by J. H. Croix
Pushing my reservations aside, I decided to simply let both of us look forward to the day. Austin already was, and I wasn’t letting anything take that away from him—least of all my own issues and apprehensions.
Chapter Twenty-One
Jeremy
“You’re here,” Marie said as she opened the door to me on Wednesday. She seemed slightly surprised to see me there. Sneaking a glance at my watch, I confirmed I was on time and then flashed a smile.
“I am. I don’t mind waiting if you’re not ready yet.”
Austin came up behind Marie, opening the door wider and launching outside with a backpack half the size of him looped over his shoulders. “We’re ready. Come on mom, we have to go.”
The corners of Marie’s lips twitched, her eyes twinkling as she watched her son. He turned to face me, lifting his hand for me to shake. His grip was firm and enthusiastic as he pumped my hand up and down. I bit back a laugh when he released my hand and barreled past me to the stairs, waiting for us impatiently. “Are you guys coming?”
“We’ll be right there, buddy. Let me lock up, okay?” Marie commented, glancing from Austin to me and lowering her voice. “Are you sure about this? You don’t have to feel obligated.”
“What do you mean?” I had no idea what she was talking about.
Marie exhaled on a long breath, then retrieved her purse and locked her door, motioning for me to lead the way. As I had the night of our first date, I immediately reached for her. This time though, I took her hand instead of tucking it into the crook of my arm.
Her eyes widened, dropping to our joined hands. She gave a pointed look to where Austin was standing with his back to us, studying something in the stairwell where he waiting for us. “You’re really okay with this?”
“With Austin?” I asked, surprised when she nodded. “Of course I am.”
“Okay.” She released a shaky breath, gave my hand a quick squeeze but dropped it when we got to Austin. I understood why. She likely didn’t want to make him wonder about us. Even though my fingers were itching to touch her, I held back.
My surprise at learning Austin was Marie’s son had sent my thoughts spinning. For starters, I should’ve guessed that. Though I didn’t personally spend time with Sarah, she was a fixture in Cypress Creek. How I could have considered Austin was ever her son was beyond me. I suppose I’d chalked it up to that simply because the last five years or so—between my mother’s death and my father’s legal troubles—my head had been in a bit of a fog. I’d never been one to keep up with local gossip, but I’d have known if Sarah had a son.
Though I’d initially offered this to Marie and Austin, I’d had second thoughts later. I mean, the plain truth was I’d written off the idea of a family after witnessing my father’s spiral after my mother passed away. He’d lost the touchstone in his life and become unmoored, in more ways than one. I never wanted that to happen to me. But then, every time I told myself I needed to call Marie and cancel, well, I couldn’t. She was too tempting, and Austin was a good kid. So, I’d shoved my doubts to the back of my mind and reminded myself it wasn’t as if I was signing up for a family just yet. This was nothing more than a harmless afternoon.
Leading the way to my truck, Austin talked a mile a minute, his backpack bouncing as he hurried. “Where are we going?”
“We’re going fishing in the state park nearby. You ever been fishing?”
Austin’s step faltered and he looked up at me with wide, excited eyes. “No, but I’ve always wanted to. I’m a country boy, you know. I need to fish.”
I laughed, helping him with his backpack when we reached the truck. “I know you’re a country boy, that’s why we’re doing this. I even brought you my old rod.”
Austin twisted in the seat I’d buckled him into, trying to get a good look at all the gear stashed in the back. “Which one is that?”
I pointed to a smaller green rod. My dad had gotten it for me when I was about Austin’s age. My brothers and I each had one. I didn’t think I’d ever have a reason to use mine again, but I hadn’t wanted to get rid of it. Now I was glad I’d kept it around all these years.
“The green one?” Austin asked, following my line of sight.
“That’s the one.”
“Awesome!” he exclaimed.
Marie double-checked his buckles, making her way to her seat when she was satisfied. “That was nice of Jeremy to pack a special rod for you. What do we say when people do nice things for us, baby?”
