He sighed. “I won’t lie to you, Nate. When I first heard the rumors at Frank’s about you and Amber seeing each other, I was livid. You and I are close enough to know each other’s flaws and all I could think about was how you used to be. Dropping things left and right. Living hard. Taking off whenever the urge struck you. But now...”
Landon turned, his scrutiny making Nate’s face tingle.
“Now,” Landon continued, “you seem different. Ever since the night you came home, really. Something’s changed. I was as surprised as everyone else by how much you’ve done for Amber and the babies. Not because I don’t think you’re a good man. I do. I just never thought you’d decide to settle down—especially in Elk Valley. I’m glad you’ve decided to. You’re great with the kids and good to Amber. Good to all of us. It’s great having you back.”
Ah, damn. How in the hell could he tell him now?
Nate forced his mouth to move. “Landon, I need to—”
“Just one more question,” he said. “Do you love her?”
Nate faced him then. “Yes. I love her. Have for a long time.”
“And Dylan, Savannah and Mason? Do you love them, too? As much as if they were your own?”
Nate’s mouth ran dry. His chest sagged and his legs weakened. “Yes.”
Landon smiled, gripped his shoulder and squeezed. “Then that’s all I need to know.”
Chapter 9
“If you could be anyone in the world—or anything at all—who or what would you be?”
Amber threaded fishing line through the top of a witch’s hat, then glanced at Dani. She sat in a rocking chair, placing batteries in small light sticks. “I don’t know.”
“Oh, come on, Amber.” Bobbie Jean stood beside them on Elk Valley Ranch’s front deck, assembling witch hat luminaries and sipping cider in between. “Mac and Dani rule when it comes to throwing costume contests. What scares you the most?” She smiled. “Halloween is the one time each year that you can pretend to be anything you can imagine—scary or fun.”
“It’s not that I don’t want to,” she said. “I just haven’t had the time to think about it.”
That was indeed the truth. Over the past few days she’d worked in the café during the day, then spent her free time in the evenings assembling hors d’oeuvres and mixing punch for Elk Valley Ranch’s Halloween party. It was a ton of work but worth the extra cash, and Mac always paid her far above the typical catering fee. Enough so that she was able to close the café for the weekend and pay two of her employees to help set up and serve the next night.
Amber looked out across Elk Valley Ranch’s fields, squinting against the glare of the afternoon sun. The grounds were bustling with activity, more so than her last visit. Every staff member, ranch guest and Halloween-loving resident within a thirty-mile radius moved about the property, stringing orange lights along the fences, erecting ghoulish creatures by the driveway and hanging bats from bare tree branches.
And that was just on the outside. Inside, dozens more people stretched spiderwebs up staircases, installed colorful lights in hidden corners for eerie effects and posed skeletons throughout the lodge and banquet hall. The banquet hall was reserved for adults and the lodge for the kids. Both events were booked to capacity.
Mac’s annual Halloween bash was definitely one of the best highlights of the fall season.
“I’m going to be a pumpkin.” Dani laughed and patted her pregnant belly. “Maddie and Nadine suggested it. They decorated an orange sweater for me and asked if they could paint my face green.”
Amber laughed. No doubt Mac’s twin girls would have a blast dressing Dani up for the night.
“I’m coming as a jellyfish,” Bobbie Jean said. “I have this really cute lilac ballerina-type dress and I’ve sewn fluorescent lights and shiny streamers into the skirt. I’ve never had a gift for scary but I can pull off silly better than most.” Grinning, she took a light stick from Dani and pinned it in a witch hat. “I’m a total dork.”
“You most certainly are not,” Amber said. “I think it’ll be charming. You might even win.”
Bobbie Jean waved her words away and blushed. “You’re biased.”
“Maybe she is,” Dani added, laughing. “But it doesn’t mean she’s not telling the truth.” She lifted a stack of light sticks toward Bobbie Jean. “These all have fresh batteries now. Would you two mind finishing this up? I need to check on the kids. They’re decorating the family floor for the kids’ party and I want to make sure they haven’t broken anything.”
