He swallowed, his Adams apple bobbing. His jaw ticked, and his breathing picked up even more. Finally, he opened his eyes and looked directly into my own. “She was my fiancé.”
“What happened to her? Did she leave you?”
His eyes turned completely black with emotion. Tears formed a glassy wall, and everything I thought I knew about this man fell with that first tear. “She died, and I couldn’t save her.”
His words were hauntingly similar to my own, making me think of Chris and how I couldn’t save him. How I let him down in the worst possible way. It was a burden that you couldn’t forget and you definitely couldn’t forgive. It was something you lived with, day in and day out. It was something that no one else understood; yet, he knew. He knew exactly what it felt like to fail someone you love.
I wrapped my arms around his neck, our foreheads still touching, I held him close to me, needing to feel his warmth and smell that familiar scent of cedar. “How’d she die?”
“It’s a long fucking story.”
A smile tugged gently at my lips. “Good thing I have nowhere to be.”
“The only person I ever told…is dead. And when he died, I thought my past could go with him. Nobody else knew about my old life, about her. I thought it’d be easier to just forget.”
“You can’t forget. She’s a part of you. No matter what she’ll always be here.” I pressed my hand to his heart. “That’s the thing about the heart. It might not seem that large by looking at it, but its capacity is endless. Once someone leaves a mark, they’ll forever have a place there.”
“Stop making sense,” he said, and I laughed.
“I’d say it’s a bad habit, but you’ll only point out how it’s not a habit and just a poor excuse.”
“You call me on my shit just like she used to.”
“Tell me about her.”
“She was the happiest person I ever met. Beautiful and smart. We met sophomore year of high school, and were inseparable until I joined the Marines. She went to college got her degree in education, and became a teacher, while I was oversees killing men who one minute I thought were on my side and the next were trying to kill me. You never knew who you could trust. Who would betray you. I had my men and, as far as I was concerned, they were the only ones I would trust. I’d put my life in their hands. There was six of us in total, and we were forty-eight hours away from being home when our Humvee hit an IED.”
He closed his eyes again, wrinkles forming at the edges. It looked as if he was trying to push away the memories. I wanted to find a way to erase them from his mind, to replace all the bad with good. But I knew memories like that didn’t go away. They became engrained in you, and there was nothing that could be done about it.
“My world flipped upside down, and, when I came to, I patted my body to make sure I still had all my limbs. I was lucky. The rest of my unit, not so much. I was the only one capable of moving, so I ignored the pain shooting through my leg, and remembered everything I trained for. It was like I was a robot going through the motions, making tourniquets, pulling my brothers out of the wreckage, and assuring them that they weren’t going to die. And none of them did. We all made it home eventually, some us with fewer limbs than what we went with. But, we were alive to tell about it.”
My heart broke for him. I couldn’t imagine what it must have been like to go through such a terrifying experience, to shut off your emotions in order to save five people you cared about. It was almost too much for me to comprehend. They all made it home, but that didn’t mean Beast didn’t understand what it felt like to hold someone in your arms, praying that they didn’t die.
With his PTSD, I assumed his story would be serious, but this was beyond serious. I wondered what it had to do with Annie. But I wouldn’t ask. This was the most he had ever opened up to me and, if it took all night to get to Annie, I would wait. I would listen and wait, absorbing every word he said.
“Afterward, I was invited to the White House, and I received the Medal of Honor from the president of the United States.”
My eyes widened at this admission. He was a war hero, honored by the most important person in the country.
But, as he said the words, his face soured like the words left a bad taste in his mouth.
“That’s something to be proud of. That is the highest honor any military personnel can receive. You’re a hero.”
