TWENTY-ONE
Cassidy
There was a soft knock on my bedroom door. “Cassidy?” came Honor’s voice. This morning’s sun was already blasting through my window. I closed my eyes and buried my head into the pillow. It was a school holiday, although even as I thought it, I realized that I probably wouldn’t go to school, holiday or not.
A few seconds later, I listened to muffled footsteps on the carpet and then the covers were pulled back just enough for Honor to slide in. I felt the warmth of her body next to mine. She shuffled closer like she used to do when she was a kid.
“Are you sick?” she asked with concern. “You’re soaked.”
I felt the length of my sticky body to where my tank top clung to my ribs like Saran Wrap. Moisture glued strands of hair to my forehead. I rolled over to stare up at the ceiling, feeling weak and twisted but impossibly heavy all at once.
“I don’t know,” I said. “Maybe.”
She turned into me, her freckled face inches from my cheek. She took a deep breath. “I’m sorry, Cassidy. About what I did, what I said, all of it. I was an idiot.”
I sighed. “No, you weren’t. You were just … I don’t know … young.”
She tilted her head and rested it on my shoulder. “Thanks,” she said. And that was all she had to say because we were sisters and I would love her from now until eternity no matter what she did or who she became. I wanted to be someone that Honor could be proud to call her older sister, the way she used to be, but it seemed that every single thing that I tried failed. I was losing hope and options.
The only sliver of optimism available to me was the fact that another line had not appeared on my wrist. There were still only two. That was something.
“Do you want to know something crazy?” she asked.
I doubted anything that she could tell me would top any of the crazy confessions I could make, but “sure,” I told her.
“My friend Meghan said that Teddy Marks was rushed to the hospital yesterday.” If I wasn’t mistaken, there was a waver of something that sounded suspiciously like a giggle in her voice.
“Yeah?” I tried to keep my voice neutral, but my mind raced. The pictures. The poison. These memories, unlike the ones that had been played back to me, felt more like my own. Bright and real. And yet what had come over me? Had I really poisoned a sophomore?
“People are saying I cast a voodoo curse on him. I know they’re kind of kidding, but can you believe that? Me? It’s funny. Sort of. I mean, don’t you think?” She reached for my clammy hand, laced her fingers between mine, and squeezed.
“Probably not to Teddy,” I said.
Honor let out a soft one-note laugh. “No kidding.”
I lifted my chin. “Is he going to be okay?”
She wriggled free of me. She sat up and flipped her hair back behind her shoulders. “Yeah, he’s fine. Just some abdominal cramping, vomiting, you know that kind of thing. Meghan said he’s supposed to come home from the hospital later today.”
I exhaled a long breath of relief. That was good news. I was lucky. Teddy was fine. Maybe it hadn’t been such a bad thing that I’d done then after all. My sister saved some face. Teddy believed he’d gotten a karmic smackdown. He didn’t have to know that karma actually came in the form of a junior at his high school.
It wasn’t so bad. At least not this part.
I cracked a sort-of smile. “Well, at least he won’t try that again.”
I rubbed my temples with my knuckles.
Honor laughed but quickly stifled it with the back of her hand. “Sorry, I shouldn’t.”
But then we both laughed, only when I laughed it felt like something was stuck in my throat. There was no joy behind it, either. It was as paper-thin as I was. As though I even knew who I was anymore.
“You better wash that stuff off your mirror before Mom sees,” Honor says. “She’ll think you’ve gone off the deep end or joined some weird emo cult.”
I followed her gaze to the mirror above the vanity. My breath seemed to metastasize in my chest. There it was. A warning. HIDE AND SEEK, HIDE AND SEEK, IN THE DARK, THEY ALL WILL SHRIEK. Straight from her. It was like she was there preparing to reach through the glass and strangle me. Three more tally marks, and she was going to make sure she was the one to put them there.
My mouth felt dry, my tongue coated in dust. “I—I—was just messing around. Some … song I—”
But Honor cut me off. “Hey, when did you get that?” She slid her ankles off the bed. She reached toward the music box, and for a second I worried she’d open it up and find the tablet of Sunshine hidden inside. But her hand passed over it and she reached to the other side. She cradled a camcorder in her palms.