“Thank you,” Austin said immediately, his smile as wide as it could go.
I couldn’t resist. I didn’t know why, but I felt like I’d known the both of them for much longer than I had, and I wanted to ruffle his hair, so I did. “No problem, bud. Told you we’re going somewhere awesome.”
“Thanks for this,” Marie said when I slipped into my seat beside her. “Are you sure I can’t go fetch us some food or something?”
We’d had this discussion over the phone three times over the last few days. Marie seemed used to it being her and her alone that took care of them. She also seemed worried this activity was a burden on me. She’d wanted to pack lunch for us and insisted it was enough I was taking them out, but I’d refused.
I’d channeled my mother and packed a picnic lunch just like the ones she used to pack for us for these types of trips. I was confident that both Marie and Austin were going to be impressed with me come lunch time.
“Absolutely not. I got us covered,” I assured her. “You ready to get wet?”
“What?” she squeaked, her eyes bouncing to Austin in the back.
I patted her knee, barely able to keep from laughing. “Fishing. We might need to wade into the river some to cast at times.”
“Oh,” she breathed, her cheeks flushing pink. “Of course, I knew that.”
Fuck me. This woman. She was a crazy combination of adorable, sexy and sultry all at once. I had to be on my best behavior today though, seeing as we had a very curious audience.
“Sure you did,” I quipped, pulling out onto the road.
Austin chimed up excitedly from his seat, “We’re going in the river?”
“Only if your mom says it’s okay, but we might not need to. Depends on where we get a spot,” I explained. I knew the fishing spots in this park like the back of my hand. My brothers and I had grown up spending long afternoons there and camping there on weekends.
We’d gotten into our fair share of trouble in the park, but only the innocent kind of trouble. I didn’t let myself dwell on it, but Marie and Austin were the first people I’d ever gone to this park with outside of my own family.
“We’ll see when we get there,” Marie replied, turning to me. “How long is the drive?”
“Not too long. Twenty minutes or so from here.”
She nodded slowly, checking to see Austin was settled before addressing me. “Fair warning. You might get roped into I-spy about ten minutes from now.”
Her voice was soft enough I didn’t think Austin heard it, staring out at the town as we passed through it. He pointed out several spots, from the ice cream parlor to his pre-school, informing me about these places as we drove.
I listened attentively, asking him why he preferred the fudge sprinkles over the chocolate at the parlor and if he preferred art, or music at his pre-school. Marie spoke up from time to time, laughing at things either Austin or I said and explaining some of the jokes Austin made.
True to her warning though, as soon as we were out of town and Austin had run out of things to point out to me, he started playing I-spy. She cast an apologetic glance to me, but I shook my head and dived into the game.
Though I might have shoved the idea of having my own kids far to the background, I liked kids just fine. Half the guys I worked with had their own, so I was used to seeing them here and there when we had work-social gatherings arranged by Doc. I hadn’t let myself dwell much on the power of my attraction to Marie. In most situations, I’d have steered way clear of a s
ingle mother. It would’ve been easy to say my desire for Marie was pure lust, yet it wasn’t. I’d be flat lying if I said I didn’t want her fiercely, but I wanted more of everything—to know her. So here I was, blowing past the barriers I’d erected for myself without considering the consequences. I’d deal with those later.
Spending time with them was comfortable. Austin was a funny kid—curious as hell and sweet—and Marie seemed to be in her element when he was around. I didn’t mind playing games with him or, as it turned out once we got to the park, showing him how to set up his rod and cast.
“You two should put those down and come have lunch,” Marie said about an hour after we’d arrived at the river. The lawns were bright green this time of year, the canopy of trees so full they formed an almost solid ceiling of leaves over our heads. Sunlight peeked through here and there, dappling the ground with gold.
The river was full and wide, streaming past us with soft trickling sounds as it wound its way over the rocks and lapped against the shore. The water ran high enough that Austin hadn’t needed to wade in through mud or shallow water to cast properly. Austin was mildly disappointed about that fact and had said as much. I should’ve known he’d want to muck around in mud, as that was what I’d loved to do when I was about his age.
