Keeping one eye on the road, she reached over and flipped open the glove compartment, rummaging around in the cluttered space until she found a smashed pack of Marlboros. She stripped off the cellophane, tapped the package, and eagerly slid out one slim cigarette. It had been almost four years since she’d given up her two-pack-a-day habit, but this thing with Darrin had provided all the excuses she needed to fall off the wagon.
She jammed the cigarette lighter in.
She hadn’t seen Starr’s kids since they’d gone into foster care. Or Wade, for that matter. Wade had called several times to let her know the kids would be at his house for visitation and to invite her to come and see them.
But she couldn’t do it. She couldn’t face him, knowing all that she knew, knowing what the future probably held for Wade and the kids. Because of the mess she’d made of her past. Because of her cowardice. She thought she’d escaped all that when she came to Coyote. But now, it seemed her past had caught up with her, and she was finally going to have to pay for everything she thought she’d gotten away with. It made her sick to her stomach. And yet she seemed powerless to change any of it.
Starr had always told her that God couldn’t erase her past, but he could forgive her of it and make her into a new person. Well, she didn’t feel like a new person now. She felt like the same old Sophia Braden who had screwed up her life in a thousand ways. Only worse. Because now her mistakes weren’t just hurting her. They were hurting the people she loved. It seemed she’d even defiled the memory of her sister––the one good thing in her life.
She lit the cigarette and took a long drag, waiting for the sense of well-being and calm she’d learned to expect. But it never came. Leaning over the steering wheel, she peered into the cloudless Kansas sky. “Starr?” she said aloud, exhaling a stream of bluish smoke.
The sound of her voice over the drone of the car’s engine startled her, and she dropped it to a whisper. “I don’t know if you can hear me where you are, but I need help. I’ve messed up bad this time. I’ve messed up really bad…” A sob caught in her throat. She mashed her cigarette in the empty ashtray and slammed it shut. “I don’t think your God can get me out of this one. I think I’m in too deep. Forgive me, Starr. I’m sorry… I’m so sorry. But I don’t have a choice. I…I don’t know what else to do.”
Wade’s mailbox appeared on her left at the end of the drive. Sophie inhaled deeply, slowing the car. As she turned into the drive, she peered into the rearview mirror and frantically swiped at the smudges of mascara under her eyes. She’d scare the kids to death looking the way she did now.
A blue Taurus with state tags was parked near the back door. She pulled up behind the car, put the Plymouth in park and cut the engine. She dug in her purse for some chewing gum and opened the car door wide in a futile effort to get rid of the smoky stench. Slinging her purse over one arm, she got out of the car, shoved the door shut with one hip, and went up the walk.
It felt funny to knock on Wade’s door. He’d always had an open-door policy. But it had been so long since she’d been out here. She rapped tentatively before opening the outer door. “Hey! Anybody home?” She climbed the short flight of steps in the entryway and knocked on the door that led to the kitchen.
Suddenly, the door swung open. Dani stood there with a quizzical expression on her pixie face. Then recognition came to her eyes and her face lit up. “Aunt Sophie!” She turned toward the dining room and cupped small hands around her mouth. “Hey everybody! Aunt Sophie’s here!”
As she realized how much she’d missed Starr’s kids, Sophie’s heart swelled. Then it pounded an erratic rhythm and constricted in her chest as she thought of the betrayal to come.
Chapter 30
“Hey, Dani. How’s it going, sweet pea?” Sophie couldn’t ignore Danica’s outstretched arms as she stood in the doorway of Wade’s kitchen. “Wow, baby, you’re getting tall.” She picked up her niece and swung her around, feeling lightheaded as her heart warred against itself.
Wade pushed his chair back from the table and came toward her, eyebrows raised. “Hey, Sophe.” He sounded surprised to see her. “Glad you came. How’s it going?”
“Okay, I guess.”
From the corner of her vision Sophie saw a woman get up from the table and come to stand behind Wade.
Wade turned and motioned the woman forward. “Sophie, this is Dee Thackery.” He turned to Dee. “Sophie is…the kids’ aunt––Starr’s sister.”
