by Lyn Lowe
“I’m not even going to ask you what you’re planning for tomorrow. But I’m not wrong about the goodbyes.”
“No,” he agreed. “You’re not.”
“If you say no, we can forget this… but couldn’t we spend our last night this way?”
His comparing her to Amorette lasted exactly until the moment her lips pressed against his. When she pulled away again, he couldn’t help the smile that turned up the right corner of his mouth.
“Okay.”
***
The fire went out. He didn’t know when. They were too busy to notice. He stared at the darkness now, waiting for the self–loathing to wash over him, but it didn’t come. It took a while, but as the last coal turned black, Kaie finally accepted that it wasn’t going to. That he was allowed to enjoy the warmth of Peren curled up against him, underneath the blankets. That he could keep the peaceful, satisfied feeling that suffused him. It was almost enough to make him forgive the gods for what he needed to do.
When her finger started drawing that same pattern on his chest, Kaie nearly leapt out of that warm circle he was enjoying. She was so still for so long; he never suspected she was awake.
“Are you thinking about her?” she said.
Kaie chuckled and kissed the top of her head. “No. For the first time I can remember, no.”
He didn’t need to see Peren’s face to know she was smiling. That made him feel good, knowing he put the expression there.
“Do you love me?” he asked. It seemed important. Something he should know, before he said goodbye to her too.
“Not yet,” she murmured sleepily. “But it’s close, I think.”
He knew exactly what she was talking about. He could feel it, too. Like maybe this was the way things were supposed to go. That all the pain from before was only to get him here. Or a few weeks from here, when he could let it go and just be with her.
But there were some hurts that weren’t supposed to heal.
“Don’t,” he told her. “Don’t love me. Don’t hold on to me. It will only hurt you. And it won’t be worth it.”
“Don’t I get to choose things like that?”
“I mean it, Peren. Don’t hold on to anything of me, when I leave. Get rid of my clothes, my bowl, everything you don’t need. Let go of anything that comes of tonight. Feelings. And if there’s a child…You have to let every bit of me go. If they think, if they even suspect, that you care what happens to me, they will find a way to use it. You won’t be able to stay invisible.”
“You aren’t making sense.”
“Maybe not. But do it anyway.”
She sighed, sounding nothing but tired. “Does it have to be tonight that things get all dark and dramatic? Can we just have this?”
He smiled. “Yeah. I think we can.”
Twenty–Two
He dreamed of freedom.
He was climbing a hill. The grass beneath his feet was impossibly soft. There was a sweetness clinging to his lips, and his stomach was comfortably full. When he looked up, the sun nearly blinded him. But he could just see two shadowy figures holding hands and waving to him. He grinned, knowing he was safe. One of them was the brother of his heart, and they were waiting for him.
Something warm tickled against his calf. He looked down. He could see his footsteps clearly in the earth. Each one was marked with brown, dead grass, hot red sparks and thick black tendrils of smoke. Panicked, he stopped. That was the wrong decision. Fire erupted out from beneath his feet and consumed the grassy hill in a powerful whoosh that knocked him over. Kaie cried out as the two figures at the top of the hill were devoured.
A woman appeared in the blaze. She was completely naked. Everything about her was beautiful curves and smooth, deep tan. Her hair was on fire, hot white flames dancing against a night sky, but she was in no pain. Kaie wanted her. He reached for her, his every nerve screaming with desire. She danced away and laughed. The fire died down, though her hair remained ablaze. She turned to him, so that he could see her face, and he gasped. “Peren?”
She was not the same girl he held in his arms. She was a woman grown. Still more sharp angles than not, but beautiful in a way only suggested in how she looked now. She was still short but her body was lean muscle and so tan there was no hint of the milky skin he enjoyed so much. And her hips… Gods, she left him aching.
“I love you, Kaie. You’re the father of the only child I’ll ever have. No matter how short a time we had him, that means something. And you’ve always known what I am.”
“You’re a survivor,” he said automatically. “We both are.”
She grinned. “We are, aren’t we?”
He nodded. “We do what we have to and come out the other side.”
She laughed, hearty and musical. “Bloody and monstrous, but whole and swinging. By the Abyss, you might be the one man in this whole fucking world who thinks like me. Our hearts sing the same song. How I resisted you at all is still a mystery to me. And I do love you. I always will. But you made your choice, and it wasn’t me. And I’m sorry, but your kind isn’t allowed on my ship.”
Peren turned her back to him. He reached out to grab her. “Wait!”
The moment he touched the warm skin of her arm, she exploded into a storm of huge black feathers. They swirled around him, obscuring his vision, blinding him. He felt a sharp sting in his hand, and blood welled out. It spilled all over the ground, where it was immediately absorbed.
“Blood binds you.”
He spun, searching for the voice, but could see no one.
“You gave it willingly, but did you understand? You’re tied to this place now. It is in her blood, and now it is in yours. You’ll never truly be free, my friend.”
“Vaughan?” he called out into the storm. No answer came.
