If God had stayed with her through this darkest hour, she knew he would be with Wade and the kids, too. They just had to keep trusting.
Chapter 42
“There they are.” Dee stopped on the stairway and turned to look back up at Wade, deep relief on her face. “They’re with Karen.”
He turned the corner in the wide stairwell. Beau and Lacey and Dani stood in a knot beside Karen Xavier in the center of the corridor. She hovered over them like a mother hen, wings outstretched to protect her brood. They were all dressed up in their Sunday best, faces scrubbed pink, pale hair neatly combed.
Wade was afraid his heart might stop beating as he descended the last flight of stairs. He held back, collecting his emotions, letting Dee greet them first.
She walked toward them, her back straight, her stride purposeful.
Lacey saw her first, then they all rushed to greet her.
Beau looked past Dee and spotted Wade. He stormed toward him, and the girls followed, laughing and shouting Wade’s name. He met them in the middle of the corridor and knelt, bracing for their attack. As they threw themselves against him, he wrapped his arms around them.
“Hey, guys! How’s it going?” He acknowledged each one in turn with a tweak of their nose or a pat on the head. His senses were heightened, and their soft skin and silky hair seemed almost to burn his fingers. His gaze darted around the nearly empty corridor. “Let’s go sit over there,” he told them, pointing to a bench along one wall.
They followed him and lined up on the bench, jockeying for position. From the edge of his vision, Wade saw Karen Xavier and Dee talking softly across the hallway.
He turned and rested on his haunches in front of the kids. Give me strength, Lord. Help me say the right words to help them understand.
He looked from one precious face to the next. They gazed back at him with such anticipation. He remembered the night he’d gathered them in the living room to tell them SRS was coming to take them into foster care. Their faces had worn this same look of eager expectancy that day. It amazed him that through the past months of heartache and emotional upheaval, their spirits hadn’t been broken. Wade wasn’t sure he could say the same of himself.
He swallowed hard. “Wow. You guys look pretty spiffy.” He touched the hem of Dani’s sweater. “I see you ladies got new outfits.”
“Me too, Wade,” Beau said, grabbing the crisply ironed collar of his blue cotton shirt and thrusting out his chin.
“Whoa, you’re lookin’ pretty handsome there, bud.”
“Karen took us shopping,” Dani said.
“Well, that’s nice. Did Karen––Did she tell you what’s going to happen now?”
Beau’s eyebrows drew together. “She said the judge decided we’re s’posed to go live with…Dad––and Carma.”
“That’s right. Do you understand what that means? Your––” He gulped and started over. “Your dad and Carma are going to be taking you back to Minneapolis with them to live.”
“But we’ll still come visit you every Tuesday,” Lacey said, smiling and bobbing her head.
“Yeah, and Shadow, too,” Dani said.
Wade closed his eyes. “No, guys…I’m afraid… Well, Minneapolis is a long way away. Darrin––your dad had to drive a long time every week to come and see you. Even in an airplane, it takes a few hours.”
“Cool! We get to fly on a airplane?” Beau said, eyes wide.
Wade pressed hard on the bridge of his nose where a dull ache had started. “Beau… Buddy, it’s not going to work that way. You’re going with your dad and Carma…for good now. I…I hope I’ll get to come and visit you sometimes. But we won’t get to see each other every week anymore. You’ll be in school up there and probably playing on a new soccer team,” he said, trying to inject an enthusiasm he didn’t feel.
“But we can still come and see you sometimes, too…right?”
Lacey’s voice held a waver that told Wade she was starting to figure things out. “I don’t know, Lace…” He sighed. “Probably not for…well, for a long time. We’ll just have to see.”
“But what about you, Wade?” Dani’s voice echoed the quiver in her sister’s. “Are you gonna be all alonesome?”
Sorrow rolled over him in waves. He struggled to keep his face from contorting, but the hot tears rolling down his cheeks gave him away.
“Why are you cryin’, Wade?” Dani’s voice broke. She reached out and touched his cheek, then brushed away his tears with the pudgy palm of her hand.