Business-like, Dee extended a manicured hand. Sophie looked down at her own ragged nails and chapped, red hands. She hesitated before she shook the woman’s hand.
“Hello, Sophie. Nice to meet you. Wade’s probably told you, I’m with the foster care agency.”
“Yeah, I guessed that… Saw your car outside.” Anxious for the introductions to be over, Sophie looked past Dee to Lacey and Beau.
They were still sitting at the table, each with a handful of playing cards fanned out in front of them. She moved toward the table, anxious to avoid further conversation with the social worker. “Hey, guys…what’re you playing there?”
“Spoons!” Lacey said. “Wanna play?”
Beau looked up at her from under bangs that needed a trim. He gave her a shy smile. “Hey, Aunt Sophie.”
“Come and join us, Sophie,” Wade said, going over to grab his desk chair and carry it to the table.
“Oh…here…”––the social worker moved quickly to pick up a handful of cards from the table––“Why don’t you take over my hand?”
Sophie waved her off. “That’s okay. I’ll just watch.”
“No, please, I insist. I’m scared to death I’m going to have to sing.” Dee gave Wade a peculiar smile. Something unspoken passed between them.
This Dee person knew about Starr’s game? She seemed to be on awfully familiar terms with Wade. Without meeting her gaze, Sophie took the cards from Dee’s hand and took her place at the table.
“We could just deal a new hand,” Wade said, looking from Sophie to Dee. “Then we could all play. Beau, why don’t you get another spoon.”
Dee held up a palm. “No, really…I’d rather…just observe.”
“Well, okay…if you’re sure,” he told the social worker.
Wade stood beside the table with one hand on the chair he’d brought in, shifting from one foot to the other. Sophie eyed him. Why did he seem so nervous? Was he suspicious of her reasons for coming?
Dee took the chair from him and set it a short distance from the table. Sophie watched as the social worker crossed her legs elegantly and folded her arms over her crisp lime-green blouse. Oh, this was going to be pleasant. An audience. Maybe she didn’t want to play the game after all.
But then she heard Darrin Parnell’s voice echo in her head. Okay, okay…it wasn’t like she really had a choice.
Wade took his chair again and fanned out his cards. Sophie turned her chair slightly, looking over her shoulder to make sure Dee Thackery’s face wasn’t going to be in her line of sight every time she glanced up.
She riffled her cards and steeled herself with the memory of her last encounter with Darrin Parnell. “Okay, let’s see what we’ve got here? Whose turn is it?”
The following Monday night, Wade walked through the house, turning off lights and checking the locks. The kids would be here again tomorrow, and he’d spent the evening running the vacuum and tidying up. He had a routine going now. And Tuesdays had become the highlight of his week.
He wondered if Sophie would come again tomorrow. He wondered what had prompted her to finally come and see the kids after so long.
She’d looked good. Compared to the last time he’d seen her, anyway. Then, she’d been recovering from the mugging in the café’s parking lot, her face still bearing traces of the bruises and cuts some nameless assailant had inflicted on her. He still thought there was something fishy about that whole deal. But Sophie never wanted to talk about it. The few times he’d brought it up, she quickly changed the subjec
t.
Even though things had been a bit tense between Dee and Sophie, he was glad she’d come to see the kids. She was Starr’s only living relative, after all. It was good for them to stay connected. And Frank Locke was counting on her presence in the kids’ lives to provide the motherly image the court would be looking for. Locke had talked about having Sophie testify, if it came to that. He wanted her to speak both to Wade’s competence with the kids, and to Darrin’s abuse of Starr. Wade hoped that wouldn’t be necessary. He wasn’t sure what kind of an impression Starr’s sister would make on a judge. She could be pretty rough around the edges. Sometimes he wondered how Starr had turned out to be so different from her sister.
He’d been reminded of it last week, seeing the contrast between Dee’s grace and poise, and Sophie’s lack of sophistication. He’d never noticed Sophie’s shortcomings so blatantly before. He felt guilty judging her in his mind now. Starr would have chided him soundly for that. But, sadly, appearances would count heavily when it came to a judge’s decision about the kids.