“Don’t say that!” he all but growled. His body tensed, and he stepped away from me, running his hands over his head. “You want to know what kind of fucking hero I am? Do you? Because this fucking hero right here.” He pointed at himself, his finger stabbing at his chest repeatedly. “This hero went to the movies with his fiancé and, when a fucking psychopath opened fire, I couldn’t save her. She took a bullet right to the fucking head, and was dead before she even hit the ground. So, some fucking hero I am. I let the only girl I ever loved die because I didn’t move fast enough. I didn’t protect her the way I should have. If I had, she’d still be here. I fucking failed her. It didn’t matter that I pulled five guys out of a roadside bomb in Iraq. None of that mattered because Annie was fucking dead!”
Tears streamed down my face, feeling his pain with every word he yelled. With every tense gesture he made, I wanted to reach out and hold him, run my hands across his shoulders, and ease the tension pulling tight across his back. Kiss the taut lines at the bridge of his nose until they smoothed out.
“It’s not your fault,” I said, my voice so small I wasn’t even sure if it was my own.
“What did you say?”
I walked toward him, reaching out to his hand. “It’s not your fault.”
He yanked his hand away from me, and looked at me with a mix of frustration and rage. “Don’t! Don’t you dare say that!”
“It’s not your fault,” I said again.
“Goddamn it!” He yelled, and slammed his fist into the wall, startling Beauty from her sleep. She jumped from her bed, and ran to him, pawing at his leg. I could see the anger boiling on the surface, but, when he looked down at Beauty, he softened. He shook his hand out, and then bent down to rub her head. “I’m okay. Go back to bed,” he said, as she stared at him with a tilted head. After a few seconds, she hopped back to the small bed in the corner of the room, and lay down.
With the anger temporarily at bay, I moved toward him. I took his hand in mine, and he went to pull it away, but I tightened my hold. “Don’t. Don’t push me out when you just let me in.”
He kept his distance, our hands the only thing making contact, but just feeling the warmth of his touch was enough for me. I wouldn’t make another move. It was up to him what happened next. I didn’t know how much time passed as we stood hand in hand with too much space between us, but I wasn’t letting go.
“When Annie died,” he finally said, his voice choked with emotion. “I swore to myself I would never get involved with someone ever again. I never wanted to feel that pain. That heart ripping pain that nearly destroyed me. And I was doing just fine until you showed up. Then, you reminded me of what I was missing. Reminded me that it’s not all bad. You made me want you. Want something I swore I would never want again. I fought it. Every second I was with you, I fought it. But I can’t anymore. And I don’t want to.”
He reached out, snaking his free hand around my waist, and yanking me toward him. I crashed against his chest just as his lips came down on mine. Every emotion I had been fighting poured out of me. Every thought about how we could never be together vanished, as his tongue slipped between my parted lips and met mine in a heated dance.
The intoxicating taste of sin and desire and I was lost. His hands grabbed my thighs, and he lifted me onto him as if I were weightless. I wrapped my legs around his strong waist as he leaned me against the wall.
He took my hands from around his neck, and pinned them over my head, leaving me vulnerable to his delicious attack. His lips pulled away from my mouth, and kissed a fiery path down my neck and across my collar, then followi
ng the curve of my breasts.
Chills skated up and down my spine, leaving a trail of goosebumps in its path. His lips came back to mine, crushing against them with such intensity that stars sparked behind my eyelids. I wanted to hold him, to run my fingers through his hair, but with his hand pinning my arms above me I couldn’t. I was at his mercy. He was free to do as he wished, and the only thing I could do was enjoy every second of the erotic ride. Close my eyes, and feel every lap of his tongue against my skin, every hard ridge of his body pressing against mine.
Heat shot to my core, and I bit my lip in an attempt to muffle the moans rising in my throat, but it was useless as they kept coming louder and stronger.
He rested his forehead against mine, pinning me with those black orbs, which now were filled with a primal need and desire. Wetness pooled between my legs as his eyes bored into mine, looking past all the bullshit and straight to my very soul.
“If we do this, there’s no going back,” he said, his warm breath coming out in short gasps.
I worked my wrists from his hold, and took his face in my hands, loving the roughness of his day old stubble. “I don’t want to go back.”
“I’m a criminal. You’re a cop. Our worlds aren’t compatible.”
