by Ellis, J. J.
Ten minutes later, he was laying there with his eyes closed when his phone buzzed.
“I love you too, Russell. I love Miranda like she’s my own. I don’t think I can come back though. Nothing about Harper’s Rock feels right anymore. Nothing feels safe. Give Miranda a goodbye hug for me. I’m thinking about heading back to Seattle in a few days. If I’m never going to be safe again, I might as well do it anonymously.”
Tears burned his eyes, but he refused to let them fall. Damn her, didn’t she know the extent of the pain she was causing? He typed back one last time. “Well then, I guess this is goodbye. Did you even think about what this will do to Miranda? Probably not. It seems like you just run when things get tough.”
Not a full minute later, his phone buzzed again.
“I’m sorry Russell. When I get settled I’ll send my number. She can call me anytime.”
Russell slammed his phone down on the sofa table and laid back down.
His eyes closed and he drifted into a dream-filled sleep. Emily was riding a horse across the ranch, her hair flying behind her and a big smile on her face. She pulled back on the reins and the horse came to a stop. Dismounting, she walked around to the front of Jasper and rubbed his nose. Miranda ran over and with Emily’s help, she climbed onto the old horse’s back. Her body relaxed as Jasper took her around in circles then back to where they started.
Russell’s eyes came open and he sat up suddenly. He knew exactly how he was going to get Emily back. The first thing he needed to do was talk to his mother and then maybe his brothers.
Three hours later, after taking Miranda for ice cream, he grabbed his phone and sat down on his bed. Once again, he pulled up Emily’s contact info and messaged her. “I need to know you’re safe. Are you staying with your mom?”
A few minutes later, the return text came through. “Yes, I’m at my mom’s. I’m safe. Please don’t come here.”
Russell smiled. Everything was perfect. He sent one last message. “I love you Emily Zane.”
Before heading downstairs to talk to his mother, for the second time, about his plans, he called his brothers to see what they thought of his idea. When that was over, he met up with Evelyn and Miranda in the kitchen for a quick lunch. A half hour after that, he was in his SUV headed into town. His brother’s grocery store was the first stop. He headed to the floral counter and ordered two dozen red roses, to be delivered to Emily’s mom’s house. Each rose would be in its own cellophane wrapper. He remembered how much she had liked the single red rose he gave her, so that is what she would get…twenty-four of them.
The management office was open when he got there and Logan was sitting behind the desk holding his friend Jayna’s baby. It seemed that they had been through their own violent confrontation and were trying to recover from the day’s events. Russell made his visit quick and headed off to do the rest of his errands then back to the ranch. Miranda and Rizzy were outside playing together and Evelyn was on the porch watching them. “Is everything settled?” she asked.
“Yeah Ma. Now we just wait.” He walked inside and sat down at the breakfast bar. Waiting would be the hardest thing he would do. He wanted to drive straight over there and tell her his plan, but he would wait until after the flowers were delivered and she’d had the night to sleep on it. Russell wasn’t the best with words, but he hoped the note he’d included would convey what he wanted it to.
Emily,
Here are twenty four single red roses. I love you so much and can’t stand the thought of losing you. I have a plan. I can make Harper’s Rock a home for you. A home for us. I’ll stop by tomorrow so we can discuss it.
Love Russell.
**********
Emily had tears in her eyes as she read the note Russell sent her with the twenty-four beautiful flowers. She loved him too. So very much. But…she just didn’t quite know what she was feeling. As she’d walked to her cottage to get some fresh clothes that morning she had suddenly become afraid. The same kind of fear she had felt every time she saw a young, punk kid in Seattle after the shootings. Was her safe bubble forever shattered? She somehow didn’t think she would ever feel safe for long. It probably wasn’t possible.
