“Fine by me,” he says, before nodding towards the stage.
I glance over my shoulder at the mic stand, waiting for its singer, and my body yearns to be behind it. I used to live and breathe music, and I miss it. I miss the thrill of performing, knowing I’m putting everything out there and not knowing if my audience will appreciate what I’m saying to them. I miss the rush of excitement when the applause begins, and seeing the smiles on people’s faces.
“Go on,” he encourages like he can read my mind.
I put down the cloth in my hand and hesitantly walk over.
As I stand and look out over the empty bar, my heart pounds and white noise fills my ears. I can’t do this without her.
Suddenly the music goes off and the lights dim. When I look up, Dec is slowly walking towards me.
“It’s just me and you, baby.”
Heat races through my body, once again giving my heart the impression that there might be something here—something serious.
Shaking my head, I bat away those thoughts and concentrate on what he’s asking me to do.
After handing me a glass full of amber liquid, I watch as he sits in the closest chair to me and rests back as he waits for the show to start. I neck the drink, my palms sweating and my hands shaking against the mic stand as I try to drag up as much courage as I can.
Closing my eyes, all I see is her. Mum sat right in front of me with a smile on her face, waiting to hear my voice. She never made a secret of how much she loved to hear me sing, and I know she had visions of me living out the dream she never achieved after getting pregnant with me so young. Mum was incredibly talented; not only with her voice but also with almost any instrument you gave her. I’ve no doubt my abilities come from her. I know I should be grateful, but right now, doing this brings back so much pain that I almost want to hate her for it. She’s taken away something I loved so much. My release, my escape from reality has gone. Gone along with her.
I let out a slow, shaky breath, and suddenly words start to fall from my lips. They’re probably too quiet for even Dec to hear in this silent and empty bar, but I don’t care because they mean everything to me.
The longer I sing, the more confident I begin to sound as the lyrics from Damien Rice’s Cannon Ball fill the space around me.
All the bullshit from the last few years disappears, and suddenly I’m up on stage in our local pub singing my heart out for Mum, who’s sat centre stage as always, and the locals who are all lapping up my words. She mouths every single word along with me.
Then, I make a huge mistake.
I open my eyes.
She’s gone.
Replaced by a very concerned looking Dec. My words slowly come to a stop and I wipe away tears I didn’t know had fallen.
A panic like I’ve never felt before knots my stomach. I’ve worked so hard to show everyone that I’m okay, that I’ve dealt with everything, but I fear I’ve just shattered that illusion—for Dec, at least.
My shaking hand reaches back and I grab my phone. I pull up a playlist and quickly scroll for something, anything that will change the tone of this evening and make Dec forget about what he just witnessed. I know my time is short; he’s going to say something any second. He’s going to question me, and I’m going to break.
Hitting play on Rihanna’s Rude Boy, I turn it up loud.
Declan’s eyes instantly light up, his concern replaced by heat. I’m not stupid enough to think it isn’t temporary.
I move my hips in time with the music and I watch Dec’s gaze as it drops from my eyes down to my body.
When I start singing, his focus is back on my face, and thank fuck, because I get to witness what the words do to him. His usually bright blue eyes darken until they almost look black from this distance. His lips press into a thin line and I can see a muscle in his neck pulsate as his body tenses.
I put more effort into my dancing than I do the words, and use the mic stand as a prop to roll my hips against.
I don’t think I get halfway through the song before Dec’s striding towards me with determination. My stomach clenches at the look of promise on his face. I’m pretty sure he’s about to put the words I just sang to him into action.
“You’re a fucking tease,” he whispers before he wraps one hand around my ponytail and tugs my head so it’s at the right angle to slam his lips down on mine.
I hear the crash of the mic stand as it goes down before I slam back against the wall. His kiss is wet and dirty as he thrusts his hips into my stomach, showing me what I’ve done to him. I take everything he’s got, glad to be able to focus on it rather than the emotions that were running through my body only minutes ago.
“We need to leave before I fuck you up against this wall for everyone to see.”
It’s a pretty empty threat because it’s dark out and hardly anyone comes down here this time of night, so it doesn’t deter me that much from allowing it to happen.
Dec is obviously serious because he pulls his lips from my neck and takes a giant step back.
“Fuck,” he groans, running his hands through his hair as if he’s in pain. My nipples are pebbled against the fabric of my bra, so I’ve no doubt he can see them. “We need to get out of here now. Bailey,” he calls, and I instantly hear his claws on the wooden floor.
I’m still in a daze, but somehow Dec has managed to get Bailey on his lead and shut everything down for the night. With Bailey and his keys in one hand, he grabs one of mine in the other and pulls me towards the front doors.
“Have you got your car?”
“No, we walked.”
“Okay, get in,” he demands when we walk up to his van behind the shack.
The short drive home is terrifying; anyone would think Dec’s desperate to get somewhere. He throws the van around the corners and then comes to a screeching halt outside my house.
The second we’re inside, he lifts me up and throws me over his shoulder before marching me up the stairs.