“Coming mom,” Austin called, grinning as he set his rod down in the fork I’d set up for him. “We’ll have to watch those while we eat, right?”
He looked so proud and eager that my heart twisted oddly in my chest. I ignored it, chalking it up to hunger or doing something nice for a kid. “Sure thing, buddy. You might even catch something without even being there at your rod.”
Austin’s eyes swiveled back to his rod and were glued there for pretty much the rest of lunch. Marie and I spread out the blanket I’d packed, and she dug into the basket to retrieve sandwiches, bottles of water and some fruit. She handed Austin’s lunch to him, grinning at me approvingly.
“Let me guess. Someone used to pack picnic lunches for you.”
I flashed a grin and cast a look of faux offense her way. “What if I’d just guessed what you might want to eat?”
She laughed and nodded at the way I’d cut the crusts off the sandwiches and cut them into triangles. “I don’t think so. I’m calling it, you’re following someone’s example here.”
Memories of countless afternoons here with my brothers played through my mind. My lips curled into a wistful smile, recalling the time Evan had hidden our entire lunch, or how we used to bet each other half our sandwiches on silly dares.
My mom was chief in these memories, always there on the sidelines, herding us back to order when we went too far astray. She’d seemed as pleased to simply watch us as we had been to while away our days there. Marie’s expression held a similar contentment when she watched Austin.
“Fine, you got me. My mom used to pack picnics for us,” I finally admitted. “But I made those sandwiches myself.”
“I believe you,” she said, making sure Austin was okay before turning her attention fully to me. “Your mom must’ve been a special woman, packing lunch for five boys. There are five of you, right?”
“Yup. Tyson, Beau, Evan, Sonny and me. And she was pretty special. I don’t know how many women would’ve kept up with us the way she did.”
“I bet. She must’ve been exhausted most of the time. If I think what it takes just to keep up with one...”
“You’re doing a great job with him,” I said, inclining my head to where Austin was sitting, eating on the grass near his fishing rod instead of joining us on the blanket.
“Thanks.” She smiled, taking small bites of her sandwich and avoiding my eyes.
“I can’t imagine what it must be like being a single parent,” I confessed quietly. I’d been giving it a lot of thought since finding out Austin was her son. “I’m really impressed with you doing everything you need to be doing to raise him on your own.”
“I’d do anything for him.” Her eyes drifted over to where he was sitting, a fierce protectiveness suddenly in her posture, her eyes, the set of her jaw. She took her responsibilities as a mother seriously, it didn’t take much to figure that out. “You don’t have to do any of this for us, you know.”
I couldn’t put my finger on why, but she clearly worried this was an imposition for me.
“I want to, Marie,” I said simply.
I might’ve had doubts, but when I was with her, they went up in smoke. There was also a strange tug inside to knock down her defenses. She’d torn through mine without any effort whatsoever.
“Why?” She finally met my gaze again, defiance in hers. It wasn’t going to be easy getting her to let down her guard, but I needed to try. I needed her to know that I was being honest with her.
“Because you’re unlike any woman I’ve ever met before.” It was the plain and simple truth. It didn’t seem like much, but as Marie searched my eyes and the shuttered look in hers faded slightly, my tension eased slightly.
Marie relaxed after that, no longer fighting against the idea that I actually wanted to be here with them. Austin and I fished until the sun was almost setting, and Marie announced it was time to leave. We hadn’t caught anything, but I promised him we’d come try again sometime.
I packed us up and we set off back to Marie’s apartment. Austin was quiet on the way home, I had the feeling the little guy would get a good night’s sleep later. Parking in front of Marie’s building, I noticed the same van from before pass us by. The one with the tinted windows I’d noticed outside my house a while ago.
Vaguely remembering the van, I was about to point it out to Marie and ask if she knew who it belonged to when Austin distracted me. “You have to have dinner with us.”