Russell would be coming to see her but it wouldn’t help either of them. If she didn’t feel safe, she couldn’t put her burden on him, or on Miranda. That was the last thing the little girl needed. Maybe, if she went to Seattle she could just disappear into a crowd and not worry about anyone else. She would be afraid but at least she could be anonymous. She wasn’t going to be good for anyone. Her plan was to find a job at an anonymous clinic, live in an anonymous apartment and lead an anonymous life. Her fears wouldn’t burden anyone but herself.
She sat down hard on the couch in her mother’s house. How many times in the past had she told clients that their fear wasn’t a burden on others? But here she was thinking it. Maybe she had been wrong, maybe her teachers had been wrong, because it sure as hell felt like something she didn’t want to share with those she loved. And now…Russell would soon be here and he would try to reason with her and she couldn’t deal with that. Not now. She just wanted to be alone. Tears started to fall and she curled up on her mother’s couch and cried until she felt sick. Her mother found her there two hours later.
“Hey kiddo. It’s time to get up, dust yourself off and get on with your life,” Margaret Zane said, putting a hand on Emily’s shoulder.
“Easier said than done, Mother,” she replied. She had just realized that she had never finished healing from her previous trauma. She’d just swept it under the rug for future torture.
“Well, you at least need to get up and help me with dinner. Maybe we need to talk.”
Emily sighed and sat up. “I’ll help you with dinner, but I don’t want to talk. I’m already confused enough, I don’t need more to think about.”
“Suit yourself,” Margaret said, standing. “I’ll meet you in there.”
Emily dragged herself off the couch and into the kitchen. She had no misconceptions that her mother would keep quiet. But she couldn’t just freeload off of them, so she went on in and set about helping to make dinner.
“So have you talked to Russell today?” Margaret asked.
“Only a few texts, Mother. I don’t want to talk to him or about him right now.”
“Why not? He loves you. You love him. I don’t see what the problem is.”
“I’m the problem, Mom. I was forever changed that day in Seattle and I’m not going to let it affect the people I love. I’m leaving in the morning.” Her fear of…whatever the hell it was… had finally taken completely over.
“I think that will be a big mistake. You need to face…”
Emily left the meat she was dicing on the cutting board and ran out of the room. When she was safely encased in her sister’s room she pulled out her phone and called the airlines. First thing in the morning, when her father headed into Casper, she would be with him. She somehow couldn’t get away fast enough. If she’d had a way to get to Casper that night she would have been on her way already.
The rest of her night was spent packing. She stopped only for dinner where she told her family her plan then she went to bed. Dreams of shootings, Russell and Miranda, and Seattle plagued her through the night. Morning couldn’t come soon enough.
CHAPTER 19
Russell woke with a splitting headache and sore muscles but that wasn’t about to stop him from seeing Emily that morning. He’d only slept for a couple of hours because his mind kept going over the last couple of months and how it was actually so easy to fall in love with her. Some things just couldn’t be explained.
Sitting up, he stretched and felt a bit better. Tossing and turning all night had definitely tried to sabotage his plans, but he wouldn’t let it. He was going to get Emily back…today!
Following a quick shower and some breakfast, that he could barely manage to get down, he said goodbye to his mom and Miranda and drove away from the ranch. With any luck he wouldn’t
be alone when he came back.
Emily’s parents lived on the other side of town and it took him twenty minutes to get there. Thank goodness there hadn’t been any cops on the road. When he pulled up in front of the large, blue ranch-style house, he saw Em’s car and breathed a sigh of relief. She was there.
He felt like a nervous teenager on a first date as he rang the doorbell. It didn’t go unnoticed that he felt like that a lot with Emily. The look on Margaret Zane’s face when she answered the door spoke volumes. Emily was gone.
“I’m sorry Russell. After your flowers arrived, she reserved a ticket to Seattle. She left with her father a half an hour ago for the airport.”
“What time does her flight leave?” he asked through gritted teeth, more out of frustration than anger.
“Three hours from now, so about eleven o’clock. Wait right here, I have her itinerary.”