He swallowed a sob and pulled her to him. “Because I’m going to miss you guys.” Oh, God, let me say everything I need to say. He stretched his arms to encompass them all once more. “I love you guys more than I’ve ever loved anyone in my life, except for your mama.”
“When can we see you again?” Beau’s spine had turned rigid under Wade’s hand.
Wade leaned back and looked at him, pressing his lips together while he fought for composure. “I honestly don’t know, Beau. That…that’ll depend on what your dad says. It’s going to be up to him now. And Carma. You guys be good for them, okay?”
The girls nodded solemnly, but Beau stood stiff and straight, his arms crossed over his chest. “I don’t want to go to Minneapolis. I wanna stay here.”
“Buddy, you don’t have a choice. What the judge says is the law. We have to go by what he says.”
“I don’t care. I’ll run away. I’ll run away from home. I’ll do it this time. I will! You can’t make me go.”
Wade stood and put a firm hand on Beau’s shoulder. “Beau, I’m sorry. I know this is hard. I don’t like it, either. But I––”
A light came to Beau’s eyes as if he’d just remembered something. Then, his face turned dark and his jaw tensed. “You promised!” he exploded. He pounded his fists on Wade’s chest. “You promised me everything would work out okay!”
At that, the girls started crying. Karen and Dee hurried to their sides and bent in unison to comfort them.
Wade took Beau aside, trapping him with his back to a wall. Beau kept swinging as Wade knelt in front of him. “Beau, listen to me. Stop.”
Beau flailed some more, hitting harder. Wade grabbed his wrists, but Beau struggled to get loose of his hold.
“Beau, stop it! Stop it right now. You’re as bad as he is!” He felt sick the minute the words were out. What had possessed him to compare a confused, hurting little boy to the monster Darrin Parnell had been?
Beau’s head jerked up. He glared at Wade for a minute, then the fight went out of him. He slumped against Wade, sobbing. Wade wrapped his arms around the boy and held him tight, drawing strength from Beau’s need.
“I’m sorry, Beau. I’m so sorry, buddy,” he said over and over. “I love you. You know that. I did everything I could. You have to believe that. I don’t want this any more than you do.”
Beau leaned harder against him. Wade shifted his weight to keep his balance. “Listen to me, buddy…look at me.” Wade tipped the narrow chin up. Beau’s eyes were red-rimmed and swollen. “I want you to know that I will love you as long as I live. No matter what happens, I will never, ever forget you. You were a gift God put in my life, and I thank him for that every day. God is going to be with you in Minneapolis just like he was with you here. He’ll be with you every step of the way. And if you ever need anything, you call me. I think your dad has…changed. But if things ever get––bad…like they were before, you call me. Do you understand what I’m saying to you? You know our phone number, right?”
Beau sniffed and nodded.
“Okay. Good. I need to go talk to your sisters now, okay? You all right?”
Again, he nodded.
Wade let him go and rose slowly.
“Wait!”
Wade bent to Beau’s eye level. “What is it?”
“What about Shadow? When can we see him?”
“I don’t know, bud. We’ll…have to figure something out. Let’s go see the girls.” He put a hand on the thin shoulde
r, and together they walked over to where Dee and Karen Xavier were standing with Lacey and Dani.
Dee’s eyes glistened with tears. “We’ll be right over here,” she told Wade. She motioned Karen to a nearby alcove.
He watched them walk away, then knelt beside the girls, while Beau stood looking on. Pulling them to himself, one in each arm, he kissed the top of Lacey’s head. “I love you, Lacey Daisy.”
He repeated the ritual with Danica. “I love you, Dani Banany. You guys go with Dee now, okay? She’s going to take you up to your dad and Carma. I…I’ll send you a letter soon. You be good, you hear? Say your prayers every night.”
They nodded in unison, their faces serious.
He wanted to make this moment last forever, and yet, with every second that passed, it only grew more difficult to turn and walk away.
