Irreparably Broken
By H. D’Agostino
Irreparably Broken
H. D’Agostino
Copyright © September 2014 by Heather D’Agostino
All Rights Reserved. This book may not be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission from the author. Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of the author’s rights. All characters and storylines are the property of the author and your support and respect is appreciated. The characters and events portrayed in this book are fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.
The following story contains mature themes, profanity, and sexual situations. It is intended for adult readers.
Cover design by Kari March at K23Designs
Photography: Kelsey Keeton of K Keeton Designs
Model: Grant Mroz and Tessi Conquest
ISBN: 978-0-9912075-8-9
Table of Contents
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 1
Maddie
“Hi, my name is Madison,” I waved my hand around at the group of strangers surrounding me. I’d never been to this group before, and I still wasn’t sure about whether I would become a regular or not. It had been a long day at work, and this spot happen to be closer to where I was at the moment than my usual one.
"Hi Madison," the chorus of voices called as I slumped back into my chair. I twisted my hands together and sighed. When would I be to the point where I wouldn't need these meetings? When would I get to that place in my life that everyone kept promising was in my future? It had been five years now, and it seemed that I was never going to escape my past. Every time I thought I was rounding a corner, something would trigger a memory and send me stumbling back into the darkness.
ooooooooo
After listening to yet another stranger spill their guts to the room about their latest triumph or downfall, I blew out a breath. Maybe I could sneak out. Maybe I could skip just this once, and the dreams would stay away. I was exhausted after all. Whenever I was tired, the monsters of the past seemed to leave me alone. Who was I kidding…I knew deep down that as soon as my head hit the pillow I'd been battling Richard all over again.
"You're new," a young blonde bounced up beside me as the group leader was closing the meeting.
“Uh yeah, I guess,” I muttered as I pulled myself to a standing position beside her. She was petite, and I stood a good head above her with my tall frame. I turned to head for the door, not really wanting to talk to anyone, but this girl had other plans as she bounced along beside me.
"You wanna grab a coffee or something?" she smiled at me. "I'm usually too worked up after one of these to go home."
"Maybe another time?" I begged as I draped my jacket over my arm. "I'm rather tired tonight."
“Sure…ok,” she dropped her chin and began kicking her toe at the ground as she turned away from me.
I don't know why I felt bad for ditching this girl I didn't even know her, but my instincts told me she needed a friend. I sucked in a breath as I looked longingly at the door before glancing back at her. "I guess I could put off going home a little longer."
"Really?" she beamed up at me. "I just thought…" she trailed off.
“No, it's ok," I motioned towards the door for her to go ahead. "I'm Madison, by the way, but you can call me Maddie."
"Erin," she stuck her hand out. "I've been coming here awhile, but I've never seen anyone my age before."
"Really?" I followed her as she shoved open the heavy door, and we made our way out onto the busy streets of Boston.
"Yeah," she nodded as she led us around the corner to Cool Beans. "I mean don't get me wrong, I don't mind spending time with the older crowd, but I'm only thirty. I don't have much in common outside the group with a forty-five year old."
"I guess you're right," I heaved the door open and held it for us as she made her way in and up to the counter. "It's like that where I work," I shrugged. "My boss is younger than me, married, has kids…we only really have our job in common." I didn't want to tell Erin that everything Hannah had, and I wanted too. I longed for a family that loved me. A husband who would come home and wrap me in his arms, children running and squealing through the house. I wanted it all. I had thought that I'd get it with Richard, but I was sorely mistaken.
"What do want? My treat," Erin nudged my side bringing me back to the present.
“Just a house blend,” I mumbled as I glanced around the small store. I’d never run into Richard on this side of town, but I was always hyper-vigilant when I was out.
"You ok?" Erin handed me my steaming cup as she turned and searched for a place for us to sit.
“Sure,” I muttered as we sank down onto the plush cushions of a nearby sofa. “My ex doesn’t live far from here. I don’t like being in his neighborhood,” I scanned my surroundings again before beginning to relax.
"You have a restraining order, right?" Erin sipped her coffee as she watched me fidget.
“Of course, but that doesn’t always work,” I sighed.
"I can't argue with that," she shook her head "That's why I moved all the way across the country."
"I'd do that if my family weren't here," I shrugged and leaned back into the couch. "My mom and sister are all I have. I can't leave them," I mumbled.
"So were you married or just dating," she watched me out of the corner of her eye.
"Excuse me?" I swallowed.
“The ex,” she lifted a shoulder. “Were you married or just dating?” She sat back and watched me as if she was waiting for me to explode on her.
"That's a little personal don'tcha think?" I cocked my head to the side.
“Well…we’re all at group for the same thing…I already know your secret, so why not confide in me. They say it’s good to have someone to count on,” she lifted a brow and sipped her coffee again.
