by Zoey Parker
I took one deep breath, then another, forcing my heart to stop pounding the way it was. I had to get control of myself. I didn’t want her to wake up and worry.
Then I realized I was in bed alone. I rolled over, trying to get comfortable again. As soon as she was back and I could touch her, everything would be okay.
A voice in my head laughed. Who the hell are you? I heard it just as clear as I would have if another person said it to me not three feet from the bed. Who the hell was I? I didn’t know anymore. This wasn’t the Gabriel Hunt who had notches in his bedpost for every woman he ever fucked. This wasn’t the Gabriel who would practically be out the door after he came, or who’d be shoving the girl out the door if we were at my place. This wasn’t like me at all. Here I was, wanting Kat to come back to bed so I’d feel safe. If I didn’t know myself, I’d hate me for being so whipped.
Hadn’t I already learned my lesson from my parents? Love was a joke. The only thing it got you was pain. When you loved a person, they had power over you and could do whatever they wanted to hurt you. I didn’t want to leave myself open to that again. Right? Wasn’t that what I always told myself? But here I was. I walked right into it.
No, I didn’t love her. It wasn’t close to that. But I did need her, and that was scarier. Just the way I wanted her to come back to bed showed me how much I needed her. Damn it. I got too close to her. She was eating at my mind all the time, ever since that first minute I laid eyes on her at the bar. She wormed her way inside like a disease and grew when I wasn’t paying attention. Now I was in her bed, in the middle of the night. Sucker.
A lot of time passed, and she still didn’t come back. Now I was worried. Had someone come while I was sleeping? I shot out of bed and down the stairs.
When I saw her sitting on the sofa, I breathed a sigh of relief. “Shit. You had me scared for a second.” I laughed. “What are you doing up? Come back to bed.”
She didn’t move a muscle. The hair stood up on the back of my neck. Something had happened while I was sleeping.
“What’s the matter?” I asked, wishing she would at least look at me. When she did, her eyes were like marbles. Cold and hard.
“Who is Thorn?” she asked. “Tell me the truth.”
“He’s my vice president,” I said.
“I don’t care who he is to your club,” she spat. “And you know it. I mean, who is he to you?”
“Why do you wanna know? Why does this matter right now? What’s Thorn got to do with us at this time of the night?” I was stalling, trying to come up with something to say. Why did she want to talk about Thorn? What had he done?
“Didn’t you hear your phone ringing?” she asked, and she held it up from where it had sat on her lap. I hadn’t noticed it.
“No. I’m sorry it woke you.” I held my hand out, wanting the phone back. She didn’t hand it over.
“I’m going to ask you again. Who is Thorn? And why does he want to talk to you about Sabrina?” She threw the phone at me. I caught it only as a reflex. I was too shocked to think straight.
“What are you talking about?”
“Check your messages.”
“You were going through them?” But all I had to do was touch the screen and see the most recent calls and messages listed there. She didn’t need to break into my phone. Thorn had texted me a half hour earlier, wanting to talk about Sabrina.
“How did he know Sabrina?” she asked. “Was he her boyfriend, or whatever it is you people call it? Her old man, maybe?”
“We don’t call it that,” I said, like it even mattered. All I wanted to do was end this conversation. It couldn’t do any good.
“I don’t care what you call it,” she said. “I couldn’t care less. You people disgust me, with your lies and your ability to do whatever it takes to protect one of your own, no matter what they’ve done. Even if they’ve killed an innocent girl. It doesn’t matter to you people, does it? Especially not you.”
“Don’t say that.”
“No, you’ll just fuck me anyway. Even when you see how it’s breaking my heart every minute of the day, you’ll pretend you don’t know anything about my sister and use me. Right? You’ll hold me in your arms in bed and sleep a nice, deep sleep. Your conscience doesn’t even bother you a little bit, does it? I can’t believe how cold you are.”
She was the one who was being cold, and it was scaring me a little. I was afraid of what she might do to herself. “Kat, please. Let me explain.”
“I am sick to death of your explanations!” she shouted. Her voice cut through the quiet. “All I want is the truth! Don’t sugarcoat it for me, Gabriel. Don’t give me your half-truths. You’ve known all along, haven’t you?”
“No, and that’s the truth. I still don’t know anything.”
“Right. You wouldn’t even try to find out for my sake, would you?” There was no winning with her. Anything I said, she took and twisted around so I was still the bad guy.
Well, wasn’t that who I was? I couldn’t pretend I was the one who was hurting in all this. She was the one who’d lost someone close to her, not me. And I knew in my heart who did it. I just didn’t know how, or what he did with her afterward.
“I did try to find out. Don’t you think people have secrets from me, too? They know I’d never go for something like this. Hurting a girl? Or worse? I’d lose it on them. They know it’s better to keep it from me. I tried. I asked questions. I did.”