He pulled all three of them into one final embrace, breathing in the scent of them, committing it to memory. He struggled to his feet and turned to find Dee and Karen watching, tears streaming down their faces.
He went to Karen Xavier and held out a hand. “Thank you…for everything. The kids were”––his voice broke––“very happy with you and Ben. Thank you for opening your home––and your hearts to them.”
Karen nodded in acknowledgment, her cheeks still damp with tears.
Turning to Dee, he asked, “Can you keep them down here for a little bit? I…I want to speak to Parnell. Give me ten minutes, okay? I’ll leave by the upstairs entrance.”
Dee’s brow lifted in a question.
“I can’t do this again. When I walk away, I’m not turning back.”
She swiped at a tear and nodded. “I understand.”
He started to turn away, but Dee’s hand on his arm stopped him.
“Take care, Wade. I…I’ll be praying for you.”
He nodded and moved slowly to the stairs. It felt as though he carried a thousand-pound burden on his back as he ascended the wide steps. He rounded the corner and trudged up the last half of the flight. He didn’t dare turn around and look back.
Darrin Parnell’s smile faded when he saw Wade approaching. Carma Weist and Parnell’s attorney turned to follow Parnell’s gaze. Seeing Wade, they parted like the Red Sea.
Wade curled his fingers into fists at his side, then forced them to unclench. He reached out a hand. Parnell hesitated for a long second before accepting Wade’s handshake.
“Could I talk to you for a minute?”
Parnell’s expression remained dour. “Go ahead. Anything you have to say can be said right here.”
“I…I’d like to write to the kids. Will you allow them to accept my letters? And maybe a phone call now and then?”
Parnell stuffed his hands in the pocket of his suit pants and looked at the floor. “I don’t think that would be wise. The sooner they make the break, the better off everyone will be.”
“A Christmas card, then? And on their birthdays? Please. I don’t want them to think I’ve forgotten them.”
Parnell started to speak, but Carma put a hand on his arm. “Darrin…”
“I suppose a card now and then would be okay.”
An idea had been forming in Wade’s mind, and he risked voicing it now. “Would you mind if the kids took Shadow––their dog––back to Minneapolis with them? She’s a black Lab, very gentle. She’s well-trained. She wouldn’t be any trouble. It…it would mean so much to them.” He gave a humorless laugh. “They’ve cried more over her than they have over me.”
But Carma was already brushing at her expensive-looking suit jacket, as though it were crawling with dog hair at the very thought.
Parnell put an arm around her and practically sneered at Wade. “If I want to get my kids a dog, I’ll get them a dog. I don’t need any suggestions from you.”
“I was just––”
Carma took a step toward him. “Thank you for offering, Mr. Sullivan, but the children will be fine. Kids are very resilient creatures. They bounce back from this kind of thing quicker than you might think. They’ll be fine. We’ll see to that.”
Chapter 43
The driveway was still littered with rain puddles when Wade arrived back at the house. As he dodged them in his pickup, he remembered the day he and the children and Dee had splashed and played in them. How he wished he could turn back the calendar and relive that day just one more time.
The scenes from this morning’s hearing overflowed his brain, yet he felt drained and empty. He parked the pickup in the garage, pulled down the heavy door, and headed for the house. Shadow raced up the hill from the river to prance beside him.
Wade patted the dog and looked up at the empty house. Its darkened windows stared blankly back at him. He couldn’t go inside. Dropping down on the back stoop, he unknotted his tie and stripped it off, then hung it loosely around his neck. Shadow plopped down beside him, panting and nudging her head onto his lap, begging for a good scratch. Wade put a hand on her brawny head, letting the warmth seep into him.
“Well, girl… It’s over. They’re not coming back.” Speaking the words brought the reality thundering home. The kids were probably on their way to Minneapolis right now. And he had lost even the right to get a phone call saying they’d arrived safely.
But would they be safe once they got there? That was the question tormenting him now. He’d been given no choice, but if those kids had been put in harm’s way, he would never forgive himself.