When Margaret came back to the door, she handed him a piece of stationary with dates, times and a flight number on it. “She hates the Salt Lake City airport so she chose to fly through Denver. There’s one through Salt Lake that leaves fifteen minutes later but arrives in Seattle an hour earlier. I personally would have chosen that one.”
Russell got the hint and knew exactly what she was getting at. If he missed her in Casper, he could be in Seattle and waiting for her when she arrived.
“Thank you so much,” he smiled, dropping a kiss on her cheek. “I’ll bring her home.”
Getting into his SUV, he first called his mother. “Hey Ma, can you watch Miranda for me for a couple of days?”
“Of course, but where on earth are you going?”
“Emily is headed to Seattle. I’m going to bring her home, if I don’t catch her in Casper before she leaves that is.”
“Oh okay. Don’t worry about us. We’ll be fine. Bring her home, son!”
“I will Ma. I love you.” He hung up the phone, looked up the number for the airline and called to reserve himself a seat on the 11:15 a.m. flight from Casper to Salt Lake City with connections to Seattle. When that was done, he tossed his phone on the passenger seat and headed out of town with only a quick stop for gas.
About twenty miles from his destination, he saw lights in his rearview mirror. “Fuck!” he groaned, pulling over to the side of the road. He didn’t have time for this shit. But then again, he had been going ninety-five miles per hour.
The trooper was in a good mood so he only ticketed him for speeding. He ignored the fact that Russell was way past due to register his car in Wyoming. Within half an hour he was back on the road with a stern warning from the trooper to slow down or risk never seeing his girlfriend again. The last twenty miles seemed to drag and his stress was going through the roof. When he was delayed just outside of town by a tractor trailer fire, he pounded his hands on the steering wheel. “What the hell is up with my luck,” he muttered. “Maybe I’m the one who should go into hiding.”
Traffic finally started to lighten at the turn off to the airport allowing him to quickly park in long term parking and head inside. He was too late. Emily’s flight had already boarded. It looked like he would be flying to Seattle.
The flight from Casper to Salt Lake City was uneventful, but Russell was so restless he couldn’t imagine having to sit still for the next leg of the flight. He just wanted to be there and have Emily in his arms again.
As he was changing planes, he thought about what would happen if she refused him and his idea. He pushed it quickly away. There was no way he would succeed if he kept thinking like that.
By mid-afternoon, his plane touched down in Seattle. He was the first off the aircraft and wound his way through the airport maze to Emily’s gate. He sat down to wait the hour until she arrived. The time would of course drag. God! He couldn’t wait to see her beautiful face.
He figured he should probably let his mother know he was okay so he texted her.
“Hey Ma. Safe in Seattle. Can I text Miranda on your phone please?”
Her response came a moment later. “Glad to know you’re safe. The next text you send, Miranda will read.”
Russell smiled and typed out his message. “Hey squirt. Are you being good for Grandma?”
Five minutes later he got an answer. “Hi Daddy! Have you seen Miss Emily yet?”
Russell quickly responded. “No, not yet. But soon. I love you baby girl.”
Five minutes later her response came. “I love you too Daddy. Tell Miss Emily I love her, kinda like a second Mama.”
Just as he was about to text her back, they announced the arrival of Emily’s plane. He stood as close as he could get, watching others reunited with their loved ones. He started to get nervous that she may not even have been on the flight. But then there she was, the last one off the plane. Tears were streaming down her face.
When she saw him, she stopped in her tracks. He noticed her battling between a smile and a frown before she ran forward and threw herself into his arms.
“What…what are you doing here?” she cried.
“I’m not picky about which airport I go through to get here,” he joked. “Why are you crying?”
Emily reached up to caress his cheek. “I was trying to come to terms with the fact that you and Miranda would no longer be a part of my life. It really hit me on the last hour of the flight.”
“Does that mean you’ll come home?’ Russell asked, wiping her tears away.