I jerked upright, quickly unsnarling my toes from the contorted blankets. “Um, hold on there—” I didn’t own a camcorder. I had no recollection of ever seeing this one before. So far things I didn’t remember didn’t have a great track record.
But my sister was already opening up the viewfinder, pushing the power button. There was a little chime to indicate that it was working. I made a grab for it and she snatched it away. “What is it?” she squealed. “Is it a sex tape?”
“No! God, of course not.” Or I hoped not.
“Whoa, Cassidy! Was … when was this?” Her nose wrinkled and she peered closer.
“Give it back.” I yanked just as she released the camcorder and I rolled backward so that my skull knocked against the headboard. “Oof!”
“Okay, okay.” She dusted her hands together to show that she’d let go first. “Geez.”
The effort left me panting.
“Was that Lena Leroux?” she asked.
The footage was already playing. I fumbled for the “stop” button while the video played and I was caught, mesmerized. It was shot at my school—worse—my school at night.
A shaky frame of the Hollow Pines auditorium where I recognized the barnlike set pieces. The clothesline. The wheelbarrow. There was someone moving on stage amid the eerie, yellow-green tint the camera used to catch movement at night. Two eyes peered back at the camera. The pupils glowed like a cat’s. I recognized the dark bangs that brushed the eyebrows of the girl on-screen.
Honor was right. It was the sophomore Lena. Then, before I could stop it, there was a voice behind the camera. More tense and clipped than I was used to. “Say hello,” it said. “… Do something,” it commanded.
The voice behind the camera was mine.
I appeared on-screen, shooting middle fingers to an audience that wasn’t there.
I jammed my finger into the “off” button and the screen went black. I stared wide-eyed at the blank viewfinder. Up until now I’d thought there might be some other explanation for the gaps in memory and for the strange things that I’d seemed to be involved in. I’d thought that maybe somehow I had nothing to do with them. But I had. The evidence was there. Whoever was doing these things to me … was me.
“How do you know Lena?” The skin between Honor’s eyebrows puckered. She seemed almost hurt. Like if I was going to give attention to an unpopular underclassman it should have been her.
The room stopped playing at being a Tilt-A-Whirl and after a few false starts I was able to answer. “I—I don’t.” I squeezed my eyes shut as a wellspring of nausea started in the base of my stomach and pushed up against my throat. “She was filming practice for us.” I thought fast. I lied. I never used to lie. “So we could see our mistakes. She forgot her camera. I just brought it home for her. That’s all.” Honor looked skeptical. “Thanks for reminding me. You know her?”
Honor’s eyes brightened. I rarely asked her about her friends. Was Lena a friend? I hoped not. “Yeah, she’s in drama with me. She does lights and edits the stage production videos and stuff, I think.”
This was different from what Honor did. Honor wanted to be an actress and loved to sing, a gift that was otherwise at odds with her soft-spoken personality. Currently, she had a part with only one solo line, but from what I underst
ood, even that was pretty good for a freshman.
“Oh, okay. Well, what’s she like?”
Honor scratched a spot next to her eye. “I don’t know. She’s okay, I guess. Kind of weird.” I raised my eyebrows, questioning. “Like dark, you know? She likes creepy music and sometimes colors her hair red and purple and blue.”
“You know where she lives? I actually keep forgetting to return this thing.” I gestured with the camcorder. My heart thumped in my neck and I tried not to look too hopeful. But I recalled how Liam found my number in the athletic directory. Maybe drama geeks had their own directory. I felt a spark of hope.
“She lives like five blocks over next to Kara on Oleander, near those apartments. Lena’s dad never mows their lawn and Kara’s mom is always complaining.” I had no idea who Kara was. I should probably pay attention to my sister more. “But I can just give it back to her for you tomorrow, if you want.”
I got to my feet. “That’s okay. I need to get out to run a few errands anyway and I could use some fresh air.”
