by L. Divine
“No, she’s not,” Dr. Whitmore says, taking my chin into his cold hand and forcing me to stick my tongue out. “Mmhmm,” he says, looking closely into my mouth. I never get used to this part. I always think my breath stinks, especially after the Funyuns I ate for lunch today. “Go ahead and make yourself comfortable in room number one. I need to get my tools and I’ll be in momentarily.” Mama walks me into the first patient room and closes the curtain, which serves as a door for the intimate space.
“Mama, what’s he looking at when he’s eyeing my tongue?” I ask, making myself comfortable on the table in the center of the room. This is a sanctuary compared to the other doctors’ offices I have to visit from time to time. There are several bamboo trees lining the walls and soothing Chinese music playing in the background. Mama sits down on the love-seat opposite where I’m seated. I notice hanging on the wall above her head are copies of Dr. Whitmore’s acupuncture and medical licenses, as well as the certified oath he took as a traditional healer, just like the one hanging up in Mama’s spirit room.
“He’s checking your vital signs.”
“Doesn’t he need a stethoscope and a thermometer for that?” Mama rolls her eyes at my line of questioning, knowing I’m doing it mostly to antagonize her and less out of curiosity. I don’t want to be here and I’m tired. The last thing I want is someone poking at me today.
“No, he does not.” Mama’s stern voice let’s me know that her patience with me is wearing thin. “You act like you haven’t been coming here all of your life, Jayd. What’s gotten into you today?”
“I’m just saying, what’s my tongue got to do with my temperature?”
“You can tell a lot about what’s going on in a person’s body by looking at the color of their tongue. Part of being a natural practitioner is taking the path of least intrusiveness, and that starts with you being quiet and sticking out your tongue.” Mama throws her soft pink cashmere shawl across her shoulders and covers the slight cleavage she’s letting pop today. She looks like she’s going out on a date or something.
“Chilly?”
Mama smiles at me and I can’t help but smile back. Mama’s a grown, attractive woman and she’s not dead. If anyone deserves some innocent flirting and positive attention from a man it’s my grandmother. Dr. Whitmore walks through the curtain and sets my chart and a small tray of instruments down on the table next to my feet. He looks at my grandmother and takes in her presence fully before turning his attention back to me.
“As you already know, your visit alludes to a larger spiritual problem and I know your grandmother’s already on top of that.” Dr. Whitmore winks at Mama and she blushes like a schoolgirl. If they keep it up they’re going to make me sick instead of heal me, which is the reason I’m here. Taking the miniature flashlight off the tray, he looks into my eyes, ears, and nose. Dr. Whitmore returns the light to the tray and takes out seven thin acupuncture needles. Mama rises from her seat and walks over to the sink on the other side of the room where his shelves and cabinets are housed, and washes her hands.
“Lynn Mae, do you remember the first time we performed acupuncture together?”
“Of course I do. You let me in the room knowing I’d never poked anyone with a needle before.”
“Yes, but even then your acupressure was exceptional.” Dr. Whitmore watches as Mama reaches for two of the small tincture vials lining the wall above the sink. She takes two cotton balls from their jar next to the sink and joins Dr. Whitmore for my session. “Lie down, child. This won’t take long.”
“Jayd, I want you to breathe deep and try to relax,” Mama says, patting my thigh with her right hand as she pushes the cotton ball down on one of the tincture jars with her other hand. She then applies the effervescent ball onto the center of my forehead, my temples, the top of both shoulders, and on the side of both big toes. These are the points where Dr. Whitmore will place the needles. As I inhale the lavender and patchouli oil intermingling in the air, Dr. Whitmore follows Mama’s trail, and I’m directed to be still and let the needles do their job.
I know it sounds crazy, but these little needles really do get some things moving in my body. I don’t have acupuncture very often, but every time I do I feel better afterward. It’s just the poking and prodding that bugs me. After they are done placing the needles, Mama cleans up and returns to her seat while I drift off, enjoying the surge of ashe, or spiritual power, flowing through me.