“You fucking asked for this, remember that,” he warns before slamming the door behind us and throwing me down on the bed.
Declan
The look in her eyes as she sang that song is something I’m pretty sure I’m never going to forget. Nicole’s always seemed so strong. Even as a child she appeared unbreakable. It was another reason why I teased her so relentlessly—I knew she could take it and would probably give back as good as she got. Even at her mum’s funeral she was solid, admirably so. But tonight, she showed her true feelings. She’s scared and vulnerable. It was instantly obvious to me that she’s been putting a brave face on everything, and I accepted it. I naively assumed that she was okay. I believed her façade.
I pull her down onto my chest after she’s ridden me to orgasm. I intended to talk to her about that song and everything she’s been through, but the second she started fucking dancing, I was a goner. I couldn’t focus on anything but getting inside her. The way her hips moved as she sang words that had my dick throbbing for her. Fuck me. There was plenty of time for talking afterwards.
Her red hair falls over my arm and tickles down my side as her panting breaths caress my chest where her head’s resting on my pec. I run my hand down her side and don’t miss the goosebumps that erupt across her skin at my touch. I always knew this fiery redhead had a temper, but I never imagined she’d be just as feisty in bed.
Putting my lustful thoughts aside, I concentrate on what I really need to talk to her about.
“I believed you, you know.” My words make her look up and her big green eyes plead with me not to go there. “I bought your act. I thought you were fine. I realise that I’ve totally underestimated everything you went through.”
“Dec, please,” she begs, her eyes starting to fill with tears.
“No, we need to talk about it. You need to talk about it, because I have a feeling you’ve been bottling all this up for a long time.” I desperately want to cave, say okay and roll her over for another round, but I know that won’t d
o either of us any good. “Tell me what it was like.”
She lets out a long breath as she thinks. “You remember watching Lilly give birth?” I nod, because that is something I’ll never forget. “She was in so much pain but she was about to bring these two amazing little people into the world, and all would be forgotten. Now imagine watching the person you love most in the world in that same pain, but knowing there’s no happy ending. The only way for the pain to go is for them to no longer be here.”
I swallow down a huge lump in my throat as Nicole’s tears drop onto my chest. “I’m so sorry.” I’m not really sure what else to say.
“For what? It’s not your fault. It’s not anyone’s fault. It just was what it was.”
“Saying that doesn’t make it any easier though, does it?”
She shakes her head. “I miss her, Dec. So fucking much.” I pull her close as she sobs against my chest. I run my hand up and down her back, vowing to hold her for as long as she needs to start putting herself back together again. Properly.
When she eventually looks up at me again, her eyes are red and tired. My heart aches for her and everything she’s trying to deal with, I wish I could take it all away.
“Dec?”
“Yeah?” I ask, pushing a lock of her hair behind her ear.
“I really want some ice cream.”
“Have you got any?”
“I haven’t even got a freezer.”
Realising she’s really asking me to go to the shop, I gently slide her from my chest and get out of bed. She pouts but when I mention that when I get back in it’ll be with a tub of her favourite ice cream, she perks up a little.
I hate leaving her when she’s upset, but if ice cream will make her smile, ice cream it is. Thankfully there’s an off licence a couple of streets over; they don’t have much choice but I’m sure what I buy will go down fine. I’m not gone much longer than fifteen minutes after running there and back, but when I round the corner into Nicole’s bedroom, I come to a halt when I see her still naked body laid out on the bed, fast asleep.
Still holding the tub of ice cream and the two spoons I grabbed on the way up, I stand and take her in. She’s on her front, exposing the smooth skin of her back. I run my eyes from her hair falling over one shoulder, over her pale skin and down to her slim waist. Leaning back against the doorframe, every part of my body is calling for me to strip back down and join her, to feel that smooth skin against mine. But my brain is telling me something else. It’s telling me to run, because I’m beginning to feel more than I should for my childhood enemy. It’s starting to drag up things that I locked down long ago. Thoughts like how I’ve now realised that I never actually hated her, and the devastation I felt but couldn’t voice when she left all those years ago. I grit my teeth as I fight to put those thoughts back where they belong.
I take one long last look at her sleeping peacefully before I turn and walk out of her house. Surfing is usually my go to when I need to think and get away from it all, but it’s the middle of the night and I’ve got a few hours until sunrise yet. So as soon as I get home, I go for the next best thing. I drag my bike out of the garage and set off along the coastal path.
I make it back home just as the sun starts to tint the sky a warm orange. I only feel marginally better about everything, so after parking my bike, I grab the van and go straight to the shop before grabbing my board and hitting the waves.
The surf’s not great this morning, so after attempting a couple of waves, I end up sitting on my board and bobbing with the tide as thoughts of Nicole continue to circle through my mind.
I’m exhausted when I get home and hoping to grab a few hours’ kip before I go to the shack. I’m surprised to see the French doors to the garden open when I walk into the kitchen.
I guess I shouldn’t be surprised when a blonde head pokes around the corner. She’s been calling and texting me relentlessly for days. I know I shouldn’t have ignored her, but I also know she’s going to ask me all the questions I’ve been trying to avoid answering myself.