The feathers parted. A path opened. He started running down it, desperate to get free and see the sky again. He did not get far before he came across a young woman blocking his path. She was wearing a cloak that made her features impossible to see. As he approached, she tugged the hood back and revealed the utterly average features beneath. Her hair was dark mud, her skin was pale. Only her eyes stood out. They were inky black, and there was something vaguely reptilian about them. She looked only a few years older than him, but there was an essence about her that felt much older. She smiled at him. All her teeth were pointed. He recoiled, nearly falling backward. As he stumbled to get his balance back, he realized that his footsteps were once more on fire. He looked back to the woman, more than a little frightened.
“I’m burning everything!” Kaie shouted.
“Of course,” she responded in the husky voice. “We are dragons. We breathe it in and make it life.”
“I’m a dragon?”
She shook her head. “You are the Phoenix. Your children are dragons, born from the fires you set for us.”
“My children? Peren said we had a child… Is he one of the dragons?”
The girl laughed, and the sound was thunder.
“Are you my daughter?” he shouted over the fading boom.
She smiled again. “I’m waiting for you, father of dragons!”
And then she was running from him, diving into the feathers and vanishing.
“Wait!” he called. But she was gone. He closed his eyes and turned his head to the hidden sky, letting loose a great scream of anger and fear. When he was done and opened his eyes again, the fire and feathers were both gone. He was standing on a hill of the softest grass, something sweet clinging to his lips. His hill. Their hill. Kaie looked around eagerly for the other two. They weren’t there. He wasn’t alone though. An old man stood behind him, watching with a kind smile.
The man’s hair was long and white, and billowing gently in a wind Kaie didn’t feel. His eyes were just as reptilian as those of the woman, but they were not frightening. He couldn’t figure out what color they were. One instant he was certain it was a tarnished gold, the next a deep purple nearly the same shade as the vertical slits
of the irises. Then they’d be a bright, piecing green. No matter how intently he stared at them he never saw the transition.
The man stepped closer and put a warm, comforting hand on his shoulder. “This is the fifth. Do you understand?”
“No,” he answered honestly. This was the sort of man you were honest with. “Fifth what?”
The man’s smile grew a little sad, he thought. “Fifth promise. Or favor, if you see it that way. I like them better as promises, though.”
“Me too,” Kaie agreed. This was the sort of man you agreed with.
“It’s always five with you. I never really understood why. Some things are beyond even us, when it comes to you mortals. This is the fifth. And the fifth always pays for all.”
“What am I buying?”
The man let go of Kaie’s shoulder and cupped the right side of his face in a wrinkled hand with a look of such affection that it made his heart ache. “Freedom, son. Freedom.”
Kaie smiled. Then he laughed. “I was scared.”
The old man nodded, looking most satisfied. Then he pulled Kaie forward and kissed his forehead. “No need for that now. You’ve got much to do. Thank you for saving my grandson. The two of you were always my favorites.”
Twenty–Three
Josephine pushed into the room without warning. She eyed the both of them with a sneer and snorted. Kaie felt the heat of a blush burning in his cheeks. Peren smiled widely, tugged the over–sized shirt over her head, and crossed the room to lace her arms around his neck. She kissed him like they were alone, and then kissed his earlobe, sending a shiver down his spine in spite of their audience.
A vision played out in his mind, like a memory of things that had not happened.
He saw her hugging Vaughan and crying. Saw them being ripped apart. Then he saw her in a kitchen, scrubbing pots until the sunburns on her arms were replaced with burns from lye. Her skin grew dry and her shoulders stooped. She did not die. Not all at once. She just slipped away, bit by bit, until there was nothing but habit that kept her old bones moving. Until the day that not even that was enough. It took days for someone to notice the old woman with dirty gray hair had stopped coming to wash dishes. When they finally came to find her, and beat her, all they found her already rotting. The only one who cared was the boy tasked with cleaning her up. He spat on her when he was done, angry at being given such a disgusting task.
“It’s still close. Just in case you don’t need your plan.” Her words jerked him back to the present. Kaie blinked away the vision and forced himself not to think of it again, afraid she would read some of the horror of it in his eyes.
He hugged her quickly and stepped away. “I’ll try to remember that. Just make sure you remember what I said. In case I do.”
She nodded. Kaie tried not to see her tears. He turned to Josephine. “I guess it’s time to go.”
“Past,” the woman barked, her amusement clearly gone.
Kaie took one last look around the room where he could almost imagine being content, then followed the overseer out into the snow.
His feet were numb when they reached some hedges. No matter that he was outright terrified of what was coming, Kaie couldn’t help but be awed by the size of the building in the distance. It could hold the whole of his village inside and still have room to fit the people from both neighborhoods. He gawked, overwhelmed by the scope of the thing. Josephine snarled at him, grabbed his arm and dragged him on.
They walked for a while before making a sharp turn that deposited them right in front of another building. It was a strange one, with no walls and a dome roof. The Lady Autumnsong stood there waiting with her back to them.
Josephine shoved him forward, cleared her throat, and then quickly backed away. Leaving him alone with the woman deciding his fate.
“You were supposed to be invaluable.”
“I made a go of it.”
“Not much of one,” she responded. “Murder is not a skill I seek to cultivate on my estate.”
“Well then, I suggest you talk to your niece. Since what I did was only to stop him from beating my friend to death.”