“Then you’re not the leader you’re supposed to be,” she spat. That stung. It was like she had sat here going through everything in her head while I slept. She had an answer for everything before I even got it out of my mouth.
“Tell me,” she pleaded. “Tell me what happened to my sister! I want to know where she is! You will tell me!” She stood up, facing me. She was so small but so fierce. I wanted to hold her. I knew how much she was hurting. But I also knew how she would slap my face, or worse, if I did. I was naked and totally vulnerable.
“I can’t because I don’t know.” It sounded like a lame excuse, and it was, but I was desperate to get her to listen to me. And it was all I could say because it was the truth. “Kat, I can only say this so many ways. I do not know. I’m not even going to tell you to stop asking or warn you that you could get into trouble. I’m not doing that anymore. I’m just saying, flat-out, that I don’t know.”
“You’re such a liar! Then why does this guy want to talk to you about her?”
I looked at my phone, still in my hand. “I don’t know. I guess he’ll tell me once I get to his house. That’s the truth!”
“So he doesn’t want to talk about what you did with her body, or what he should do now that he got rid of her? And not about what you’re going to tell the police if they ever question you?”
“Jesus, Kat. You’re going off the deep end.” I hated seeing her like this. Now there were two people in my life going off the deep end, and I couldn’t help either of them. She was right. Some leader I was.
“Get the hell out of my house, and don’t ever come back.”
“Kat…”
“I mean it. Put your clothes on and get out of here. I never want to see you again.”
There was nothing for me to do but listen and do as she asked. She wasn’t in any position to listen to reason, that was for sure. She had sat there, alone, for thirty minutes. That was plenty of time for her brain to make up all kinds of stories. If there was such a thing as being at the end of your rope, she was there.
I put on clothes, which were all over the place. I didn’t bother with a shirt since that was upstairs. I could go home and put one on before going to Thorn’s. I didn’t wanna take any more time than I needed. The way she looked at me made my blood run cold. I’d seen some murderous looks in my life, but this was the worst.
“I wish you would listen,” I said before I stepped outside. She slammed the door in my face.
I stood on her porch for a minute, hoping she would come around and let me back in once
she realized what a bad move she’d made. But she didn’t. I was alone.
How could I protect her now, when she wanted nothing to do with me? I couldn’t sit out in front of her house all day.
It was almost dawn, and there was a chill in the air. I didn’t feel it, even without a shirt under my kutte. I got on my bike, riding away with a heavy heart. I hoped that whatever Thorn had to say would be enough to finally put Kat’s mind at ease.
Of course, telling her what he said would mean betraying his trust. Trust was everything. What was more important to me? My best friend, or this woman who had totally changed everything about me?
First thing’s first. I had to find out what Thorn wanted to tell me, and what this meant for Kat.
Chapter 17
Kat
I stood by the closed door, listening carefully for the sound of the motorcycle pulling out of the driveway.
“Bastard!” I cried, sinking to the floor with my face in my hands. How could he do this to me? He was using me all this time, keeping me close to him so he could screw me but not giving me the information he clearly had. Why would he? If I knew what happened to my sister, I wouldn’t hang around anymore.
That wasn’t true, but he didn’t know that. I would have followed him just about anywhere, as much as I hated the thought. He had come to mean so much to me, but I couldn’t tell him. The way he’d entered my heart made it even more painful to know he’d betrayed me.
Where was he going now? To laugh with his buddies? To carve another notch in his bedpost? Maybe to pick up another girl now that he knew I didn’t want anything to do with him?
I felt so humiliated and dirty. I’d let him use me. I’d lost sight of what was really important to me. Sabrina was all who mattered. I had to remember that. What could I do now to find her?
The first thing I needed to do was get my head screwed on straight. I started a pot of coffee, then went upstairs to take a shower. I had to get the feeling of his touch off me.
It didn’t help that we’d just had sex in the tub hours earlier. As I washed, I couldn’t help remembering the way he washed me. He’d been so gentle. He couldn’t have been pretending, could he?
Of course he could, I reminded myself harshly. A guy could pretend anything he needed to if it meant getting laid. I was sure he would do or say whatever it took to get a woman into bed. I was hardly the first. How many other girls had he treated so sweetly? Were they stupid enough to believe he cared about them, too? Probably. Maybe I should start a support group, I thought. We’d probably have a ton of attendees if his reputation were anywhere near reality.
I put my face in my hands, crying in the quiet bathroom until the water ran cold. How could I have let him lead me on that way? I was so stupid. I’d forgotten that his number one goal was to keep me out of club business. Just because he was good in bed, I forgot my senses. I’m sorry, Sabrina, I thought miserably. I let you down, sweetheart.
