by Hilary Green
‘On the contrary,’ he said, ‘I am vastly relieved.’
‘Relieved? Why?’
From below they heard women’s voices approaching, then Tom’s. ‘Excuse me, ladies, would you see if Miss Malham Brown is nearly ready? I am waiting for her.’
‘I must go,’ she said, and he stepped back to allow her to pass. She hesitated a moment. ‘I expect we shall meet again, now you are here in Belgrade?’
‘Inevitably,’ he responded. Then, as she passed him, he added, ‘I missed you after you had gone.’
The two ladies reached the top of the stairs and one said, ‘Ah, here she is! Your escort is getting impatient, my dear.’
‘Thank you. I am ready now,’ Leo said. She looked behind her once and caught his eyes, then she ran down the stairs to where Tom was waiting.
It was three days before she encountered Sasha again. This time it was at a ball. As soon as she arrived, on Tom’s arm, she was besieged as usual by young men wanting to put their names down for a dance. She saw him on the far side of the room, but he made no effort to approach her and her dance card was filling up fast. She saved the last dance before the supper interval, pretending that she had promised it to Tom, but by the time the orchestra struck up the first waltz it was still blank and she feared it would remain so. Tom, always mindful of his obligations although he hated dancing, led her onto the floor and she made up her mind to give the impression that she was completely carefree. Tonight she was wearing midnight blue velvet, with her grandmother’s sapphire earrings, and she knew Sasha was watching her. She watched him, too, and saw that he danced with the same poise and mastery as he rode.
She had danced three dances before she saw him crossing the floor towards her. He bowed and wished her good evening and she responded in the same manner.
‘I suppose it is too much to hope that you might have a dance left for me,’ he said.
For a moment she had an impulse to tell him that his assumption was correct. Instead she said, ‘I was saving the supper dance for Tom Devenish, but I am sure he would be happy to retire in your favour.’
‘Then I shall be very much obliged to him,’ he replied. The orchestra struck up the next dance and he made a gesture of apology. ‘I am engaged for this one, but I shall return to claim you for the supper dance.’
When the time came and he took her hand to lead her onto the floor she was aware that they were the focus of all eyes. The titillating gossip about their previous relationship had spread all through the close-knit group that made up Belgrade society and she could appreciate why he had hesitated at first to be seen with her. But as soon as they reached the dance floor and he took her in his arms she forgot the rest of the world. His right hand was firm in the small of her back while his left held hers with a gentle pressure and as he whirled her into the waltz she felt as if her feet flew across the floor without touching it.
The Viennese waltz requires stamina and leaves little breath for conversation, but when the dance ended he gave her his arm and took her into the room where the supper was laid out. A sumptuous buffet had been prepared. Hams glistened under the candlelight and barons of beef glowed pink and succulent, while pride of place was occupied by a whole roasted piglet. There were mountains of pastries, whose origin testified to Serbia as a place where two great empires met; baklava dripping with honey sat next to rich, dark sachertorte and dishes of sweetmeats included the traditional slatko, a fruit preserve made from plums and cherries.
As they filled their plates he said, ‘Next week we are celebrating my family’s slava day. If I send you an invitation, will you come?’
‘A slava day?’ Leo said. ‘What is that?’
‘Every family in Serbia has one. It celebrates a momentous occasion in the extended family’s history – usually their conversion to Christianity.’
‘And how do you celebrate?’
‘We entertain our friends and neighbours to a feast. And there will be musicians, dancing, that sort of thing. Will you come?’
‘I should like that very much.’ She thought a moment and added, ‘It might be best if you invited Ralph and Tom as well. Otherwise I may not be able to accept.’
‘Of course,’ he said. ‘I will ask Adriana to send you all invitations.’