“I don’t think so, Rusty.”
“Why not? If you miss us…”
“I’d rather have you safe and miss you than have you and lose you,” she murmured. “I’ve realized that nowhere is safe, so I just want to disappear into a big, anonymous, familiar place.”
Russell slumped down into the chair behind him. “Please.”
“I’m sorry…”
“At least hear me out. Let’s go to dinner and talk. If your answer is still no after that then I’ll leave on the next available flight. I won’t bother you again.”
Emily looked up and into his eyes. What could it hurt? It’s not like losing them could be any more painful than it already was. “Okay. I’ll go to dinner with you. But I don’t think you’ll find what you’re looking for.”
**********
A half an hour later, they were being seated in the back of a quiet little mom and pop restaurant that Emily had frequented when she lived there.
“I don’t recognize anyone here,” she stated, looking around her. “I wonder if Bill and Mary sold it like they had talked about.”
“This is a great place. They probably got a pretty penny for it,” Russell said. “Is there something specific you would recommend?”
Emily looked over her menu at him. “Truthfully, everything here is perfect. Or at least it was when I lived here.”
When the waiter came over and took their drink orders, they decided to go ahead and order their food too.
“So, what do you want to say?” she asked, handing the waiter her menu. Russell saw her shields go up.
“Well,” he started. “There is something I want to try to do in Harper’s Rock, but I can’t do it without you.”
She looked at him as if she didn’t believe him. “And what might that be?”
“Do you remember what you told me at the horse exhibit on school carnival night?”
“Yeah,” she said quietly. “I said I wanted to start a therapy summer camp for autistic kids.” Her eyes were cast downward and he saw a stray tear hit the table.
“Let’s do that Em. You and me, on the ranch.”
“I can’t do that if I’m here, Russell.” She hadn’t thought about having to give up her dream. She’d been wrong, the pain she felt could get worse.
He sighed heavily and took her hand as the drinks were delivered. When the waiter had gone again, he spoke. “Then come home with me. You said it was your dream.”
“It is…I just…”
“Emily Zane! What are you doing here,” came a voice form behind her. “I thought you went into hidi
ng after Daniel died.”
Russell looked at the woman and then to Emily. If he remembered correctly Daniel was an ex-boyfriend who’d left her high and dry. She’d never said anything about him being dead.
Emily stood and hugged her old roommate Meghan. They chatted for a few moments then the other woman went to her own table.
“I thought you said…”
“I’m sorry, she whispered. “I got so tired of people feeling sorry for me that I just made up something easier for them to handle.”
After the waiter dropped off their food, he made Emily look at him. “What really happened?”
“He was there that day,” she whispered. “We had broken things off the night before because…well, I didn’t love him anymore. We’d grown apart.”
Russell gave her a moment to collect herself before squeezing her hand to encourage her to continue. “He showed up at the diner to try to get me back. He was the first one the kid killed.”
“And you blamed yourself,” he said softly.
“Of course,” she murmured through her tears. “I always do. I’m quiet the narcissist, aren’t I.”
“You were hurting Emily. But none of it is your fault.”
“I thought I was going to lose you too,” she sobbed. “I didn’t love Daniel anymore, but he was a huge part of my life for so long. I still cared about him. I couldn’t stand the thought of losing someone else I cared about.”
Russell reached over and took both of her hands in his. “You didn’t lose me, Em. And it wasn’t your fault that my fucked up ex-wife decided to try to become a cold-blooded killer.”
“I know it’s ridiculous. But God, bad luck seems to follow me everywhere and I’m tired of it.”
“Then take a chance with me and make your own luck. Stop running from your pain.”
“I didn’t really run from it…Oh, I did, didn’t I? I ran to Seattle from what Chuck did to me and from my grandmother’s death. And I ran back to Harper’s Rock because of the shooting and Daniel’s death.” Emily paused and looked up at Russell. “I need to stop running.”