After what seems like only a few minutes, I can feel Mama rise from her seat and begin to remove the needles. I open my eyes and glance at the clock on the wall. I’ve been lying here for close to an hour. Mama smiles down at me and Dr. Whitmore smiles down at her. They both look like they enjoyed my nap more than I did.
“How do you feel?” he asks, again forcing my tongue out while he searches for signs of life. He gives a nod of satisfaction and Mama does the same thing.
“I feel okay. I slept.”
“Yes, but did you dream?” Mama asks. In any other household parents would be happy to know their children were sleeping, but not in mine. Mama’s got to have the dreams too, and damn the REM sleep.
“No, I didn’t, or if I did I can’t remember. I didn’t even realize I’d been out for this long.” Mama breathes a sigh of concern and looks up at Dr. Whitmore for suggestions. Dr. Whitmore walks over to his medicine cabinet, pulls out a jar of huge brown capsules, and hands them to me. “Whatever or whoever’s stressing you out, let him go. That goes for you too, Lynn Mae.” Mama and I both look at him and reluctantly smile. We’ve both got our share of boy problems and, unfortunately, that always leads to hating females like Esmeralda and Misty.
“Thank you, Dr. Whitmore.”
“Don’t mention it, young lady. You just take care of yourself and watch your back. Esmeralda means you harm and that’s real. But we won’t let her get the best of you, little Jayd.” Mama takes out her wallet to pay, but Dr. Whitmore puts his hand over hers and directs her to keep her money. “Let me know if you need anything else.”
“Thank you again,” I say, following Mama to the door.
“Yes, thank you, and we’ll talk to you soon.” Mama looks back at him as he walks us to the entrance. They look at each other like they want to say more but can’t because I’m here. I step outside in front of Mama and let them have a moment alone. I walk to my mom’s car and open the passenger door, tossing my purse into the backseat. I look at the bottle the doctor gave me and study the Chinese characters.
“What are these?” I ask Mama as she exits the building. She walks over to me and looks around to check out our environment. Mama’s always on red alert, and rightfully so. We’ve got plenty of haters out here.
“They are vitamins to help strengthen your ashe. You’re going to need all of the help you can get to fight off whatever this girl’s put on you. And even more than that, you’re going to need to learn how to control your dreams before they end up hurting you, or worse.” I’ve never heard Mama this scared before. Worse?
“The only thing that could be worse is death, and I know that’s not what you’re talking about, is it?” I search her eyes for a hint, but she’s not giving in.
“Jayd, you ask too many questions,” Mama says, answering my question with a straight poker face. “Just focus on getting some sleep and leave the rest up to me.” No problem. I have enough on my plate as it is.
“Can I drive you home?” Mama looks at me like I’m really crazy this time, but I have to ask. Without responding, Mama drapes her shawl over her shoulders and begins her trek toward Gunlock Avenue. “Okay; see you at home,” I say to Mama as she turns the corner, walking toward our block. As fast as she steps, she’ll probably beat me there. I didn’t have a chance to ask her about how to handle my new classmates, but that can wait until tomorrow. I don’t want anything else on my mind for my date with some much-needed sleep. The drama will definitely still be there come morning.
With Tre’s service on Friday and Rah still not talking to me, th
e last thing I need is something else to worry about. Mickey’s still pissed at me for telling her off about Nigel getting shot, and I can’t get any information from Nigel himself because his parents have confiscated his cell. It seems like life as I know it has changed permanently, and there’s nothing that I can do about it. After I finish my homework I’m going to take my meds, and if they work like they’re supposed to, I should get some good sleep tonight.
“Lynn Marie, please stop. You don’t know what you’re doing!” Mama shouts as I empty the contents of one of my three large Hefty trash bags that house my clothes, underwear, and other possessions. Bryan’s bottom bunk bed is covered with all of my things—except they’re not really mine and I’m not me. I’m my mother at my age. Oh hell, no, not again.
