by Delia Latham
“Well, it’s an admirable goal, at least.” Autumn pushed her plate away and locked her gaze on Russ. When she spoke again, her voice had taken on a bit of an edge, and her question stole the air right out of his lungs. “So, I’m curious. How come your wife is never with you and Dalynn?” She curved her lips, but the result wasn’t quite a smile. “Do you keep her under lock and key, or what?”
~*~
Autumn refused to even blink. She’d deliberately asked about his wife as a sharp change of conversational direction, and with Ceci in tow. Her friend possessed a built-in lie detector that could hone in on an untruth like a dog on a fresh bone.
In her peripheral vision, she noted Ceci’s stiffened posture, and the sharp swing of her head toward Russ. Good. That’s what she’d hoped for.
Though he was silent for a few seconds—probably trying to keep from choking on the swig of soda he’d downed a second before—he didn’t look away for even a heartbeat. A muscle worked in his jaw, ice coated his gaze, and his lips thinned to a hard, white line.
Great. Back to the rock man thing.
Dalynn appeared at Russ’s side, having slipped off the high stool next to Autumn’s without her noticing. She touched her father’s leg and fixed a sad, blue gaze on his face. “Daddy?”
He lifted the child onto his knee and made an obvious effort to relax by hugging Dalynn close and kissing the top of her head. “It’s OK, princess. Here, let me get that.” Jerking a clean napkin from a dispenser, he wiped at a speck of catsup on his daughter’s chin. When he looked up again, his expression had lost some of its edge. But his voice hadn’t. “I don’t have a wife.”
It was Autumn’s turn to choke. She grabbed at her drink and downed a swig. “What? But—”
“Linda walked out the door when Dalynn was barely four years old, and never looked backed. Haven’t seen her since.”
Dalynn snuggled closer to Russ’s chest, her gaze dull and withdrawn. Autumn’s heart cracked. Oh, God…what have I done?
“But…we shopped for her birthday. I thought—” She broke off, closed her eyes, and pulled in a much-needed breath. “I’m so sorry.”
Russ shook his head, and the ice gradually melted from his visage. “No, I’m sorry. I’ve only now realized what kind of impression that had to have made. We send her a gift from Dalynn every birthday and Christmas. She’s still her mother, and I want the lines of communication to stay open between them, whether or not Linda ever decides to put them to use. Someday it could be important.” He stroked his daughter’s hair and rested his chin gently atop her head. “Besides, doesn’t every little girl love to buy gifts for her mommy? Dalynn sure does, don’t you, princess?”
The child nodded, but she didn’t smile, and seemed determined not to look at any of the adults.
Autumn’s heart hurt. What she wouldn’t give to take back that question.
Ceci touched her hand. The sympathy in her friend’s eyes threatened to bring her to tears. “We should go, honey. Are you ready?”
She nodded, and cast a mute glance of apology at Russ. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered.
“It’s all right, Autumn. Really. I should have known you’d wonder…” He shook his head. “It’s been too long. I don’t know how to play the dating game.”
“Yes, you do.” She dared to touch his hand. “I was just under the mistaken impression you shouldn’t be in that game at all. I was wrong not to ask you about it already. Please forgive me.”
“There’s nothing to forgive.” But he barely glanced at her. “Don’t give it another thought.”
“Russ…” She bit down hard on her lip and heaved in a breath. Why had the room become so horribly suffocating? “Please. Call me later.”
He shrugged one shoulder. “We’ll see.”
“OK. Bye, Dalynn.” She bent to kiss the little girl’s cheek. “See ya next time, sweetie.”
Dalynn wrapped one arm around her neck and gave a half-hearted squeeze.
Autumn didn’t want to leave. She forced her feet to carry her across the room, where she joined Ceci at the door. Her friend slid a supportive arm around her waist. Inside the car, she handed Autumn a couple of tissues, and listened to her sniffles all the way back to the Lodge.
On the deck, Ceci unlocked their door, but Autumn dropped into one of the lounge chairs. “I think I’ll sit outside for a bit.”
“Do you want company?”
“Not just yet.” She hitched in a breath. “Thank you, though. I’m sorry to be such a crybaby.”
