Taking another deep breath, I look up at him and say, “I like Western omelets.”
He smiles and nods. “Well, there’s another way to get veggies in your breakfast.”
***
Is it bad that I’m enjoying Jules’ fear and being able to comfort her? I mean, I don’t want her to be upset, but I love protecting her and having her pressed up against me. I don’t know how much longer I could take not kissing her so I’m glad we broke that barrier last week and haven’t stopped since.
There is something about Julianna Rossi that makes me feel alive. Obviously, she’s awakened my sex drive that had been buried long ago, but I’m not pushing anything on that front. When the time is right, I know we’ll cross that line. I plan on fully enjoying it, taking my time to pleasure her and make sure she is well cared for before even thinking about my needs. But no, it’s more than the physical attraction to her.
I can’t quite pinpoint what it is, but when I’m with Jules, I forget about all my troubles, the worries that have been weighing me down. Every moment I spend with her, I want her to be happy, I want to take her cares away. Julianna has made me believe in loving someone again. Yes, love. I never thought I’d be able to do it again, but then again, I hadn’t met her yet.
Chapter 15
Two more trips around the ferris wheel and our feet are planted firmly back on the ground. Considering I didn’t pass out or throw up, I’d say it was successful. Now that we’ve discussed every possible way to cook an egg, Bentley holds my hand, beaming proudly as we walk back to the golf cart.
“Jules, you did it! Was that not amazing?” he asks and squeezes my hand.
Still buzzing from the adrenaline, I bounce as I walk and nod my head quickly. “Yeah, I can’t believe I actually rode that monster without hyperventilating!”
Bentley lets out a low chuckle and pulls me to him. I wrap my arms around his neck as his hands go to my waist. Grinning, he lowers his head and presses his lips against mine, my tongue quickly finds his while his fingers grip my hips. Kids scream on the Gravitron while cows moo in the cattle barn, but all that matters is what’s in my arms right now—Bentley.
Turns out he’s everything I never knew I needed. I was so afraid of Paulie getting married because I thought I was losing him, but I’m actually gaining Bentley in return. Since I’ve met him I’ve overcome my fear of touching fish and he even got me to calmly ride a ferris wheel. His personality and gentle touch calms me in a way nothing else can while his sexy dimple and strong muscles affect me in an entirely different way. And his kissing skills… mmm! He sucks on my lower lip as he starts to pull away and gives me a mischievous grin.
“Bentley! There are kids around here!”
We both turn toward the squeaky voice that I’m slowly getting used to. Bri and my brother are walking toward us, hand in hand. Both of our siblings know how much time we’ve been spending together, but I don’t think either know we’re at the kissing level yet. My cheeks flush red and as Bentley grabs my hand, I try to hide behind him.
Paulie stretches out his arm to shake Bentley’s hand. “Hey Bentley, taking care of my little sis?”
He nods proudly toward the ferris wheel. “Of course, even got her to ride the ferris wheel.”
Paulie and Bri’s eyebrows both shoot to the top of their foreheads as they ask in unison, “You did?”
Everyone laughs as I roll my eyes. “It wasn’t that big of a deal.”
“Jules, I saw you that day in the Arch. You riding the ferris wheel is definitely a big deal!” Bri says, moving my brother’s arm around her shoulder.
“You are deathly afraid of heights, Julianna. So, what’s the secret? How’d you do it?” Paulie asks, a tinge of jealousy in his voice as he’s been trying for years to help me conquer the fear.
Bentley simply says, “Eggs” and we both burst out laughing.
Paulie and Bri look at each other confused. Bentley nods as he explains, “I asked her how she liked her eggs to get her mind off the whole heights thing. I offered to talk about her dog or even you, but she only had her mind on eggs.”
Bri laughs while Paulie gives a polite smile. He catches my eye, holding our gaze as we share our own private moment. Bentley rambles on about our egg discussion as Paulie mouths to me, “You okay?”