“Of course.” Amber tugged on the fishing wire, made sure it was secure, then climbed a ladder and attached the witch hat to a hook on the porch’s low-hanging roof. “Now, once they’re all in place, we just have to put the timer on tomorrow and these witch hats will glow all night.”
“Thank you, Amber,” Dani said, standing. “It’s going to look perfect.”
“I wish I could take the credit but this was all Nate’s idea.”
“Like so many others.” Dani paused on the way to the door and glanced at the fields. “Nate has really added to the festivities this year and Mac is over the moon to have him back home. Everything’s coming together better than ever.”
Amber looked over her shoulder. Nate was crouched by a long stretch of fence, carving several pumpkins. His shirt was stretched tight over the broad muscles of his back as he worked and every now and then, he’d twist to his right and speak to Savannah, Mason and Dylan, who watched with interest as they played on a blanket nearby.
“He and Mac are so wonderful with kids.” Dani smiled. “Nate hasn’t let those babies out of his sight since you brought them this morning.”
And it had been the same every evening over the past week.
Amber steadied herself on the ladder, trying to still the excited tremors skating through her limbs. Every night since his conversation with Landon, Nate picked up the babies from Bobbie Jean’s after he finished working, fed and bathed them at Elk Valley Ranch, then had them ready for snuggles and hugs when she stopped by to pick them up after closing the café. He even followed her to the cabin and pitched in with the catering duties after they’d settled the babies in their cribs for the night.
All of which, she should feel great about. And she did. But at the same time...
“Yeah,” she said, shrugging and returning Dani’s smile. “He’s really great with them.”
“I have to admit I’m definitely biased with this one, but Nate’s a catch, Amber.” Dani went inside, then opened the door again and popped her head out. “If I were you, I’d hang on tight to him.”
Amber watched the door close behind her and tried to imagine what it’d be like if Nate stayed in Elk Valley permanently. He hadn’t discussed his future plans with her and she’d assumed he’d return to the circuit once he healed. But he seemed back to his normal self, had taken up more active work on the ranch and hadn’t mentioned leaving at all.
A pleasant sensation unfurled in her veins at the thought of seeing him every day. Of enjoying their children’s best moments and commiserating over their worst ones. Of being part of something larger than herself.
Only, how long would it last?
“Hey.” Bobbie Jean plopped onto the front steps and waved toward the empty space beside her. “Come sit a while and tell me what you’re thinking.”
Amber groaned and climbed down the ladder. “Do I look that pitiful?”
“No.” Bobbie Jean held out a witch hat and light stick. “But I could use some company on the assembly line and I think you could use a friendly ear.”
Amber sat beside her on the step, took the decorations, then bumped her shoulder with Bobbie Jean’s. “How do you always know what I need right when I need it?”
Bobbie Jean smiled and bumped her back. “Because we’re two of a kind, kid. Underrated and misunderstood.”
Amber laughed and grabbed a safety pin from the box beside them. “Nate’s been spending a lot of time with the babies lately and he’s helping me out in so many ways.”
Bobbie Jean grabbed a pin, too, and looked down as she worked. “He’s a great father. And in love with those babies. He’s at least ten minutes early picking them up from my place every afternoon.”
Amber nodded, then glanced at the field again. Nate stacked the pumpkins in a wheelbarrow, then, after Mac came by and hauled them away, he sat on the blanket with the babies. He held Dylan on one knee and Savannah on the other, making silly faces at Mason, who crawled over his legs and cackled.
Something strong bloomed inside her, then moved through her in waves, warming her skin and blurring her vision.
“He does love them,” she said. “I’m happy they’ve grown close.”
“But?”
Amber blinked hard. “But I’ve grown closer to him, too. The closer we become, the more chance there is that he’ll stay. And that scares me more than I imagined it would.”
