by Zoey Parker
“Then,” I said, “there were the times when other people would come over. I was never allowed downstairs when that happened. But one time I sneaked down—of course I did, right? I was a kid. I was curious. I never sneaked down again.”
“I’m afraid to ask,” Kat whispered.
“They were all stoned out of their minds, and two guys were…doing things to my mom.” Kat gasped and put her hands over her mouth. I nodded. “There was money on the table. That’s how they made money when there was nothing else to sell. My dad was sitting right there, too. Getting high.”
“My God. I am so sorry,” Kat said.
“I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”
“It’s not even that. I’m sorry for you. I wish I could give that little boy a big hug,” she said. I had to smile.
“Then there was the day when I woke up, and they were both dead. Just like that. Dead on the living room floor. I had come downstairs to leave for school, and I found them. I knew people were there the night before, so I don’t know if it happened when they were partying or afterward, when they were alone. I sat on the couch and wondered what to do. We didn’t have a phone. I couldn’t call the police. I didn’t know where the station was. And besides…I loved them. Even though they forgot about me and acted like I didn’t matter, I still loved them. I thought, maybe if I were a better kid, they wouldn’t have done what they did. It’s amazing, isn’t it? The shit we tell ourselves when we’re little? Like that would have made a difference, either way.”
“But they were your parents. Of course, you loved them. That’s all kids know how to do. They just love. I remember the rush I used to get when Sabrina would smile when I got home from work. It was the greatest feeling in the world. No matter what her day had been like or even if she felt sick, she was always happy to see me.”
We were quiet for a little while. Then Kat asked, “What happened? I mean, with your parents?”
“Oh, I went to a house across the street. The ones on either side of us were empty, but the one across the street had a nice old lady living there. I told her I thought my parents were dead, and she said something about them being no-good junkies. But she felt sorry for me, you know? She took me inside the house and fed me before she called the police. I was asked a bunch of questions, and put in a boys’ home.”
Kat didn’t ask any more questions, and I didn’t want to talk any more about it either. There were too many bad memories. Getting beaten up the whole first year I was in that home. Wishing a family would come to foster me out, then adopt me. Nobody ever did, so I decided to rely on myself. I started working out as soon as I knew I needed to bulk up if I was gonna get anywhere. By the time I was twelve, I was the biggest kid I knew. Nobody fucked with me after that.
The one constant in my life had always been Thorn. He was there for me. He understood some of what I was going through—his parents were alcoholics, his older sister died of an overdose when he was ten. We never had to explain ourselves to each other. And when he found the club, he told me about them. It sounded like the family we both needed, even though we told ourselves and each other we didn’t need a family. But everyone needed to feel like they belonged somewhere.
“Spike was like a father to me,” I murmured.
“Who’s Spike?”
“He was president of the club when I came in. He was a real leader. He had that sort of…I don’t know, something special that makes you want to follow a person. You know what I mean?”
“Yeah,” Kat said. She smiled at me. “I think you have that, too.”
“He picked me to be president when he was gone.”
“See?” she asked. “He saw it in you, too.”
“Only he wasn’t supposed to step down so soon,” I said. “I know there’s a lot more I could have learned from him.”
She moved closer to me. I was looking down, at my lap, until her hand on the side of my face turned my head to hers.
“You’re a great leader. I see it in the way your men look at you. I saw it when I first met you in the bar. You hold court. Your presence fills the room. You’re a commander. People do what you say. You’re the perfect president for your club.”
I had no idea I’d needed to hear that until she said it. When she did, I felt a sort of relief. Somebody understood me. For a second, I knew what it meant to have a woman by my side. Not some club groupie, not some skank who fucked every guy around. A real woman. Someone who didn’t feel like she had to kiss up to me to get me to like her or earn a higher rank in the club.
I leaned in and kissed her. It was the natural thing to do. She kissed me back fiercely, like she was hungry for me. I gave her what she wanted, and I took what I wanted from her when my tongue darted into her mouth. She whimpered, but responded even more strongly, like she wanted to rip my face off with her kisses. I wondered how long it had been since somebody kissed her like this.
Our kiss deepened even further, and I started to strain against the zipper of my jeans. I groaned when her hand cupped me. She knew just what to do to me. How could she know?
I pushed her onto the couch, lowering myself between her legs as we kissed. She rubbed me through my jeans, and I sucked on her bottom lip while I fondled her tits. I could have done it all night, and the next day. I couldn’t get enough of her. Everything was more exciting with her. I got hard faster, and when I came it was always harder than I ever had before. And as soon as I finished, I wanted more. Like I did right then, humping her hand.
Buzzing in my pocket pulled me out of the moment, and I growled when I realized it was my phone.