I was jittery with something that felt equal parts excitement and panic. I would go to Lena. I would get answers. I would find out what was going on.
I used to be someone at Hollow Pines. Surely that ought to still carry some weight with someone like Lena.
One problem at a time. From a dresser, I grabbed an oversized sweatshirt that I’d stolen from one of the Billys back when I used to flirt. Back when I was happy. I threw it on over my sweaty tank.
“You’re going like that?” I pulled on a pair of sweats and flip-flops. “Cass, it’s still only, like, eight thirty.”
I checked the alarm clock on my vanity. “Yeah,” I said with a shrug. “I mean, I don’t think it matters what I look like.”
Honor stood blinking at me like I must be involved in some Freaky Friday moment, but she couldn’t figure out with whom I’d switched.
“Later.” I waved and grabbed my keys and left.
* * *
HOLLOW PINES WAS a small town, which meant there wasn’t much room to separate the good from the bad and the bad from the ugly. We lived in one of the nice neighborhoods with stone mailboxes and automated sprinkler systems, but five blocks from our home, the scenery changed. The houses shrank and grew closer together. I got Kara’s address from Honor. Her friend’s house was quaint but pleasant. It had a Texas flag hanging out front. It didn’t take me long to figure out which house was Lena’s.
Instead of picketed wood, the fence was made of chain link. Weeds crawled up the metal lattice. Grass grew ankle high and the white heads of dandelions speckled the yard. The closer I’d gotten to Oleander Avenue, the more restless my arms and legs had grown, like they were literally itching to get away from me.
I pulled into Lena’s driveway and parked behind an old truck with a rusted tailpipe. I could still turn back and pretend that nothing ever happened—or at least pretend that I didn’t know anything ever happened. But Lena was the last possible thread of a plan. Like a puzzle piece I hadn’t turned over yet because I was saving it, hoping that it would fit. I was desperate. And I was edging closer and closer to my Hail Mary.
I found myself unbuckling my seat belt and stepping out into the fresh morning sun. At the stoop, I rang the doorbell and waited. A dog barked from somewhere within the house. When no one answered, I knocked. This time I heard shuffling and then someone yell for the dog to can it.
I stepped a couple inches back. There was no welcome mat at 1120 Oleander Avenue. Just bare concrete. Someone fumbled with the lock on the other side of the door and I stood up straighter. The latch clicked and a man, still guarded by a screen door between us, appeared in front of me.
“No solicitors,” he said. “Unless you’re selling Girl Scout cookies.” His jowls were unshaven and he had swollen pouches under his eyes. “Are you selling Girl Scout cookies?”
My mouth dropped open and there was a pause before words came out. He must know I was too old for Girl Scouts. “No, sir. I’m looking for Lena,” I said. “Is she home?”
He scratched a spot behind his ear. “She do something wrong?” The man’s eyes weren’t unkind, just beaten down like those of an overworked carriage horse. I didn’t know what kind of trouble Lena would be in for which the authorities would send a teenage girl to reprimand her.
“No, sir,” I said again. “Just some questions for … yearbook. At school. That’s all.” This lie came even easier.
“Oh, okay then.” He didn’t quite smile, but I thought there was something close to one lurking under the surface of his features. “Lena!” he called over his shoulder. “Lena, come out here. Someone’s here to see you. She’ll be right here. Probably still sleeping. She’s like a vampire on the weekend, that one.” He shook his head, then disappeared into the dim house.
I clasped my hands behind my back and rocked onto my heels. The screen door still blocked me from entering. It was a minute or two before Lena came to the door. Her dark hair was pinned into a messy bun using two pencils. Her face was even paler without makeup. She stood blinking at me through the mesh.
“Hi,” I said. “Can I come in?”
Lena glanced behind her. She didn’t answer right away. “Why?”
That wasn’t the response I was expecting. Over the last week Lena had seemed intent on intruding into my life, but her mannerisms were now stiff and guarded. It felt like there was more than just a screen door between us. It felt like there was a wall.
“I … just have some questions.” She didn’t say anything. “I think we know each other better than I thought. But, I’m trying to figure out how.…”
“I don’t know,” she mumbled.
