Chapter 26
Exactly one month later, Paulie sits in the recliner in my living room. The memory of Bentley relaxing there still comes to mind but I quickly push that away, along with everything else that is Bentley-related.
“Married life is treating you well,” I tease my brother as I pinch the small chub roll on his side. It’s probably the first ounce of fat my brother’s ever had on him but it’s obvious that Bri should have had no concerns on the cooking front.
He shrugs. “She’s taking cooking classes. What kind of husband would I be if I turned down creme brulee?”
I roll my eyes, plopping down into the leather couch and pulling a pillow in front of me. “Well, you know my fridge is only full of freezer meals so feel free to bring over any leftovers.”
Laughing, he nods and his smile disappears. Uh-oh, I know this look. It’s time for one of Paulie’s famous heart to hearts. “You doing okay after the…you know… ”
I shrug, acting like I don’t know what he’s talking about. “Of course I am. Why wouldn’t I be? You know I never get attached,” I lie and Paulie knows it by the way he lifts his eyebrows.
“Look, I know I was the one that bust in and told him to leave you alone, but there’s more to the story that I didn’t know.”
My heart sinks as I stare at him, unable to speak. My brother swallows, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he does. “The day of the wedding, some woman knocked on the door to our dressing room. When I opened it, she introduced herself as Christie Ladner and said she was dropping off Bentley’s daughter. Bri and I had talked about you and Bentley dating, she never mentioned he was married or had a kid. The day of the cake tasting was the only time I’d ever met Emmy and it didn’t register since no one ever introduced her as family.” He sighs and shakes his head, dragging his hand over his face. “I failed you, Jules. I should have found out more about Bentley before I encouraged your relationship. I was so wrapped up in you finally finding a real man that can love and take care of you the way I do, that I didn’t find out the details.”
Leaning over I take his hand and lightly squeeze it. “It’s okay, big brother. It’s not your fault.”
Paulie continues. “There’s more. After I saw Christie and Emmy, I immediately assumed he was still married. I think part of me didn’t want to let you go, see another man taking care of you. Julianna, it’d been my job for over ten years and in my mind, no one could do it better except that Bentley was.”
Tears sting my eyes and I get up, moving to my brother’s lap as we embrace and I cry into his chest. Guess I wasn’t the only one afraid of losing their sibling. Paulie holds me tightly then begins talking again.
“After the ceremony, I asked Bri what was going on. Bentley was, technically is married but they’ve been separated for almost two years. She actually lives two hours away from here in Cape Girardeau. Jules, please let him talk to you, give him another chance.”
Shocked, I look up at him. “You seriously want me to give him another chance? He never once mentioned a wife, or hell, even his kid, whom I’d met!” I exclaim, projecting some of my anger toward Bentley on my brother.
“The kid thing was a huge mix-up. He thought you knew, Jules.”
I shake my head. “No, I’m done with Bentley Ladner,” I proclaim. “Done,” I say, adding the extra “done” more so for me rather than him. My heart isn’t over Bentley, I’m not sure it ever will be, but maybe by saying I am, it’ll help make it whole again.
Paulie nods. “If that’s how you feel, Jules, I’ll support you.”
I rest my head on his chest again, trying to push away the thoughts of Bentley. Paulie rubs my back. “Mizzou plays the Gamecocks this weekend. Mr. Ladner is taking his RV to the game to tailgate. Doug, Cindy, and Smitty are going. Why don’t you join us?”
As though I could say no to a Mizzou game. I hug my brother and sigh. Still confused by his explanation for Bentley’s actions, I shrug them off knowing that this weekend I can forget about all of it for at least one day.
***
“Mr. Ladner? Mr. Ladner, are you listening?” A perky brunette who happens to be my lawyer’s secretary waves her hand in front of my face. My mind is definitely somewhere else as J.P. finally heard me out the other day and I know he’s talking to Jules right now.
“Sorry,” I apologize. “Is there any way we can speed this whole process up?”
