by Zoey Parker
“I know that feeling,” I said. My father was the same way. At least, I thought he was my father. I was never really sure. Mom didn’t keep records of all the men who came in and out of her bedroom.
“Our mom had to work two jobs to keep us secure. I give her credit for that, believe me. She did her best. But then, when she wasn’t working, she was at the bar. Trying to pick up guys, you know.” Another way our lives were the same. Sometimes my mom would be gone for days and come home like nothing happened. I had to take care of myself when I wasn’t tall enough to reach the kitchen cabinets without a chair.
She sighed. “So I took care of Sabrina. We did homework together, first mine—I told her she was helping me with it—then hers, too, once she started school. Then we would play games. I made dinner, gave her a bath, put her to bed.”
“And you were how old?”
She shrugged. “She was around six months old when I was first left alone with her.”
I was amazed. No wonder she wasn’t letting this go. She was practically the kid’s mother.
“And now she’s just…gone. I feel like part of me is gone. I don’t know what to do. Nobody will help me. It’s like I’m a ghost, just talking and talking and nobody listens. It’s a nightmare.”
“You haven’t heard anything from her at all?”
“Not for weeks. Not a word. She used to call me every day, ever since she moved into her own apartment. One day she just…didn’t call. And then the next day. By that time, I’d gone to the police. They weren’t too worried. And then…” She trailed off.
“And then?”
Kat looked nervous, now. “And then I mentioned your club.”
“Oh, thanks a lot.” I knew she would have. If she knew her sister was hooked up with one of our members, she would have mentioned it right away. Why not? We were a bunch of criminals. She jumped to the conclusion that we must have had something to do with it. I couldn’t blame her, even though it irked the hell out of me.
“I had to say something. The police needed to know everyone Sabrina had been spending time with, and I knew she’d been running around with one of your guys. And don’t tell me the club didn’t have something to do with it. I won’t believe it. My sister is a good, sweet girl. She’s smart, and she has a future ahead of her. She was never depressed, she never touched drugs and didn’t drink—as far as I knew, anyway. And if she started without me knowing about it, it was you who got her into it.”
“Me?”
“Not you in particular, but the club. How the hell she got hooked up with you, I’ll never know. God knows I tried to get her away…”
How did anyone get hooked up with us? That was a good question. They heard about us. A friend was involved. Or a friend of a friend, or a cousin. Somebody vouched for them. But I didn’t know how Sabrina found her way to us. I didn’t know her well enough.
There was something I had to know, but the way I asked would be important. “Did you…know who she was with? Like, was there a certain guy?”
She looked at me, blinking a few times. I didn’t want her to know I knew who Sabrina had been with. I got a feeling she didn’t believe me.
“I don’t know,” she said. “Sabrina would never tell me his name.”
I was relieved. I had that on my side, at least. If she knew it was Thorn…well, Thorn wasn’t a common name. The cops would go right for him. That would be the end of everything.
“I don’t think I ever saw her with anyone special,” I lied. “She just sort of hung around. And I never saw her do anything, like…bad.” I felt stupid saying it, but that much was true. “Like drugs or anything. You don’t have to worry about that.” I felt like I had to give her a little bit of peace. I didn’t know why I felt that way. I didn’t normally care if a person was happy or sad, upset, peaceful, or what. I took care of myself. But this girl…she seemed so honest and sincere. She didn’t have any secret agenda. She loved her sister enough to walk into a pretty threatening place and stare me down like it didn’t mean anything to her. She was like a mama bear. I had to give her a lot of credit for that.
“Thank you for telling me,” she said. She was shaking, and the tremble in her voice made her sound like a little girl.
I felt sorry for her. Before I could stop myself, I reached for her and touched her hand.
She looked surprised, but she didn’t push me away. Her skin was smooth and soft. When she turned her head to look at me again, I saw the tears in her eyes. She was just about to cry. I didn’t know what to do, so I did the first thing that came to mind. I took her face in my other hand and kissed her.
This kiss wasn’t the same as the first one. I wasn’t screwing with her now. I was gentler. And she didn’t try to push me away this time. After a few seconds of surprise, she leaned into me and started kissing me back. When I licked her lips with the tip of my tongue, she sighed and opened her mouth for me.
It wasn’t long before things heated up. I couldn’t keep my hands off that body, and she didn’t stop me. I ran a hand up her leg, to her thigh, then her ass. I groaned when I touched her, my dick getting hard immediately. I grabbed and squeezed her like I did at the bar, and this time she groaned instead of trying to act like she didn’t want me to.
She pressed herself into me, kissing me hard. Her lips were soft, like the rest of her. I took her bottom lip in my teeth and pulled, making her hiss. When I let go, she came at me even harder, like she was angry. I met her anger with mine. My dick grew, fighting my zipper. Trying to break out and get satisfaction.