“I did hear that version.”
“It’s not a version. It’s the truth.”
He saw her hands tighten around the banister that surrounded the round wooden platform they stood on. Her knuckles whitened. “Which only one person can confirm. One who is in service to my son.”
“And that makes a world of difference in the truth?”
“More than you think. If Luna decides to press the issue, my son will see that your only witness does not recall events as you do.”
Kaie frowned. “I doubt that very much. It was his sister being kicked to death.”
Lady Autumnsong sighed and turned around, crossing her arms over her chest and glaring at him. “Then he will simply disappear. My son is a good boy, but he has not been able to say no to my niece in years.”
“Sounds like fun. But I don’t really see the point of this. You obviously believe me. So. If you’re done telling me about your family problems, maybe we can get to the part where you tell me what you want this time.”
Her emotionless mask slipped. A scowl snuck through. “You have made my position untenable, Kaie Zetowan. I have two dead. Allowing that to go without some form of punishment will lead to more tragedies. My niece is demanding your life in return for the one you took, and she has made it quite clear she will go to the Empress for permission to take you against my will, should I refuse her. I am still disinclined to give her what she wishes, but my hands are very quickly being tied. That is not a situation I will tolerate.”
He shrugged. “I bet that’s pretty upsetting.”
Lady Autumnsong reclaimed her mask and unfolded her arms. “Indeed. Now. There is one choice left for the two of us. You will tell me why she desires you . Then you will flee this gazebo. My guards will catch you. I will inform them that you attacked me in your escape attempt. You will be executed in a very public fashion. I will see to it that it is as painless as possible. Death is not ideal, but I am certain that it is preferable to what Luna will do when she has you.”
“What a coincidence. I heard the same thing.”
She folded her arms behind her back and examined him with no small amount of intensity. “This is not what I desired.”
“No. I don’t figure it is.”
“You will not cooperate.”
“I will.” Kaie leaned back on the banister, hoping she couldn’t hear the way his heart was racing. “But first I want to know why.”
“Why?”
“Don’t play with me, Lady. Why are you so determined to oppose your niece?”
She frowned and turned away again. After a moment, her hands returned to the rail. “I’ve told you already.”
Kaie thought for a moment. “Your son.”
A nod. “I realize this is quite a scandalous attitude for a woman of my standing, but I am very fond of my Peter. He was once quite happy. And so very kind. I knew of his attraction to other men, and though it concerned me I did not forbid it. I arranged a marriage to a girl from a fine family. They knew each other quite well, and she was aware of his preferences and was not put off by it. I believe they loved each other, in their own way.
“Discretion, obviously, was key in this arrangement. Then Luna arrived. I do not know what occurred. All I know is the results. My Peter ordered his lover executed for attempting to escape. Then, on our annual trip to the capital, he made a very public attempt to seduce another noble’s son. The engagement was ended. My Peter stopped smiling. And now he does all that my niece asks of him without question.”
“It’s revenge, then?”
She shook her head just a fraction. “No. All I want is my son back. I will find a way to pry Luna loose from this family. And then my Peter will learn how to smile again.”
“Alright.” Kaie sighed. He’d been hoping for something less sympathetic. He didn’t want to like this woman. “I mean thanks.”
Her lips pursed for a moment. “And your secret, Kaie Zetowan?”
“Promise me something.”
Her lips pursed into a thin line, and he worried that he had pushed too far. Her fingers clenched, and he braced himself for a blow. She tilted her head.
Surprised, and more grateful than he was willing to let her know, Kaie pressed onward. “The brother and sister who have been taking care of me… Keep them together. Please.”
She considered him for a long moment. “I will do what I can.”
He let out a slow breath, then flashed her a smile. “I have magic.”
Her face paled. “No. I misheard you. Our conversation is finished. Run now and I will spare you her attention.”
“You didn’t mishear.”
She took two steps to cross the distance between them, pointing a trembling finger in his face. “You are a fool! Do you know what you are doing?”
“Pretty sure I do,” he muttered. He couldn’t summon the courage to speak any louder.
She shook her head, her hands going up to her beautifully wrapped arms and rubbing them, as if for warmth. “I will have to summon a Namer. Any slave found to have magic is given to the care of a Namer. They will use their magics to go into your head and rip you out of it. Do you know how they do that?”
Kaie nodded, because Sojun told him. But the Lady Autumnsong wasn’t watching him anymore. Her eyes took on a glazed look he recognized quite well. They weren’t seeing the world around them anymore. They were locked on her own private nightmare.
“They destroy your mind. Your memories. Everything that makes you a person. Nothing is left. Not who you were, not what you might be. You won’t even think to feed yourself unless someone puts a fork in your hand and orders you to use it. You won’t even recognize your name. And so, the Namer will give you a new one. It will be the same they give all the Named, the only one to give to such a creature. You will be Hollow.”
The shudder that ran through his body was nothing compared to the screaming going on in his head. Somehow, Kaie managed to keep himself rooted. “It solves both our problems.” He didn’t know where the steadiness in his voice came from. “Your niece can’t take me if a Namer comes for me, right?”