A squatty bald man with a pot belly walks in the door shaking his head. “Bentley, if you want to lose all your assets, we can have this finalized in the morning,” my tenacious lawyer answers as he nods his head. He claps his hand on my shoulder, giving it a hard squeeze. “Your father asked me to watch out for you and that family business. Besides, we’re fighting for your daughter, too, aren’t we?”
My elbows on the table, I lean forward resting my head in my hands. Christie is trying to milk me for everything I’m worth. If it was just about money, I’d give it all to her in a heartbeat so I could get Jules back, but it’s not. I’m also seeking full custody of Emmy.
Her mother is the one that cheated and decided to move two hours away, yet I’m the one being penalized. It’s killing me having my daughter so far away. At least when Christie and I were separated but in the same town, I could stop by after work for a quick hug from my girl, but now that’s not an option. I’m going to fight tooth and nail to keep Emmy close by and then I’m going to do everything I can to win Julianna back.
Chapter 27
Sipping a mimosa in front of Mr. Ladner’s forty-three feet long Fleetwood Providence with the sun shining down on us and Mizzou fans buzzing all around is my idea of escaping reality. The forty-two inch television displays the pre-game show as my brother and his father-in-law man the grill. Doug and Smitty stand close by as they all sip their beers in Mizzou coozies.
Beside me, Bri is rambling on about new curtains for their house. I can tell she’s only discussing this because my brother probably told her not to bring up the topic of Bentley. Coming to my rescue, Cindy, Doug’s wife, loops her arm in mine and tells the boys we’ll be back. Bri looks relieved and I know she’s about to bust at the seams wanting to talk to me about her brother.
“Thank you,” I tell Cindy when we’re out of earshot.
She laughs and nods. “Anytime. I don’t think I could handle any more curtain hook discussions.” We both giggle and she reaches in her purse and hands me a flask. “I’m not going to ask about the asshole. We don’t have to talk about him unless you want to. If you just want to get totally wasted too, I’ll hold your hair back later.”
Cindy unscrews the cap and tilts it back taking a sip before passing it over to me. I do the same and give her a hug. Just like Bri, I wasn’t a fan of Cindy when she first started dating Doug, but over the years, she’s become like a big sister to me. We don’t hang out often, but when we do, we get along great. Sometimes too great and the boys are usually the ones that have to pay for it.
Today isn’t looking to be any different than when we normally get together. Only a few RVs down the row from us, we find a group of guys who are more than happy to enjoy our company. They’re partying in front of a motorhome that is much smaller and not as classy as Mr. Ladner’s but that isn’t my concern right now. A tall, brawny male with a shaved head doesn’t seem to mind me using his lap as a seat and I don’t mind his hand roaming over my holey jeans either. My mind is hazy from the mimosas, shots from Cindy’s flask, and the couple beers our new friends have provided.
He kisses below my ear and I can smell the hops on his breath as he whispers, “Let me show you the inside of the RV.”
I may be drunk, but I know exactly what his comment means. Slowly nodding, ready for a distraction to officially push Bentley out of my mind, I stand up and let him walk us over to the motorhome. Cindy raises her eyebrow as I walk past and I give her a smile to let her know it’s okay. Beefcake opens the door and as I’m about to step in behind him, a rough masculine hand grabs mine. Looking back to see who it is,
my jaw drops.
“Hey man, sorry, but she’s with me,” Bentley’s deep voice informs the man holding my other hand.
My heart races, both from excitement and anger. Fear mixes in with my emotions as Beefcake yanks on my hand, not acknowledging Bentley’s words. Two seconds earlier, I was ready to walk into this dilapidated house on wheels and drop my panties, but now, knowing that Bentley is right here, as much as I despise him at the moment, makes me blush about my almost-mistake. Bentley clears his throat and looks at Beefcake, gripping my hand tighter.
“I don’t think you heard me. Jules is with me,” Bentley repeats. Too bad Beefcake probably doesn’t remember my name.
The muscly guy chuckles and lets go of me, practically shoving me down the stairs. Luckily, Bentley is there and catches me before I fall face first to the ground. His hands possessively grab my waist and pull me to him, tucking me against his body. It feels right, like I belong there and nowhere else. His cologne hits my nose and I take a deep breath. God, I have missed this man, every aspect of him from his scratchy beard that’s tickling my forehead to the scent of mulch that follows him around from work. More than anything though, I miss his laugh and the feel of his rough hands so soft on my skin.
