Not Until You Part VIII: Not Until You Love

by Roni Loren

  “Papá,” I said, the admission touching me. “I always thought that we were lucky, that the animals happened to like us.”

  He looked at me then, his dark eyes a little glossy. “We were lucky, mija. We had a happy family then. I had kids who were on the way to making good lives for themselves. And I had you, who by some miracle, liked the same things I did and wanted to walk in my footsteps. I didn’t want anything to touch that bubble.”

  I tucked my hands in my lap, food forgotten.

  “But I let you all down,” he said, staring back out at the forest. “I was cocky to think nothing would change. I thought I’d done my job well and all would be fine. But as you all got older, everything changed so fast. All of a sudden, I didn’t know how to connect with you in the same way. I became someone to argue with instead of someone you came to with your problems. And I didn’t know how to handle that. I knew what dangers lurked out there in the world, the things that could derail good kids from their path. But even knowing it, I couldn’t seem to stop it. Luz had so much going for her, so much talent, and look how she tossed that away. For a boy. For so-called love.”

  “She made a mistake,” I said gently.

  “We both did, and it ruined everything,” he said, a bitter edge to his voice. “When I kicked her out, my happy family broke apart. Your mother has never truly forgiven me. She was already sad that Marco had decided to go into the military and was so far away. But losing Luz crushed her. She was never the same and neither were you kids. You began to see me as someone to fear, and Andre couldn’t move away fast enough. I went to Luz a few months afterward, wanting to make amends and help her, but she was too angry. She said she never wanted to see me again—that I was the coldest, most horrible father she could ever imagine.”

  I blinked, the news a shock to me. Luz had never mentioned that he’d ever reached out to her again.

  “I swore to myself then that I wouldn’t let anything like that happen again, that I would make sure you and Andre didn’t get off track.” He shook his head. “And here we are again. All my adult life, I’ve looked forward to the day when I could work side by side with one of my children, when I could pass on the family business to you. I know I’m tough on you, but the last few weeks have been some of the happiest I’ve had in years. To see you so confident, so professional. I swell with pride every time I see your name on the door next to mine.”

  “Papá,” I whispered, tears getting caught in my throat.

  He reached out and laid his hand over mine. “I want you to be happy, mija. But I also want you to be successful and follow the dream you’ve worked so hard for. No man is worth giving that up for. Don’t you think you can be happy here?”

  I stared down at our joined hands, his big one swallowing my small one, and a desperate, aching regret pinged through me. No man was worth giving up my happiness for. Not even my dad. I slid my hand from beneath his and back into my lap. “Papá, I am so thankful for everything you’ve given me and all your guidance. I wouldn’t be where I am without you. You’ve been a good father and mentor to me. And you need to know that I would never give up my career. I love what I do.”

  He nodded. “I’m glad to hear it.”

  I lifted my gaze to his. “But I don’t know if I need to be doing it here.”

  “Oh, Marcela.” He rubbed a hand over his forehead.

  The anguish in his voice almost did me in. A big part of me just wanted to make it better, wanted to tell him what he hoped to hear. But I’d spent so long trying to be who he wanted me to be, and it wasn’t fair for either of us for me to keep doing that. I wanted a good relationship with my dad, wanted to recapture the bond we used to have. But I knew that probably wouldn’t be possible with our working together and living so close. He was who he was. Turning off that overbearing side would require a personality transplant. And the more he smothered me, the more I’d resent him.

  And I could analyze to death my feelings for Foster and worry about the nature of our relationship and if it would last and on and on. But the truth of the matter was that I loved him. And maybe it would work. And maybe it wouldn’t. But I wasn’t going to spend my life playing what if. I wanted a life with passion and risk and not knowing what was around every corner. I wanted to be surprised.

  And if I stayed here, maybe I could be content or even happy, but there would be no surprises. And there would be no Foster.

  “I’m so sorry,” I said, silent tears escaping. “I love you so much, and I know I’m breaking my word. But I need to make my own way, Papá.”