“You don’t own me, Mama. I can do what I want, when I want.” I continue to empty the bags onto the bed and sift through my mother’s things. Damn, she has a lot of shit.
“No, you cannot, little girl, and as long as you live under my roof you will do as I say.” Mama grabs my arm and turns me toward her. When I look into her eyes I see it’s not Mama but rather Maman, and she’s looking at me so intently it’s making my head hurt.
“Problem solved,” I (as my mom) say, without moving my lips. I’m talking to Maman from my mind into hers. This must be before my mom lost the use of her powers on other people. It’s like I can hear the words as they form in Maman’s head before she speaks them aloud. I can even hear her changing her mind. What a trip.
“What are you talking about? You can’t leave home. You’re only seventeen.” I keep sifting and throwing things I’m taking with me into one bag while piling everything else onto the floor to discard later.
“Mama, Jayd’s doing it again.” I hear Bryan yelling outside of my dream, but I can’t stop it. I can also hear Daddy and my other uncles grumbling about losing sleep, but they’re not the only ones. Do they think I want to be walking around the house this time of night and completely out of control?
“Bryan, go get a glass of water. Jay, help me follow your cousin.” Mama’s voice sounds weak and terrified. Whatever’s going on is scaring Mama and that alone is enough to terrify me.
“I’ll be eighteen in three months and then I’m getting married, so I can just move in with Carter now.” I’ve never heard my mother call my father by his first name before. I almost forgot he had one.
“If you move in with Carter, Lynn Marie, it’ll be the death of you.” Maman’s words are so strong they resonate through my mother’s head like bells in a chapel: loud and clear.
“I’m sick of you and this house and your curses. It’s over,” I shout, stuffing as much shit as I can into two new garbage bags and passing Maman by in the hallway. I notice my uncles in the living room watching the scene. I see a young Bryan sitting next to the lit Christmas tree, crying at the sight of his mother and favorite sister arguing for what I’m sure is the hundredth time. Damn, another holiday gone bad. Why do we even celebrate them when we know there’s bound to be some drama?
“Omi tutu, ona tutu, ile tutu, tutu Laroye,” I hear Mama chanting as she sprinkles cold water on my head. Even though I can hear her and feel her, I still can’t snap out of it. I follow the path of my mother through the living room, ready to head out of the front door to God only knows where.
“Man, it’s too early in the morning for this. Why can’t she have a breakdown during the day when we’re all awake?” Jay asks.
“Jay, shut up your whining and stand behind your cousin just in case she falls back. Bryan, you walk in front of her and don’t let her hurt herself.” Mama continues praying in Yoruba and I unwillingly continue my sleepwalking through the past.
“Lynn Marie, I’m warning you. Turn back around before you get hurt.” Maman’s shrill voices shocks me and my mom both, but my mom continues to move toward the front door. “If you walk out that door I can’t help you, Lynn Marie. My hands are tied.” I look back at Maman, my uncles, and the house before opening the front door with my bags in tow.
“I’ll take my chances,” I say. Before I exit onto the front porch, I catch a glimpse of my reflection in the glass door and see my mother’s green eyes staring back at me. They’re glowing like Mama’s and Maman’s do in my visions. I guess with the powers comes the glow, because although my mother’s eyes are pretty, they don’t shine like this anymore. I smile at the reflection and can feel my mother’s long hair sweep across my back. I walk outside and begin to descend the front porch, but not before Esmeralda has a chance to rear her ugly head. She looks younger, but with the same cold, blue eyes, which catch my mother completely off guard.
“Lynn Marie!” Maman yells, but it’s too late. My head starts to throb as Esmeralda locks onto my eyes with hers. The pounding in my head is getting louder and louder, drowning out whatever Maman’s saying in the background. I can feel hands pulling me back into the house but I can’t tell if they’re Maman’s or Mama’s. This feels too real for me.
“You evil bitch,” my mom says telepathically to Esmeralda, who hears her loud and clear.
