"What do you want?" he asks when he breaks the kiss for a moment.
"I want you," I breathe.
"What does that mean? I cannot give you the relationship that you want, Camille. That'll never happen," he says with regret in his voice.
"I don't care, as long as we remain friends afterwards," I whisper and kiss him again.
He pushes me away a little. "Then come home with me now, even though I'm probably going to regret it later."
"I'm not going to regret it if you'll be my first," I say softly, but with conviction. I look straight into his eyes.
He breathes another kiss upon my lips. "Then you should go get your things, because I am not taking you home afterwards. You're going to have to sleep at my place."
Again, his thumb brushes my lower lip, plays with it.
"Okay." My legs open and I slip down from the hood, but only after I have kissed him once more.
"I'll be waiting here," he says.
I nod and run back to the house. The bulge in his pants has not escaped my attention, and so I wonder idly how large his package may be. When I unlock the front door, I hear an engine start and turn around. Delsin is still leaning against his car. I take a deep breath and rush up the stairs.
"Cami?" Thalia calls.
"Not now. I'm off again," I yell breathlessly and run into my room. My phone vibrates in my pocket. I take it out. A new text, which I open impatiently.
You're worth more. Sorry. D.
I rush to the window. He has driven off. The tears blur my vision when I turn the key and lock myself into my room. Why did I think he would do me the favor to sleep with me?
"Cami?" Thalia's voice comes again, then a knock on my door.
"Please leave me alone. Both of you," I say with a sniffle.
"What did Delsin say or do to make you cry?" she wants to know.
"Nothing. Just leave me alone."
"Cami, talk to me."
"Leave me alone," I cry, throwing myself across the bed, where I abandon myself to the fresh pain of another rejection.
Chapter 6
I cancelled the study date with Ethan and he talked me into going out with him on the weekend. That weekend has come, but our date is set for Sunday. That way, I will be able to say I have to get up early on Monday, and he'll understand. Important stuff to do on Monday. Well, let me think: I'll have to goad my dad into buying me a plane ticket, because the break starts next week and I desperately want to go home. I've already put aside the hundred dollars I won off Thalia and Hailey, so maybe my budget will pay for the flight. Still, there's something I have to do on Monday. Like … shopping. Getting groceries. Definitely, that's on my list. And it'll be good for me if I don't have to see Delsin all the time. I mean, he's got my number, but he hasn't called since he ditched me like that. A friend would call, wouldn't he? What he is to me, what I am to him, I have no idea anymore. It seems we're friends who have the hots for each other, but don't get around to doing anything about it. This back and forth is driving me crazy, and I am frustrated. Why does this have to happen to me? I only wanted to have a harmonious time in college. In the big city, because I've been living in the countryside so far. Well, it's not the real countryside, for I live thirty minutes away from the city, but I like it. I had just started to get a little bored at my hometown, and I wanted to celebrate my independence by choosing a college that was far away from home.
Now I miss my mom, Buck and Steve. Steve is my best friend at home, only a few years older than I am. At fifteen, I had a major crush on him, but he was in a relationship. I have no idea whether he still is.
I am considering skipping the final lectures and flying home early. There's hardly any relevant stuff going on during the last week of the term. I wrote my last exam today, the rest is negligible. I got all the credits I need to be admitted into my second year.
"Sweets, long time no see," Ave greets me as he joins me.
I sit under my tree – pardon me, my palm tree – and look up at him. "Hi, Ave. Yeah, I wasn't in the mood to see anyone, not even Thally and Hailey."
"How come?" he asks and sits down next to me.
"Let's say, for various reasons," I stall.
"Let me guess. One of them is Delsin?"
Of course he's hit the nail on the head. "That's correct."
"Is this about him disappearing on Tuesday?" he asks.
"Yeah. I don't understand why he has to keep rejecting me like that. What have I done to him?"
Ave exhales loudly. "He likes you. He doesn't want to risk a friendship by dragging you into his bed. Granted, it's shitty of him to kiss you over and over again, but it's also stupid of you to go along with it every time. And then … well, Delsin is like that. He thinks with his dick instead of listening to his heart."