Bobbie Jean shifted, her elbow nudging Amber as she turned. “Why?”
“Because how do I know who he’s staying for?” Her face flamed. She squeezed her eyes shut as wet heat trickled down her cheek. “Would it be for me? Or for our kids?” She dragged her arm over her face. “And why should it matter? Because to most people either one sounds good, right?” She shook her head. “But I know better. I remember how it was with my mom and dad. I don’t know that he ever loved her. Couldn’t have, to have left her the way he did.”
Bobbie Jean’s hand covered hers and squeezed.
“I don’t want what my mom had. I don’t want a man to stay with me just because he thinks it’s the right thing to do at the time. I’d rather be alone than have that. When you’re alone, the only person that can let you down is you.” She looked at Bobbie Jean, the sadness in her eyes making her feel like a bigger fool. “Did I tell you that Landon talked to Nate the other night?” Bobbie Jean shook her head. “He caught us at...” She winced. “At an inopportune time. And I know Landon gave him the third degree even though Nate claims he didn’t. Landon probably told him he better make a commitment or move on. So if he stays, how do I know he’s not staying because of that?”
Bobbie Jean squeezed her hand tighter. “You won’t. Not unless you ask him.”
“And the best I could do then is take his word for it. He walked away once when things got tough. He could do it again.”
“So ask him. Tell him how you feel. What do you have to lose?”
A bitter laugh escaped her. “Everything.”
Bobbie Jean scooted closer. “I’m sorry, Amber. I wish I had the answer.”
“No, I’m sorry.” Amber huffed out a breath. “What a wet mop I am today.”
She set the decorations aside, leaned against Bobbie Jean and watched the activities unfold in front of them for a few minutes. A group of guests laughed as they arranged a makeshift cemetery by the front walk. They spray-painted plastic headstones for a weather-beaten look, then staked zombie parts in the ground—a haggard limb here and a severed head there.
Amber forced a smile. “You still want to know who I’d be if I could be anyone in the world?”
Bobbie Jean nodded.
“I want to be one of those people with the happy everything. You know the people you see who have it all?” She pulled her knees up and propped her chin on them. “The ones who come in the café smiling every morning, going to a job they love and never worrying about money. The ones with great reputations who never think twice about what other people say about them.”
“People like Darlene Norton?” Bobbie Jean teased. “Her big mouth is so busy doing all the talking no one has the opportunity to butt in and say anything about her.”
Amber laughed, a real one this time. “No. I want to be one of those people who only has good things to look forward to in their future and nothing bad to regret in their pasts. People who never have to second-guess their choices.” Her breath caught. “Or worry about losing someone they love.”
Bobbie Jean sobered, her voice soft. “I hate to break it to you, Amber, but people like that don’t exist.”
“Yeah. I know.” Amber’s smile faded. “That’s what scares me the most.”
* * *
Several hours later the ride back to the cabin was quiet. It was dark out and Amber glanced at the rearview mirror, smiling at the babies snoozing in their car seats. The purr of the engine had lulled them to sleep as soon as she’d turned onto the highway.
She drove to the end of her driveway, cut the engine and stared at the darkness reflected in the side mirror, her belly quivering and body antsy.
Ask him.
Oh, that was so much easier to say than do. But she’d thought about it all afternoon and into the evening while she worked at Elk Valley Ranch. So much so that when all the work was done and everything was in place for tomorrow night’s Halloween bash, she’d invited Nate to follow her back to the cabin to tuck the babies in for the night and toyed with the idea of how to ask him what his plans for the future were during the entire drive back.
She peered closer at the dark driveway behind her, then bit her nail, wincing as her teeth cut into the quick.
Headlights appeared, lighting up the line of tall trees on either side of the driveway, spotlighting loose leaves clinging to branches as they fluttered in the breeze the truck kicked up as it passed.
Amber forced her hands to her lap and waited as Nate parked his truck beside hers. He caught her stare as he eased out of the driver’s seat, stopped, then smiled.
