by Zoey Parker
“Sometimes I think it would be easier to go back to those days,” he said.
“Not me. Stuff’s hard now, but it wasn’t any better back then. I thought about that for a minute earlier. When I was talking with Joe. Remember what a dick he always was?”
“Yeah, him and his jock friends. He’s one of the types you just knew was gonna become a cop, so that he could be a dick to people and call it his job.”
“Exactly. He’s the type to do that.”
“What was his problem, anyway?”
I shrugged. “Maybe because I stole his girlfriend.”
Thorn laughed. “That’s right. Way to go, pissing him off like that.”
“I only did it so he would know he didn’t have everything going for him. He always thought he was hot shit because he played baseball and football, and because his parents had a little money. There was one thing I could do better than him. A lot of things, if you listened to his girlfriend.” We both laughed. It was good to laugh with him. It felt like old times.
“You had to go and piss him off, though. Then he was worse than ever. All over a woman.”
“It was worth it,” I said, grinning. “She was sweet. I had a good time with her. Sex-starved.”
“It’s never worth it.” I almost didn’t hear him, he spoke so low.
“What did you say?”
“I said it’s never worth it. Getting in trouble over a woman.” Here we were again. I knew he had to mean Sabrina. I thought about Kat, and how much she loved her sister. I loved Thorn, too. I knew how it felt to want to protect someone—as much as I told myself for years that I had no attachments, it wasn’t totally true. I knew I might end up having to sacrifice Thorn for Kat and the club, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to go that far.
“What do you mean?” I hoped I wasn’t pushing too hard, but I needed to know.
“Women aren’t worth it.”
“I thought you and Tracee were getting along well together.” Thorn had been seeing her for a couple of weeks. It was a casual thing, which was unlike Thorn. He was always jumping into living with a woman before he knew her.
“We are. I didn’t mean her. And even then, though, she can be a pain in the ass.”
“Can’t they all? That’s just the way women are. But I know I’m not gonna give them up.” I tried to laugh, to keep things light. He didn’t laugh with me this time.
“All they do is cause problems. Being too mouthy, or too needy. I can’t stand that shit. And even when you tell them in the beginning that you don’t like it when women are that way, they’ll tell you whatever it is they think you wanna hear just to get into bed with you. And you think it’s all nice, right? Like this girl is gonna be different. But there’s no such thing. They’re all alike. Pretty soon they start asking you where you go at night, why you don’t call them more often. Why you didn’t check in with them, like you’re in jail, and they’re the warden.”
“Yeah. That does suck.” Did Sabrina do that to him? I never knew her very well, but she didn’t seem the type. I had known my share of demanding women, so I knew what to look for. She had always struck me as being very sweet and quiet. But you never knew what went on behind closed doors.
“Then they wanna know why you haven’t called in awhile. Maybe because every time you do, they give you a raft of shit over one thing or another. Who needs that? Why would I want to call someone and get yelled at?”
“This is why I’ve stayed single,” I told him. “I don’t have time for that shit.”
“You were smart. You were always smarter than me.” He sounded miserable and scared, like a little boy. Who was this person? Even when we were kids, he didn’t whine like this. It was like he was breaking down.
“Not smarter than you. Just smart in a different way. How many times have I told you everything you did for me? You’re more level-headed than I am. You’ve kept me out of trouble. You’ve had my back. You know how to talk to people better than I sometimes do. You don’t rush into things the way I do. We’re a team.” I was almost at a loss for what to say to make him understand. “I just wanna have your back now. You know? I see something’s tearing you apart inside, and I want to help. It’s killing me to see you worried.”
He wouldn’t speak, leaning up against the car door again instead. I shook my head. Why the hell did he have to be so stubborn?
“Fine.” I was tired of playing games with him. “If you don’t wanna tell me, fine. But you have got to get your shit together, man. If not for you, and not for me, then for the club. Our asses are in hot water. I hate to say this, but it’s because of you. I can’t have you doing things like this. We’re already trying to balance shit out, and then you have to pull something like this. How does that look to the rest of the club?”
“I know, I know.”
“No, you don’t know. I didn’t think you could be this selfish.”
“Selfish?” He glared at me.
“You used to be able to see the big picture.”
“I’m fine with the big picture. I think it’s you who has a problem seeing it lately.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
He shrugged. “You need to think about who you’re loyal to, that’s all.”
I went cold inside. Kat? How could he know about her? Then again, maybe someone told him about her being in the bar. Hadn’t Marissa said something the night before? The little bitch. I should never have fucked her. She wasn’t even that good, especially not compared to Kat.
“Since when do you question my loyalty?”
“Since you started spending more time with people outside the club. That’s all.”
“You’ve known me most of your life. How can you say something like that?”