Ceci smiled. “There’s nothing wrong with crying now and then. It proves you’re human.”
She’d barely disappeared inside and shut the door when a flutter of wings announced the arrival of Mr. Blue.
Autumn eyed the bird through a watery gaze, and made a rude sound with her lips when she spotted the little charm hanging from his beak.
“Oh, you’re here with another tidbit from the Bible, are you? Well, hand it over. Let’s see what I need to learn today.”
The blue jay cocked his head, but didn’t come closer.
“Well? Is that mine, or are you going to hang the thing in your nest, little dude?”
He hopped closer, but didn’t release his gift. Autumn gasped when he spread his wings into a lovely display—varied shades of blue, patterned with deep black bars, and tipped in pure white. The bird lifted himself into the air and glided close. He landed on the arm of her chair, dropped the token onto her lap, and then moved to her shoulder, where he leaned his head against her damp cheek and stroked her face with his soft crest.
Autumn didn’t even breathe. The bird rested on her shoulder for ten seconds…twenty…half a minute. At last, he lifted off and glided slowly into the woods, leaving her staring after him, wide-eyed and breathless. Had all of that really happened, or had she imagined the entire fantastic occurrence? If so, she had a bigger problem than shock, or even turning into a love-stricken crybaby.
When she lowered her gaze, sunlight glinted on the little square of metal in her lap. She picked it up, glad for the solidity of the object. It was real enough. Maybe she hadn’t completely lost her mind. “Love is not rude or selfish,” she read, and then she turned the piece over. “It is not easily angered.” She pondered the words. Rude? Yes, she could be rude at times, but only when the actions of others made it fitting.
A small nudge of something otherworldly pinched her heart—something she’d never experienced—and she retraced the thought. ‘Fitting’ wasn’t really the right word, was it? On the occasions when she’d behaved rudely, she did so because it gave her some kind of satisfaction.
Like today, when she’d put Russ in an uncomfortable position in front of his daughter, just for shock effect…so Ceci could gauge his reaction.
“OK, so I need to be careful about my attitude. But I am not selfish.”
Still feeling that odd touch of something divine, she reconsidered. Autumn possessed a generous soul and an innate kindness…most of the time. But there were moments when she insisted on her own way. Didn’t everybody?
A little spark of ire ignited in her heart. Why was she going through this trial-by-bird-delivered-scripture? She didn’t need to feel any worse. Still, she’d started it, and she had to finish.
“It is not easily angered.”
Great. Just great. Autumn clutched the charm in her fisted hand, appalled when one last tear streaked a damp trail down her cheek. She’d failed today’s love quiz in its entirety. Good thing she had no intention of ever falling in love. Apparently, she didn’t have what it took to make it happen anyway.
12
The next few days dragged by. Autumn’s cell phone became an extra appendage. Surely Russ would call—if nothing else, he’d want to give her grief for putting him on the spot in front of his daughter. She could take that, she had it coming. But she needed to know Dalynn was OK, that she hadn’t caused the child undue suffering. And she needed to know Russ didn’t hate her. He didn’t have to love her—did
n’t even have to like her. She wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t. But she didn’t think she could stand thinking he hated her.
“Honey, you have to stop this.” Ceci dropped onto the sofa next to her. “Why don’t you just call him?”
“If he doesn’t want to talk to me, I don’t want to force the issue.”
“Autie.” Violet eyes took on a deeper shade, as they always did when she was worried or concerned. Autumn had never been able to put a definitive color on the particular shade in all the years she’d known Ceci. “You had every right to ask Russ about his wife. He should understand that.”
“Yes, I agree.” She set her coffee mug on a small table and pressed both hands to her unsettled tummy. “But I could have chosen a better time, and I should never have brought it up in front of Dalynn.”
“How could you have possibly known it would be a painful subject? You didn’t do anything wrong, Autie.”
“Then why does it feel as if I did?” She blinked back the burning in her eyes. This crying thing had gotten completely out of hand, and she needed to stop it already.
“Sweetie…that’s because you’ve got such a big, soft heart. I know you don’t like to admit it, but you can’t stand thinking you’ve hurt someone. That’s one of your most endearing qualities.”