“Great timing,” I muttered, and set up. Kat gave this breathless little laugh that made me want to forget whatever was happening in my world and take her, then and there. But I had ignored the club all day. Part of being the leader was putting them before myself, even when I wanted to do anything but.
I frowned when I read the text which had come through. It was Randy, telling me Thorn had been picked up for DUI the night before and was asking me to bail him out.
My brain felt like it might break. Immediately I wondered why the hell nobody else could bail him out. Why did it have to be me? Wasn’t part of being president not having to waste my time on the kind of shit we sent rookies to do? Errands, stuff like that? No, I had to drop everything and run to him because he was fucking stupid enough to get himself arrested.
Then I was hit with worry, too. What was happening to him? He was a wreck, and getting worse. I was watching my best friend slide downhill and there was nothing I could do about it. I sure as hell couldn’t talk to him. Every time I tried to, he would shut me down. I had to watch while he drank himself to death.
It wasn’t just him this time, either. It was the club. He was making us look worse, drawing attention to us. Now they’d be on our asses again for a little while, paying close attention to us because he’d been drinking and driving. I could have killed him for it. He knew the tight squeeze we were in, but he was too selfish to put anyone but himself first.
I remembered when the club first installed me as president. Thorn had been the first and only choice I came up with for my VP. Now I wondered if I’d made the right decision. He wasn’t the man he used to be. That was the hardest thing of all to come to grips with.
“What is it?” Kat asked.
Shit, I’d almost forgotten she was even there. I put the phone down.
“I’m gonna have to go,” I said. I couldn’t help sounding disappointed when I said it, and she looked disappointed, too. I felt bad. I didn’t want her to think I was giving her the brush-off. Since when did I care what a woman thought when I left her, though? This was getting to be too much, too soon.
She rolled with it, though. “Yeah, I guess I’ve kept you here for longer than I should have. You’re probably a pretty busy man.” She smiled, and I wondered if she was honest about how she felt. Maybe part of me wanted her to make a scene, so I could remind myself why it wasn’t a good idea to get too close to an
y one woman. But she surprised me, like she did over and over again.
“Do you mind if I take a shower before I go?” I asked. I wouldn’t tell her this, but I wanted to look half-decent when I got to the station. All I needed was for the cops to see the dirty piece of white trash they already thought I was.
Kat showed me to the bathroom, and it wasn’t until I was in the tub that I realized I should have invited her in with me. Then again, that wasn’t the best idea—I’d probably end up taking an extra hour, or more, with her. Thorn would be going crazy waiting for me.
Maybe he deserved it.
I hated to think like that about my best friend. In our world, loyalty was everything. If you didn’t believe in the men you rode with, you might as well hang it up. You had to be loyal and trust the loyalty of the men with you. When you didn’t trust, you hesitated at the wrong time. You could get yourself killed if you didn’t believe your guys had your back. It was thoughts like the ones I was having about Thorn that started mistrust. I had to cut them off.
I thought about the good times instead. The times he’d had my back. I could have gotten in serious trouble more than once if he hadn’t been there to help me. I definitely would have gotten my ass handed to me if he wasn’t so good in a fight. He had a cool head…or he used to. I didn’t know what was happening now.
Ever since we were kids, I’d counted on having him next to me. We were closer than brothers, and I was stronger when I had him. Even when I became president, and I had no idea what the hell I was gonna do, I hadn’t been afraid because he was with me.
Now what was I supposed to do with him, when he was dead set on killing himself?
Chapter 13
Kat
Was it weird, wanting him to stay with me? I hated the thought of him leaving. When we were together, it felt like there was a bubble around us. I didn’t want it to burst.
I didn’t dare say anything about wanting him to hang around, or act too clingy. I didn’t want him to regret spending the day with me, and I sure as hell didn’t want him to think I was the sort of girl who started planning the wedding after one night together. In any other situation, I wouldn’t be acting this way. I wasn’t normally the type to hang around a guy’s neck. I hated women like that. I was strong on my own.
He made it seem normal for me to break every rule I had. I even considered bailing on my gig just so I’d have an excuse to keep him around. I never, ever missed a gig unless I was on the verge of death and couldn’t sit up straight.
Was this how Sabrina had felt back when I was begging her to break her ties to the club? Like nothing else mattered except the person she was with, whoever they were? At first, I’d been angry, telling myself she was smarter than that. Now I felt a sympathy for her I hadn’t felt back then. No wonder she was so dead set on ignoring every one of my pleas.
I remembered her sitting at the kitchen table, arms crossed. She wouldn’t look me in the eye. I’d asked her who, exactly, she was involved with. She had mentioned names before, random club members, but had never told me who she was most closely involved with. I knew she was afraid I’d go after him, and she wasn’t wrong. I would have, just the way I went to Gabriel when I found out it was him the neighbors saw her talking with before she disappeared. Nothing would have stopped me from going after what was best for her.
