupid Love and you are going to like it.”
“Any chance of a pillow fight?” Ryan asks and I give him another love tap.
“No. So I don’t want to find you and Nate outside my bedroom window trying to get a glimpse,” Kaylee says with a giggle as she grabs my purse from the floor.
Brett appears in the doorway and hitches his thumb over his shoulder. “Hate to break up the party, but Grams and Pop-pop just pulled into the driveway.”
Kaylee wraps her hand around my wrist and yanks me off the bed. I want to know where she stores all that superhuman strength in that tiny frame of hers. Maybe that’s why her boobs are so big. They’re storage units!
I giggle to myself and Kaylee doesn’t bat an eyelash. She probably thinks I’m laughing at the situation.
She pushes Brett out the door and lets go of my hand. “You have two seconds, starting now.” She turns on her heel and disappears into the hallway.
Ryan doesn’t waste a single one of those seconds, wrapping his arms around my waist and tugging me tight against him. “You’re not mad at me, right?” he asks against my ear.
“At you? Never.”
“Well that’s a big fat lie.”
I smile. “I could never be mad at you for knowing exactly what I need when I’m too stubborn to admit it.”
“I wish I had a recorder right now. Can I grab my phone and you can repeat that statement?”
I laugh and lean in, pressing my lips to his. “Repeat what?” I say against his mouth.
“Two seconds is up,” Kaylee says from the doorway.
Ryan holds my face on either side and kisses me gently. “Call me if you want to talk. I’ll sleep with my phone.”
“I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
***
We escape Ryan’s with no lecture from Grams. I walk out of his bedroom and into the living room right before they stepped through the door. Close call. Kaylee starts asking them a million questions about their date to the movies and by the time we leave we have a care package of brownies and cookies.
“The dresses are in the back,” Kaylee says, pointing to her closet. “Between my Mom’s vintage collection and all the dresses I’ve worn for swing competitions, I’m sure you’ll find something. You are not missing prom over a dress!”.
She sits on the bed with the delicious treats from Grams in front of her and sips a cup of hot chocolate while I give up the good fight and scrounge through her closet. I push the hangers out of the way, getting to the dresses that take up the whole far side. How many dresses does one girl need? Seriously it’s like a bridesmaid convention in here. I take out a red satin number with a heart shaped top and hold it up to myself.
“Love that color for you. Try it on.”
I give Kaylee the evil eye. I’m already looking, and that’s more than I planned for to begin with, but she matches my glare and amps up the intensity. She’s like a loris, all big eyed and adorable, but cross her path and she can be deadly.
“Fine,” I grumble and slip out of my jeans.
“So tell me everything,” Kaylee says, taking another sip from her mug.
“Just like I said to Ryan, there’s nothing to tell. We were out celebrating Mom’s three month sobriety and when we got home he was there.” I pull the dress into place and keep my eyes on the red satin. “I didn’t even know who he was.” My throat burns with a mixture of emotions I can’t quite pinpoint. I want to cry, but I don’t think I’m sad. I want to scream, but I’m not exactly sure I’m angry either.
“He’s changed then?”
“I was seven the last time I saw him. It was over a decade ago, so yeah he changed. He seemed shorter than I remember. But maybe I just got taller? His hair was darker and his skin had more color. He had wrinkles around his eyes. His voice was rougher even though when he spoke you could tell he was trying to be smooth.”
“What did he want?”
I shrug. “I don’t know. I ran out of there before I could find out.”
“Do you want to know?”
The muddled up mess of emotions burning in my throat tries to push up to my eyes, but I force them back down. He doesn’t deserve my tears. I don’t trust him. How can I?
A light bulb flashes in my head and I finally realize why I can’t figure out what I’m feeling. It’s because I’m feeling everything. Sadness, anger, hurt, panic, remorse, shock…It’s all forming a tight ball in my mind and bouncing around in a confused circle.
Mainly, I’m pissed at myself for allowing this man, who abandoned my mother, who abandoned me and never looked back, to have any effect on me at all.