Though secretly, Wade’s hopes of getting the kids back grew dimmer with each day that passed, Frank Locke continued to convey reserved confidence that the court would eventually rule in his favor. “Parnell’s history of abuse and drug use will doom him,” he’d assured Wade just last week.
“But couldn’t the judge decide foster care for the kids is preferable to either of us having custody?”
Locke had scratched his head and sighed. “I won’t tell you that’s not a possibility, Wade. But wouldn’t that be better than letting the kids go with Parnell?”
Of course, Wade agreed, but it was small comfort to him. He didn’t think he could bear it if he lost the opportunity to share a life with Starr’s children.
A shadow of worry crossed his mind as he thought of the bills that were piling up. How he was going to support the kids if he got them back, he wasn’t sure. Between Frank Locke’s bills, old medical bills for the kids, and the time he’d lost at work, he’d dug a pretty deep financial hole.
Pete had told him yesterday that he’d promised a client they’d have a remodeling job finished before Christmas. If they lost even one more workday, they’d never be able to make that deadline. And he was to blame for them being behind. He’d left Pete high and dry more often than not since this whole mess with the kids started.
Sighing, feeling overwhelmed, he turned out the last light and went to wash his face and get ready for bed. He opened the medicine cabinet and grabbed the tube of toothpaste. Glancing up, he saw a bottle of aspirin on the shelf. His vision blurred, and his veins turned to ice as his imagination played tricks on him and the plastic container became a bottle of cold capsules. How innocently Starr had reached her hand to this same shelf and picked up the poison that killed her.
He closed the door and stared at his reflection in the mirror. How had his life gotten so messed up? He’d lost his only love by his own carelessness. His business was in jeopardy and he’d let down his dearest friend in the bargain.
He thought about the kids at the foster home. What made him think he had any business trying to gain custody of three small children? They seemed to be thriving with Ben and Karen Xavier. What did he have to offer them that was any better than where they were now? How could he even consider pulling them into this craziness?
Maybe he’d been blinded by his grief over Starr, his love for the kids. He did love them. Fiercely. That was never a question. But true love sometimes demanded sacrifice.
Was that what God was trying to tell him?
Maybe it was time to stop fighting. Maybe it was time to let go. If he gave up his right to the kids, he could get his business back on its feet, fulfill his obligations to Pete and their clients.
But if he bowed out, did he trust the courts to do right by Beau and Lacey and Dani? He didn’t know. The kids seemed to be doing fine with the Xaviers, but there was no guarantee they’d be allowed to stay in that home. Who knew where they might ultimately end up.
No, he didn’t trust the courts. Not with a decision like that.
He thought of the long-ago promise he’d made to a hurting little boy. Was there any way he could keep that promise now?
Still, he trusted God to do right by the kids. Didn’t he? Treasonous thoughts ripped through him. Wasn’t God the one who’d allowed all this to happen in the first place? Why should he expect God to suddenly bail them out now?
He buried his face in his hands and groaned. I’m sorry, God. I’m sorry. But what should I do? I don’t know what you want from me. Where am I supposed to be? I don’t know what you want me to do. Show me. Please… I’m begging you to show me.
Chapter 31
Wade knelt by the back door and let Beau and Lacey and Dani envelope him in kisses and hugs. Oh, what healing power their little arms had for him.
He became aware of Dee standing on the walk nearby, observing the reunion. Struggling to stand, he extricated himself from the tangle of children and led the way into the house.
Without prompting, Beau ran to the desk for the playing cards, and the girls counted out the spoons, giggling and chattering back and forth.
Dee stood in the middle of the kitchen and looked at Wade, her gray-green eyes swimming with compassion. She glanced toward the children and lowered her voice. “Is everything okay? You don’t look like you slept a wink,” Dee said, peering deeper into his eyes.