“Morning, Lilly. Tea?”
“Sure, I’ll have another.”
She’s silent as she watches me make us both drinks before I follow her back out to the decking where she was when I first got here. I look over at the deck chair and see she must have been here a while.
“You stay the night?”
“No, the twins are teething. I’ve been up since three and needed a few hours’ peace.”
“So you came here?”
“I knew everyone would either be out or sleeping.” I nod at her as I sip my coffee. “Sooooo…” she starts, and I just about resist the urge to groan. “Things seem to be getting serious with Nicole.”
“Nah, I wouldn’t say that.”
“You’ve spent the night with her. I’d say that’s pretty serious for you.”
“I couldn’t sleep, so I went out on my bike and caught some waves. I didn’t spend the night with her,” I argue.
“Okay, well maybe not last night, but you did the night before. What’s Declan Morrison’s one main rule when it comes to women?” she asks patronisingly. “Never spend the night, because it gives them the wrong idea.”
“Nicole won’t get the wrong idea. She knows the score.”
“But do you?”
“What are you talking about?”
“Oh come on, don’t play dumb with me, Dec. We both know you’ve been in love with her forever.”
“What? Stop talking shit, Lills.” I argue, but I feel my face heat along with my body, and I know Lilly can see through all my bullshit.
“After all these years, you’ve finally got what you always wanted but were never man enough to admit. So for fuck’s sake, grow a pair and finally claim what’s yours.”
I open my mouth to argue but no words come out. What Lilly just said is buzzing around my head too loudly to allow me to respond.
“Why did I have to have a twin who knew my mind better than her own?”
“I know my own mind, thank you very much,” she sulks.
“Oh yeah, because it was all sunshine and roses when you first met Lucas…”
She narrows her eyes at me but says nothing. She’s not got a leg to stand on.
After taking a few sips of tea, she turns her gaze back on me. “So what’s the plan then?”
“For what?” I ask innocently.
“Nicole. I presume she has no idea about how you feel. Declan,” she warns when I keep my expression blank. “You have to tell her. She might feel the same.”
“Does she?” I ask. Knowing how close they are, I’d put money on them already having had this conversation.
“I’ve no idea. I’ll talk to her too, but that doesn’t mean I’ll be the go between, giving each of you what you won’t say to the other.”
From the look in her eye, I’d safely say she knows more about what Nicole feels than she’s letting on, but there’s no point pressing her. Lilly’s too loyal; I know I’ll never break her down.
“I’ve always known she was the one for you, Dec. Now’s the time for you to do something about it. If you don’t, you might lose her again.”
“What do you mean, again?”
She gives me a knowing look. Maybe I didn’t keep those feelings to myself after all.
“You’re a pain in the arse, you know that?” I ask, but the only response is a smug smile.
“Have you spoken to Mum recently?” Relief washes through me at her change of subject
“No, why? Is she okay?”
“I think so. I don’t know, she just…sounded weird on the phone the other night.”
“Weird like what?”
“I dunno. I can’t put my finger on it. Maybe she was just feeling under the weather.”
“I’m sure it’s nothing,” I say reassuringly as I take a sip of my coffee, my mind immediately going back to the redhead I can’t stop thinking about.
Chapter Eleven
Nicole
The sun is streaming into the room when I wake, and the other side of the bed is empty. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised—he probably went surfing first thing, but I can’t help being a little disappointed he didn’t wake me to say goodbye. I felt like the connection between us grew last night, and I feel strangely abandoned now. It’s not a feeling I’m particularly comfortable with.
Grabbing my phone, I see that it’s much later than I was expecting—I’ve not got all that long before I need to be in work. I guess that puts pay to my plans for furniture shopping this morning.
I open up my messages and type and retype a message about ten times when I realise what I want to say makes me look like a needy girlfriend. In the end, I go with a simple, You should have woken me before you left. I hope the surf was good. It’s far from the I missed you when I woke up that I wanted to write, but even after last night’s breakdown, I’m concerned about putting my true feelings out there for him to stomp all over.
I get a message back almost instantly.
You needed to sleep. See you soon.
Well that doesn’t give away any of his true feelings either, and makes me wonder yet again if he actually has any true feelings when it comes to me. Letting out a large sigh, I get myself in the shower to start my day.
I’ve just wrapped a towel around myself when I hear a knock at the front door. Bailey goes scrambling off to see who it is.
My heart jumps into my throat when I think about it being Declan. Yes, I missed him, but suddenly I’m nervous to see him after my emotional breakdown last night. He didn’t need to witness that. I’ve kept everything to myself for a reason, but I have to admit I do feel better for having a good cry. I smile to myself as I replay my rendition of Rihanna last night. I actually did it. I got up and sang without crumbling.
“Not expecting me?” Lilly asks when my smile drops slightly.
“I wasn’t really expecting anyone. Come in.”
“Liar,” she mutters behind me. “I brought pastries.”
Falling for Nicole: An Enemies to Lovers Romance (Angel Book 8) Page 13
