by Delia Latham
Autumn stiffened—she couldn’t help it.
Russ took her chin in a gentle, but firm grip, and lifted her face so he could hold her gaze. “Even if she wanted to come home, I don’t love her, Autumn. Besides, I would never risk letting her hurt Dalynn like that again. But I do have to forgive her, and let God remove the poison from my soul.”
She relaxed, and reached up to kiss the corner of his mouth—it was becoming natural to do that. “I know you’re right, Russ. Holding onto the hurt, the pain, and the anger at Linda is another way you try to keep control. Letting it go will be an amazing emotional release, and a major step toward healing.”
“I can see that now. I’ve actually ‘nursed’ those feelings…fed them, and allowed them to grow stronger. It was something I could control.”
“No.” She shook her head and reached up to touch his face. “The truth is, that kind of thing controls us, Russ. We never really have any power over hate and hurt and pain. Negative emotions manipulate us, not the other way around. The only way to keep them under lock and key is to refuse to allow them access.”
“How’d you get to be so smart?” He trailed a finger down her cheek.
“Just born wise and wonderful, I guess.”
He laughed. “OK. Back to the bird story. You say he’s bringing these scriptures in order?”
She shrugged. “That’s what Miss Angie said.”
“Then your next one should be the verse that says something about love finding no joy in unrighteousness.”
“Really? What…” She huffed. “I wish I knew more about the Bible. What does that even mean, finding no joy in unrighteousness?”
Jay! Jay!
Autumn sat up straight and peered around the clearing. “Surely not, at this time of night. Aren’t birds supposed to be roosting or at least perched on a branch somewhere?”
“Maybe something disturbed a nest or…” He shrugged.
They both fell silent, waiting, but wherever the cry had come from, it wasn’t repeated. Autumn sighed. She’d hoped Russ would meet her feathery friend.
A loud flutter of wings broke the silence. The lodge lighting clearly illuminated the blue jay’s graceful descent from somewhere in the trees behind them, and its silent landing on the grass a few feet away.
“Is that—?”
“Well, good evening, Mr. Blue.” Autumn spoke low and reassuring. “What are you doing out and about after dark? Mrs. Blue will be worried.”
The bird hopped closer. A shiny object dangled in its beak.
Autumn pretended not to hear Russ’s sharp intake of breath.
“Oh, you’ve brought me another message, have you?”
Cocking his head one way and then the other, the bird fixed them under a beady gaze, as if to consider what to do next. At last, he hopped closer and lifted himself up and onto her shoulder.
“Sweet Lord,” Russ breathed.
Autumn smiled. She closed her eyes and drank in the wonder of the moment, then opened them.
Russ’s wide-eyed gaze was on her as the bird leaned in to nuzzle her cheek, stroking it with his crest.
“Thank you, little friend.” She slowly lifted one hand to chest level. “May I have my gift now?”
As if he’d understood every word, the jay opened his beak and dropped the charm into her hand. Then, with one last stroke of her cheek, he lifted himself into the air and flew away.
“Sweet Lord,” Russ said again. “That was the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen. What does it say?”
She laughed and cuddled against his chest again. “Well, we’d have to go inside to see it, and I’m pretty comfortable right where I am…”
“I suppose that thing will still read the same whether we go in now or later.” It was more a growl than a real attempt at communication, but she understood. He lowered his lips close enough to hers that she felt his warm breath against her skin. “You know you look like a goddess in that dress, out here in the moonlight?”
Did the man plan to talk all night?
“Russ?”
“Hmm?” He dipped in even closer, until their mingled breath was all that separated them.
“Shut up and kiss me.”
He did, with gusto, and then broke it off. “Come on, we need to go inside.” He set her aside, stood, and then helped her up. They walked hand-in-hand into the apartment.
Autumn made coffee, and they took their mugs into the living room, where they settled onto the sofa to look at the charm.
“Love takes no pleasure in wrongdoing.” She looked up. “So that’s what it means. Not finding joy in unrighteousness means not taking pleasure in things that are wrong, or sinful?”
