“I take it this has to do with law enforcement, too? Why is it black and blue?” He fingered it slowly. The tips of his fingers slid over my skin as it left the silicone of the band and touched my wrist. Could he feel my pulse beating more rapidly?
“Yes, I wear it as a reminder of all the officers who have been killed in the line of duty. The black wrist band is for mourning, the thin blue line represents the officers banding together.”
He considered my words. “Banding together? Like protecting one another?”
I laughed quietly and shook my head. That is what most people thought. “The thin blue line does represent police officers banding together, but not like people think. If you were to take all the good people and put them on one side, and then took all the criminals and put them on the other, and then you lined up all of the police officers shoulder to shoulder in the middle, you would see the thin blue line between them.”
“The line between good and evil?” he asked softly.
I swallowed heavily and pulled my hand back. “Yeah, something like that.” I turned away so that I was facing the fridge again.
From the corner of my eye, I saw him as he reached out to touch my hair. I couldn’t stand to let him touch me one more time, or I wasn’t going to be able to control myself. I slipped quickly off the other side of the stool to put distance between us.
“Ryan, there is no one here to act for. Do us both a favor and remember that I’m only here to do a job.” I saw hurt cross his face, and I almost apologized for it. Instead, I told myself I didn’t care, and I started to walk past him to leave. He put his arm out to stop me, and it caught me right around the waist.
I tensed, staring straight ahead. What was he going to say? When he didn’t speak right away, I turned to him slowly.
“Do you think this is only an act, Jacquelyn?” he whispered.
My fingers itched to touch his face, to sooth the desire by running my hands over his shoulders and kiss his lips, but I clenched my teeth for a second and pulled his arm off my waist.
“That’s exactly what it is, Ryan. That’s all it is. You paid for my professional abilities, and that’s it.” I moved away before I could see the reaction on his face.
When I entered the hallway, my knees almost gave way. I put my hand out on the wall to steady myself. It was just an act. Don’t believe that he wants anything more than to use you for his own publicity and safety.
I made it into the family room on unsteady legs just as Drew walked in with the food. I wasn’t particularly hungry any more, but I knew I needed to eat. I hadn’t eaten all day with watching the interviews and keeping an eye on everyone.
Ryan joined us shortly after I did, and I was careful not to look his way. I made sure that I sat in a chair that was slightly off to the side where he wouldn’t be able to sit next to me. Troy handed out the containers and gave me a plate so that I could pour out my food.
“Chopsticks or fork?” Roseanne asked as she walked over to me, holding both out for my selection.
I like chopsticks, but my hands were still shaking so I opted for the fork and dug into my food, realizing I was a lot hungrier than I thought.
There was casual conversation in the room as Troy turned on the television, and we all brought our attention to the screen to watch the entertainment news.
I almost choked on a mouthful of my egg roll when a picture of Ryan and I standing out by the pasture flashed up on the screen.
“Looks like Ryan and his heroine have finally come clean about the secret relationship they’ve been having for the last few months. Our photographers caught them having a private moment at his new estate near where Detective Jacquelyn Liveon used to work. Sources at the department say she is currently on leave, and they are not sure if she will be returning.”
I could do nothing but stare at the screen as they flashed pictures of us sitting on the porch, kissing out by the fence, and walking hand and hand toward the house. We looked relaxed and, I hated to say this, but we actually looked good together. I managed to swallow the food in my mouth as I listened to the announcer.
“Before a scheduled interview with Ryan Palmer today, our photographer was able to get some shots of the couple who appear to be very close and quite happy together. Ryan stated in his interview that they have been secretly seeing each other since January after his car accident. He finally decided to come out in the open since the relationship is becoming more serious.”
I flicked my eyes to Ryan. Serious? Did he really tell them serious? I guess I had been too intent watching the people around him during the interview to actually listen to his answers. I focused on the television as one more close up of us filled the screen in a very intimate kiss, our arms wrapped tightly around each other. Well, hell! That photograph sure made it look serious. My skin was on fire as the blush crept up my neck.
“Ryan Palmer told us today that Detective Liveon has taken a leave of absence from her job to be close to him during production and to allow them time to further develop their relationship. He also stated that she will be working on his security team since she seems very capable of keeping him safe. Be sure to tune in tomorrow night when we air Ryan Palmer’s full interview about the filming of his upcoming movie which starts production tomorrow.”
We were all glued to the screen, even as the broadcaster moved on to another story. At the same moment, everyone started laughing, high fiving, and went right back to eating. Ryan caught my eye and then looked away.
“I think that turned out good. Ryan, those pictures look real, man!” Drew said as he shoveled food into his mouth.
“Oh, they looked real because they were,” Roseanne laughed. Ryan and I both turned to her before we glanced at one another again.
“Roseanne, we were just acting,” Ryan said sternly as he looked back at her.
I was about to back up his statement when my cell phone vibrated in my pocket. I knew by the length of the vibration that it was a text message and not a phone call. I reached down and pulled it out just as another message came through. Crap! Here it comes.
