She stood beside Stanson and behind Reed. Her hand rested on his shoulder and red, hot anger poured through me. I took steadying breaths to force the rage down, knowing damn well she was just being supportive, and it didn’t mean shit. Besides, I had no right to feel this way. I had no claim on her, and my head told me it needed to stay that way. But that thought didn’t lessen the tension in my shoulders. After that kiss we shared, I couldn’t stop thinking about her. The way she tasted, smelled and felt wrapped in my arms, became ingrained in my soul, and I couldn’t shake any of it. It was making me fucking crazy. The more I tried not to think of her or want her, the more I did.
The Outlaws stood off to the side, a way to pay our respects, but not get too close.
Ryan spotted me, and gave a quick quirk of her lips in acknowledgement. I nodded back, just as the familiar sound of Taps began to play. My body went on high alert, itching to get the hell out of there.
I hated that fucking music, and I swore to God they better not play it at my goddamned funeral. It was the most depressing fucking sound I had ever heard, and only served to remind me of every funeral I attended throughout my years in the military.
Every face infiltrated my mind, like fucking ghosts swirling around. I swallowed down the sudden uncontrollable anger that pumped through my veins, making what I felt moments ago seem like child’s play. I took deep calming breaths, like Nick taught me so many years ago when he realized my anger issues went much deeper than he ever imagined. I closed my eyes, and tried to focus on something that made me happy.
I thought of my bike, Beauty, my brothers, but bloodshed and carnage kept taking over. Visions of my world turning upside down, body parts flying around me, blood splattering in the air across my face.
I forced my eyes back open, only to meet Ryan’s. She held my gaze as if she knew, and, in that moment, looking at her, holding onto her eyes like they were my lifeline, I felt the rage subside. My blood stopped boiling, and my pulse evened out.
Ryan mouthed, “Are you okay?” and I hated that she knew how fucked up I was. She probably had her own problems. She moved here, and was taking over for her father; she didn’t need to worry about me, and she shouldn’t. We weren’t a thing and we never would be. I just had to make sure of that.
I looked away from her and instantly felt the anger rising again, as the last note was played. Reed turned and, as his eyes scanned over each one of us, his face distorted in rage. He stepped away from the gathering, and stomped toward us, his shoulders back, his fists clenched. Before he made it halfway, the rest of the crowd spotted us.
“What the hell are you doing here?” Reed demanded.
Cash stepped forward. “We’re sorry about your loss. We came to pay our respects.”
Reed all but choked on the manic laugh that blurted from his mouth. “Sorry? You’re sorry? You’re the reason my uncle is dead!”
“Why would you think that?” Kade asked, crossing his arms over his chest.
“It sure as hell wasn’t an accident. It has Outlaws written all over it.”
“We didn’t do it,” Cash assured him, but Reed didn’t look like he cared what any of us had to say.
“I didn’t say you did, but that doesn’t mean it’s not linked to you.”
An older woman came upon us, pushing past Reed to stand directly in front of Cash. She was Aubree’s height, and barely came up to Cash’s chest. Her eyes were covered by thick black sunglasses and her blonde hair, with dark roots, sat just above her shoulders. She tilted her head, her pointy noise sticking high up in the air.
She removed her glasses, her eyes swollen, red and puffy. I recognized her. She was Willie’s wife. Her hand pulled back, and a loud smack echoed through the day as her hand made contact with Cash’s face.
Byrd moved, and I grabbed his shoulders. What the fuck did he honestly think he would do? She was a middle-aged woman in mourning.
Cash touched his cheek, but knowing Cash as long as I had, I knew it wasn’t the first time he had been smacked. Probably not even the tenth time. He used to rack up slaps like bookies racked up bets.
“My husband wanted to expose you for the true criminals you are. And don’t think for a second his death will put an end to that. I won’t rest until you all are behind bars.”