The Malkovic estate was an hour’s drive outside Belgrade and Sasha sent a car to pick them up. It was May, and for the first time Leo saw the full beauty of the Serbian countryside. They drove through meadows where sleek cattle and horses grazed. Orchards of plum and cherry shed their blossom on the road as they approached the rambling house with its stables and outbuildings. Tables had been set out in a courtyard, shaded by trellises supporting more vines, and Sasha stood at the entrance with his mother, the countess, and his sisters to receive their guests. He had changed out of his uniform and wore the traditional loose white tunic, caught in with a belt of tooled leather, over baggy black breeches, and Leo thought she had never seen him looking so relaxed.
While they ate spit-roasted lamb and spicy goulash, red with paprika, a man played the gusla and began one of the interminable chants that took Leo back to many a night around the campfire at Adrianople.
After it had gone on for some time Ralph leaned across to her and hissed, ‘How long is this caterwauling going on?’
‘Ssh!’ she reproved him. ‘He is telling the family history back from the year dot. It is terribly important to them.’
When the meal was over and the song was finished a flute and a violin struck up and Sasha rose and stepped out into the clear space in the centre of the tables. He stretched out his arms and immediately his brother-in-law came to his side, laying an arm across his shoulders. Another male relative joined in on his other side and he was followed by other men of the family and brother officers until the circle was complete and they began to trace the steps of the ‘kolo’. This way and that the circle rotated, the steps growing faster and more intricate but never losing the sense of solemn ritual. The kolo, Leo had learned, was never light-hearted. However fast the dancers moved, they never leapt or skipped but kept their feet firmly on the ground, as if affirming their oneness with their native soil.
After the dancing the guests dispersed around the grounds of the estate, strolling in small groups in the May sunshine. Adriana tucked her arm through Leo’s, saying, ‘Come, I want to show you the garden.’
They wandered past formal beds, the air heavy with the scent of wallflowers, along pleached alleys of fruit trees, until they came to an arbour with a rustic seat shaded by honeysuckle and rambling rose. And there, a few yards away, was Sasha, chatting casually to two elderly ladies. Seeing them, he made his excuses to the ladies, who wandered away to rejoin the rest, and came over.
‘Adriana, mother was looking for you.’
‘I’ll go to her,’ the girl said immediately. ‘Leo, you won’t mind if I leave Sasha to entertain you, will you?’
Leo shook her head, smiling at the transparency of the stratagem, but feeling at the same time that constriction at her throat that his close proximity provoked.
He indicated the seat. ‘Shall we sit down?’ She sat and he went on, ‘I was surprised to find you in Belgrade. I thought you would have gone back to England.’
‘Been sent back, you mean,’ Leo said wryly. ‘But you see, my brother has to stay here and, as he is my legal guardian now my grandmother is dead, I have to stay with him. He doesn’t trust me to behave if I am out of his sight.’
‘What about your grandfather?’ he asked.
‘My grandfather? I never knew . . . Oh, I’m afraid I made him up.’
‘I see. And I suppose the fact that your grandparents knew where you were and had given their permission was also a fiction.’
‘Yes, I must confess it was.’
‘And your Macedonian ancestry?’
‘Another myth, I’m afraid.’
‘But why? I mean, why are you here? What made you come to the Balkans if you have no connection to this part of the world?
’
Leo looked at him. ‘You won’t approve if I tell you.’
‘Try me.’
She paused, ordering her thoughts. ‘Very well. There are people in my country, men as well as women, who believe that women have more to contribute to society than just their role as wives and mothers.’
‘Ah, the suffragettes. I have heard of them. The whole idea seems to me extraordinary.’
‘Why?’
‘Why would women who, as society is currently organized, are cared for and protected by men, wish to exchange that for the trials and dangers that men are accustomed to face on their behalf?’
‘Because we feel we can offer more, can do more. I have seen women surgeons operate on the wounded with just as much expertise as male doctors and a great deal more compassion. If women can be doctors and lawyers and teachers, why should they not also have a say in how society is organized and how their country is governed?’