I pulled up in front of his house. It was a lot like mine, just big enough for him to live in comfortably. A little saltbox on a pretty much empty street. It seemed like we both lived best in open areas where there weren’t a lot of nosy neighbors.
I locked the doors so he couldn’t get out, and I turned to him. “Tell me. What are you talking about? Let’s stop playing games.”
“I know you’ve been hanging out with someone new. And she can be just as dangerous to the club as you think I’m being.”
“Who are you even talking about?”
“You know who I mean. That Kat chick. Sabrina’s sister.”
I swallowed hard. My protective streak was coming out. What did he mean to do to her? And since when did I doubt my best friend like this?
“So what? What’s she got to do with anything?”
He snickered. “Do you think I don’t know why you’re asking me all these questions about Sabrina all of a sudden? Come on. I’m not stupid.”
“I wouldn’t have to ask you questions about Sabrina if you didn’t already tell me you hit her when you were fighting.”
“So I hit her. Big deal. Men hit women all the time. I bet you’ve hit at least one.”
I shook my head. “I don’t hit women. You know that.”
He sneered. I’d never seen him sneer like that before. Like an animal. “Right. You’re so much better than me. I forgot.”
How had we gotten so far off course? It was like I didn’t know him anymore.
Then something hit me. “How did you know who she was? Kat, I mean? How did you know I was spending time with her?” When he didn’t answer, I got an idea. “Did you follow me last night?”
He wouldn’t answer, so I knew he had. Shit. Now he knew where she lived. It was killing me inside, thinking my best friend might want to hurt this woman. It wasn’t just because of who she was, either. I was never big on hurting women for any reason. Spike had taught me that, among other things. Always try to take the action away from where women or children were. I took that lesson to heart. I guessed Thorn didn’t.
“She doesn’t mean anything,” I said. “Yeah, she was looking for her sister, but I think she’s coming around to the idea of Sabrina never coming back.”
; “She said that?”
I looked out the windshield to the dead hedges in front of Thorn’s house. Hadn’t they looked nicer the day I stood out there with Sabrina? A lot of time had passed since then. “Not in so many words, but in the way she talks about her. Past tense, you know. She knows she needs to move on if she’s ever gonna be happy.”
“You two have gotten close,” he muttered.
“So what? You’re allowed to have Tracee and whatever woman you want, and I can’t?”
“You never did before,” he pointed out.
I shrugged. “So what? She’s not anything special. I went over there last night to remind her to keep her nose out of our business. That’s all.”
“You’re sure?”
“You’re reminding me of the women you were just talking about, who always have to ask questions.”
He laughed a little. “Thanks.”
“And yeah. I’m sure,” I said. “She’s nothing special. I’m not hooked, believe me. No woman has ever hooked me.” But if anyone could, I thought, it would be her. Something told me this wasn’t the time to share my inner thoughts with my best friend.
He looked satisfied. I knew I wasn’t going to get any further with him, so I unlocked the doors. “You better get some rest,” I said. “Wash your face. You look like hell.”
“Thanks a lot.” He touched a finger to his eyebrow and winced. “Son of a bitch has a mean right hook.”
“Looks like it.” He opened the door and swung his legs out. When he bent to climb out, I saw something sticking up out of his back pocket.
“Oh, tell me you weren’t carrying that last night,” I joked. “I’m sure whoever it was was thrilled to see your knife in your pocket after you got in a fight with them.”
He pulled it out. “Yeah, they were happy to get this away from me.” I recognized his hunting knife. What the hell had he been carrying that around for? He was getting to be a looser cannon every day.
When he walked into the house, I told myself I didn’t wanna believe he was the one who had held a knife to Kat’s throat. But who else could it have been? And then he followed me to her house, all because he was afraid of what I would find out, I guessed.
And then what? Had he gotten even drunker when he saw where I was going? Did he look her up the way I had? He must have made the connection pretty quickly.
Now that he knew where she lived, I knew he wouldn’t stop at just threatening her with a knife. He could do whatever he wanted. Why was he so desperate to shut her up? I hoped she’d been scared enough by him that she would stay far away from now on.
But I knew her well enough to know she wouldn’t. She wasn’t going to let this go. If she kept snooping around, and he found out about it, I wouldn’t be able to stop him. Not unless I stuck to her side all day, every day, which would be impossible.
I punched the dashboard. What the hell was I supposed to do?
***
This went through my mind as I made the ride to the bar where Kat had done her gig. Was he following her? No, that wasn’t even possible. He’d had his license suspended, hadn’t he? The cops would be on him. He couldn’t get away with riding around town.