Autumn rolled her eyes. “Please. I’m not nearly as sweet as all that.”
Her friend gave her a playful punch on the arm. “Did I say you were sweet? No way. I said you have a big ol’ marshmallow heart. That’s not the same, is it?”
“Pretty much.” She shot Ceci a pretend glare, and then scooted close and rested her head on the other woman’s shoulder. “Hey, Ceci…?”
“Huh oh. Should I be afraid?”
“No. I’m just curious. We haven’t really talked about…you know. Sunday. When you went up front at the church.”
“You mean when I gave my heart to the Lord?”
“Yeah. What’s it like? I mean, do you feel different?”
“Yes.” Ceci’s voice took on a soft, thoughtful tone. She combed through Autumn’s hair with her fingers as she spoke, and Autumn closed her eyes and relaxed, enjoying the moment. “I feel clean, and at peace. Things that seemed of utmost importance before don’t matter so much now…and vice versa. It’s as if I’ve been recreated or something. Inside, I mean. Like God made me brand new.”
A little spark of longing ignited in Autumn’s soul. What would it be like to experience a “recreation”? But God would never want her. Where Ceci was sweet and soft-spoken, she was mouthy and loud. Ceci possessed a genuine love for people, and Autumn…well, she avoided them whenever possible. She could never be as good…as nice…as Ceci.
“What about Gabe? How will he react?”
“I’ve already told him, and he’s delighted, but I knew he would be. The one thing we didn’t see eye to eye about was his faith. I can’t believe he asked me to marry him before I surrendered my life to God.” Ceci chuckled. “He told me he knew it would happen—he had that much trust that God would work it out.”
“Gabe’s a Christian?” Autumn sat up so she could stare at Ceci. “How come I didn’t know that?”
“Umm…maybe because you were too busy looking for things to hate about him?”
Autumn groaned. “I’m sorry. Really, Ceci. I just—it’s hard for me to think about my life without you in it.”
“Honey, I’ll still be in your life. Living at a distance can’t take away our friendship. Nothing can. Not ever. Don’t you know that?”
“I guess. But still…who’ll drag me out of my house and make me face the world? Who’ll watch movies and read books with me?” She slipped a hand through Ceci’s elbow and gave her an arm hug. “Do you know how much I’ll miss you?”
“Of course I do, because I’ll miss you at least that much.”
“I doubt it.” Autumn snorted, but she managed to extract most of the venom from her voice. “You’re so in love, you won’t even know I’m not there.”
“Not true. There’s a piece of my heart that will always and forever belong to you. Besides, I plan to have you with me in Italy as often as I can talk you into coming.” She nudged Autumn’s arm with her shoulder and cast her a quick, sideways glance. “Gabe suggested you just move there with me.”
Autumn stared. “Are you—? You’re kidding.”
“Nope. He really did.” She turned on the sofa to face Autumn. “You should give it some thought.”
“Wow.” She hauled in a huge breath. Move to Italy? “That’s a bolt out of the blue. But if you’re serious, I will think about it. My dad’s so busy using his retirement years to travel the world, I’d probably see him as much in Italy as anywhere. There’s not much else holding me here.”
But even as she spoke, one little girl’s big, blue eyes and rosy cheeks filled her mind. She blinked away the image, only to have it replaced by flint-gray eyes and a rock-hard jawline.
Russ.
Her heart gave a painful lurch, and her breath caught in her throat.
Ceci touched her arm. “Autie? What’s wrong? You’re pale. Are you feeling OK?”
She shook her head and clutched at her friend’s hand. “Ceci, I—I think I’m kind of, halfway…you know. In love.”
“Well…yeah.” Ceci lifted one dark eyebrow and dipped the other. “You’re just now figuring it out? What took you so long?”
“I don’t—I don’t know.” Confusion clouded her brain. “I—I…”
Her phone rang. She picked it up and looked at the I.D. window.
“It’s Russ! What—what do I do?”
Ceci laughed. “Oh, let me think…answer the phone?”
“And say what?”
“Autie. Honey, answer the phone.”