  His eyes held all the sadness and disappointment he’d never tell me in words. “I don’t approve.”

  I nodded and let my gaze fall to the table, the words stinging.

  “But I understand.”

  I glanced up.

  He reached over and brushed my tears away with a napkin. “You will always have a place to come back to if you need it. Your mother and I will never ever turn you away. I wouldn’t make that mistake again. I’ve lost one piece of my heart with Luz. I refuse to lose another.”

  “Oh, Papá,” I said, a full out weepy mess now.

  “Also, you tell that boy that if he hurts you, the next time I’ll shoot first and ask questions later.”

  I snorted some sort of half sob, half laugh, and took the napkin from him to wipe my nose. “Andre’s already threatened him, too. Dating me is turning out to be a very dangerous gig.”

  “Is he a good man, mija? This Foster,” he asked, his serious face back in place.

  “Yes,” I said, believing that down the depths of my being. “He’ll take good care of me.”

  My dad smiled and got up to give me a hug. “That’s all I ask.”

  I pressed my face into his shoulder, holding him tight, and let myself be that little girl again—the one who loved her father unconditionally and only saw the wonderful, spectacular parts of him.

  For all his faults, my father had given me a good upbringing and a loving home. I would always love him, my family, and my hometown. They were part of the fabric of who I was. But now it was time for me to take those things and carry them forward.

  Now it was my turn to live the life I wanted.

  And that life started now.

  Chapter 39

  Foster wasn’t positive when he knew for sure. Maybe it was when Bret had called so early, and his normally tell-it-like-it-is friend hadn’t been able to give him any information. Maybe it had been the guarded, too-high tone of her voice. But when she’d sent him a follow-up text telling him not to listen to news radio on his drive back to Dallas, he had no doubts left.

  Either Neve’s kidnapper had been discovered or Neve had been found. And if Bret wasn’t talking, he knew that there was no happy news waiting at the end of this road. Not that he’d ever held out hope that Neve had made it through okay. Not after all this time. But he couldn’t deny that a small sliver of him had held on to the notion that maybe she’d been kidnapped by someone who’d wanted a child and that she had been cared for. It’d been a stupid, illogical hope, but it’d always been sitting there nestled deep in his mind. Now there’d be nothing there except the despair of knowing she was gone, really gone.

  By the time he pulled up to the building Bret had given him directions to, he’d gone fully numb from the inside out. A news van was out front, which would explain why Bret had told him to pull around back. He parked the car, took a few breaths, and headed inside like a man on his way to his death sentence.

  The fluorescent lights inside pushed against his already edgy senses, and he got the impression of walking into a morgue it was so quiet and cold. Before he could make his brain function and figure out where he was supposed to go, Bret was striding toward him, her face drawn and pale. He couldn’t remember ever seeing her without makeup. Dread so deep it took his breath moved through him, leaving icy trails in its wake.

  “Hey, you,” she said gently, giving him a quick hug. “I don’t even want to know how fast you drove to
get here.”

  “Just tell me,” he said flatly.

  In the distance, he saw an older couple huddled together on a bench in the hallway. The woman peered his way, a hollow look in her eyes. Eyes the same color as his. His mother seemed to look through him, then turned back to his father.

  Bret put a hand on his shoulder. “We found the guy. We got him.”

  Foster took in a ragged breath, absorbing that information. It didn’t feel nearly as good as he thought it would. He’d spent much of his life waiting to hear those words, but they didn’t offer any solace. Not when he sensed what was to follow.

  “And Neve?” he asked, the question like jagged glass in his mouth.

  Bret gave his shoulder a squeeze and shook her head sadly. “I’m sorry, hon. She didn’t make it past the second day.”

  Everything seemed to crumple around him, collapsing in until he couldn’t even see in front of him. He leaned against the wall and sank to the floor.

  ***

  I rolled my suitcase behind me, already feeling guilty for imposing when I knocked on the door. When I’d gotten in the car this morning, this had seemed like a wise idea, but now I was starting to wonder if I should’ve given it more thought. Or at least talked to Foster first.

