“Great friends.” She slammed on the brakes in front of our house. “Get out. I need to drive.”
“No. Tell me what happened with Daddy.”
Her face was blank parchment as she stared blindly through the windshield, her shoulders melting. The pulse in my ears flumped two times as I realized Momma’s exhaustion from hiding the truth finally outweighed her resolve to do so. When she spoke, her voice conveyed irritation, but I saw something significant in the droop of her shoulders. Something other than her habitual dreariness. Something masked as indifference … but more like acceptance. Peace.
She spoke without looking at me. “A hundred-pound load has been lifted from my shoulders, now that you know about … Neil.” She flicked her fingernail against a seam in the vinyl steering-wheel cover. “I suppose I should tell you the rest.”
The engine idled high then low as she drifted into her thoughts. “Your daddy suffered from depression, Ruth Ann. All his life. His family hurt more than helped, but I thought after we married, I could boost him up, you know? Back then, I didn’t have the blues.” She chuckled. “Clyde says I caught it from Hoby, and I don’t know but what he’s right.”
Momma’s words were salve on dry skin. All I had ever known about my daddy’s departure I heard from Aunt Velma, who sugarcoated the details.
She turned the ignition off and clinked the keys onto the seat between us. “When you were born—” Her voice caught, and I realized, with amazement, she had a tear in her eye. “I never saw him so happy, Ruth Ann. He loved you. So much.”
The memory brightened her face, but then her eyes clouded again. “Neil couldn’t stand it.” Her jaw hardened. “He claims he loves me, but actually he just wants what he can’t have. He’s always been that way.”
“But if he loved you so much, why did he break it off in the first place?”
“I can’t explain that, Ruth Ann.” Her voice calmed. “I can, but I shouldn’t. Just let me finish.”
“Okay.”
“The Blaylocks married before your daddy and me, and for some reason Neil thought we could remain friends.” She blew air through her teeth. “But he expected something more than friendship. It was subtle at first, but after a while I realized his intentions, and I avoided him. He wouldn’t back off, though, and after a few years, it was so bad your daddy began to notice.” She closed her eyes, seeming to will the pain away. “Hoby began to question my loyalty, and over time, his insecurity gave way to paranoia. His depression got worse than ever.”
Momma’s shoulders trembled, and I wanted to slide across the seat and hold her, but we weren’t used to talking to each other, much less hugging.
“I didn’t know how to encourage him, and he wouldn’t let me get close. He didn’t believe anything I told him. I felt very alone, and Neil knew it. So he took it upon himself to flirt with me every chance he got, which, of course, only made things worse for your daddy.”
She turned to look directly into my eyes, and I held my breath, terrified of what she would say next.
“Ruth Ann, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry about all of it. If I had done things differently, it wouldn’t have happened the way it did. I was so alone. I didn’t know what to do.”
I leaned toward her and touched the back of her hand. “Whatever happened, it’s all right, Momma. Really.”
She turned away and spoke quicker, as though to get it over with. “One night when your daddy was at work, Neil came by the house. He made a blatant pass at me, and I told him to get away and never touch me again. You can’t imagine how I hated that man.” She laughed harshly. “But he was still there when your daddy got home. You’d think Neil Blaylock would be confident enough not to care when I turned him down, but he lashed out at me in the most effective way he knew.”
“What did he do?” I whispered.
“He told your daddy I’d already been unfaithful.”
“But why would he believe Neil?”
“You know how evil the monster of depression can be.” She stuck the keys back in the ignition, signaling she couldn’t take much more. “But that’s not all Neil told him, Ruth Ann.”
I rubbed the toe of my tennis shoe against a daub of dried sand on the floorboard. An inch to the left. An inch to the right. Back again. The gritty rasp echoed the coarseness of her words against my heart. A heart that couldn’t bear the weight of another stone intended for Neil Blaylock. The acidity of my feelings slowly reached an overwhelming peak, and I felt myself sliding into the safety of indifference.
“What did he say?” I asked numbly.