"I wouldn't have minded if he had listened to his … you know … on Tuesday," I say haltingly.
"You want to experience your first time with a one-night stand?" he inquires.
I heave a sigh and lean my head back against the trunk of the tree. "I simply want to do it with someone who is experienced. Someone with whom I can be sure he isn't like … he's not going to hurt me."
"That he isn't like … who?" Avery asks, digging deeper.
"Kieran," I whisper.
"Who is that?"
"My ex. We split up more than a year ago."
"And why do you want your lover not to be like Kieran?" he goes on.
I feel his eyes on me, but I don't know if I can tell him the truth. "Let me put it like this: If Kieran didn't get what he wanted, he got really angry and you had to get out of his way quickly," I explain evasively.
"You mean he was an asshole," Ave states.
"An asshole that's history now. Anyway, I expected that a first time with Delsin would be comparatively good. Not romantic maybe, but also not terrifying. I know I was utterly naïve."
He nods slowly. "To change the subject, let me ask you a different question: What are you doing over the summer?"
"I'm going to fly home, spend the break working on my mom's farm, and I will turn twenty. Then I will return. That's it," I say. I look forward to it.
"Sounds good enough."
"What are your plans?" I ask.
"I'm going to stay in Miami. My grandma lives here, and she practically raised me. You see, my parents were very much into traveling. I don't know how long she'll be with us, so I'm going to keep her some company," Avery explains.
"Not all bad either. We may not be having a glamorous break, but as long as we're having a good time, I've got no complaints," I say with a smile.
Ave puts an arm around me. "We'll have to speak on the phone at least twice a week in order to tell each other what we're up to."
"That's a promise. But we have to take turns, or my mom will kill me when she sees the phone bill," I giggle.
He laughs. "And we don't want that to happen."
"Nope. Not really."
Music suddenly blares from the pocket of his coat. So I'll be holding my breath. Right up till the end.
"Excuse me." He pulls out his phone. "It's Delsin," he says with an apologetic look on his face.
"That's okay. Take it." I smile at him so he doesn't feel bad about it.
"What's up?" he says into the phone. There's a pause.
"Nah, I'm not in the mood for a party … Because I want to spend time with Sweetie Tweetie … What do you mean, why? She's my best friend and I won't see her over the summer, so … I don't think she's up for another party with you, after you dismissed her like you did … Delsin, listen: I'll ask her, but if she's not up for it, I won't come either, okay? … Yes … yes … Don't burn down the house … And you're in charge of cleaning up tomorrow," he says and looks at me.
"You don't have to skip that party because of me. I'm tired and want to stay home anyway," I whisper.
"Sure?" he asks.
I nod. "Yes. I'll stand in front of my closet and pick an outfit for my date with Ethan."
; "Okay … Delsin? … Yes, I'll be there … You heard her, she's not in the mood … I will not convince her, no … you can do that if you want, if you care so much about having her there."
I roll my eyes. "I'm out of here and heading home. Bye, Ave."
"Bye, Sweets," he says as I turn around and walk away.
I would have liked to spend the evening with him, but not for the price of having to see Delsin. I want to avoid him for a good while. Better yet, for the rest of my time in college. Or his time in college, for he will be done with it before me.
Still, I don't want to allow the thought of Delsin spoil my mood. Why do I want this guy so much? I ask myself. That triggers the next question: Why does he keep brushing me off? I sigh. It is really unbelievable that I let this guy into my heart, this guy whom I ought to hate because he treats women like crap. Yet I have opened my heart to him, I realize, though I only met him recently. And after a few wonderful kisses. I like him, but he cannot like me, or he would call me. I haven't heard from him, haven't seen him. Granted, I haven't called him either. But I was the one being ditched, so it's not my turn to chase him down. At that moment in my train of thought, my phone rings. "Yes?" I say.
"Hi, Camille. It's Ethan. I realized that Sunday isn't going to work out, so how about dinner tonight?"
"Why not, yeah. I have no plans for tonight. But we should probably go to dinner somewhere further off campus, for I told Avery I'll be staying home," I explain.