“I just…” I shifted nervously. Could I spill my guts to a complete stranger? One that I’d just met less than twenty minutes ago? Could I tell her about the demons that haunted me?
"Come on," she pushed on my knee. "I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours."
"I don't know if I can," I swallowed.
"His name was Gavin," Erin began. "We were high school sweethearts. He was the sweetest boy I'd ever met until he'd start drinking. The first time he hit me, and he apologized and told me it would never happen again. I believed him, until it did happen again." She looked up at me as a tear ran down her cheek, "The last time he hit me, he broke my nose. That was two years ago. I packed and left that night." She wiped at her eyes before turning her gaze back to me, "Your turn."
I inhaled deeply before squeezing my eyes shut and going back to a time I wished was just a nightmare, and not my past.
“Madison!!!!” Richard’s voice bellowed as he stormed in the house searching for me. I don't know what I'd done this time to set him off, but I knew if I didn't face the music now, it would be worse when he found me.
"In here," I called from the kitchen.
"What did I tell you about dinner?" he growled.
“It’s almost ready,” I took a few steps back away from him. “I made your favorite…see?” I pointed to the oven where a roast was cooking.
"I told you that I like to eat when I get home," he clenched his jaw. "What time do I get home Madison?"
“Five-thirty," I whispered.
"What was that?" he narrowed his eyes on me.
"Five-thirty, Sir," I took another step back.
“And what time is it now?” he voice dropped even deeper and more menacing.
"Five-thirty?" my lip began to tremble. "Rich…" I slowly began to creep towards the door to the dining room. "It only needs five more minutes…I thought I'd try to surprise you."
“I don’t know how many times I’ve told you what I expect when it comes to dinner,” he roared as he charged towards me. “I’ve said this at least a hundred times…WHEN I COME HOME, DINNER SHOULD BE ON THE TABLE!!!!”
Before I could duck and get out of his way, I felt his fist slam into the side of my face. I recoiled against the shooting pain that was radiating outward from my eye. I cupped my cheek and scrambled back away from him as he stood seething over me.
“See what you did?” he yelled. “This is all your fault! You made me do this! Why?” he moved closer as I crouched in the corner of our dining room. “Clean this mess up!" he demanded. "I'm going out," he turned, grabbed his coat, and stormed out the door like a charging bull.
"That night was only the first of many," I glanced up at where Erin was watching intently. "I always thought he would change, but he never did."
“We all think that,” Erin sighed wistfully.
ooooooooo
The bell on the door to the coffee shop dinged alerting a new group of customers, and I jumped to crane my neck. No matter how hard I tried, I was always prepared to run into Richard. He'd broken his restraining order once before, but after I had pressed charges, he'd stayed away. I always wondered if he was plotting a way to get back at me though. It never mattered that he was the one with the problem. He always found a way to make it mine. I lived in constant fear of him. Fear that he'd attack me when I least expected. Fear that he'd show up at my office. Fear that I'd never find someone to love me the way I should be loved. Fear that I was to remain in this state of in between for the rest of my life. I had often wondered if I was irreparably broken, and if I could ever be put back together.
"You ok," Erin placed her hand on my knee. "You seem to be off in another world.
“This is normal for me,” I gave a half smile. “I can’t seem to stay out of the past. Knowing that he could walk in the door at any minute has me on edge. His office is right around the corner."
"Can I ask you something then, and please don't take offense at this…why did you pick the meeting that you did?"
"My office is two blocks away," I bit my lip. "I usually go to the spot near my apartment, but I was in a rush tonight, and decided to catch this one."
"So you're not coming back then?" Erin frowned.
"Probably not," I muttered. "I can't handle this stress.
"Could you give me the address to your regular meeting spot? I'll switch," she grinned. "I don't have many friends here. I'd like to have you as one…that is if you're ok with that. I mean…how many people understand what we're going through?"
"Sure," I smiled. "I'd like that too."
I pulled out a scrap of paper and jotted down the address to the church that was down the block from my place. "Here…we meet on Wednesdays," I handed her the paper. "I hope you can make it."
"Thanks," she stuffed the paper in her purse and glanced at her watch. "Well… I better go. It's getting late."
"Yeah…I got an early day tomorrow, and a busy afternoon," I stood and tossed my cup into the trash nearby.
“What do you do?” Erin asked as we headed for the door.
“I’m a vet,” I smiled a genuine smile. I loved my job, and talking about it always brought joy.
"Cool," she giggled. "I love pets."
“Me too,” we stepped out on the street together. “Well, I'll see you next week," I called as we parted ways, and I headed towards my car. I knew I needed to get home and try to sleep. Not that I'd be able too, but I needed to try. Maybe my newfound friendship would help. Maybe not, only time would tell.