I set my plate down on my lap and unlocked the screen. Becca had sent me a message, along with Brad, and, oh, here’s one from Steve, too. Before I could even read Becca’s message, I got another one. This time it was from Susan.
I sat back in my seat and put my head against the cushion behind me. Four more messages popped up on my phone as I sat there staring at it. I opened the message from Becca, and it read, “WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?” And, yep, she really did write it in all caps.
I typed back, “Relax, explain later.” Then I started flipping through the other messages that either asked me what was going on or made comments about the steamy kisses they had seen.
Becca answered me back before I got done reading the rest of my messages. “NOW!!!”
I really didn’t want to answer her right now, but I knew she would bug the hell out of me if I didn’t. “Give me a minute,” I typed back. I set my plate down on the table next to me and stood up.
It wasn’t until I stood that I noticed everyone watching me. “Is everything all right, Jackie?” Troy asked.
I shook my head. “You guys just exploded my whole world, and you think I should be all right with it? No, I’m not all right.” I lifted my phone as I felt it vibrate in my hand long and hard telling me a call was coming through. I knew without looking who it was.
“If you will excuse me, I need to try to explain, no wait…I need to lie to my boyfriend, my co-workers, and my best friend about why I have supposedly been hiding this from them for months.” I turned and walked out of the room without looking at any of them again.
I took a deep breath and answered the phone as I stepped out onto the back patio. “Jimmy,” I said quietly.
“Mind telling me what the hell is going on?” Anger laced his words.
“Remember what I told you before I left?” I said softly as I began to pace the patio.
“What? About not believi
ng all I see?” I heard a thump coming from his side of the phone, and I wondered if he had just thrown something. “Can I tell you it was pretty damn hard not to believe it while I was watching it? What’s going on, Jack?”
“Jimmy, you know I can’t talk about what I’m doing undercover. Just know it’s not true. You of all people need to know it’s not true.” I was trying not to actually beg him to believe me. It wasn’t until he called that I realized just how much this was going to impact the relationship we had. What guy would want to see his sometime girlfriend in the arms of another man, much less plastered all over the news?
“You can say that, Jack, but that looked pretty damn real. Is that why he wants you there? So he can flaunt you all around to make people think you’re his girlfriend?” I heard anger like I’d never heard before radiating in his voice, and yet I suddenly felt as though I needed to make excuses for Ryan.
“Jimmy, it’s not what you think. He’s not flaunting me around.” I spoke quietly as I stood staring out at the dark sky.
“But he is making it look like you’re his girlfriend, right? How long has this really been going on?” he asked me pointedly.
My eyes burst wide open. “What do you mean, how long has this been going on? I just came here today.”
“Yeah, it sure looked like it was a first time kiss to me.” I didn’t even know how to answer him. I knew he was going to be upset. I could understand that. And if I had been able to talk to him about it, I would have explained it, but I couldn’t. I never expected him to be this upset though.
“Well, good luck, Jack,” he said quietly.
“Wait, Jimmy!” But it was too late, he already hung up the phone. I looked at my phone and almost threw it out into the field. “Son of a bitch!”
Before I could do or say anything else, my phone rang again. “Hey, Becca,” I said as I answered it.
“What the hell is going on?” She got right to the point.
“I can’t go into details, Becca,” I said slowly.
“What the hell do you mean you can’t go into details? I want every freaking single detail!” she yelled into the phone. I would have laughed if I hadn’t felt like I had just betrayed everyone I knew.
“First, I hear today when I show up for work that you have gone on a leave of absence. Then, I see you on the freaking TV kissing the most gorgeous man alive.”
“Look, Rebecca, I’m tired. It’s been a very long day. All I can tell you is that I’m working undercover. You need to keep that quiet. Everyone is supposed to think I just took some time off to relax, but I’m working.”
“Yeah, you’re working all right!” She laughed, and I had to smile.
“That’s not what I meant. Look, I’ll call you in a few days and try to explain some of this.” I turned around to find Ryan standing against the house in the shadows. His arms were crossed, and the emotions on his face were closed tightly as he watched me.
“Wait! Before you hang up, you have to tell me something. Was it amazing?”
I knew what she was asking. As I stared at Ryan standing in the shadows, I remembered every moment of that kiss in the pasture. I could feel the heat from his body even now as we stood ten feet apart. “Yes. I’ll talk to you later, Becca.” I heard her laughter in the background as I hung up the phone. I turned my phone off; I couldn’t deal with anyone else tonight.
I met Ryan’s stern look. “What?” I asked when he didn’t say anything.
“Why didn’t you tell me you had a boyfriend?” He pushed off the wall and came to stand in front of me. I didn’t want to be this close to him, so I took two steps back.
“First of all, you didn’t ask, and secondly, would it really have even mattered to you?” I probably said that a whole lot angrier then I meant to, but I was upset about Jimmy. I never wanted to hurt him.
“No. It wouldn’t have mattered,” he replied quietly, as he pulled me to him. I pushed against his chest, suddenly afraid to be in his arms.