He exhales audibly. "Are you and Avery going out?"
"Nope. I just didn't want to have to attend one of Delsin's parties, because I don't want to see him, that's all," I say. "No need to worry."
His next breath comes out relieved. "Good. I'm kind of frightened when I see Avery's muscles."
I laugh at that. "No need to be afraid either. He is quite athletic, that's true, but he dislikes violence."
"That's good to hear. Shall I pick you up at six then?" Ethan asks.
"Sure. Six is perfect, gives me enough time to get ready."
"Six it is. See you soon."
"Looking forward to it. Bye, Ethan." I hang up and walk home with a broad grin on my face.
***
I have no idea where Ethan will be taking me for dinner, so I put on black chinos and a red blouse. Both garments are a bit tight and I hope I do not look old in them.
It is almost six. Hailey and Thally are out again, but that's fine with me. Either they're out with some guy or other, or they finally went to the library to return all their overdue books. They've had several return reminder slips in the mail already.
I study myself in the mirror of my closet. "You do look old," I tell my reflection. "Phone … phone, where are you?" I sing and fetch my phone from the desk. Ethan has to tell me where he wants to go, so I can decide what to wear. I dial his number and wait.
"Camille?" his voice greets me.
"Hi. Where do you want to go for dinner? I'm a little undecided what to wear," I explain.
"How about Pizza Hut or McDonald's?" he laughs.
"Very funny. I'm serious."
"I wanted to take you to the Greek place. The new beach restaurant. So I'm thinking a dress, or whatever you feel comfortable in," Ethan suggests.
"Okay, then I'll change quickly."
"You do that. I'm waiting in the parking lot," he says.
"I'll be down in a sec," I promise and hang up without giving him the chance to respond to that.
I quickly take off the blouse and pants, and put on a white summer dress with a flowery print. I feel better immediately. I feel attractive. Then I take a look at my hair in the mirror. "Ponytail?" I ask my reflection. Then I run into the bathroom, where I quickly braid two strands of my hair and pin them into a knot at the back of my head. I have already put on make-up and my eyes are accentuated with mascara, but my lipstick is still missing. I rummage through my make-up bag, take out a tan lipstick and apply it. After I have dabbed it off a little, I finally leave the bathroom. I put the lipstick into my handbag, slip into my denim jacket, and then leave the apartment with my phone and bag in hand.
When I step out the front door, Ethan comes out from the car and opens the passenger door for me.
"You're looking great," he says when I stand next to him.
"Thank you."
"Get in," he says with a smile, and I sit down in the passenger seat.
Ethan closes the door, walks around the car and gets in. "Let's go," he grins and starts the car.
"I'm sorry I had to cancel Wednesday, but I really wasn't feeling well," I apologize. It's not the complete truth, but he doesn't need to know everything.
"Not a problem. I'm more interested in something else."
I lean back in the seat and look at him. "And what is that?"
"What's going on between you and Delsin Rough?" he asks with a curious face.
"Nothing. We only seem to share a kind of sick friendship," I answer calmly.
"What does that mean?"
"It means we sometimes get along, but the misunderstandings outweigh the good times, and then I want to strangle him," I explain dryly.
Ethan laughs. "I think most girls on campus would like to strangle him, but you're the only one he allows to get close enough to do it. I mean, it does not seem as if he wants to simply get you into bed."
"He knows I wouldn't go to bed with him, even if he turned the world upside down. I totally get why a lot of people don't like him, but really, he's a good guy," I say thoughtfully. Of course that is not the whole truth either, because I do want to experience my first time with Delsin, but I certainly will not tell Ethan that!
"And that's why you're defending him now, huh?"
"I'm not defending him. I'm only telling you what he is like," I start defending myself instead.
"Camille, I'm only giving you a hard time," he smiles.
I nod and sigh. "That's great news." Then I smile, too. "Could we simply change the subject? Delsin Rough is not going to improve my mood."
"By all means, yes. What do you want to talk about?
"I have no idea," I admit, but then I think of a topic.