“He told Hoby I’d been unfaithful before you were born. After that, your daddy never believed you were his child.” Momma started the car. “He was gone a month later.”
Chapter Forty-Six
Dodd couldn’t fathom whom Charlie had seen with Lynda Turner, but it couldn’t have been Neil. Maybe it was the middle school principal who had a similar truck. Either way, it didn’t matter. Dodd pulled at the door handle of Charlie’s truck, itching to run after Ruthie … but then what? He thrust one foot to the ground and stopped.
Charlie sat motionless in the driver’s seat, seeming to weigh their options, obviously convinced he had seen Neil. “Well, we came here for boxes. Let’s see if we can find any.”
Dodd bolted around the truck but slowed before peeking around the edge of the Dumpster. He did a double take. “It really is him.”
Neil leaned leisurely on the bumper of the hatchback, but Lynda and Ruthie both hunkered as though face-to-face with a wolf. Their posture worked like a magnet, tugging at Dodd’s insides and urging him to post himself between the women and danger.
But he couldn’t.
He no longer had the right—either as a friend or a minister—and Ruthie would undoubtedly view his actions in a way he didn’t intend. Besides, he couldn’t be entirely sure a genuine danger existed.
Charlie stepped to the end of the Dumpster in full view of Neil while Dodd gawked from the corner. Instinct urged him to rush to Ruthie’s side, but Charlie calmly stuck a hand in the opening of the Dumpster and grabbed two boxes, then paused to contemplate the scene across the parking lot. “Dodd? You’re friends with Ruthie. You ever known her or her mom to shoot the breeze with Neil?”
“Not hardly.”
Charlie reached for another box in slow motion. “What do you think they’re talking about?”
Neil had his face turned slightly, but Dodd could make out his lips. “Neil is saying their life could be easier.”
“What makes you say so?”
“He’s found them an apartment in Lubbock.” Dodd’s fist clenched involuntarily. “He says Ruthie can go to Tech.”
Charlie slowly rotated his head to inspect Dodd. “What in the world?”
“Neil says it’s his duty to help them get out of Trapp.” Dodd lifted a palm. “Lynda’s understandably skeptical.”
Charlie looked back across the parking lot as though to verify the possibility of Neil saying such a thing. “How are you doing that?”
“I’m reading their lips. Lynda called him a snake.”
The older man leaned an elbow on the Dumpster and lowered his head. “Dodd, I don’t know how you’re doing that, but it don’t feel right listening in on them. Or whatever you call it.” He stepped in front of Dodd to block his view.
Dodd slouched against the pickup, rubbing a hand over his eyes. “I know. It’s been a curse ever since I lost my hearing.” He breathed deeply, trying to slow his pulse. “But something isn’t right over there.”
Charlie shook his head. “There’s nothing we can do. Let’s get what we came for and go.”
They dug for the last few boxes, but Dodd inadvertently glanced at Lynda again. “Wait a minute … Neil and Lynda dated?”
“Well, yes. Back in high school.” Charlie’s eyebrows lifted, and the two of them silently contemplated each oth
er before the elder stepped aside. “Well, don’t just stand there. Find out what they’re saying.”
Dodd faced the taller man, peeking around his shoulder. He eavesdropped briefly before he paraphrased. “Neil did something when Hoby left.”
“What did he do?”
“He made a pass at Lynda?” Dodd shook his head, not believing what he was hearing. “Then lied to the church so no one would find out.”
“Oh, dear God. Which one of them said so?”
Dodd frowned. “Does it matter?”
“Unfortunately, it does.”
“Neil more or less said he had her shunned to protect her.”
“Well, that’s possible, isn’t it?”
“He called the church stupid sheep.”
“I think we’ve heard enough,” Charlie said.
“He’s touching her now. He says he never stopped loving her.”
Charlie spun in time to see Lynda shove Neil’s hand away from her face and scrape him with her keys. “He’s going to hit her.”
They both jerked toward the women but stopped when Neil backed off and walked calmly to his truck.
“What’s the man thinking?” Charlie whispered.