I let go of her ass, grabbing her tits this time. They were big for her little body, but the way they felt in my hands told me they were real. She moaned louder the longer I played with her, breathing heavily into my mouth. I reached under her shirt, then under her bra. She felt so good. Her little moans told me she loved this as much as I did.
She moved, almost kneeling on her seat, almost on top of me. I knew she was getting hot, and when I slid my hand between her legs, she jumped like I shocked her. She pushed down against my hand and started rubbing off on it. She grunted and groaned, getting me even harder to where I was hurting. I slid my hand under her waistband, over her panties, rubbing her mound. She was insane, kissing me roughly, running her hands through my hair. I almost couldn’t take it. I thought about pulling her out of the car and into my house so I could fuck her senseless all night long.
Then, just as fast as things had heated up, they ended.
“No, stop. Please.” She pushed away, pressing herself up against the door. Like she wanted to get as far away from me as possible.
What the fuck happened? I only wanted to get her to stop crying, and the next thing I knew we were practically humping. I could still feel her under my hands. My dick was throbbing; my balls were screaming. How had she gotten to me so fast? For a minute we just sat there, catching our breath. What had I been about to do?
“What’s wrong with you?” It was easier for me to turn it around and blame her. Really, I was blaming myself for getting so worked up over her.
“That shouldn’t have happened. I’m sorry to lead you on.” She was whispering so softly I could barely hear her. I laughed a little. Leading me on? She had to be joking.
“Listen. I’m only gonna tell you this one more time.” I leaned in, wanting to scare her as much as I could. She pressed herself tighter against the door. “Stay out of shit that has nothing to do with you. Go home and stay there. Don’t let me see you again.” I got out of the car and made sure to slam the door as hard as I could to prove my point. I could break her in half if I wanted to.
At that moment, I was pissed off enough to do it, too. But I wasn’t mad at her. I was mad at myself for getting too wrapped up already. Her tears touched me. I felt sorry for her. I identified with her. That was the last thing I needed. I had to pull away and stay away. I only hoped she would listen to me and move on with her life.
Chapter 7
Kat
It was a long and nearl
y sleepless night after I drove home from Gabriel’s. Now that I had been to the bar and seen for myself the way these people lived, I was both disgusted and more intrigued than ever.
On the one hand, they treated women like things. Less than human. And the girls seemed to like it! That was the most baffling thing of all. I’d raised Sabrina with more self-respect. The more I thought about it, the less sense it made for my sister to be associated with those pigs.
And they were pigs, for sure. Not just because they were misogynists, but because they were flat-out disgusting. Sloppy, beer guzzling, hairy beasts. Smoking cigarettes and cigars like they were going out of style, hooting and hollering over some skank on a stage. It was gross.
What had attracted my sister, my sweet and pretty sister, to this world? It was a mystery. Did she actually enjoy spending time with them? I couldn’t imagine a person as smart as her having anything in common with them. What would they have talked about? It wasn’t like making conversation was a strong suit for any of them.
And yet…it was exciting. I couldn’t deny it. For a sheltered person—and I knew I’d sheltered my sister her entire life—the club must have seemed like an interesting, fresh, vibrant world. Maybe I’d done wrong by her when I kept her focused on school and hard work. I should have told her more about life. Now she had to learn the hard way. That was the case for most people, I knew. Learning through mistakes. Only this mistake might have cost Sabrina her life. This wasn’t just a simple stupid thing a teenager might do when they were testing their limits.
Eventually, I gave up trying to sleep, going down to practice on the piano instead. Playing always soothed me. Some people ran to clear their heads. I played music.
I was only messing around, letting the sounds from my fingers on the keys speak my troubled thoughts. I stayed down in the lower octaves. It was dark, brooding music.
I remembered how it felt to make out with Gabriel, what it was like to be in his presence. I could see how it was easy to fall into this world if someone had kissed Sabrina the way Gabriel had kissed me. In that last moment, before I pulled away, I was ready to give myself over to him. I had felt the same way at the bar, like I was a split second away from stepping over the line. I wanted to see how far he could take me. I hadn’t felt passion like that ever before in my life. It was almost too much to handle. It had hurt, the ache I felt from his mouth and hands on me. My lips were still a little sore from his rough treatment.
It was intoxicating, like a drug. Was it like that for her? If so, I could at least partially understand why she wouldn’t stay away. I wondered vaguely if it was Gabriel she’d been hooking up with—after all, he was the person anyone saw her with. Were they together? If so, and he had lied to my face, he was even colder than I’d originally thought.
I played on, remembering the moments between us. The way my pulse had raced, the blood rushing in my ears. He oozed sex appeal, and that sense of danger that followed him. Anything could happen at any moment when he was involved.
Hadn’t I sworn off men like him years ago? I did my best to be a good example to Sabrina. I’d wanted to show her that a mother figure could be totally dedicated to her, the way our mother never was. So even though I always felt drawn to the excitement and sexiness of bad boys, I’d told myself to stay away from them at all costs.