Shoving thoughts of the random van aside, I glanced at Marie to ascertain if this invitation was going to hold up and nearly bust out a victory shout when she nodded firmly. “Please do. Stay for dinner.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
Marie
“No, you pass the butter to mom,” Austin said with a giggle.
Jeremy and I were seated across from each other at the small dining room table in my apartment, with Austin perched between us. Watching Jeremy and Austin together was like finally being able to see the fantasy I’d always had of what my own little family might be like come to life.
Jeremy was great with Austin, grinning as he gently told him, “I could, but since you used it last and its right there by you, you should do it. Besides if I do it, I’ll be reaching over your plate to get it to your mom.”
Austin glanced at the butter, then back up at Jeremy and finally at me. “Mom says it’s rude to reach over other people’s plates while they’re eating.”
Jeremy tapped Austin’s nose. “Exactly. So, do you think I should pass the butter, or are you going to handle this?”
Austin’s eyes bounced between us with a grin. “I will. You’ll be rude if you do ‘cause you’ll be reaching over my plate and then mom will be angry with you. She doesn’t like it when people are rude.”
“No, I don’t,” I agreed, holding out my hand to take the butter from him as he passed it. “Thank you, honey.”
Buttering my roll, I tried not to let my imagination run wild, although it was chafing at the bit. Having Jeremy here for dinner felt so comfortable, so right. It was hard to believe we’d only connected a couple of weeks ago and had only gone on one date.
I hadn’t had a single man over to dinner with Austin except for Wesley, and already here Jeremy was. Seeing how great he was with Austin and thinking about the chemistry we had between us, I kind of just wanted to keep him. For good.
Austin had never had a positive male influence in his life and the effect of having it was almost immediately noticeable. He sat up straighter to mimic Jeremy, had helped with unpacking and packing the truck, and setting the table. He pretty much imitated everything Jeremy did.
It made me yearn for him to have had a father who could provide that kind of positive influ
ence for him, but the mere thought of who Austin had for a father set me on edge. I pushed thoughts of Wesley to the furthest recesses of my mind and focused on the conversation at hand.
Jeremy and Austin were in the middle of a talk about cowboys, with Austin wide eyed and his hands gesturing animatedly as he talked. “Did you know that every cowboy has their own horse? And that horses stay in stables? Mom says I can’t have a horse ‘cause we don’t have space in the apartment for a stable. Do you think I can be a real cowboy without a horse?”
“Of course you can,” Jeremy told him. “Being a cowboy is about your heart, not your horse.”
“I have a cowboy heart,” Austin announced, looking to me for confirmation.
I nodded my agreement, pointing my fork at his chicken. “Yeah, you do. Cowboys have hearty appetites from working all day though, you know? You should eat up. You did a lot of work today out fishing and helping with everything.”
“I sure did,” he agreed, staring at his chicken before training his gaze on Jeremy. “Promise you won’t leave if I eat real fast?”
Jeremy looked surprised, but he agreed anyway. “I’m not going anywhere, kiddo. I have to eat too.”
Austin practically inhaled his food after Jeremy’s reassurance. I’d prepared a simple dinner consisting of chicken, veggies and mashed potatoes, but with both Jeremy and Austin digging in the way they were, you’d have sworn it was prime steak or caviar.
It felt silly, but my heart squeezed just watching them eat. I’d all but given up the idea I could have any kind of family. Wesley had ruined that idea for me. Yet, here I was, hoping against hope the universe might give me a shot at that again. I was so lost in my thoughts, I forgot to dig into my own dinner until Jeremy took a sip of his water and narrowed his eyes slightly.
“Not hungry?”
His question nudged me out of my foolish fantasies—about dinner and families. Sweet hell, I was ridiculous. My stomach inconveniently rumbled right then. Feeling my cheeks heating, I broke eye contract with him and stabbed a carrot with my fork, embarrassed as I mumbled, “Of course I am.”