Marching ahead of us, Cindy leads us back to the Ladners’ RV where she distracts the boys from Bentley’s presence. Out of eyesight from my brother and safely away from Beefcake, I pull away from Bentley. Muttering my appreciation as I take a step back toward his father’s RV, but he grabs my hand stopping me.
“Please talk to me. Give me a chance to explain,” Bentley begs.
I’ve had one too many drinks to have this discussion right now and I’m fully aware of that. The way my hormones are roaring, I’ll likely ignore whatever Bentley has to say and forgive him right away only to wake up tomorrow and be even more pissed off at the situation than I am now.
Squeezing his hand, I shake my head. “Now’s not the time,” I say softly, still avoiding his eyes.
Bentley’s other hand runs along my jawline and tilts my head up to meet his eyes. “When? Tell me when because I can’t stand another minute without you.”
My heart melts at his words, tears form in my eyes, but I can’t fall for his charm again. I can’t put my heart out there again only to be stomped on and blown to pieces. I haven’t even recovered from the first time Bentley broke my heart, I’m not ready for the second time.
Puffing out my chest, trying to look more confident than I feel, I ask, “Are you still married?”
Bentley’s face falls and he nods. “Yes, but it’s not like that at all, Julianna. I’m not that kind of man.”
A stabbing pain shoots through my heart when he says my full name. I know Bentley Ladner isn’t that kind of man, but I don’t know what else to think. My vision blurred by the tears, I mumble, “I hate you, Bentley Ladner.” Then I lean forward and wrap myself around him, needing to feel his arms around me even if I refuse to give him a second chance.
Bentley holds me as though I might drift away. His lips brush against my forehead and I hold him closer. His deep, husky voice murmurs, “Don’t say that, Julianna.”
Looking up into his deep brown eyes, the eyes I wanted to look into for the rest of my life, I shake my head. “It’s true.”
I almost see tears in his eyes when he asks, “Why, Julianna? What I felt for you is more real than anything I’ve felt for someone. How can you say you hate me?”
Agony is written all over his face and I know the feeling all too well. Speaking softly, I tell him, “I hate you, Bentley, because I love you. When you’re not married any more, come and talk to me then.”
The misery briefly disappears and is replaced with hope as Bentley nods and kisses my cheek. His kisses, even simple ones, have the same effect on me as they did before. I still don’t know the full story, but like Bentley, I’m hanging on to hope that one day I will and we’ll get our happily ever after.
***
I watch Julianna saunter back to the party outside my family’s RV. Hopefully no one lets her wander off again but maybe I should hang out here just in case. I shudder at the thought of her with that douchebag a few minutes ago. It’s only been a month but she’s already falling back into her old routine of going after loser guys. Sighing, I know it’s my fault, but I’m doing everything I can to fix it.
She takes a seat on Smitty’s lap and he rubs her back as her head rests on his shoulder. A pang of jealousy hits me even though it’s Smitty. She’s supposed to be mine, we should be laughing and cheering together today, but I royally messed up and I know it. I’m tempted to hand Christie my business just to keep Emmy but I know my father would kill me. Watching Julianna with another man though is killing me already.
Chapter 28
It’s after midnight and I click off my bedroom light. Technically, it’s Christmas and the snow and ice is coming down hard and fast outside. With Paulie’s marriage to Bri came along a whole new list of holiday traditions that my brother is desperately trying to include me in. I avoided Thanksgiving with the excuse that Smitty and I had to watch football all day because of our bets on all the games, which we actually did have and I won fifty bucks off him. Truth be told though, I wouldn’t mind joining Paulie and Bri but I’m avoiding any type of run in with Bentley.
It’s been two months since I confessed my love for him and I haven’t heard a word from him since. I wallowed in self-pity for another few weeks then I decided to woman up and get motivated. I’ve sworn off men for the time being, buckled down on my studying, and am currently spending all my free time writing my thesis. None of it is nearly as fun or enjoyable as spending time with Bentley, but this is my life now and I’m moving forward without him.