Dodd couldn’t answer. Ruthie had never looked more lost or alone, and Dodd had an overwhelming urge to wrap his arms around her and never let go.
And apologize. Oh, how he needed to apologize.
Ten minutes later, they stood in Dodd’s office while Lee Roy and Grady quizzed them.
“That doesn’t sound like Neil. Could you have misunderstood?” Lee Roy eased himself into a chair next to Dodd.
“No, I’m positive.”
Charlie laid a hand on Lee Roy’s shoulder. “With my own eyes, I saw him try to strike Lynda Turner.”
The baggy skin around Lee Roy’s eyes quivered as he blinked. He turned to contemplate Dodd, but then he lowered his head. He stayed there for several minutes while the space heater cycled on and off, and then he raised his gaze to Charlie. “What should we do?”
“I’m afraid the damage to the Turners may be hopeless.”
Lee Roy moaned, pain etched on his face. “The poor woman.”
“But our God is a God of miracles.” Grady muttered the words as though trying to convince himself.
Dodd dropped his head in his hands, picturing Ruthie’s face—a blend of anger and isolation. “I’m afraid it’ll take a miracle.”
“We’ll do everything we can.” Charlie wiped a fist over his parted lips. “We may not ever make it up to them, but we can try.”
Lee Roy raised quivering hands, holding them in the air as though beseeching the Lord. “What have we done?”
“You did what you thought best,” Dodd said. “You and Charlie trusted Neil—and his father—to help you with decisions, as you should have.” Dodd made eye contact with each man. “Now it’s time for you to make decisions without him, but you’re both wise. I have faith you can do this.”
Lee Roy rose and hobbled to the window, leaning heavily on his cane. “But what will the church think of us?”
“They’ll think no less of our actions than their own.” Charlie gently blew air through his moist lips. “Neil misled us all.”
“We’ll have to confront him with what we know,” Lee Roy said.
Charlie nodded. “We should go to him. I’m sure these sins have been weighing on his heart.”
As if on cue, the door opened abruptly, and Neil stood in the doorway, his eyes narrowed. A dead silence enveloped the room, but Neil strolled in confidently. “I thought this office would be cleared out by now.”
Charlie motioned to a chair. “Come in, brother. We need to talk.”
Neil lowered himself into the chair, leaned back, and crossed an ankle over his knee. “What’s this about, Charlie? You look like you just came from a funeral.” He scowled at the Cunninghams, compelling Grady to slip out the door, but Dodd held his ground.
The two elders positioned themselves in chairs in front of Neil.
Charlie clasped his hands together, and for a moment the tall man seemed small under Neil’s scrutiny, but then he straightened with a forceful yet compassionate expression. “This afternoon I drove to the United with Dodd to get boxes from the Dumpster.”
“Okay …” An unsure smile played on Neil’s lips, and he looked at Lee Roy as though Charlie were speaking nonsense.
Charlie lowered his voice. “We saw you there with Lynda Turner and her daughter.”
“Yes, I was there.” Neil hesitated before nodding. “She asked me for money, said she and the girl are having trouble. I explained the church could help her with some groceries.”
“Brother—” Lee Roy’s tone was uncharacteristically stifling.
Neil quickly motioned to the mark on his cheek. “She became angry and struck me.”
Charlie stared at him as though seeing him for the first time, and not liking what he saw.
Lee Roy turned his head away.
“We know you’ve been under a lot of strain on account of Fawn,” Charlie said, “but the church is here to support you.”
Neil screwed up his face. “What are you saying?”
Dodd took a step toward them. “When I was young, I lost my hearing. Did my parents ever tell you about that?”
“Lee Roy, I’d like to know what’s going on.” When Neil didn’t even acknowledge his statement, Dodd realized how wrong he’d been to trust him at all.
“Our minister is trying to explain.” Charlie motioned to Dodd. “The boy can read lips. He witnessed your conversation with Lynda this afternoon.” His voice fell. “He told us everything.”
