Dara turned back to her husband. He sat completely nude on the sofa, watching her with a look so concerned it melted her heart. If she told him any more she would only regret it in the morning. It wasn’t that she feared his judgement. In fact it was completely the opposite. She feared his pity.
Leo had taken the news of her infertility in his stride from the moment she’d revealed her secret to him. He had been understanding, and he had helped her to realize that her condition did not define her.
To bring up all those old insecurities now would only belittle how far they had come as a couple.
That was the thing, though—she wasn’t quite so confident that she had ever rid herself of them at all. Rather, she had just chosen to focus on being the beautiful woman that Leo made her feel she was and ignored the sad and broken woman of her past.
She bit her lip. Leo was looking at her intensely, waiting for her to speak. She couldn’t tell him the truth, not tonight anyway.
‘I’m sorry. I feel like I’ve ruined this wonderful night with my own silly ramblings.’ She shook her head, banishing the dark thoughts from her mind.
She walked to him and straddled his lap.
‘Dara, we’re having quite a serious conversation here, and I will find it very difficult to concentrate with you in this position.’
He shifted, but she moulded her body even closer to him.
‘I’ve had enough talking for tonight.’ She leaned over him, nipping his earlobe just hard enough to make him groan. ‘You said we have twenty-two days to make up for, and I plan on obeying my husband’s wishes.’
She smiled wickedly, banishing all other thoughts from their minds as their bodies instinctively moved against each other.
* * *
Leo sat on the terrace, looking out at the midday winter sun shining on the choppy waves of the bay. Most of their morning had been spent in bed, making up for lost time. But some time after brunch Dara had found herself taking a call from Mia about something vitally important. Rather than being annoyed at the interruption, Leo had once again been impressed at how much his wife’s company relied on her.
She ran Devlin Events like a well-oiled machine—just as he would expect. But still her staff looked to her for guidance, and felt comfortable in doing so. This was one of the main reasons for her skyrocketing success. Her employees were satisfied, and therefore so were her clients. Add that to the fact that she was unbelievably talented and passionate, and it could only be a recipe for success.
He watched her through the terrace doors as she booted up her tablet computer and wielded it like a clipboard. She was tense, even after a night of being thoroughly made love to.
Her revelation about her trips to the orphanage had confused him. Dara had never shown any interest in children. He had never even seen her speak to a child, not to mention drive out of her way to go and visit one. But recently he had begun to feel a distance between them. They both had busy careers, but they usually made sure to keep time for each other.
Leo stood, suddenly needing to walk. He took the path down along the cliff-face—the same path he’d used to take as a boy. He stopped on the flight of steps that led down to the old boathouse, remembering his childhood self rushing down the stone steps, furiously trying to hold in the tears and escape his nightmarish life. Living with a mentally ill mother had forced him to live in silence. His formative years had been spent in isolation, and in fear of upsetting her with his mere presence.
Those memories no longer held the same dark power over him—not since Dara had come into his life. Now every time he walked down here he was reminded that he was happier than either of his parents had ever been.
Right now, he was impressed that the little boathouse was still standing. He pushed the door open with a creak and ducked his head inside.
A row of plastic boxes lined the floor—he had insulated the place last year, once they had decided to use it for storage rather than leave it to rot. Flipping the lid of the box nearest the window, Leo idly surveyed the contents. A collection of coloured yo-yos lay inside, once his favourite boyhood hobby. He picked up a red one and spun the yarn tightly between the circular wooden discs.
He had spent many days inside these four walls, practising his skills and hoping for someone to show them to. He held the yo-yo tight in his hand before letting it fall to the ground and bouncing it back up easily. His tricks had been numerous, all learned from a book he had got as a gift from his father. He knew now that his father’s secretary had probably chosen it, but at the time he had taken it as a challenge to impress the old man. And, as he did with most tasks, he’d poured his heart and soul into it.
In a way he was no different from the little boy who had captured his wife’s attention. Leo might not have been an orphan, but he knew what it meant to crave a connection. He had that with Dara now—he felt the completeness that came from the love of a good woman. He had poured all his efforts into creating a life together with his beautiful wife.
Since meeting Dara he had slowly lost interest in the party scene—except for when he opened up a new club. As a bachelor, he had spent his leisure time mainly involved in drinking too much and buying the fastest cars. He’d had no difficulty living in hotels for months at a time. He hadn’t known what it meant to have a home.
Dara had shown him just how fulfilling life could be. But now he got the feeling that she felt their life was lacking somehow. If she was happy, why was she escaping to Syracuse every chance she could get?
An image of the longing in her eyes when she spoke about the child there filled his mind. It was suddenly blindingly clear that Dara had developed a newfound yearning for motherhood. And somehow that yearning wasn’t something she felt comfortable sharing with him. The thought jarred him, leaving an uncomfortable knot in his stomach.
Leo ran a hand through his hair and threw the yo-yo back into the box. He had never once questioned Dara’s steadfast opinion on family. She had made it clear that she would never have children, and that had suited them both. The idea of fatherhood had never been something he aspired to. His own father had been a spectre in his life—one who had drifted in and out, leaving him uncertain and confused. As an adult he had never once considered the idea of starting a family of his own.