‘Because ultimately it is we men who have to deal with the consequences, who have to, if necessary, take up arms to defend the country. And to endure the hardships and dangers that follow from that.’
‘Yes, and that is why I am here now.’
‘I don’t follow you.’
‘There is a remarkable Englishwoman called Mabel Stobart who believes that, if women wish to have an equal share in government, they must first show that they are prepared to endure the same dangers and privations that men face.’
‘Surely you are not saying that you think women should become soldiers?’
‘No. Mrs Stobart is very clear about that. Our role is to preserve life, not to take it. But that does not mean we cannot serve in our own way. It was to prove that that she set up a hospital in Lozengrad, staffed entirely by women.’
‘I have heard about that, and I have read your story in the newspapers, but did it require you to dress up as a boy?’
‘No.’ She looked into his face. ‘Please believe me, I never set out to deceive you. I discarded my skirts because at Chataldzha they became so heavy with mud and filth that I could hardly walk in them. And I cut my hair because I could never get it dry. When you saw me and mistook me for a boy I did not disillusion you, because I knew that if you guessed I was a woman you would send me away.’
‘As I certainly should have,’ he agreed. ‘But what I find hardest to forgive is that you let me take you on that mad escapade into the Turkish trenches. Suppose we had been captured? The consequences are unthinkable. Weren’t you scared?’
‘Terrified,’ Leo agreed. ‘But it was the most exciting thing I have ever done.’
He laughed. ‘You are a most extraordinary woman!’
‘I don’t think so,’ she replied. ‘I think there are many other women who would like to do what I have done, given the opportunity.’
He looked at her, shaking his head in disbelief. After a moment she went on, ‘That evening, when we first met at the reception, you said you were relieved to discover I was a woman. What did you mean?’
‘Surely you can guess.’
‘No.’
‘Why do you think I found excuses to keep you with me? Why did I take you riding every morning?’
‘Lieutenant Popitch said I was the colonel’s pet.’
‘Did he indeed! Well, he would no longer be Lieutenant Popitch if I had heard him! But he had some justification. Did it never seem strange to you?’
‘I have to admit that I sometimes wondered if . . . if you made a habit of choosing favourites.’
‘Never! Never before. But that is the point. Don’t you see? I was developing feelings for you that made me question my own manhood. That is why I was relieved to discover you were a woman.’
Leo’s breath was coming fast and shallow. He was very close, his arm resting along the back of the seat behind her, his eyes holding hers as if he wanted to hypnotize her.
Her brother’s voice jerked her back to reality. ‘Leonora!’ He was standing a short distance away with two more ladies. ‘Come here, please. These ladies would like to meet you.’
She exchanged one brief, wry smile with Sasha and got up. The moment was past.
Next day rumours began to circulate that the London Conference had finally come to an agreement. Ralph returned from duty to the hotel grim-faced.
‘It’s exactly the sort of fudge we’ve been expecting. Albania gets full independence, which means that, after all the sacrifices the Serbian army made to get there, they lose access to the sea at Durazzo. And nothing concrete has been decided about Macedonia. The Serbs are determined to hang onto it as compensation for losing Albania and the Bulgarians think it should be theirs in recognition of the losses they incurred fighting the Turks in the east. Neither side is going to compromise. It’s a recipe for another war.’
The following morning Leo received an invitation to take tea with Adriana at the Malkovic’s town house. She went with a raised pulse and a fluttering in her stomach. It was no surprise to find Sasha waiting in the drawing room. Over tea the three of them discussed the settlement, and Sasha’s estimation of the result was the same as Ralph’s. Then Adriana rose to her feet.
‘I know Sasha wants a few private words with you, Leo, so I’m going to leave you alone. I’ll be in the garden if you want me.’
Leo’s heart was pounding as the door closed behind her. This, surely, must be the logical conclusion to their interrupted conversation in the garden. Sasha had got up and was standing by the empty fireplace, his expression unreadable.