Shadow pressed against his hand and lifted her head, her ears perking. A few seconds later, Wade heard a car on the drive. He didn’t want to see anyone right now. Maybe not for a long time. He pushed the dog aside and scrambled for the back door, but before he could open it, a car pulled around behind the house. He was stuck.
He didn’t recognize the dark green Toyota, but whoever it was seemed familiar with his place. The car pulled smoothly into the spot where friends and family always parked.
Before he had time to wonder any more, Dee Thackery stepped from the driver’s seat.
Shadow lumbered off the porch and trotted to greet her.
Dee patted the dog’s head. “Hey, girl…” She rubbed behind Shadow’s ears, looking up at Wade with a mournful smile. “Hi.”
He lifted a hand and sat back down on the stoop with a sigh. She stood in front of him, seeming uncertain what to do or say. Did she see the same grief in his eyes that was reflected in her own?
“I’m so sorry, Wade,” she said finally. “I’m so very sorry.”
To his surprise, she began to weep. He jumped up and, without even thinking, put his arms around her, tucking his chin on top of her head, the way he might have comforted one of the kids. No––the way he would have held Starr. He wanted so badly to be able to comfort Dee, and to find solace here, in her arms. But he felt her tense even as the possibility crossed his mind.
Reluctantly, he let his hands drop to his sides.
She did the same and took a step back, wiping her cheeks with the back of her hands. “The kids should be with you. It’s so unfair. It’s not right.”
“But it happened, Dee. It’s over. And now I’ve got to deal with it.” He eased his frame back onto the steps.
“I wish I could have done something. You…you don’t know how badly I wanted to just tell the judge that you should get the kids.”
“Why didn’t you?” he said softly, not meaning it as an accusation, afraid of what might be behind the door he’d opened with that question.
“Oh, Wade…If there’d been one tiny reason to destroy Darrin Parnell’s right to those kids, I would have grabbed on to it with both hands. But there wasn’t anything. He was”––she shrugged––“I don’t know…awkward with the kids. He didn’t really know how to interact with them. But he was their father. That’s the bottom line.”
“Are you convinced he’s changed? That the kids will be safe with him?”
She looked at him, thoughtful. “As convinced as I can be. He was good to them, Wade. I really think he was trying. And Ca
rma seems to genuinely love them. I think maybe she tempers Darrin a little.”
“I hope you’re right. I’m sure I’m just being selfish. I…I truly do want what’s best for them. I know they need a woman’s influence in their lives. The girls especially. It would have been harder as they got older, you know…to give them what they need.”
He stared down to the river, where the maples and cottonwoods were just beginning to turn crimson and gold. “Maybe I was wrong to fight for them at all. But knowing what Parnell did to their mother, well…it just didn’t seem right to give them up without a fight. I only want them to be happy, Dee. Do you…do you think they’ll remember me? Dani’s so little…” He could almost hear her silvery little-girl laughter. He tried to fathom what it would be like to never hear that again, never see her again. Unexpectedly, the tears surfaced. He rested his elbows on his knees and put his head down, embarrassed to have Dee see his emotion.
He felt her hand brush his arm. He looked up into eyes that were gray-green pools of compassion.
“Of course they’ll remember you! You were––you are a wonderful father to the kids. You helped them through the worst possible time in their lives.” She turned and her gaze swept the house behind them. “You created this beautiful home for them––filled with love and laughter. They will always carry that with them, Wade. It’s a part of them now––everything they had here with you. They’ll never forget that.”
He nodded, his throat constricting. The words meant a great deal coming from her.
“No matter what happens after today, you––” Dee’s voice broke. She put a fist briefly to her mouth, obviously fighting her emotions. “You made a difference in their lives, and you’ll always be a part of who they are. Always.” A smile dawned on her face. “I probably told you this before, but they were always so excited to see you whenever I picked them up from Karen’s. You’d have thought I was taking them to Disneyland every Tuesday.”
A Nest of Sparrows Page 30