Fire erupted in my chest, spreading down my arms and up my neck. This fucking bitch, if she only knew the truth. Knew the shit we kept out of Black Hills. She wanted to get rid of us? Then, she would know what criminals fucking were. Gordita’s Army would move in and start recruiting the teenagers. The boys would be doing their bidding while the girls were being ogled… and worse. Montamos would deal on the streets, selling to kids. We might be in the drug business, but we kept that shit out of Black Hills. Not a single drug was sold within town lines, and we sure as hell never dealt to a kid. We might have been criminals, but we weren’t pieces of shit.
Drive-bys would be the norm, and her beautiful house that she probably never locked would be broken into within days of us being gone. She wanted to see what would happen if she got us behind bars? I say, let it happen. I was sick and tired of trying to make these fucking people like us. Trying to prove that we weren’t the enemy.
Cash though, like Nick, felt the need to belong in this fucking town, by these goddamned people who didn’t give two shits about us. I could feel myself losing control and, if I didn’t pull myself from the situation like Nick taught me, I would snap.
So, I left my brothers, got on my bike and drove off. Instead of leaving the cemetery, I found myself heading toward Nick’s grave. When people died, I never went to visit their graves. There was no fucking point. It’s not like they were actually there. Besides, they tended to stay with me, haunting my thoughts anyway. Except Nick. He was the only one who never made appearances in my nightmares.
I parked alongside a patch of grass, and made my way toward the stone that stood just a little higher than the rest. I waited for the visions of that day when he was murdered to hit me, but they never came. The only thing I could see was the day I stumbled upon Daly’s and met Nick. I didn’t know it then, but now I knew that moment changed my life.
I had gotten on my bike, searching for answers as I left my past behind. I made it all the way to Washington; two-thousand plus miles from where I started and I found shit. I was out of hope. My will to live was hanging on by a tattered thread.
My bike started acting up by the time I drove through Black Hills, and that had nearly been the last straw. I was about to say fuck it, just let it die on the side of the road, and I wanted to die right beside it. But, for reasons I’ll never know, I stumbled upon a garage. Daly’s came into view and I pulled right in, thinking this might be some kind of an omen.
Nick was the first person I spoke to, and we spent a good thirty minutes bullshitting about bikes and life. I had gone almost a week without any human contact. I hadn’t spoke to a single person until that moment. That tattered thread slowly thickened and strengthened. Before I left, I had a job, a new purpose, and, before long, a new family who I would kill for. For the first time since everything went to shit, I felt like I belonged again.
When Nick was killed, I almost fell into the dark hole that I had worked so hard to pull myself out of. The only thing keeping me from taking the plunge was him. I knew it wasn’t what he’d have wanted and, even though he was dead, I couldn’t, no I wouldn’t, disappoint him. It wasn’t an option, so I had to dig deep to find the strength to keep myself from going over the deep edge. I had slip ups, but so far I had managed.
I walked along the perimeter of the graves before I got close to Nick’s, and then up the middle until I stood in front of his. I got down on one knee, looking down at the fresh cut flowers, the framed picture of DC, and an angel figurine. It was no surprise to me that Sienna kept his grave as clean as she kept her house.
I leaned back, putting my weight on my foot. I wasn’t exactly sure what the hell I was doing. Did I say something? Did I just sit there and re
member him? I always skipped this part of death, never looking back.
“Hey, you old bastard,” I finally said. “I don’t do shit like this, so consider yourself lucky. There’s a lot of shit going on, and I have faith in Cash, but I don’t know if I have faith in myself. The nightmares are back. The visions. The anger is building again. You were the only person who knew about that shit, and you always knew what to say to help me fight back. To not allow myself to get lost in the abyss. But, you’re not fucking here and I feel like I’m losing my goddamned mind. Then, there’s this chick.” I shook my head, imagining if Nick were here how’d he react to this news. “Stanson’s daughter who’s taking over for him. Believe that shit? Haven’t felt a goddamned thing for a single piece of ass in years, then finally I do and it’s her. It’s like someone is playing a game on me, and I swear to fucking God if it’s you, I’ll beat your ass the next time I see you.”