She’d been so stubborn, I could have screamed. I might have screamed a little, come to think of it, out of sheer frustration. It had been like talking to a brick wall.
“What’s so special about these people?” I’d asked, standing by the sink. I’d been fixing lunch for us, and had lost my temper. My hand had slammed on the counter, and I’d spun around to face her. She hadn’t looked at me.
“You wouldn’t understand,” she’d muttered. I wouldn’t have, either. I needed to experience it for myself. Now that I had, I got it. I doubted any other man in that club was the sort of man Gabriel was—there was a reason he was the leader—but maybe my sister had found some little measure of the attraction I now felt whenever my eyes met his, or whenever he was near me. We were total opposites, but didn’t opposites attract? It was a fact. Something that couldn’t be fought. Just like I couldn’t fight the way my hands ached to touch Gabriel when he was anywhere near me.
I was lost in thought when he came into the room. My eyes went to him, and every other thought was swept away by the sight of his body. My mouth went dry.
“The shower was pretty lonely without you,” he said, smirking.
“I don’t know if I could handle a shower with you right now,” I replied. “My poor body can only take so much.” Still, an ache started between my legs, and I wished I’d showered with him after all. Something told me we’d have done anything but wash up.
He came close to me, taking my waist in his hands. “I’ll tell you what your body can take,” he growled, pressing himself against me. I loved the feeling that he could overtake me whenever he wanted. It wasn’t a scary thought—I trusted he wouldn’t hurt or take advantage. It was exciting. I wanted to see how far he would go.
But this time, he didn’t go anywhere. Just like he’d left me panting for more at the bar when he kissed me, he left me leaning into him now. He pulled away, that sexy grin on his face. He knew he had me right where he wanted me, the snide little jerk.
“Fine, then,” I said, putting my hands on his shoulders and gently pushing him away. “See if I care.” I turned away.
“Oh, you don’t like that, huh?”
“I don’t care either way,” I said, shrugging.
“Liar. Anyway, I’m in a hurry.” I heard him laugh as he was getting dressed.
Let him laugh, I thought, picking out something to wear for my gig. Then I started taking off my clothes slowly, with my back to him. That shut him up. I pretended I didn’t notice.
“What are you doing?” he asked, and I heard the tightness in his throat.
“Getting ready for a shower,” I said innocently. “I have a gig tonight, remember?” I was down to my panties and nothing else. I hooked my thumbs under the elastic and slowly bent at the waist until the silky fabric was at my ankles. I couldn’t hear him breathing anymore.
Then I stood, quickly pulling a robe around me. When I turned, I saw he was frozen, slack-jawed.
“You okay?” I brushed past him, looking for something in my dresser. I glanced at him, saw how he didn’t move. “Aren’t you in a hurry?” I asked.
“Oh, yeah.” He finished dressing and grabbed his kutte. I walked him downstairs, opening the door for him. Before he left, he looked me up and down one more time. I felt a tingle run through me. He might have had me where he wanted me, but I knew I had him in a bind, too. The look in his eye told me so, like a wolf looking at a lamb.
“I’ll give you a call,” he said. I wondered what that meant to him. Every guy said it, like it was what they thought they were supposed to say once they slept with a woman. Especially when they left in a hurry, the way he was now. Like it made things better when they promised to call.
When he ran his hand over me one more time, though, I thought he meant it. Even the gentlest caress made me think of sparks flying from his fingers into my body. He lit me up, and he couldn’t have if he wasn’t just as attracted to me as I was to him. He would call me. He couldn’t stay away anymore than I could.
“I’ll wait by my phone,” I murmured, looking into his eyes.
He laughed. “Smart ass.” He left then, rushing out to his bike. I knew he’d lingered longer than he should have, though he never did tell me what the big hurry was. As I watched, I hoped he wouldn’t get into trouble for taking his time with me. I was sure his guys wouldn’t take any excuse having to do with me very well. I thought about the one who held the knife to me, in particular.
I shuddered, remembering the trouble I was potentially getting myself into. I’d forgotten about my friend with the knife until just now. I leaned against the doorframe, my arms around me to keep from shivering. Gabriel was lon
g gone, but I still felt his touch all over me. He’d branded me. I was his. But that knife against my throat was something I still felt, too.
It never occurred to me until just now that our involvement could get him into trouble, too. I didn’t know how things went in clubs like his, but if enough people were against him, couldn’t they overthrow him or something? I couldn’t imagine it would be done diplomatically, either. If I was a threat to them, would they hurt him for bringing me closer?
I shook my head, determined to get rid of the thoughts which were spiraling out of control in my head. Overthinking wasn’t getting me anywhere. I closed the front door, closing the door to all thoughts of Gabriel’s club as I did.