Then who? Did he have friends in the club I didn’t know about? Yeah, we were all friends, to a point. But sometimes little subgroups were formed for one reason or another. I didn’t wanna think of all the reasons why a group would form right now. Was he making allies behind my back? Could he have gotten one of them to follow Kat?
Where would he stop?
Chapter 15
Kat
After what felt like forever, Gabriel arrived at the bar. I was one of the only people left inside by then, and I was all cried out. I got the feeling the waitresses and bartender were waiting for me to leave so they could go, but there was no way I’d step foot outside without Gabriel nearby.
At one point, a waitress brought me over some tissues and a glass of water. They knew me—this was one of my regular gigs—but we weren’t exactly close, so no one asked why I was so upset. I was grateful for their discretion since I didn’t know what I would have said if I’d been forced to give a reason. “I’m crying because I think my sister is dead, and the people who killed her might be after me.” That wasn’t exactly the sort of thing you told a near-stranger.
Finally, there was Gabriel, riding up on his bike. I’d never ridden a motorcycle before, but that didn’t matter. I needed to get the hell away from the bar, the car, and whoever might have been waiting for me. I hated to have such paranoid thoughts, but I couldn’t help it. That message had unsettled me.
I waited while he looked my car over. His hands curled into fists, and there was tension in every part of his body. I knew he wasn’t happy, and I saw his lips moving as he circled the car as though he was muttering to himself.
Then he saw me, sitting by the door, and waved me out. I flew to him, letting him hold me for a minute. For that one minute, everything felt okay. I wasn’t afraid of anything. It was just me, and him. Our bodies fit perfectly together, like it was meant to be. I closed my eyes and let him take some of the worries from my shoulders. It felt so good to let go. I wasn’t alone in this. He was my protection.
“Are you all right?” he asked, stroking my hair.
“No,” I replied. “I’m not all right at all. What does this mean?”
“I’m not sure,” he said. “I’ve been thinking about it the whole way here, and I’m not sure.” I felt tension in his body when he said it. His arms held me a little tighter, too. Was he just as worried as I was? No, that wasn’t possible. He was strong. Nothing could stop him or threaten him. Right?
Why was his heart beating so fast under my ear, then?
“Do you know who did this?” I asked.
He didn’t answer. All he did was take me by the arm and lead me to the bike. I was too upset to ask any further questions, and allowed him to strap a helmet on my head before he climbed on in front of me.
“Put your arms around my waist,” he said. “You’ll be fine.”
I did as he said, only half hearing him. My mind was too focused on those words scrawled on my windshield.
Riding home on the bike was a new experience, one which I wished I could be in a better frame of mind for. I might have enjoyed it if my heart wasn’t being ripped open. Trees, homes, other cars—it all went by in a blur, the wind blowing back my hair. I leaned my head gently against Gabriel’s back. Feeling his strength and taking some of it for myself. He would help me. He could protect me. I knew I could trust him to stand between me and whatever was happening around me. I only wished he could have done the same for Sabrina. A single tear rolled down my cheek.
Had she ever done this? I knew she would have loved riding a motorcycle like this one. She always loved thrills. When we went to amusement parks, she’s always gravitated to the roller coasters. The higher and faster, the better. Once, she rode so many times in a row she lost her lunch in a trashcan just outside the queue area. Then she got back in line and rode again. I smiled to myself, remembering that fearless girl.
Was she afraid in the end?
I squeezed Gabriel’s waist without meaning to. “Easy!” I heard him call back to me, and I loosened my grip. I looked at the back of his head—he’d given me his helmet, and every so often I caught a view of his profile when he looked from left to right at an intersection. He was so handsome, so rugged. And one of his friends had killed my sister.
I couldn’t let go of the idea that he had to know something. It made no sense that he wouldn’t. He was close with these men, like brothers. He’d told me so himself. So how could he know absolutely nothing about what these men did—especially when my sister had been hanging out with the club? She wasn’t some random girl one of the members had picked up somewhere. She was a familiar face.
The patch of the club was on the back of Gabriel’s kutte, and I looked at it as we rode. A grim reaper standing behind a tombstone. Gee, how original. What made people want to be par
t of something like this? Were they criminals in the first place, or did the club make criminals out of them? I wondered again who Gabriel had been before joining. With his charisma and cockiness, he could have made an amazing stock trader or lawyer. He had the attitude for it. Instead, this was where he put his energy. What a waste. They killed girls and did nothing to pay for their crimes.
I didn’t feel that he was like them, and my feelings were all I had to go on. The way he instinctively made me feel. He wasn’t like them, but he was protecting at least one of them. He wouldn’t kill a girl, but he would protect someone who did. Wasn’t that just as bad? Didn’t he deserve blame, too?
I didn’t want to blame him. I wanted to keep a hold on to him. He was all I had. My port in the storm.