I laughed and ran a hand over my face. The sound of bikes echoed in the distance, and it was time to wrap it up. I stood up, looking down on Nick’s headstone, and tapped my fingers against it before getting back on my bike.
The guys drove by, one by one, each saluting toward Nick’s grave. Hudson pulled his bike out of the line and parked beside me. “You okay?” he asked.
Before I came here, I didn’t think I was, but now… “I will be.”
“Good shit,” he said. “Ready to ride?”
“Yeah. Let’s get the fuck out of here.”
I put my helmet on and gave a quick glance over my shoulder to see Ryan making her way across the cemetery to where she parked her car. She started the car and took off, revealing a car I knew all too well. The anger that I finally got under control went right past hot to boiling.
I smacked Hudson’s chest, and gave a nod in Matias’s direction.
“What the fuck is he doing here?” Hudson asked.
“I don’t know,” I said through clenched teeth. He was in Outlaw territory, and it didn’t sit well with me that he was parked behind Ryan. Coincidence or not, I didn’t fucking like him anywhere near her. I had no idea why the fuck he was there. “But I’m going to find out.”
Each step I took was with purpose and determination. That fucker needed to learn that he wasn’t allowed in this town. His punk ass belonged on the other side, far the fuck away from my town, my brothers and me. And as far away from Ryan as possible.
Hudson fell in step behind me and, even though I always liked to do things on my own, I could always count on him to have my back.
I made eye contact with Matias. The piece of shit smiled before turning the wheel and taking off like a bitch.
“What do you think that was about?” Hudson asked as he kept his eye on Matias’s car until it was out of sight.
“Who the fuck knows?”
Hudson smacked a hand against my shoulder blades. “Come on. Let’s go catch up with the guys and fill them in.”
I nodded and got on my bike, letting Hudson take the lead. We pulled out onto the street, and I kept my eyes open to our every angle, making sure Matias was nowhere to be seen.
If that piece of shit showed up in Black Hills again, the last thing he would see was the barrel of my gun right before it ended his pathetic existence.
14
Ryan
I followed Matias, making sure he left town lines. I was almost positive he didn’t see me, but I sure as hell saw him parked behind me. I had his many mug shots memorized in my head. I knew what he looked like with a beard, with a goatee, and with no facial hair at all. He was the type of guy that didn’t do a single thing without motive, so, when I saw him staking out the funeral, I couldn’t ignore it. He was up to something and you can be damn sure I was going to find out what it was.
I acted as if I didn’t see him, completely oblivious to the situation. If he believed that, then he was an idiot, which only made my job easier. By the time we were out of town lines, I knew he was stupid. He didn’t think anyone was following him because, if he did, he wouldn’t be lighting up behind the wheel. I wasn’t in my cruiser and, technically, I was off duty, so I couldn’t pull him over. I thought about calling it in, but then decided against it. As long as he got out of Black Hills, I didn’t give two shits what he did. It wasn’t a decision I was proud of, but I didn’t want to put myself, or my officers, in danger either. Matias had no respect for cops, and I could only imagine what he would do if one tried to pull him over.
As soon as he was a few blocks away from Black Hills, I eased my car onto a side road, and made my way home. At a stop sign, I put my signal on and went to go, when a bike cut in front of me, causing me to slam on my brakes.
My heart thrashed against my chest and I took calm, steadying breaths to slow the beats. The man kicked his leg over his bike, and walked toward my car with hard, angry steps. I would know that build anywhere and, when he took his helmet off, revealing his brown hair with the natural highlights, the anger inside of me exploded.
I got out of the car, slamming the door with enough force to rattle the frame. “What the fuck, Beast?! Are you trying to get me killed?”
“Me?” he growled, fire burning brightly in his eyes. “Why the fuck were you following that bastard?”
He saw me following Matias. I guess I wasn’t as inconspicuous as I thought. Besides, although Beast might have seen me, I knew damn well Matias didn’t, and what I was doing was not any of Beast’s damn business anyway.