I nod and quickly step forward, giving my big brother a hug. He holds me close as I bite the inside of my cheeks to keep from crying. His hand pats my back and smoothes out my hair. Whispering, he reminds me like he always does, “It wasn’t your fault, Julianna.”
Stepping back, I wipe my eyes and force a smile. I wave my hands in front of my face and laugh. “Whew, guess that whole ferris wheel thing caught up to me.”
Bentley and Bri both stare at me, not buying it at all. Luckily, Bri changes the subject to fair food while Bentley searches for my hand, giving it a squeeze. Paulie moves his attention back to Bri knowing that I’ll break down if he keeps staring at me. When she finally makes up her mind that one deep fried Oreo won’t keep her from fitting in her wedding down, we bid farewell and make our way to the golf cart.
Bentley doesn’t say anything or ask what’s wrong as he rests his hand on my thigh. He drives us past the lower parking lot, where no other fair goers are allowed. He steers the cart slowly through a mini village with signs that read “Here ‘ye, here ‘ye” and an amphitheater with a large stage in front. He puts the cart in park and steps out, offering me his hand.
“My fair lady, won’t ye join me?” he asks with a slight bow.
I take his hand and slide out of my seat. “What is this place?”
Walking us toward the stage, he explains, “This is where they hold the Renaissance Festival in the fall. Technically we aren’t allowed back here but as long as we don’t steal a turkey leg, I’m sure we’ll be fine.”
I giggle at his joke like I always do and he steps on stage, holding out his hand to help me up. He takes his phone from his pocket and opens the Pandora app. Here’s To the Good Times by Florida Georgia Line plays and he takes my hand in his, the other goes to my waist as he spins me around the stage. While we slow dance, he sings softly and kisses me even softer when the song finishes.
I take a deep breath, filling my lungs, and then, before I lost the nerve, I blurt out, “We had a dog.”
Bentley arches his eyebrows, slightly confused. “Okay… ”
I let go of him and walk over to the edge of the stage, taking a seat and dangling my feet. Bentley follows me and sits down, his hands massaging my shoulders.
“Sandy was a boxer that Paulie and I totally adored. When Paulie was a senior and I was in middle school, I forgot to hook the latch in the backyard when I let her out before school. Paulie had a football game that night so my parents were together when our neighbor called to tell them Sandy was out.” I swallow, the guilt flooding my body. “They turned around to put her away, rushing to pick me up from soccer practice and get to Paulie’s game on time. At the intersection to turn to the soccer park, a tractor trailer ran a red light as they were turning. Our father died instantly, but our mom made it a few days before she passed too from internal injuries.”
Bentley continues to rub my shoulders, the only thing keeping me from completely breaking down as the tears blur my vision and my stomach feels like the acid is eating away at it. This is one of those memories I’d suppressed years ago and hadn’t thought about until recently.
Bentley kisses my neck and whispers, “God, baby, I’m so sorry.”
The tears fall down my cheeks. Through sobs, I confess, “If I had locked the gate, they wouldn’t have turned around. They wouldn’t have been at the stoplight when the truck was. Paulie wouldn’t have had to give up his football scholarship and his entire college experience. Everything was my fault because I didn’t lock the stupid gate.”
I never said it out loud, but that’s exactly what I’ve thought since the accident. It’s true, my parents were in the wrong place at the wrong time and died all because I w
asn’t responsible. Paulie gave up his full-ride scholarship to play football at Mizzou because I couldn’t put the dog up. He didn’t get to live on campus, join a fraternity, or go to foam parties because he was too busy raising a teenage girl—me.
“You were a kid, Jules. It wasn’t your fault,” Bentley says softly, brushing my hair back as the tears keep on rolling down my cheeks.
“I sat at practice listening to the sirens, wondering where my parents were. I was pissed they were late, thinking horrible thirteen-year-old thoughts about them while my father was dead just a few streets away and my mom was barely hanging on.”