He shook his head and shrugged, unnerved by the kindness in her voice. “I guess I didn’t sleep very well. I…I’ve got a lot on my mind.”
“Is everything okay?” she asked again.
Suddenly, all the confusion and frustration of last night came rushing back, and before he could think better of it, he found himself pouring out his troubles to her. “We’re so behind at work I’m afraid we’re going to start losing contracts. Pete––my business partner––has covered for me beyond what any friend should be expected to. But I just…I can’t miss any of these visits with the kids, either. Maybe I’m just being selfish, but…I needed to see them. For me.”
Dee looked at him thoughtfully, as though trying to decide whether to say something or not. Finally, she said, “Wade, it’s not my place to say this, but…I don’t think there’s a selfish bone in your body.” The words seemed to spill out of her.
He was touched deeply and didn’t know how to respond. Dee cleared her throat and looked away, and he felt the warmth from their brief exchange subside.
“Hey, you guys…are you gonna play or not?” Lacey’s insistent voice gave them both a chance to escape the awkward moment.
Wade went to the desk and brought a chair to the table for Dee. “We’ll play a couple hands,” he told the kids. “But then let’s go outside and get some sunshine. It’s not quite so hot today.”
One of the kids had already dealt the cards, and the four engraved spoons were neatly arranged in the middle of the table. Wade picked up his hand and fanned out the cards. “Okay, who’s first?”
“Me!” Lacey declared. She took a card from the top of the deck, looked at it, and put it facedown on the table beside Dee.
Beau and Dani followed suit. The game picked up speed as the cards got passed around the table. Within minutes, Wade had three sixes in his hand and almost forgot to keep his poker face on when Beau passed him the winning card.
But he casually discarded his fifth card and slid his fingers across the table to pick up a spoon. The kids were on to him in a millisecond, each grabbing a spoon with lightning speed. They all turned to stare at Dee, who was still going through the little stack of cards that had collected in front of her. She glanced up briefly and the kids erupted, crowing and laughing.
Her gaze shot to the middle of the table and then to Wade’s face.
He tried not to gloat.
“No!” she said, slapping her forehead. “No way! Not on the very first round.”
Lacey and Dani started chanting, “Sing! Sing!”
“Come on, you guys. Giv
e me a break. I haven’t had my coffee yet this morning.”
“Huh-uh,” Wade said, grinning and wagging his head. “We’ve been trying to get you for over a month now. No way are you getting out of this one. Right, kiddos?”
“Right!” they chorused, grinning like jack-o-lanterns.
“I don’t know what to sing,” she whined.
“Sing anything.” Wade sat back and crossed his arms, waiting.
“ ‘Row, Row, Row Your Boat!’ ” Dani shouted.
Dee hung her head. She looked up and brushed her hair off her forehead. A blush of pink climbed her neck. “This is hard,” she said.
“Oh, just get it over with,” Wade teased. “The first time’s always the worst.”
“Yeah, easy for you to say. You’ve never had to sing!”
“Yes, he has!” Beau said. “He always sings ‘When You Wish Upon a Star.’ And he’s terrible!”
“Hey, you!” Wade polished his knuckles on Beau’s head. “Watch it!” He hoped the kids wouldn’t mention that he’d chosen that song for his Starr.
Dee opened her mouth and took a deep breath. But before one note peeped out, she clamped her lips together, giggling like a four-year-old. “Just one line, right?” she said, when she finally gained control.
“Just one line,” Wade said, enjoying her misery immensely and making sure she knew it.
She took another breath. “Maryhadalittlelamb.” Dee squeaked out the tune like it was one word, one musical measure.
Wade squelched a laugh. “Now, see? That wasn’t so hard, was it?”
“It was awful!”
“Your singing?” he teased. “Aw, it wasn’t that bad.”
“Yeah, Dee,” Dani said. “It wasn’t so bad. Not as bad as Wade’s singin’.”
“Watch it there, Dani Banany,” he said, reaching over to tickle her under the chin.
“Yeah, watch it,” Dee told the little girl, obviously feigning offense.
A Nest of Sparrows Page 21