While I got out of the turkey meal in November, I couldn’t escape the Christmas Eve service. Telling Paulie that I was going to church with Smitty would’ve been saying I was born a man. Luckily, Bentley wasn’t there, but Emmy was as adorable as ever. She still remembers me as the cake lady and had no problem at all snuggling up to me during service. I think she was hoping I had some frosting stashed away somewhere but she didn’t seem too disappointed when all I had to offer were some watermelon Jolly Ranchers that were stuffed in the bottom of my purse. After church, Emmy held my hand like we were best friends while everyone else chatted amongst themselves except me, the outsider. I could see Bri biting her tongue, desperate to discuss her brother with me like she’s been doing since her wedding, but I’m pretty sure someone has threatened to withhold sex if that topic is ever discussed.
I throw a colorful quilt made of turquoise and pink blocks over my bed since I refuse to turn the heater up, despite the temperatures dropping well below freezing. Crawling into bed, memories of my mother surround me. I close my eyes and think back to the last Christmas we shared together. My mother was a quilter and I’d been begging her to help me make my own. We spent weeks searching for the perfect material until I’d finally decided on the brightest colors we could find. I was twelve and should’ve been hoping for the latest fashion or music to be wrapped in my presents under the tree, but when I tore off the wrapping paper and saw my mother’s and my handiwork, I screamed like I’d won the lottery. Little did I know how this quilt would pull me through my darkest hours, even twelve years later and I’m sure it will continue to over the rest of my years as well.
Drifting off into a deep sleep, memories fill my dreams with twinkling lights, fresh cookies baking, and fighting with Paulie over who gets to hang the star on top of the tree. My mom is sitting in my bed and running her fingers through my hair, I snuggle up to her, wishing I’d done this more often when she was alive. Holding on to her tight, not wanting my dream to end, a loud clatter wakes me and I snap awake, sitting straight up in my bed. I know you have to believe to get presents, but I’m very skeptical that the noise is Santa coming down my chimney.
Swinging my legs over the side of the bed, I shiver as the cool air hits me. I take quick but quiet steps to the living room
, my eyes searching the dark house for an intruder. With only a thousand square feet, it doesn’t take me long to clear the house and feel comfortable that I’m alone. Before heading back to bed, I open the front curtain to see how much snow has accumulated. The flakes and ice have stopped and it’s at least a foot deep. Icicles have formed on every tree limb, wire, roof, any surface the ice could find. Glancing over at my neighbor’s house, my jaw drops.
“Son of a…” I trail off as I grab my phone and run outside, slipping on the only footwear I can find which is a pair of leopard print slippers.
Standing under my carport, I stare at the giant tree limb now on top of it, blocking any access out. I shuffle back and forth trying to stay warm in just my flannel pajama pants and thin, worn hoodie. My fingers find my ICE contact in my phone and I hit send, fully aware of the irony of the situation.
A sleepy Paulie answers, “What’s wrong?”
“My neighbor’s tree must have broke from the weight of the ice and it landed on my carport. I can’t even get my car out!” I whine on the phone, but feel a small smile creep over my face realizing I now have an excuse as to why I won’t make it to the Ladners for Christmas dinner.
Waiting for my news to sink in as Paulie wakes up, I hear another loud boom as a large limb snaps off the tree across the street. Paulie must hear it too as his tone is urgent. “Are you outside?”
I start to deny the truth, but Paulie knows me too well. “Don’t answer that. Get back inside, I’ll call your insurance company in the morning and come over with my chainsaw so you can get out. Then we’ll figure out what to do from there.”
Finalizing our plan, I head inside, but am too wired to fall back asleep. I flop down in the recliner and think I smell the remnants of Bentley’s woodsy cologne and mulch. Then again, maybe I’m just trying to grasp what’s left of him. I turn on the television before I can dwell on it too much. Finding It’s a Wonderful Life playing on repeat on TBS, I grab a blanket and burrow in only to fall asleep the second time I hear about the bell ringing and the angel getting its wings.
Spring Into Love Page 108