I pull my knees to my chest and bury my head in my legs. Years of therapy taught me to push those thoughts to the back of my mind, but they never actually left. I’d never even admitted any of this to Paulie before… not that it was my fault for forgetting to lock the gate, not what I’d been thinking when our parents were late, not even that I felt guilty for making him give-up his college experience. Yet here I am, sharing it with Bentley. He didn’t ask, he didn’t prod, but somehow, someway, he knew I needed to get that off my chest. I didn’t know it, but Bentley did. I sigh, it appears he knows me better than I know myself, better than even Paulie knows me.
Ever so gently, Bentley runs his finger under my chin and makes me look up at him. “If J.P. had gone to Mizzou, his entire life would have been different. He might have a different job, live in a different city, he might never have met Bri. Julianna, that ‘mistake’ you made almost fifteen years ago is why you’re sitting here with me.”
If possibly, my heart races and drops at the same time. Paulie, our pastor, my therapist all tried to tell me it was God’s will for my parents to die, but was it really fate? Is God’s will and fate the same thing? Is Bentley Ladner my fate? I have no idea, but in this moment, all I do know is that I want nothing else than to be held by him when God’s will strikes again.
***
Listening to my friends and other volunteers party about fifty yards away from my camper, I hold Jules in my arms, running my fingers through her hair and sighing. The moonlight shines in through the small camper window and I kiss her forehead. After her breakdown as she calls it, I consider it a breakthrough, I wasn’t about to send her home alone with her thoughts. As soon as we laid down, she passed out from the emotional drain of it all and I don’t plan on leaving her side until she wakes up.
The camper door opens and I can make out Jason in the moonlight. He glances over at my bed and nods. “That Emmy?” he asks, trying to make out who is beside me.
I shake my head. “Jules,” I reply quietly.
His lips stick out, surprised by my answer. “She know about Emmy?”
My stomach churns at the truth I’m holding back and I shrug. “They’re both in the wedding so they’ve met, but Jules hasn’t asked about her.”
He laughs quietly in the dark. “So maybe, maybe not?”
I sigh. “I’m pretty sure Bri’s told her, but she hasn’t mentioned it to me so I don’t really know what to do.”
“Tell her.”
“It’s not that easy, Jas.” I glance down at my sleeping beauty. “I like her…a lot. I don’t want to scare her off.”
Jason grabs his phone and walks out the door, but before he leaves, he turns to me. “She’ll take it a lot better now than later.”
The door slams behind him and Jules snuggles closer to my chest. I squeeze her body and think about Jason’s words. He’s right, but with Jules here beside me, making my heart beat for her, I can’t risk it. I’ll have to tell her before the wedding, but until then, I’m going to enjoy every moment I have with her.
Chapter 16
The humidity is about to weigh me down. Trying to create as much wind flow as possible, I fan myself with the paper one I was given at the insurance booth when we walked into the concert. It was pretty much a waste of my time to even do anything with my hair as I already have it pulled up into a loose bun and my make-up is all sweated off. I made a good choice though on wearing the halter cut, thigh length dress and the black material with pink flower pattern. The thick brown belt is looking pretty good with my tan from fishing so much with Bentley. Now, if only I’d worn flip flops instead of a pair of Bri’s cowgirl boots, I’d be set.
“I never knew you liked country music,” Paulie says, more like an accusation instead of an observation.
He’s got to be burning up in his blue jeans and I can already see a sweat spot on the back of his black Hurley t-shirt. I wave the fan in his direction and shrug. “It’s all Bentley listens to, I don’t have much of a choice.”
Paulie lifts his eyebrow. “Bentley’s a good guy, but Jules, you gotta make your own choices.”
I roll my eyes. “That’s not what I meant. Bentley’s introduced me to a whole new world I never knew existed and likewise, I’ve introduced him to my hobbies too. He’s even helping me prepare for my fall classes at work. So no, Paulie, don’t worry, he’s not controlling me. Geez, you always think the worst!”
My brother smiles and puts his arm around my shoulders as we take a step closer to the front of the beer line. “Good, I can tell this relationship is different than your other ones. You seem more… comfortable, with yourself and him.”