“And you believe him?” Neil’s voice rose frantically, and Dodd wondered if he had ever truly known the man.
Lee Roy reached for a Bible on Dodd’s desk and pulled it into his lap to stroke the leather cover.
Charlie’s face flushed. “I saw you touch Lynda Turner.”
“She threw herself at me.” He flicked his wrist. “You know the woman she is.”
“Actually, most of what I know about her is what you’ve told me, but I plan to have a long discussion with her in the near future.” Charlie’s eyes held tears, yet he looked stronger than Dodd had ever seen him.
Neil rose abruptly, toppling his chair. “I can’t believe you’re treating me like this. I’m an elder of this congregation. My family’s been here for generations. Send the preacher out so we can discuss this properly.”
Lee Roy’s gravelly voice smoothed as he said, “Neil, admit your sin, repent, and we can help you.”
Neil paced the floor like a caged tiger. “I have nothing to confess, Lee Roy, and if you had any sense, you’d see Dodd’s judgment is tainted because of the Turner girl. He’s the one who needs to repent.” Neil pointedly refused to look at Dodd, but the skin on each side of his nose puckered as though he smelled the stench of rot. “Lynda Turner’s an easy woman, and her daughter’s just as deceitful. Your preacher boy came to town in the shadow of his father’s reputation, but he simply doesn’t have what it takes. A faithful minister would never have been led astray by a girl with loose morals.”
Dodd felt as though a vice were clamped to his forehead. “Ruthie does not have loose morals. And neither does Lynda.”
Neil continued as though Dodd hadn’t spoken. “The fact he got involved with Ruthie Turner tells me I can’t trust anything he says.” He lifted his chin and peered from Charlie to Lee Roy. “You’d be wise to do the same.”
Every muscle in Dodd’s body tightened with rage, and he fought to maintain control. Neil had insulted him in the worst possible ways—through his father and through Ruthie—but Dodd stifled the urge to attack the man. Even in the midst of his anger, he knew violence would only make matters worse. His arms crossed, and he held himself back by gripping both elbows until his k
nuckles turned white.
Lee Roy sighed wearily. “Son?”
Dodd jerked his eyes toward the old man, thinking Lee Roy was talking to him, but the sad, wrinkled eyes were fixed on Neil. “In the past, it’s come down to your word against Dodd’s. But this time it’s different.” Lee Roy gestured to Charlie. “This time it comes down to your word against Charlie’s.” One of his shoulders lifted slightly, and he turned his face toward the window. “And Lynda and Ruthie Turner.”
The stillness in the air pressed on Dodd’s shoulders as he glared at the man he once considered a mentor. Neil’s face became pale, but his fury hadn’t abated. He seemed even more livid, and Dodd imagined his own face might be a mirror image.
When Neil finally spoke, his voice was the low growl of a mad dog. “If this church is going to stoop so low as to take into account the word of a woman not fit to worship with the saints”—he swallowed as though he had a rancid taste in his mouth—“I cannot continue to fellowship here.”
A chair stood between him and the door, and he shoved it out of his way, never looking back at them as he filled the narrow hallway with a booming threat. “May God be your judge!”
Dodd felt a pang of angst, fearing how God might judge Neil Blaylock.
Chapter Forty-Seven
When Momma drove away, I had no idea where she went. Probably Ansel and Velma’s, but if so, she’d regret it. After all, Fawn was there.
I went to the bathroom and turned on the shower. Momma’s words saddened me, but I felt dirty—filthy—from Neil’s. His accusations and suggestions, his penetrating eyes and body language. I wanted to cleanse myself of his memory, and as I waited for the water to heat, I studied myself in the medicine-cabinet mirror. My face reflected back at me, pale and death-like, and I wondered when dark circles had appeared beneath my eyes. They made me look even more like Momma.
I stepped into the shower before adjusting the water, and my left side scalded, but I didn’t care. At least I felt it. At least I felt something. My heart, which normally beat heavily with bitterness, now felt like a stone in my chest—a weight to be lugged through whatever trial came next.
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