"What are your plans? The summer break is coming up," he asks.
"I'm going to fly home."
"Where do you come from?"
"Isn't that obvious?" I ask, amused.
"I'd say you sound like a Texan. I mean your accent does. Are you from Texas?" Ethan asks.
"Bullseye. I'm from Austin. My mom owns a farm there," I explain.
"So that means you know how to work hard, how to ride a horse, and all those things farmers do, huh?"
"That's right, even if I don't look the part. I know how to drive a tractor, how to midwife a cow and calf. Had to do that twice already. Yes, and I know how to ride. Farming life is fun but I came here to see something else," I tell him.
"Sounds exciting," Ethan nods.
"And where do you come from?"
"I'm from Denver, Colorado," he answers.
While we are talking about our backgrounds, he turns into the parking lot of the Greek restaurant.
"So you're more of a city person," I venture.
"True. But I also enjoy hiking in the Rockies or spending time in nature. I like both," he says.
We get out and walk over to the restaurant. On the pebble walkway, he takes my hand, which takes me by surprise. We're not a couple, nor are we in love, so I don't know why he does it. Men are inscrutable.
"I think it's cool that you're from the Lone Star State," he says.
"What's cool about that?" I ask, perplexed.
"It means you're a cowgirl, tough, hot ... It makes you even more interesting than you already are," Ethan says with a wide smile and holds the door open for me.
The waiter greets us.
"Good evening. I reserved a table for Black," Ethan says.
"Yes, sir."
He takes us to our table. The place is pretty. Columns that remind me of Greek temples embellish the booths. Greek art decora
tes the walls, and the music sounds quite traditional to me. I like it. Ethan and I sit down in a corner seat, leaving enough space between us so we can face each other.
The waiter hands us the menus. "Would you like something to drink?"
"Yes," Ethan says. "We'll take a bottle of Chardonnay."
White wine? I've never had white wine before. I hope I won't get tipsy.
"I'd like a glass of water with that," I chime in.
"We'll take a bottle of water, too," Ethan tells the waiter, who disappears with a nod.
Then Ethan looks at me. "I hope you like white wine."
"I don't know. This is my debut, because I've never had it before," I explain.
He smiles at me. "You'll like it."
"I hope so."
Then we study the menu, and I fancy the mixed grill plate, but as it is expensive - and probably way too much food - I go on reading the alternatives.
"Mixed grill sounds good to me," Ethan says.
"Yes, I thought so, too, but I know I cannot eat that alone," I smile.
"How about one of those for two people?"
"Okay."
The waiter brings wine and water, fills our glasses and takes our order. Then he vanishes again.
"Here's to you, Camille," Ethan says as he raises his wine glass.
I blush as I raise mine. "To a wonderful evening," I say. "I prefer that. Don't toast to me."
He gives me a broad smile. "To you and a wonderful evening."
His gaze is suddenly so intense that my nipples harden, which makes me feel very uncomfortable. Thank god I am wearing a padded bra, or I would feel so awkward.
"You know I think you are damn pretty, Camille?" Ethan asks after we have both taken a few sips.
"Now I do," I stammer, taking another sip for want of something cleverer to say. With those words, the evening has turned into an awkward mess, at least for me. I can't think of anything else to say, don't know what to do, and my appetite has vanished completely.
***
After an evening of forced smiles and discomfort, we are sitting in the car again. Ethan has told me a lot about himself, for example that his father works for Qwest. That's a telecommunications company with its main branch in Denver. His mother is a housewife, and he has two older sisters as well as three younger brothers. I immediately forgot their names again. My brain shuts down and I tune out when I am bombarded with too much boring input. Of course he wanted to know everything about me, too, but I did not talk that much. I don't see myself or my life as particularly interesting, and I abhor telling people about myself. I know what most people see in me. Yes, I am naive. I still like Delsin after all, in spite of knowing who he is. And yes, I can be a bit of a pain in the neck sometimes, but only for Hailey, Thally and Ave. I guess.
Rough: Daunting Temptation (Coral Gables Series Book 1) Page 8