“You haven’t seen evil yet,” Esmeralda says, not letting go of her visual hold over my mother for a second. They continue their mental tug-of-war for what seems like an eternity before my mother finally starts to lose the infamous battle I’ve heard about all of my life.
“Mama, help,” my mother whines. Maman looks down at me, her green eyes glowing, not from her powers but from the tears she’s shedding.
“I can’t, baby, I can’t. You’ve been cursed, and when you disobeyed me, you locked it in. I’m so sorry, my daughter,” she says. I can feel her staring into my eyes, searching for some recognition of my mother’s powers, I assume. But like Esmeralda, they’re gone.
“Mama, what happened? I can’t see anything!” I scream. It’s like someone turned out the lights and everywhere I look there’s only darkness.
“Oh, baby girl, why didn’t you listen to me? She took your sight,” Mama cries, holding my head in her lap. Esmeralda overpowered my mom to the point that I’m lying on the front porch and didn’t even realize it. “I can’t hear you in my mind anymore. Why aren’t you talking to me?”
“Oh girl, it’s over. She took your powers right out of your eyes. Your sight will come back eventually, but your powers are gone forever.”
So that’s how my mom lost her powers. Wicked.
“Jayd, snap out of it.” I can hear Mama but it’s Maman’s voice that I’m following. “Jayd, now!”
And with that final command, Mama pours the entire glass of cold water over my head, forcing me to wake up. We’re seated on the front porch, just like we were in my vision. I try to look around but everything’s dark.
“I can’t see,” I say, wiping the water out of my eyes. But it’s no use. Everything’s still black, and I know I’m not dreaming anymore. Oh shit, this can’t be good.
“Damn, that’s rough,” Jay says, expressing my sentiments exactly, but without any sympathy.
“I’m glad I’m not a Williams woman,” Bryan says. I wish I could see the smirk on his face so I could slap it off. Whenever Mama and I celebrate the women in our lineage, all the men in the household hate on us. Even if they would never wish anything serious on us, seeing me and Mama suffer must be the best dessert for them all.
“Shut up, both of you. Bryan, help me get Jayd back in the house. Jay, go get her a towel to dry off.” Mama grabs my right arm and Bryan my left. They lead me back into the house and to my bed. The early morning cold has once again gone straight through my thin gown and straight into my bones, but I could care less about that. I want to know how long I’m going to play the part of Ray Charles in my mother’s life story.
“Mama, what happened? Why can’t I see anything?”
“Well, you stayed in your mother’s past for too long and brought some of it back with you. That’s why you have to learn to control your dreams, baby. Otherwise, they will get the best of you. You can’t keep sleepwalking
like this, child.” Who’s she telling? This shit is wearing a sister down, and I can’t afford to lose any more sleep. It’s killing my energy, and that’s draining my wallet and my social time.
“What time is it, anyway? I’ve got to get up soon to get to school. You think this will wear off by then?” Not that I’m in any rush to get to South Bay High, but the day’s going to start whether I can see it or not.
“Obviously you can’t go to school like this. You’ll have to stay home until it wears off. Here, take your medicine and go back to sleep.”
“I don’t want to go back to sleep, Mama. Every time I do I either wake up walking around as someone else or I feel like I haven’t slept at all, which is worse.” Ignoring my protest, Mama hands me a cup of water to accompany the pills she places in my other hand. I smell the nasty things and curl up my nose. “I thought these were supposed to make me better? What kind of help is it if I go blind in the process?”
“You have to have more faith and patience in your process than that, Jayd. It’s not magic, I keep trying to tell you, girl. Now, drink up and get some sleep.” I don’t see how, with Tre’s memorial service tomorrow afternoon. But at least I’ll miss school, which is always a plus.
3
Pour Out a Little Liquor
“Pour out a lil liquor young queen.”
—TUPAC
After yesterday morning’s sleepwalking incident and sleeping most of the day away, I feel like a zombie this morning. Today is Tre’s memorial service and I’m going no matter how cloudy my vision may be. My eyes are still blurry, but at least I can see what’s in front of me, unlike yesterday.