In the bedroom, I quickly yanked the sheets off the bed and replaced them with a fresh set. I wished there was a way to clear out my brain so easily. The only thing close to total peace had been when Gabriel was inside me.
I sat on the bed, unable to stop myself from remembering the way it had been. When we were together, I didn’t have to worry about what would happen next. I didn’t even have to worry about my sister. I could just be, and feel good, and not berate myself for it. I needed to find another way to reach that feeling. There had to be a way that didn’t involve Gabriel.
When I went downstairs, I picked my clothes up from where I’d thrown them around the living room and kitchen. Jeez, he turned me into a total animal. And I loved it, didn’t I? What would I do now?
Stop this! He’s not the only man in the world! I had to stop thinking along those lines. He wasn’t the be-all, end-all. He was only one person. One lying, dangerous, destructive person who hung around with other liars who caused pain and destruction to the people around them. It was better for me not to have anything to do with him or them.
I fixed myself a cup of coffee and was about to sit at the kitchen table before I remembered what had just happened on that table. I quickly went to the living room, sitting on the sofa. Crap, we’d done it here, too. Was there anywhere in the house where I could feel safe, without memories of him? Probably not. I would have to move if I didn’t want any visual reminders. Or at least get rid of some furniture.
I sulked for a long time, wondering what to do next. My coffee was cold, and I still had no idea where to turn. I put the cup down on the floor, then drew my feet up beside me and rested my head against the arm of the sofa. Maybe a little nap was all I needed. I sure hadn’t gotten any sleep the night before.
It was a fitful sleep, full of unhappy dreams. I was running, chasing something. Being chased by some nameless monster. Soon I didn’t know if I was going toward something good or away from a threat. I was just running, running, even though I was exhausted. I couldn’t stop my feet from moving. There was nothing but darkness all around me, and fog, and the smell of whiskey and cigarettes. It was enough to make me want to wretch. But I had to keep going.
Then I was back on the bluff with Sabrina. Was this where I’d been running to? It was worthwhile, if so. I relaxed, taking a deep breath for the first time in forever.
“I’ve been waiting for you,” she said. Hadn’t she said that before? She was wearing the white dress I remembered, and the day was just as beautiful. But this time, my sister didn’t seem so happy to see me. Now, her words sounded like a threat.
“What’s wrong? What did I do?” I asked.
“You forgot about me,” she said, pointing one long finger at me. Her hair was in pigtails, just like she used to wear it when she was little. The ribbons caught my eye as they fluttered in the salty breeze.
“I could never forget you!” I insisted.
“Yes, you did. You made me wait here alone. You forgot me. You left me here.” Her voice was full of contempt. She hated me.
“I didn’t mean to! I swear, Sabrina. You’re the person I love most in the world!”
“Liar.” She still pointed that accusing finger. I didn’t know how to make her believe me, and it was killing me inside.
“I never stopped looking for you,” I said. “Not ever. You were always on my mind.”
She looked at me with disgust, my words falling on deaf ears.
I woke up with tears on my face. I sat up, so glad it was just a dream, and wiped the moisture from my face. I’d been asleep for hours.
I heard a knock on the door and realized that was what woke me up. Someone was knocking for me. I got up and peeked outside. It was Gabriel’s friend. My hackles went up immediately, but I had no choice but to open the door.
“Hi, Kat,” he said. I got the feeling he was very shy. Imagine that, a shy MC member.
“Hi.” I looked at the driveway, where my clean car now sat. “Wow. That was fast work.”
“Well, Gabriel said it had to be a rush job. You can come out and check it if you want, make sure it’s all done the way you need it to be.”
I smiled. He was sort of sweet, soft spoken. “No, I’m sure it’s fine. As long as that awful spray paint is gone, I’m happy.”
He nodded, and I opened the storm door to take the keys from him. “Everything’s taken care of, then. Have a good day.” He smiled at me, then turned to get into his car. That same guy was with him again, Mike. I never caught the other one’s name.
It was easy to forget what these men did for a living. They weren’t sweet mama’s boys, going around calling women “ma’am.” They were thieves, violent criminals. Maybe murderers. Probably, in fact. I couldn’t let myself be fooled again by them.
I went upstairs, happier now that I had my car and my freedom. Though, when I thought about it, the word “freedom” was a funny one to use. I hoped I still had it, and that Gabriel didn’t think I owed him anything just because he got my car fixed up. It wasn’t my fault one of his psychos decided to go craz
y with the spray paint.
I shivered, the image of those words still burned into my brain. They said I’d end up like Sabrina. How had she ended up? I knew, deep down, that she was dead. Otherwise, why would I keep having these creepy dreams about her?
I didn’t want to believe it, though, no matter what my subconscious or anyone else seemed to think. I refused to give up hope that my sister was still alive and wanting to come home. I was all she had in the world. I had to bring her back.