She nodded and pulled in a deep breath. “Hello?”
“Autumn? It’s Russ. I, uhm—I need you.”
~*~
“Here, I’ll tie it for you.”
Dalynn turned her back, and Autumn wound the apron strings around the child a couple of times before cinching them together in a bow knot.
“There. Now you look just like me.” She tweaked the kid’s nose, loving the grin she received in return.
Waving a spoon in one hand and a spatula in the other, she twirled her way around the center island in the Amundsen kitchen. Perched on the edge of the counter, Dalynn watched her, giggling hysterically. Autumn stopped in front of the little girl, bent close, and widened her eyes in as dramatic a fashion as she could muster. She saturated her tone with fake suspense. “Are you ready to bake cookies?”
“I’m ready!” Dalynn yelled.
“Then let’s do this!” Grabbing a large metal mixing bowl she’d already placed nearby, Autumn handed it to Dalynn, and then whirled around the room, opening cabinet doors and drawers. As she found ingredients, she piled them around the child.
“Here’s the flour.” She plopped the container on the counter. “Don’t let it fall.”
Shuffle-dancing closer to the refrigerator, she took out two cubes of butter and slid them across the surface of the counter. They hit the canister of flour and came to a halt. “And a bit of butter, my little butter ball.”
Dalynn watched every move, her blue eyes sparkling with what Autumn hoped was genuine delight. Judging by the ear-to-ear grin, and the roses in her cheeks, the child was having a wonderful time.
So was Autumn. She danced around the room, making a show of each dry ingredient. “Soda. And sugar. And a little salt too.” Coming to a quick stop in front of Dalynn, she dropped a swift kiss on the tip of her nose and handed her a spoon. “Now we stir it all together. That’s a good job for you.”
Dalynn laughed and clapped her hands. “That rhymed!” she crowed.
“It did?” Autumn widened her eyes and handed the girl a spoon. “Go ahead now, mix it up. Hey, you’re doing great!”
While Dalynn stirred away at the dry ingredients, Autumn softened the butter in the microwave, dumped it into a separate bowl, and
hiked a brow at the child. Dalynn’s face wore a dusting of flour, and her tongue poked out one side of her mouth.
“OK, slide on over here. Watch out—don’t drop that plate.”
Dalynn froze. Her eyes rounded, and she seemed to have a little trouble breathing. “What plate?”
Autumn frowned. She hadn’t meant to scare her. “There isn’t one. I just couldn’t think of anything else to rhyme with ‘great.’” She laughed at the confused expression on the little face, and Dalynn laughed too, although Autumn wasn’t sure she knew what was funny. Far more likely, she was just caught up in the joy of spending time with a friend and making a mess.
Having visited the kid’s bedroom, Autumn wondered if she’d ever made a mud pie in her life, or even left a toy out of place anywhere in the house. Dalynn’s room contained everything a little girl could possibly want in her private space—but most of it was still in boxes, displayed on shelves in a precise order. Had the poor kid ever been allowed to play in there…to create a bit of chaos, like kids did when they were having fun?
“Now we’re going to start the fun stuff, kiddo.” She pushed a step stool up to the counter, picked up Dalynn, and plopped her on top of it next to the mixer. After measuring the wet ingredients, Autumn turned the mixer on and let the girl guide it around the bowl.
“What about the flour and sudsies?”
“You mean baking soda, sweetie.” She gave Dalynn a quick, flour-dusted hug and added the dry stuff. “Go ahead, mix it all together.”
Soon, they were measuring out spoon-sized dollops of dough onto a cookie sheet.
Autumn slid the first pan into the pre-heated oven. She closed the door and spun around. “Don’t you look a sight! You have flour in your hair and chocolate on your nose.”
The happy smile melted off the sweet face. She clambered off the counter and brushed at her cheek with one hand. “I’m sorry. I’ll go clean up.” She hurried across the room toward the hallway, swiping at her hair as she went.
“Hey, hey! Wait up.” Autumn caught her by the arm. “Where are you going?”
“I didn’t mean to make a mess.” Her blue eyes shone with a mist of tears. “I’ll clean up right now, OK?”