Chapter 2
Maddie
As the early morning light filtered through my bedroom window, I stretched and yawned. It had been another rough night, and I was not ready to start the day yet. Richard had dominated my dreams. The sheets that were twisted around my sweat-soaked body were proof that I'd spent most of the morning hours fighting the demons in my head. I sighed as I rolled to the side and climbed out of bed. After grabbing a towel, I made my way into the bathroom. Maybe a hot shower would help motivate me for the day.
While the hot water beat down on my shoulders, I pinched my eyes shut and groaned. My muscles ached from being so tense for so long. Sleep had never been restful for me, and even though I was away from him, I spent most of my time in a perpetual state of high alert. It was as if I was always prepared for him to show up where ever I was, and I wanted to be ready.
When I stepped out of the shower and stood in front of the mirror, I swiped my forearm across it trying to remove the fog. As much as tried to ignore her, the girl that stared back at me laughed. She knew all the times that I’d tried to hide the bruises, the cuts, and all the signs that Richard left…she knew all my secrets, and she mocked me when I faced her. It still hurt when I looked at myself. I could still remember all the lies I told friends…family…coworkers...all the lies that tumbled out of my mouth to explain away all the so-called accidents.
I lifted my hand and let my index finger trail along the light scar on my jaw. It was only visible when I washed the makeup off my face. Normally I kept it hidden. As one of my first reminders of Richard and what he was capable of, I examined it on a daily basis. I asked myself often, who would want me like this? Who could love a woman who was so damaged and broken? Was there a man out there that I could trust? If I found one…could I let him in?
I blew out a breath and shook my head, "Maddie, and you are so messed up you'd be lucky to find anybody." I turned and tightened my grip on my towel as I made my way back into my bedroom. After drying off, I dressed in a pair scrubs, twisted my hair up into a messy knot on top of my head, and began the process of making myself presentable.
ooooooooo
Looking nice had never been a problem when I was younger. All through high school and through much of my college years, I was a normal girl. Not in the popular crowd, but not an outcast either. I ran more in the middle of the pack. I was five foot five inches with long brown hair. I always had thought I was rather plain, but when Richard had noticed me, I began to see myself differently.
I had been sitting under a tree on the quad at school when he came up at plopped down beside me. “I didn’t know they let girls into Harvard,” he glanced at me and gave an amused smile. I wasn’t one to let a guy crack a joke at my expense, so I shrugged as I retorted with, “Yeah they do, but you might want to hurry home to mommy so you can watch cartoons while you finish your homework."
“Ouch,” he placed his hand over his heart and crinkled his nose. “I’m Richard,” he held his hand out to me to shake and I gripped it firmly. "Madison, but you can call me Maddie," I smiled.
“Ok Madison,” he shifted himself so he could sit beside me. “Mind sharing the shade? I’ve got some studying of my own to do.”
I furrowed my brow in confusion at him using my given name, but quickly recovered when he sank down beside me and pressed his muscled frame into the tree trunk... “Not at all,” I moved over to give him some space.
"Thanks," he grinned at me as he pulled a binder from his backpack.
"What are you studying?" I craned my neck to see if I could read what was written on the top of his note
book.
"Criminal Justice. I'm going to be a lawyer," he lifted a highlighter and began marking up the pages before turning towards me, "You?"
"I want to be a veterinarian, but I've got to get into vet school first. Just basic classes right now," I held up an English Lit book as I rolled my eyes. "My mom wanted me to come to school here. It's just her now, so I figured I could do this for a little while before transferring."
"You doing anything later tonight," his eyes twinkled as he cocked his head to the side. The tone of his voice set off warning flags, but the look in his eyes made me ignore them. I'd been at Harvard for a year, and no guy had ever approached me. I had begun to wonder if I was just that undesirable.
"No, nothing but me and the books," I shrugged.
"Wanna grab dinner with me? I mean…if you're not busy with the books, and all."
"Sure," I grinned. "Dinner sounds nice. I live in Hawthorn," began shoving items that I'd sprawled around me back into my bag. I knew if I was going on a date I needed to get back to the dorms and get ready.
"Where are you going?" he glanced up as I stood.
"Home," I bit my lip.
"So…seven? Does that work for you?" he placed his binder beside himself and stood.
“Sure…seven is great. I’ll see you later,” I smiled as I walked away.
If I'd known then what I know now, I would have run as fast as I could in the other direction as soon as he had sat down with me. Things didn't start off bad, but they never do. This type person…they find a way to insert themselves into your life at every turn. I didn't know it then, but by telling him where I lived…he made sure he knew everything about me.
ooooooooo
"Who was that you were talking to?" Richard wrapped his fingers around my arm and squeezed it tightly.
"We have Chem Lab together," I narrowed my eyes at him. "He wanted to study later."
"What did you tell him?" his fingers tightened even more.
"Owe, you're hurting me," I whimpered as I tried to pull away. "I wasn't doing anything."
Irreparably Broken (The Broken Series Book 1) Page 1