  But after three days of not hearing from him, I was done waiting around for my life to start. Of course, that rah-rah-you-go-girl pep talk had only lasted a few hours into my trip from Verde Pass. My internal cheerleader had fallen off the top of the pyramid and lost her pom-poms somewhere around San Antonio.

  The door swung open, and my brother filled the doorway, smiling down at me. “Well, if it isn’t my homeless sister.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Shut up. I’m not homeless. I have a house.”

  “Just not here,” he pointed out.

  “Not yet.”

  He stepped inside and swept his arm toward his loft. “Never let it be said that I don’t help those in need.”

  I sauntered past him, rolling my bag behind me and wishing that Bailey didn’t live in a dorm. I loved my brother, but I’d spent enough time under the same roof with him to last a lifetime. Plus, I didn’t want to be in the way. They already had a pretty crowded household. And I’d gotten the vibe when I asked Andre if I could crash here for a few days that he was hesitant. I turned to Andre and did a mock curtsy and head bow. “I will forever be indebted, dear brother.”

  Jace, who was on the couch with his legs propped up on the coffee table and a game controller in hand, gave me a quick grin. “Hey, dollface. Don’t let that asshole make you feel unwelcome. You can stay here as long as you need.”

  “Did I say she was unwelcome?” Andre said, walking past me and tugging my ponytail before taking my suitcase from me. “My door is always open.”

  “Uh-huh,” I said, not quite buying it.

  He strolled off toward the stairs and the bedrooms on the second level. Jace paused his game and turned around, smirk in place. “You realize why he’s freaked out, right?”

  “Because me staying here is a pain the ass,” I offered.

  “Nah.” Jace glanced up at where Andre had disappeared. “He knows you know about the three of us, but he’s afraid of you seeing it. Knowing and witnessing are two different things. I think he’s afraid the fabric of your very existence will split in two.”

  “Oh, come on. Seriously?” I frowned. “It’s not like I haven’t already seen him kissing Evan.”

  Jace tilted his head, giving me the come-on-now look.

  “Okay, yes, it’s going to be different seeing PDAs between the two of you. But seriously, I have no issue with any of it. I want him to be happy.”

  “Good, then we’re going to get this shit out of the way right now, because Evan’s out of town on a job for the weekend, and I don’t want Dre walking around with his shorts in a knot.”

  I had no idea what he meant by that but had a feeling I wouldn’t be wondering for long.

  Andre came back downstairs a few minutes later. He crooked his thumb behind him. “I went ahead and set you up in my room.”

  “Oh, you didn’t have to do that. I can take the couch.”

  “It’s not a problem,” Andre said quickly.

  “But—”

  “He doesn’t sleep in there anymore,” Jace supplied. “So really, don’t stress.”

  Andre’s gaze narrowed as he turned to him. “Jace.”

  “What?” Jace asked, all wide-eyed innocence. “It’s not like she doesn’t know.”

  Andre scraped a hand through his dark hair, and there may have been a hint of color in his cheeks. I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing. It was a rare day to see the great Andre Medina embarrassed.

  “Let’s just not go there, all right?” Andre said, his tone holding warning.

  That’s all it took. Jace was pushing himself off the couch and heading her brother’s way. The switch from laid-back, fun-loving Jace to this version kind of took my breath for a second. I recognized that look. It was the look Foster gave me when he was about to issue a command. Oh, shit. A little shiver went through me—like my body knew how to pick up a predator in its midst.

  Andre’s dark eyes went a little wide as Jace stepped in front of him and clamped a hand around the back of his neck.

  “J, don’t.”

  But Jace was already leaning in to kiss him. The sight of the two of them was a little hard for my brain to process. Of course, I’d seen two guys kiss before. But not two I knew so well. Jace and Andre had been best friends for so long—bros, dudes. And both were about as alpha male as any guy could get. They fit into these certain boxes in my head. Boxes that hadn’t included this. But it was hard to deny the sweetness there between them as Jace took the kiss and cajoled Andre into returning it. Soon, as if forgetting he’d protested a moment before, Andre relaxed into it, his hand going to Jace’s hip and moving him closer.