But lately he had begun to grow tired of the constant travelling. These days the only place he wanted to be was here, with his wife, in their true home. He had wanted to say that to her last night, but they had got sidetracked.
He walked back to the castello just as evening was setting in and found Dara waiting for him in the kitchen. A bottle of vintage Prosecco sat on the table, two glasses beside it.
‘I’m sorry I took so long.’ She winced, pouring him a generous glass of wine.
Leo took a sip, appreciating the taste for a moment before shrugging. ‘You have a business to run, carina. I have to accept that I can never have you all to myself.’
‘I’ve turned my phone off for the evening, so I am one hundred per cent yours. No distractions.’ She smiled, pressing her mouth to his.
Leo held her at arm’s length, noticing the shadows under her eyes. ‘Good. Because I’d like to continue our discussion from last night.’
Dara removed herself from his arms, turning to take a long gulp from her own glass. ‘I’d rather we just leave that, actually. I must have been overtired and emotional.’
Her laugh didn’t fool him. ‘Dara, are you unhappy?’ he asked, and watched her face snap up with alarm.
‘Why on earth would you think that?’
‘You seem...unfulfilled, somehow. These trips to Syracuse tell me that perhaps you might have changed your mind about some things.’
Dara looked momentarily miserable, her expression filled with intense sadness before shifting back to a mask of calm. Anyone else might not have noticed, but Leo knew her better than anyone.
> ‘It’s nothing that I plan to act on,’ she said coldly. ‘There’s no need for you to worry.’
‘Why would I worry? We are husband and wife, Dara. We make these kinds of choices together. Maybe I should go with you to Syracuse so you can help me to understand.’
‘That’s definitely not what I want,’ Dara snapped.
‘Per l’amore di Dio.’ Leo sucked in a breath to control his frustration. ‘Dara, for God’s sake, what do you want?’ he shouted harshly, feeling instant remorse as she flinched.
They stood in silence for a moment, toe to toe in the silence of the kitchen.
‘I won’t be shouted at.’ Dara spoke quietly. ‘I need some time alone. I’ll see you at dinner.’
She practically ran from the room. Ran away from him.
Leo frowned, looking out of the window at the waves crashing against the cliffs. He had lost his temper—but could she blame him? He was her husband, and yet she was determined to battle whatever was bothering her alone. He had a right to know what this was about.
Clearly the answer lay in Syracuse. If she wouldn’t go with him, then he would have to go alone.
* * *
Dara awoke to a note on her pillow from Leo, telling her that he had some business to attend to and that he would return by the afternoon. His words were plain and to the point, with none of the flowery terms of affection that they usually used. She felt a pang of hurt that he hadn’t woken her before leaving, and now she faced a day in the castello alone with her thoughts.
She had been hostile and unfair last night. And now she had driven a wedge between them. She sighed, falling back onto the soft Egyptian cotton bedspread, and stared up at the ceiling.
It wasn’t that she didn’t want to share her inner turmoil with her husband. She just felt that it was pointless to do so. Yes, she had formed a bond with Luca. Yes, for the first time in her life she had felt the all-encompassing yearning to care for a child as her own. But she would never do it. She would never be so naive as to assume that she was in any way qualified to be a parent. She was a very good wedding planner, and she hoped she was a satisfying wife. But she was not cut out to be somebody’s mother.
Her own mother had been warm and caring. She had given up her career in hotel management to stay at home as a full-time parent and had made it clear that she believed all women should do the same. Dara knew that Leo didn’t think that way—he went out of his way to promote equality in his company, and often commented on how proud he was of his wife’s accomplishments. And yet the image of her mother baking in the kitchen would always be her measure of what a good wife looked like.
She stared out at the waves crashing onto the cliffs below. Why was she having all these thoughts now? She loved her life. She had more than most women could dream of.
Needing to escape her overactive thoughts, she walked to the window. The winds were too high today to walk down on the beach, and being outside in the chilly December air wasn’t her idea of a relaxing getaway.
It had been Leo’s idea to take time off work, and yet here he was abandoning her on their third day. Clearly he was annoyed, and was choosing to punish her.
Her mind wandered back to the orphanage once more. She was restless and annoyed with herself for allowing this charade to go on for so long. It wasn’t fair to the little boy or to the hopeful orphanage staff. She needed to explain herself and give them a clear idea that she would no longer be visiting.
She could see Luca one last time.
Before she’d even realized what she was doing, she’d picked up her car keys and was powering up the cobbled driveway in her Porsche. She could be at the orphanage within the hour, and back well before lunchtime. Leo wouldn’t even know she’d gone anywhere.
* * *
The familiar white stucco facade of the orphanage was like a balm to the uncomfortable ache in her chest. Dara knocked on the door and stepped back when it swung open to reveal the kind-faced head of the orphanage—Matron Anna.
‘Signora Valente, I’m surprised to see you here.’ She frowned. ‘I thought you were in Palermo this week?’
‘What would make you think that?’ Dara smiled as she stepped inside and let the younger woman take her jacket.