‘You realize that the present situation means that I could be recalled to my regiment very soon, within days quite possibly. Before that happens there is something I must say to you.’
‘Go on,’ Leo said breathlessly.
‘I have not behaved honourably towards you. I have allowed the relationship we had at Adrianople to cloud my better judgement.’
She shook her head. ‘I don’t understand.’
He moved quickly to sit beside her on the sofa. ‘The other day I spoke of feelings I had developed for you, and my relief at discovering that you were a woman. I think you know what those feelings are. I have never loved a woman. I mean with my heart. I have known lust, but never love. Women have always seemed to me alien, unknowable. But with you I feel I have found my perfect partner, someone whose spirit blends with mine as if we were two halves of the same whole. I believe you feel the same.’
Unable to speak, she could only nod.
He went on, ‘If circumstances were other than they are, I would at this moment be asking you to give me the greatest happiness I can imagine by agreeing to be my wife. But I am not free. That is why I have behaved dishonourably in ever allowing you to imagine there might be anything between us.’
‘Not free?’ The words were forced from a tight throat.
‘Let me explain. You know how turbulent the history of my country has been. It has been plagued for centuries by blood feuds and factions. It is the case with my own family. For generations there has been enmity between the Malkovices and the Kableshkovs. It is a history of raids, murders and pitched battles that weakened both families. When I was fourteen, my father and Todor Kableshkov decided to put an end to the feud once and for all. Todor has a daughter, Eudoxie, who was then three years old. We were formally betrothed as a pledge of good faith between our families. She is now eighteen. The marriage cannot be delayed much longer.’
Leo, struggling to assimilate what he had told her, seized on the most obvious fact. ‘I have not met her.’
‘No. Sadly she is not strong. She has a weakness in the chest that makes breathing difficult. She spends much of her time in her own room and goes out very little.’
‘But that is not right for you!’ Leo cried. ‘How can you be forced to marry a girl like that, a girl who could never make a suitable wife for you?’
He shook his head miserably. ‘If I were to renege on the agreement now the consequences for both families would be incalculable. For a start, one of her brothers would feel
obliged to call me out and in the subsequent duel I should probably kill him. So the blood feud would start up all over again. For the sake of my mother and my sisters, and their children, I must go through with it.’
Tears were standing in her eyes but she refused to let them fall. What he required from her now was courage, not hysteria. She drew a deep, shuddering breath and said, ‘Then what must be, must be.’
He caught her hand and raised it to his lips, then rubbed his cheek against it. ‘Oh, my dear, brave girl. How well you were named! If only you and I were joined, we could face the world together.’
‘But now it seems we must both face it alone,’ she whispered. ‘Before we part, may I ask you one last favour?’
‘Anything!’
‘Will you kiss me once, so that I have that to remember?’
He took her in his arms and his lips found hers and parted them. She had never kissed a man before and she lost all awareness of the world beyond his embrace, as every nerve in her body responded. At last he drew back and looked down into her eyes. She reached up and put her arms round his neck with sudden fierce intensity.
‘Let me stay with you! I don’t care about marriage. I don’t care what society says, or the church. I will stay here and you can come to me whenever you are able. That will be enough for me.’
Very gently he disengaged himself. ‘I will not allow you to do that to yourself. My honour, and yours are at stake. You will leave here and one day you will forget me. Or at least you will find someone who makes the memory of me irrelevant. We both have our duty and our different fates. It is useless to fight against it.’ He reached into his pocket and withdrew a small case. ‘Will you take this, as a memento of our time together?’
Inside the case was a gold locket and when she opened it she saw that it contained a twist of black hair.
He said, ‘One day, you will take out that hair and put in its place a lock taken from the head of your firstborn child.’
‘Never,’ she replied. ‘I shall keep this always and nothing will ever replace it.’
He fastened it round her neck and she slipped it inside her dress. Then he got up and said, ‘I will leave you alone to compose yourself. When you feel ready, ring the bell and Adriana will come to you.’