“For so long I missed him. I held onto this single shred of hope that he would come back and rescue me from the hell I was living in. But he never did and now I know he was the reason I was in hell. He left me. For ten years he has never made a single phone call to see if I was okay. He didn’t care. So why do I even care?”
Kaylee jumps up from the bed knocking a brownie to the floor and she yanks me against her. I ignore the fact my cheek is pressed against her boobs. Maybe she can let me borrow some so I can actually fit in this dress.
“Because beneath your tough girl exterior, you have a huge heart, and he might have abandoned you, but he’s still your father. You held on to hope for so long…he just showed up a little too late.”
Kaylee steps back and I give her a reassuring smile. “I’m okay now.”
Her eyebrow rises in doubt, but I don’t let the smile slide away. She puts the menacing eyebrow back in place and focuses on the dress I’m currently holding up since I have no boobs to do so. “Maybe we can take it in?” she says and yanks the material so tight I think the little bit of boobage I have is going to pop and deflate.
She continues to fuss with the dress while I mull over her words. If my dad showed up a year or two ago, would things have been different? Would I have leapt into his arms and held on without a single question? Probably. But I’m not that girl anymore. I’m stronger. Smarter.
He wouldn’t show up without an agenda. I just need to find out what that agenda is before he skips town again.
Chapter 4
Ryan
Being a senior in the month of May is like running a 5K and seeing the finish line, but there’s a giant clear wall in front of your face you gotta climb first. That wall is called finals, and as Mr. Berkins wipes the white board clean and starts writing the schedule for the last test I’ll ever take in Physics. I slump in my seat and stick my hand in my hoodie pocket. My hand wraps around my phone and I give Mr. Berkins another quick glance before swiping a text template I’ve saved that goes directly to Lex with one push.
Me: I love you
Mr. Berkins caps the dry erase marker and turns around. He looks like he got ran over by a truck. His dark hair sticks out in the back, his goatee has fuzzed out in uneven patches along his cheeks, and his button up is half tucked in, half pulled out.
“Feel free to use the rest of the period to study the practice tests at the end of each chapter in your books.” Man… even his voice sounds out of it. He lazily points to the white board with the black marker. “You’ll have
100 multiple choice questions, ten long answer questions, and one essay question on the back. I have three library passes—”
Hands fly into the air, mine included. I can feel Lex’s response buzz in my pocket, and our librarian doesn’t give a rat’s ass if we’re on our phones.
Mr. Berkins lets out a long sigh, then jabs his finger at Elise, Haley, and… Nate.
I scoot up in my desk, trying to use telepathy with my best friend before he leaves. He catches my eye as he reaches down for his backpack.
Hey, I say with my mind, Let me have the pass?
Nate and I have known each other long enough that these conversations work, and he hangs his head slightly, hand pausing on his bag before mind-talking back. You know Kaylee has library study this period.
I nod, then pull my phone out a little so he can see it. Lex and I need to talk. I’ll owe you big.
He rolls his eyes and turns in his seat. “Mr. Berkins, Ryan can have my pass.”
Our teacher waves me to his desk, and I nod over to Nate to tell him thanks, but he’s already pouring over his textbook and jotting notes. I’ll thank him later.
After grabbing the pink pass, I duck into the hallway and whip my phone out.
Lex: You bored already? Class just started, lol.
At least she seems in a good mood. She’s been acting as if her dad showing up doesn’t bother her. Said something to Kaylee about how he’s not going to pull her happiness out from under her feet like he did before… not sure how Kaylee phrased it, but I know what it’s like to shove away at feelings so you don’t have to deal. And when it explodes, it’s not pretty. So, needless to say, I’m a bit worried about my girlfriend.
I take the turn I need to get to the library doors, and then push my way in as quietly as I can.
Me: Gotta study. Physics final *makes gagging noise* See you after class.
Then I tuck my phone away and search the room for Kaylee. I spot her waving me down, big green eyes wide as the sun as I make my way to her.
“Mr. Berkins gave you a pass. Fate is on our side today,” she says, scooting her chair closer to mine as I sit. One of her long blonde braids tickles the skin on my arm as she maneuvers through her backpack.