“I think you do, Lena.” Desperation was seizing me. “The video. I found the video of you … and me. In the auditorium. I know we were there … together.”
A flicker of interest. Her eyelashes fluttered.
“What were we doing there? Why—”
“I don’t know anything,” she said abruptly. “I’m sorry, but I can’t help you.”
A sharp gasp shot out of my chest. She stepped back. Her hand was reaching for the wood door behind her.
“Wait!” I grabbed the handle of the screen door and pulled it toward me. She quickly shook her chin. “Please, I need answers. I have to know what’s going on. Please, Lena. How do I know you?”
A half a beat. “You don’t,” she said. “You would never spend a second trying to get to know me. Trust me.” The door swung shut with a loud and final clatter before the lock slid into place.
I clamped down on my tongue until it bled. I tugged at the roots of my hair. Why on earth was this happening to me?
I had worked hard to transform myself into someone that people wanted to be friends with and sometimes just flat-out wanted to be, but it was starting to feel like maybe somewhere along the way, without even knowing it, I’d sold my soul to the devil.
* * *
ONCE HOME, I paced the rug at the foot of my bed. Back and forth I went, gnawing the tough skin at the base of my thumb. Lena wouldn’t talk to me. Tate didn’t know me. So why should I care about either of them?
When I reached my window, I turned and began down the same worn line that I’d already trod.
But I did care.
I thought of the boys.
If I didn’t care, they may be dead soon.
Yet if Lena wasn’t a willing link, I had no way into my other life, the one that took place after nightfall.
And with that, I kept circling around the same two points. Every few minutes I’d glance around the room as I walked. I’d see the photographs pinned on a corkboard. Friends sporting high ponytails, our cheeks pressed together, giant red lollipop smiles. The orange and black pom-poms discarded next to a pair of overworked tennis shoes. SAT prep booklets. And my heart throbbed in pain. I missed it all. Even if popularity in Hollow Pines had wound up being less than a rags-to-riches fairy tale, I still missed it. Please let me keep it, I pleaded, as though she mig
ht somehow be able to hear me.
I sank onto the mattress and curled my thighs to my chest so that I could rest my forehead on my knees. Like grains of sand on a windy beach, I felt myself slipping away in pieces. Hot tears slipped down the hills of my cheekbones and crossed the bridge of my nose. My own mind was eating away at me, destroying me like a cancer.
I tried to breathe deeply only to have tears clog my nostrils. After several minutes, I finally wiped my nose and took several shaky breaths in and out of my mouth.
I didn’t know when and I didn’t know how, but I knew that if I didn’t figure this out and stop her it’d be as though Cassidy Hyde never existed.
I slid my fingers again over the last slimy tears on my face until my skin was dry and chapped; then I sat up straight. I needed to channel the old Cassidy—both of them. The one that could solve math puzzles in her sleep and the one that could save Homecoming when the caterer backed out at the last minute.
Think, Cassidy. She is no smarter than you. You are literally the same person.
I had already tried to go around her, to head off her plans, to beg her to stop. None of that had worked. So, if I couldn’t go around her, what would I do?
I must go through her.
My attention spiked like when I’d drunk too many Red Bulls before an exam. When I was younger, my mother used to tell me the story of Hansel and Gretel and the trail of bread crumbs. It was just a stupid fairy tale. It wasn’t real. No fairy tale was. I knew that now. But if I was going into the mad forest, what I needed was a way out.
The hypnotist had given it to me.
I bounded down the stairs, out onto the driveway, and yanked open my car door. I found the black hoodie lying in the backseat, the one that I’d woken up wearing that day when I’d been late to school. It’d been stuffed in my car each day, taunting me. I slipped it on now, half expecting it to smell like someone else, the way other people’s clothes tended to do. But that was stupid. The jacket was mine. I zipped it to my collarbone and went back inside because if I was going to bring bread crumbs with me into the night, I would need a place to store them, one I was fairly positive the other version of me would bring with her. Now I had one on.
Teen Hyde Page 19