Here I was again, turned on by a man worse than all of those boys put together.
I played harder, fingers pounding the keys. Like the storm that was in my soul. Disgusted by him, turned on by him. Wanting him, wanting to destroy him and everything he stood for.
I slammed my hands on the keys, then slammed the lid shut. It was no use.
***
I didn’t have any students that day, which was good since I was even more distracted than I’d been when Ivy came in the day before. My students deserved my attention, and they were getting less and less of it the longer Sabrina was missing.
There was only one thing I could imagine doing that night. Going back to the bar.
Gabriel’s warnings repeated in my head over and over like they were on a loop. I should keep my nose out of business that didn’t concern me. I should stay away before it was too late. I could get myself hurt, or worse.
I still didn’t understand how anyone could consider this not being my business. This was my sister, my family. The only family I had. Gabriel told me he would have killed the person who hurt one of his guys. Why didn’t he understand how I had to feel the same way? Though I wasn’t sure I could kill a person if it came down to that. But I understood the rage. Some of it had come out when I was kissing Gabriel in the car. If I couldn’t break him down with my words, I’d use everything else in me to get him to understand the way this was tearing me apart.
I had to go back. I hoped I could be a little cleverer tonight than I was the night before, when Gabriel knew I was following him. I couldn’t let him see me tonight. But I had to do a little more looking around. I’d spoken to him and gotten nowhere. Maybe I could find another person, someone more sympathetic. Maybe one of the girls.
Yes! That made sense! The idea energized me, gave me more focus. I could talk to one of the girls, maybe more than one. Even in the short time I’d spent at the bar, I’d noticed the way the girls seemed to congregate together. Like they were waiting to be told what to do. I pushed my distaste aside for the time being and told myself this would work in my favor. They must have known her. They would know who she was seeing at the time she disappeared. Maybe she’d told them something about her life, the sort of things she wouldn’t tell me. Something she’d heard or seen. Or maybe something about the person she was hooking up with. Was he violent? Did he know too much, something he’d shared with her and gotten her into trouble as a result? The possibilities were endless. I would only know once I got the chance to bend their ear.
I wore a tight tank top and skinny jeans, along with a pair of knee-high boots with high heels. It was the way I’d seen the other girls dressing. Maybe they would accept me a little more easily if I looked more like them.
I got there early, hoping Gabriel wouldn’t even be around yet. Hoping enough people hadn’t gotten a good look at me the night before when I confronted him in front of the entire bar. Why had I made such a big scene, anyway? All I had done was make myself more visible.
I pulled up in the parking lot, happy to see only a small number of cars and bikes there. My heart was racing a mile a minute. What would they do to me? I didn’t know, but then it seemed pretty minimal in the face of finding out what happened to Sabrina. She was worth it.
There was a man standing outside, smoking a cigarette. I didn’t recognize him from the night before. Good. He wouldn’t know who I was. At least, I hoped no one had talked about me.
“Hi there,” I said, approaching him. “I was wondering if you could help me with something.” He was tall, lanky, longish auburn hair brushing against the collar of his t-shirt. He looked like he hadn’t slept in days, or shaved for that matter. There were dark circles under his eyes. If he took care of himself, he might have been a good-looking man. The way he looked right now, if I had been walking toward him on the street, I would have crossed to the other side.
I realized he might not even be a member of the club—he wasn’t wearing a kutte, the way the rest of the members did. If he wasn’t closely affiliated, it might be easier for me to get information from him.
He looked me up and down with steel-gray eyes. “Maybe you could help me with something.” He snickered. Great. Another gentleman. Never in a million years, buddy, I thought.
I smiled tightly. “Yeah. Anyway, I’m looking for my sister. Sabrina Edwards. She was last seen with one of your club’s members, and that was weeks ago. Did you know her? She looks a lot like me, only younger. She’s eighteen.” I watched as the man thought about it. What was he actually thinking, though? And could I believe anything he said?
“Listen, sister. I think it would be a good idea for you to get the hell out of here.�
� He stubbed out his smoke, thrusting his hands into his pockets. “Don’t mess around with shit you don’t know anything about.”
Again with this? “I understand,” I spat. “You’re all too cowardly to tell the truth.” I didn’t want to see if he reacted, turning toward the door instead. I expected him to stop me, but he didn’t. Was this the company like? Shutting down any and all outsiders? Not letting them into club business? But why was this club business in the first place? If it was, that meant they were related to her disappearance somehow. Didn’t they know that their refusal to open up only made them look guilty?
The sun was going down when I stepped inside the bar, the dimness of the room echoing the dimness of twilight. I looked around. It was much quieter than it had been the night before, by far, with only a handful of girls getting the place ready for the evening’s fun. They were wiping down the counter at the bar, taking chairs off of tabletops, stacking glasses at the bar. Free labor. I was sure that later on they’d be called upon to do other tasks less closely associated with cleaning. It turned my stomach.