“I don’t care.”
“You should. You could lose everything.”
I pressed my finger to his lips. “Shh. Let’s not talk about that now.” I removed my finger and replaced it with my mouth, coaxing him to part his lips with sensual strokes of my tongue. I swiped across his crease, and sucked his bottom lip into my mouth. He moaned and tilted his head to give me access.
His fingers curled into the bottom of my sports bra, and rolled it up and over my head, tossing it to the floor. He dipped his head, taking my nipple into his mouth, setting off a hundred tiny explosions in my body. His teeth slid against the tight bud as he teased, sucked and licked. My body arched, back pushed against the wall, my center pressing into him. His tongue slithered across my skin to my other nipple, sucking and nipping until the pleasure was almost too much for me to take.
He cradled my back and urged me to him, taking my mouth into a gentle kiss, the complete and total opposite of the rough, urgency we were just lost in. It was sweet and slow, as if he was savoring every second. The sudden change in tempo caused my body to melt against him. The burning inferno crackled down to a quiet smolder; making every touch, feel and taste more defined.
My eyes rolled back as he kissed a line across my jaw, swirling his tongue around my earlobe, before nipping at the sensitive flesh. He turned me away from the wall, and began to move with determination across the living room.
“Stay,” he said, and I forced my eyes to open from their heavy state to see Beauty sitting in her bed, her little stump of a tail wagging uncontrollably.
“Poor thing,” I managed through my fog.
“She’ll be fine,” he said, walking into his bedroom, and kicking the door shut.
He lowered me to the bed, his big frame hovering above me as he locked eyes with mine. He was so damn beautiful, and I reached up, running a finger down the chiseled curves of his face. He turned his lips, pressing a kiss to the palm of my hand. A smile twitched at the corner of my mouth.
His hand ran up the heated skin of my arm, bringing it above my head, and lacing my fingers with his. “I want to take my time with you, Ryan. I want to taste every inch. Hear every sound. Know your every facial expression.”
“So, what are you waiting for?” I asked, and his dark eyebrow arched just before he brought his mouth down on mine, kissing me until I couldn’t remember my own name. His lips moved down my neck, making a slow and torturous journey, licking, sucking and nipping the entire way.
His tongue slid around each nipple before taking them in his mouth one at a time. He continued down my stomach to the waistband of my yoga pants. He dragged his tongue across the seam, keeping him from my most intimate parts. His fingers curled into the tops, and he pulled them down, placing kisses as he went.
He leaned back on his knees, looking down at me naked and vulnerable with complete awe in his gaze. “God, you’re fucking perfect.” He reached behind him, pulling his shirt over his head, and tossed it to the floor.
“Not so bad yourself,” I said with a wink, then soaked in every single ridge and hard line that cut across his stomach. I wanted to follow each defined muscle with my tongue, feel his strength against my mouth, and taste his heated skin.
He grabbed my hips and yanked me to the edge of the bed, dropping to his knees on the floor. He pushed my thighs apart, opening me to him completely. He dipped his head, running his tongue across my folds, and making my body arch off the bed.
He smacked a hand on my stomach, pushing me back down to the mattress as he sucked my swollen clit into his mouth. A series of shudders wracked my body, fighting against his hold, to arch and buck against the pleasure that was consuming me.
Just when I didn’t think I could take another second of his fervent assault, he plunged a finger into my wetness, sending me spiraling into sexual oblivion. He awakened every nerve ending in my body, sparking them to life in an overwhelming succession of tiny bursts.
A loud moan fell from my lips followed by an onslaught of pleasure filled cries, as I fell over the edge into unadulterated bliss.
17
Beast
Ryan tasted as good as she smelled, and I couldn’t get enough. Her body shuddered as an orgasm consumed her, pushing her pussy closer to my mouth. I sucked her swollen clit into my mouth, thrusting my fingers in and out of her soaking wet cunt, and riding the waves with her. Her hands thrashed against the mattress, grabbing for anything to hold onto. Little did she know, there was no way to stop this ride. It was only the very beginning.