“I’m a cop if you forgot. It’s my job to protect the community. If someone, or something, seems off to me, I’m going to investigate whether you like it or not. You have no say in this, and you need to stay out of my way.”
“And what the fuck were you going to do if something happened?”
“Take care of it!”
“Really? In that dress, and those shoes? With no back up and from the looks of it no fucking weapon to defend yourself?”
I lifted the hem of my dress up and over my thigh, revealing a black garter where I had my Beretta .32 strapped in. I looked up through my lashes at Beast, who visibly swallowed as his eyes scanned up the inside of my leg.
I let the dress fall back into place and straightened. “I never go into a situation unprepared.”
“Just alone,” he spat.
“I’m trained. I can handle myself.”
“Coming from the girl who got punched in the face by some drunk.”
“Oh, my God. Let it go already!” I threw my hands in the air, as anger turned into frustration. “You know what. I don’t have time for this. I have a town on edge. The FBI is coming in, and my partner is on a war path for justice. I am tired and cranky, so if you’ll excuse me, I am done with this conversation.”
He stood between my car, and me, blocking my path with his massive frame. I glared at him with every ounce of strength and aggravation I could muster, willing him to get out of my way.
He stepped forward, his large hand coming up to my face, and swiping a fly away hair behind my ear, causing a warm sensation to trickle down my neck. “I’m sorry.” Two words I didn’t think he was capable of saying, fell from his lips so easily.
I stood there with my mouth practically open, completely shocked that he was offering up any apology. “It’s okay,” I finally managed to choke out.
He cupped my cheeks, urging me to look at him. I took a calming breath, and slowly raised my head up, catching those dark eyes that scared me and not because of the deadly stare, but because I found that I liked looking at them. In my earlier encounters with Beast, I thought that those black orbs were void of emotion, but on closer observation, I could see that it was the exact opposite. They were filled with so much pain, agony, regret and loss that there was no room for color or light to shine through.
I wanted to be the one who opened the gate that kept him swimming in the shadows of his past. He was beat down, broken and, while I might not have gone through nearly as much as he had in this life, I knew the feeling.
“I just don’t wan
t to see you get hurt,” he said, and my breath caught at the sincerity in his tone. It wrapped around me like a warm blanket on a cold night. Washed through me like a glass wine, calming all the built up emotions inside me.
A smile tugged at the edge of my lips. Somewhere along the way, I became one of the few this man cared about. It was almost flattering, but he still needed to understand one thing even if I had to beat him over the head with it. “You have to trust me to do my job, and know that I can take care of myself.”
His hands fell from my face and he stepped back, leaning against my car. He crossed his arms over his chest and nodded, before looking back up at me with those damn eyes. “Does it ever get exhausting?”
“What?”
“Doing it all on your own?”
I rested back on the car beside him, and thought about it for a moment. When I had Chris back in Detroit, it was nice to have someone shoulder some of the weight. Someone to vent to or discuss cases. It was nice knowing I had someone in my corner when I needed them. After he died, my world that I spent so much time dedicating to work, and only work, became smaller and lonelier.
“Sometimes,” I finally said. I looked up from the ground, and met his eyes. “But I have a feeling you already know that.”
He didn’t say anything, but he didn’t have to. Beast and I lived completely different lives, but on the inside, we weren’t that much different at all.
“I should get going.”
He opened my door, as I stepped into the crook between the door and the car. Neither of us said anything else; we just stared at each other in a private conversation that said more than words ever could. I was the first to break away, knowing if I didn’t, I’d never leave. I settled into my seat, and Beast closed my door.
He moved aside, and I gave a wave, as I put the car in drive. It didn’t faze me when he got on his bike and followed me, though maybe it should have. I didn’t want people getting the wrong idea. I was taking on the role of sheriff, and I needed to gain their trust and respect. I had to make them believe that I would do the right thing and uphold the law. But, a part of me just didn’t give a shit about what those people thought and maybe that would be my downfall. Only time would tell.
Beast (A Righteous Outlaws Novel #4) (The Righteous Outlaws) Page 11