I let out a contented sigh and nod. “It is totally different, it’s easy.” I laugh at my next thought before saying it aloud. “I don’t get sick of him either. It’s actually the opposite, I want to spend all my time with him.”
Paulie laughs at my last comment and nods. “Jules, I think you might have been hit by cupid’s arrow.”
My heart flutters while my stomach drops, but I roll my eyes again to hide the truth. “Whatever.” I push him off me and we take another step forward.
“Julianna, don’t play this off as nothing. I know he cares a lot about you, Bri’s told me, and I don’t have to worry about you if I know he’s around.”
My pulse races as I wonder what Bentley’s told Bri about us, but I don’t question it. Paulie orders our beers and as we wait for them to be poured, he turns to me. “And have I heard him call you Julianna a time or two?” He grins and I know I’m caught.
I shake my head laughing, giving him a hard brotherly shove as I pick up two beers and he picks up two of his own. We make our way back to our lawn seats and find Bri and Bentley in the sea of people. Beer, cigarettes, and the occasional smell of pot surround us as the stage dims and Florida Georgia Line prepare to start their set. Before we begin the obstacle course across the lawn to our blanket, Paulie stops me.
“Jules, all I’m saying is be open to the idea of love. You never know where you might find it,” he says and kisses my cheek before leading us across the throngs of people.
Love? Could I really be in love with Bentley? More importantly, could Bentley be in love with me? My heart races at the thought of this, this kind of relationship, this kind of man… it’s all foreign to me. I’m used to jerks that only want to hang out for one reason and that one reason is something Bentley and I haven’t even discussed or attempted. He’s stayed the night at my place a few times, but only because we’ve both fallen asleep on the couch. Our physical relationship is limited to kissing, hand holding, and the occasional pinch on the rear end. No, it’s not love, this is just a fun, summer fling. My brother is crazy calling Bentley and my relationship anything more than what it actually is—friends, very close friends.
I’m snapped out of my thoughts as my “friend” takes one of the beers from my hand and pulls me to him, leaning down and letting his lips find mine. His tongue slides across my mouth making me smile and I let my mind wander to places it shouldn’t. I get goosebumps and as though he’s reading my mind, he pulls me closer to him. Bentley leans his forehead against mine.
“What are you thinking, Jules?” he asks.
My cheeks blush red, thank goodness it’s dark so he doesn’t notice. I kiss his cheek as the band starts to play. “Just excited to be here… with you,” I say, biting my lip playfully.
Bentley lets out a growl, something I’ve never heard him do before, and it sends my hormones into overdrive. He opens his mouth and his teeth pull my lip away from my bite.
“Julianna Rossi, don’t tease me,” he says in a low voice.
My whole body is vibrating at his words and the intensity of his actions. His hand runs over my backside and he pulls me so that I can feel his hardness pressed against my stomach, his lips crush mine as we begin to kiss. Friends definitely don’t have this kind of affect on each other. The crowd screams as Florida Georgia Line takes the stage, but neither of us make a move to turn toward the singers. One of their upbeat songs starts to play and Bentley’s hand grips my waist, digging his manhood against me.
Breaking the kiss, I lean back breathing hard, trying to catch my breath. My free hand goes to his chest as I try to put some space between us, my brother’s words echoing in my mind.
“Everything okay?” Bentley asks, concern in his eyes.
I nod and let my lips turn into a grin. “Perfect, I just don’t want to miss my favorite band.”
He laughs and gives me another small kiss. I turn around to face the stage and take a long drink of beer, trying to calm my nerves. Bentley’s hand slips around my waist and he pulls me back against him, the lump in his pants still obvious. His thumb rolls up and down my hip, making me tingle between my legs and I’m glad my excitement isn’t as noticeable as his. He dips his head and his lips brush over the heart tattoo on my collarbone, sending me over the edge into a frenzy. My breathing quickens as his lips move to my ear where he playfully nips at it. I wiggle my hips against him, partly to keep him excited, but more just to get even closer to him.
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