She stopped squirming, her body going limp against my mouth. I swiped my tongue across her folds, and she trembled with aftershocks. I smiled at how sensitive she was, how she reacted so fucking beautifully to my touch.
I pushed off the floor and crawled on top of her, looking down into those beautiful brown eyes that somehow managed to see past the pathetic loser I was, and into the dark abyss of my soul.
“That was wow. Just wow,” she said, a content smile lazily spreading across her kiss swollen lips.
“You haven’t seen anything yet,” I said, pressing my restricted cock against her center.
“Oh!” she exclaimed, a sexy realization sparking in her eyes.
“Hope you don’t have plans for tonight.”
“I’ll cancel the two a.m. pizza delivery.”
A laugh forced its way out, like they always managed to do when I was with her. She was beautiful and funny and, somehow, she reached into the shadows I’d been hiding in for so long, pulling me out inch by inch.
“You do that. In the mean-time.” I dipped my head, nipping at the sensitive skin at the crook of her neck. She squirmed beneath me, and then relaxed as I dragged my tongue in a slow circle. My hand roamed down the soft skin of her sides, coming back up to her gorgeous tits. I cupped the round flesh, a perfect fit for my hand, and ran a thumb across her nipple until it was a hard peak.
Another moan rumbled up her throat, and my cock strained against my shorts, begging to be released. I wanted to go slow, to take my time with her, but I couldn’t wait another second to be inside her. I was desperate to feel her hot wet walls suck me in.
I stripped out of my shorts, and kicked them to the edge of the bed. Her eyes landed on my throbbing dick and widened in pleasant surprise.
I climbed back on top of her, urging her back to the mattress with my body. I reached into the nightstand, and grabbed an unopened box of condoms that I had recently bought for no reason, except for a fantasy I never thought would come to fruition. I ripped the box open and tossed it on the top of the nightstand, expecting to use every last one tonight.
“Let me,” Ryan said, placing her hands on mine and taking the condom from it.
She put the wrapper to her mouth,
biting it open, and damn if that wasn’t the sexiest fucking thing I had ever seen. She wrapped her fingers around my cock, moving her hand in slow torturous strokes. My body tensed as an electric current of pleasure consumed me. She slid the condom into place and brought her hands up my sides, running her fingers up and down.
I positioned myself, swiping the head of my cock against her wetness. I was about to push in, when she slapped a hand to my chest. “Wait.”
“What’s the matter?” I asked, afraid she realized how colossal of a mistake it was to be with me. That she finally saw me for what I really was. Someone that wasn’t good enough for her and never would be. A criminal who could go to war, but couldn’t protect the one person he should have.
She reached up, tracing her fingers along my jaw. “It’s been a while and you’re well…big.”
I kissed her forehead, thanking my lucky fucking stars that she wasn’t bailing. That, for whatever reason, this beautiful girl beneath me wanted me. “I’ll go slow. Promise.”
She gave me a nod, and I held her gaze, as I pressed slowly into her. Her lips parted, and she gasped, as her sweet cunt took me inch by inch. I placed my hand in hers above her head, and linked our fingers together. She squeezed, as I pushed in the rest of the way and filled her completely.
She sucked in a startled breath, and I was afraid I had hurt her.
“You okay?” I asked.
“Mmm hmm.” Her eyes slid shut, as I carefully and slowly worked my way in and out of her. She was so fucking tight, her pussy like a goddamned vise grip around my dick.
It had been a long time for her, but it had been a long time for me, too. Not that I hadn’t had sex, because I had, but nothing more than a meaningless quick fuck. It had been so fucking long since I had a woman beneath me that I wanted to please. That I wanted to make feel every ridge, curve and sensation my cock could give to her. I wanted to hear her moans of pleasure, and be the one to bring her over the edge.
Beast (A Righteous Outlaws Novel #4) (The Righteous Outlaws) Page 14