‘Signor Valente said that you were so busy this week...’
‘He did? When were you speaking with him?’ Dara frowned, just as a roar of laughter came from the nearby common room. A familiar voice drifted down the hallway—a deep male voice filled with mischief and laughter.
Dara moved silently towards the doorway of the common room, her heart hammering uncomfortably in her chest. The children were all gathered in the centre of the room, on the floor, and each of their little faces was beaming up at the man who stood in the centre of their circle. Leo stood poised with a red yo-yo in his hand. His posture was like that of a magician about to wow his crowd.
‘And now for my next trick...’ he proclaimed, waiting a moment as the children shouted loudly for him to continue. ‘This one is called the lindy loop. Are you ready?’
The excitement in the air was palpable, and every eye in the room was trained on Leo as he set the red object on an intricate movement up in the air. The yo-yo caught several times on its string, before spinning up into the air and down to the ground and then landing safely back into its master’s hand.
The children clapped loudly, shouting multiple requests for new tricks at their entertainer. Leo was calm and indulgent, chatting easily to the crowd of little people in a way Dara had never seemed to master. She had spent weeks trying to gain the confidence of these kids, and the most she’d managed had been sharing lunch at the same table.
Luca always stayed by her side, though.
Her thoughts back on the present moment, she suddenly absorbed the fact that her husband was here. In the orphanage. He had lied to her, and for that she should be furious.
And yet all she felt was a same sense of anticipation. As if she was hurtling head first down a hill and she had no power to stop it.
As she watched, Luca stepped forward from the crowd of children. His soft black curls were falling forward into his eyes as they always did. He had the kind of unruly hair that refused to behave under the ministrations of any brush. She imagined Leo’s hair would be much the same if he let it grow any longer.
Catching her thoughts, she shook her head and watched as her husband sank down to his knees to listen to the young boy whisper something into his ear. Leo listened intently for a moment, before breaking into a huge grin. Luca smiled up at him and they both laughed together at their secret joke.
And Dara felt her heart break completely.
Turning from the door, she walked quickly down the corridor and out to her car. The drive home passed in a blur. Her body felt numb and her insides shook violently.
Once she reached the familiar facade of the castello, she walked to the stone wall that overlooked the famous cliffs of Monterocca. And only then did she let the tears come. Great racking sobs escaped her throat and sent violent tremors through her.
It was unthinkably cruel that Leo should look so perfect surrounded by children. The one thing that she could never give him. She wept for the children she would never bear. The children she had denied wanting for so long.
Soon the sound of tyres squealing down the driveway interrupted her silence. Heavy steps were moving fast across the courtyard towards her.
Dara turned just as Leo came to a stop. ‘Where have you been?’ she asked innocently.
‘You know where,’ Leo gritted. ‘They told me that you arrived and then left—driving like a mad woman.’
D1 ‘You lied to me,’ Dara said, her voice almost a whisper.
‘I needed to understand.’ He stood with his arms crossed.
‘And do you? Do you understand now why it was so selfish of me t
o get so attached?’
‘To tell the truth, Dara, no—I don’t.’ He sighed. ‘You keep saying you’ve been selfish. But I don’t understand how you can consider giving your time and attention to those children as selfishness.’
‘I wasn’t giving anything, Leo. I was taking. I got too close. I let Luca get attached to me because it made me feel...needed.’ She took a deep shuddering breath, shaking her head at her own foolishness. ‘It made me feel like—like I was his mother.’ She bit her lip. ‘Can’t you see how wrong that is? I’ve given him hope for something that can never happen.’
‘What makes you believe that it can never happen, Dara?’
‘Look at me, for goodness’ sake. I’m a control freak who works crazy hours and spends half the year travelling around the world with my nightclub magnate former playboy husband.’
‘That’s...quite a mouthful.’ Leo’s brows rose.
‘It’s the truth.’ She shrugged. ‘We’re not family people. Aside from the fact that we can never have our own biological children.’
Leo walked past her to the ancient stone boundary wall, leaning over to peer down at the rough sea below them. ‘I might be a jet-setting former playboy, but I think I would be ten times the father that mine was.’
Dara froze. ‘Leo, I didn’t mean that you wouldn’t make a great father. Of course you would. You’re easy-going and kind. You’re reliable and intelligent. You would be amazing.’ She shook her head. ‘But you’re married to me.’
‘Dara, if it wasn’t for you I would still be going through life without a true purpose. Falling in love with you made me realize what is truly important in life. Three years ago if you had told me that I would want to spend the rest of my life living in this castle I would have laughed you out of the room.’ He turned to her, taking both of her hands in his. ‘But here I am. And this is the only place I want to be.’
‘I can’t be somebody’s mother. I just can’t.’
‘Dara, did you ever stop and think that maybe it’s okay not to be the perfect mother? Sometimes it’s okay just to try your best. I mean, you’re telling me that you’re a workaholic, and yet the matron told me that you’ve been visiting the orphanage three times a week. That’s a two-hour round trip, alone, while simultaneously running your own business, yes?’
The Wedding Night Debt: Christmas at the Castello (bonus novella) Page 19