His hair was mussed but his eyes were clear and the restlessness that had seemed to hum around him when he’d entered the café weeks ago had disappeared. His stance was strong and solid. And the remembered feel of his arms encircling her still lingered on her skin, making her long for him to hold her close again.
Dear heaven, she wanted him.
Ask him.
“Okay, Bobbie Jean,” she whispered, smiling at Nate and the remembered urging of her best friend’s voice. “I will.”
Amber slipped out of the vehicle and joined him. “Thanks for coming. They get grumpy when I have to wake them and I could use an extra hand getting them settled for the night.”
“I’m glad you asked,” he said, opening the back door and unstrapping Savannah. “I’ve gotten so used to putting them to bed every night that it’d feel strange if I didn’t.”
Oh. Okay. Not exactly what she was hoping to hear.
She fiddled with her keys then gestured toward the front porch. “I’ll open up, then get Mason if you can manage Dylan, too?”
Nate eased out of the backseat, cradling Savannah, then said softly, “Oh, I can manage.” He kissed Savannah’s forehead and drifted a blunt finger over her rosy cheek. “I’ll bring in all of them if you’d like to start up the bath.”
Amber nodded, then walked away, unlocked the front door and headed to the bathroom.
It took over an hour to bathe, dress and rock them back to sleep. Nate walked slowly in front of the nursery window, holding Dylan close and rubbing a hand over his back.
“I swear they’ve grown another inch since last week,” he said, grinning.
Amber’s heart turned over at the tender look in his eyes. “Maybe not quite that much, but a lot.”
“It’s after midnight,” Nate said, peering out at the starry sky above. “Officially Halloween. Hope they get enough sleep to manage to last through the party.”
“I’ll make sure they get a good nap in before we leave. Plus, Dani said she hired extra babysitters to supervise the kids’ party and set up a makeshift nursery on the family floor so they’ll be able to take a nap if they need one.”
“I went to town today and picked up costumes for them.” His face flushed. “And for you. It was kind of a p
ackage deal. Hope you don’t mind. I didn’t want to overstep. I just thought they were perfect and couldn’t resist. If you don’t like them, I can take them back.”
A package deal. Amber cringed. Even in a different context, the phrase hurt coming from Nate’s lips.
She shook her head. “No, it’s okay. Thank you.” She laughed softly as Bobbie Jean’s voice whispered through her mind again. “I have it on good authority that Halloween is the one time of year meant for pretending and I haven’t had a chance to go shopping.”
She carried Mason, now asleep, across the room and laid him in the crib beside Savannah, who’d already drifted off. Nate followed suit, tucking Dylan into his own crib. When Nate’s hands left him, Dylan smacked his lips, then settled deeper into sleep.
“Man, they’re beautiful,” Nate said. “Just perfect.”
Amber grinned. “Sunday morning wails, demanding pacifier tirades and sibling rivalries included?”
Nate laughed, green eyes lit with humor as he glanced at her, then returned his attention to them. “Yeah. All of that, too.”
She studied his handsome profile and picked at the seam of her jeans. If she did this, there was no taking it back. It could open up the door to all kinds of possibilities. Renew hopes and dreams she’d had for so long and buried over a year ago.
But it could also encroach on her independence. Baring her heart would make her vulnerable again and it could all fall apart as easily as it’d begun. Just as it had the last time.
Her legs trembled and she fought the urge to run. If she didn’t ask now she’d probably never dig up the courage again. So maybe a compromise was the best solution for the moment.
Reaching out, she slipped her shaky hand in his. His big palm closed over hers, their fingers entwining as he smiled down at the babies. The comforting feel of his touch gave her the strength to speak.
“Will you stay with me?”
He stilled, his hand tightening around hers.
Stomach flipping, she looked down and curled her bare toes into the carpet. Oh, no. The words sounded so weak and needy out loud. Two things she refused to be.
Home on the Ranch: Tennessee Bull Rider Page 14