“When I want something, I take it. I want you, Jackie, whether you think I am acting or not. I want you.” The heat in his eyes was blazing and as his lips crushed on mine, I wanted to pull away and punch him in the face. Every cell of my intelligent brain was telling me to do that, but instead of pushing him away, I gripped his shirt where my hands were on his chest and fisted it tightly.
I would regret the decision to do this, but right this second, with the memory of that kiss from earlier burning in the back of my mind, and the smoldering look in his eyes, I couldn’t fight the flames of fire that licked between us.
His hands dug into my back as mine slid up his chest and wound around his neck. Our lips meshed angrily together as our tongues dueled, and our breath mingled hotly.
“Ryan? Oh, damn. Sorry!” Roseanne stumbled over herself as she stepped outside and saw us locked in an extremely hot embrace. We broke away quickly, both of us shocked to have gotten so out of control.
“What, Rose?” Ryan said huskily as he turned to her.
“Ummm, Beth is on the phone for you.” She glanced between the two of us. Ryan looked over his shoulder toward me, and his eyes said a hundred different words, all of which made my body want to melt.
“I’ll call her back—” he started to say, but I stopped him with a hand on his arm.
“No, Ryan. You need to take that, and I need to go to bed. It’s been a long day for me, and I need to get some rest so I can do my job tomorrow.” I walked away from him before he could say anything else.
The thought of actually resting was absurd, but I knew I needed to get away from him before I was unable to stop. This man and his kisses were like an addiction, and I was becoming a willing addict craving that one last hit, and knowing one more would never be enough.
Chapter 13
Ryan
I was torn and battle weary; torn from wanting Jacquelyn and weary from the constant battle of emotions that consumed me when she was around.
I watched her face while she stood there staring out at the sun from the third floor. There was pain in her eyes. Then, when I tried to stop her to talk, she pushed me away. I wanted to know what the pain was about; I wanted to take it away for her.
Those feelings were strange and new to me. I had never gone out of my way to be there for someone else. For my friends, yes. But for a woman? Never. Since high school, I had been a typical playboy, seeking females to keep me company and suit my needs. It only got easier the more popular I became. There had never been a woman in my life who made me want to be a better person, until now. That realization struck me hard.
I found her in the kitchen lost in thought once again. Her head was resting idly on the marble of the counter. Her silky hair fanned out like a curtain to hide her face. She didn’t hear me enter, and when I softly touched her shoulder, she spun around and put her hand behind her back.
The way she moved told me I had taken her by surprise, something she probably wasn’t used to. I wondered if the small of her back was where she normally concealed a weapon. Was she wearing one? I didn’t think so as I had put my hands all over her back earlier and never felt one. The look in her eyes was alert and alarmed all at the same time. I put my hands up and stepped back quickly. She regained her composure and relaxed back on her stool. I pulled another one closer and sat down, angling myself so that I could not only see her, but my leg would casually touch hers. She moved her legs away to avoid me, and I felt a pang of regret.
She sat staring off into space. I took advantage of the moment to take in her profile, the gentle slope of her nose, the fullness of her lips, the soft curve of her chin. My eyes trailed down to the necklace she wore, I reached for it.
I listened to her talk about her necklace and her bracelet. These small things let me see a side of her I didn’t know about, and I wanted to know more.
I knew she cared about people and valued humanity. But I never realized how that spread throughout the law enforcement community. I personally always looked at cops as the guys who
wrote the tickets and took out the trash. I would no longer think that way.
To me, they would be like the Saint Michael pendant that she wore. They were the protectors of the people, just as the saint was their protector.
As I studied her and thought about what she said, I reached out to move her hair back behind her ear so that I could see her face better. She stood up quickly, and I sat up straight, surprised by her quick movement.
“Ryan, there’s no one here to act for. Do us both a favor and remember that I’m here doing a job.” Her voice was solid and steady, and her words startled me. Didn’t she realize that she was more to me than just an employee? She started to walk past me, and I put my arm out to stop her. I caught her around the waist, but didn’t pull her in close.
After a moment of contemplating her, I said softly, “Do you think this is only an act, Jacquelyn?” How could she not know that I was feeling things for her that were real? That this wasn’t all just an act?
She clenched her jaw. Was she angry? She grabbed my arm and pulled it off her waist, none too gently.
“That’s exactly what it is, Ryan. That’s all it is.” She looked straight ahead and left the room. I closed my eyes, unsure what to do or how to tell her that, to me, this wasn’t just an act.
When I entered the family room later, I found her seated slightly off to the side and in a single chair so that no one could join her. In the kitchen, I decided I would give her some space and accepted my food from Troy, finding a seat closer to the television.
Everyone was talking about the start of tomorrow’s production, and there was a sense of excitement in the room, although it didn’t seem to include Jacquelyn or me.
Troy turned on the TV and flipped it to the entertainment station that had been out at the house today. I heard Jackie cough sharply when the first picture showed up on screen, but I didn’t look at her. I was too engrossed in the images they displayed. She was beautiful in the photographs, and she looked perfect standing beside me.
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