  When Jace finally pulled back, Andre blinked, seeming to come back into himself, then scowled. “Dammit, J.”

  “Now that the awkward is out of the way,” Jace said, turning and heading back toward the couch with a pleased grin, “who’s going to challenge me in Mario Kart?”

  Andre peeked my way as if bracing for the impact of my reaction, but I was too busy smiling. “Wow, you guys are perfect for each other. I’ve never seen anyone shut you up, Dre.”

  Andre stared at me for a moment then matched my smile, his stance loosening. “Evan’s pretty good at leaving me speechless, too.”

  I walked over to him and gave him a hug. “I’m happy for you. Really. We’ve both tried to live for other people a long time. Tried to be who we thought we were supposed to be. Frankly, I’m freaking sick of it.”

  He held me to him, putting his chin on top my head. “When you’d get to be so smart?”

  “Well, I’ve always been smarter than you,” I teased.

  Andre huffed a laugh and leaned back from the hug, putting his hands on my shoulders. “True. So then tell me, why is my smart, imminently levelheaded sister back in town with no job and no place to live?”

  I smirked. “Are you going to yell at me if I tell you it’s for a guy?”

  “Ian Foster,” he said, his tone going a little grave.

  “Yes. And don’t give me that look,” I said, jutting my chin upward. “I love him, Dre. And he loves me back. I don’t want to walk away from that.”

  He blew out a breath and lowered his arms to his sides. “Well, I imagine if that’s the case, he could really use you here with him right now.”

  My brows knitted. “What are you talking about?”

  “You haven’t talked to him?”

  “No, he was going to call me. He had something to take care of, but I decided to come here and surprise him instead.”

  His frown deepened, increasing the foreboding vibes going through me. “Oh, Cela, I thought you knew. It’s been all over the local news here.”

  My stomach dropped to my feet. “What has?”

  “They arrest
ed a child serial killer. They’ve pinned at least fifteen missing children cases on him from the last two decades all over the South. He confessed to the Foster girl’s kidnapping, rape, and murder.”

  I put my hand over my mouth, horror bleeding through me and making everything go icy cold. “Oh my God.”

  “They interviewed the parents on TV for a minute last night, but I haven’t seen Foster on anywhere. Even my precinct has been buzzing with calls about cold cases from all over the place who want to know more about this guy. The details of the crimes are pretty gruesome, Cela. I can’t imagine what the family must be going through.”

  What Foster must be going through. His worst nightmare had come to fruition. Nausea rolled through me. “I need to go. I need to see him”

  Andre nodded with sympathy. “Sure, okay, but be careful, baby girl. If he hasn’t called you, there may be a reason. He may want—”

  But I wasn’t even listening. I was already retracing my steps back to the door and grabbing my purse. I made it out to the parking lot on high-speed autopilot.

  As soon as I slid in my car, I picked up my phone and hit Dial. Pike answered on the first ring. “Doc.”

  “I’m in town. Where is he?” I asked without preamble.

  “Thank fucking Christ,” he said, his voice filled with relief. “He’s at home, and I don’t have a clue what to do with him. I’ve never seen him like this. He’s shut down completely—like some emotionless, T-1000 version of himself. And he’s talking about closing his business, saying it doesn’t mean anything anymore. I can’t seem to get any sense through his thick skull. And don’t even get me started on his fucking parents. I feel horrible for what they’ve been through, but they’ve ignored Foster through all of this. Like he doesn’t exist.”

  My ribs felt like they were cinching tighter, a corset of grief squeezing everything together and making it hard to breathe. “I’m coming over.”

  “Good. I’ll take all the help I can get.”

  I made it to my old building in record time, my brain and body operating with a singular focus. Get. To. Foster. Pike let me in without a word and cocked his head toward Foster’s bedroom.