He nodded. “That’s what it means.”
She turned the charm over. “But rejoices in the truth.” Simple enough. Too simple. Surely some underlying meaning existed. “Explain.”
Russ chuckled. “Honey, that’s pretty straightforward. Love doesn’t lie and doesn’t enjoy the company of liars. It finds joy in the truth.”
“It’s really that simple?” She shook her head. “Miss Angie said all of these scriptures about love basically do double duty as definitions of God, because He is love. So… love-slash-God is all about doing the right thing, whether in our hearts or in the lives we live. Or am I missing something?”
“No, I’d say you’ve wrapped it up in a nutshell.” He eyed her over the rim of his mug. “I’m so excited that you’ve found Christ, Autumn. It makes a world of difference for us.”
“I’m excited too, but—” She hesitated, hating that her questions so clearly revealed her ignorance about God…the Bible…being a Christian. Still, she wouldn’t get answers if she didn’t ask. “I guess I still don’t really understand why my being a Christian matters in our relationship.”
Russ’s thoughtful expression told her he was mulling over the best way to make her understand. She loved watching the play of expressions on his face. His chin lifted the barest degree. A little thrill shot through her. She’d already come to know him well enough to recognize his “tells.” That little hike of his chin meant he’d come to a decision.
He set his cup down and slipped an arm around her shoulders. “I’m no Pastor Merckle, but I’ll give this a shot. You see, God is light—there is no darkness in Him. Sin is darkness—there is no light in sin. The Bible warns Christians against being ‘yoked together’ with unbelievers, because light has no fellowship with darkness.”
“I don’t know what that means.”
“Why would you? You’re still a baby Christian. But you’ll be surprised how quickly you’ll grow and learn. OK, let me show you something.” He picked up the long lighter she kept next to a pillar candle and then strode to the door. Grinning, he reached out one hand and flicked the light switch off. With no other lights on in the unit, darkness swallowed the apartment.
“Russ! What are you doing?”
“I’d say this is pure darkness.” His voice cut through the murk. “You agree?”
“Uh…yeah.”
“Good. Funny thing about darkness is…” He flicked the lighter on. “A little light helps, but it doesn’t really drive away the darkness. For example…” He brought the lighter up closer to his face. “You can see me with this tiny light, can’t you?”
“I guess so…kind of.”
“That’s just it. You can see me, but not clearly, because light and darkness don’t work well together. This little light wavers up and down, every breath blows it one way or another. It’s not adequate. The only way to see clearly is to drive out the darkness and let the light take over…like this.” He switched on the light.
Autumn blinked in the sudden glare.
“Light works best when it’s allowed to really shine, Autumn. You can’t mix it with darkness and expect the best results.” He returned to her side and trailed the backs of his fingers over her cheek. “A relationship between a Christian and a non-Christian is like existing in a room lit by a single candle. It’s possible, b
ut not conducive to an optimal partnership.”
Autumn was awed by the demonstration. “I completely get it. Russ, that was…incredible. Thank you for helping me understand.”
He pulled her into his arms. “My pleasure. I’m just glad that whole light and darkness thing isn’t a problem for us anymore, and I can do this…” He trailed kisses from her temple to her lips, which he covered with his own, leaving her breathless. “And this…” He tilted her head back, allowing him easy access to her neck, which he kissed with great gusto before pulling back to smile into her eyes. “Knowing there’s no reason I shouldn’t fall head over heels for the gorgeous goddess in my arms.”
For once, Autumn couldn’t think of a single response, but she decided it didn’t really matter. When in doubt, don’t talk. Just kiss the man again.
~*~
Russ didn’t want the evening to end. Holding Autumn in his arms, whether lost in her kisses or just talking, getting to know one another…he’d loved every moment. If only it never had to end. But he had a daughter at home—hopefully sleeping. He needed to relieve Ceci and Shay, so they could get some sleep before dawn brought on a new day. He drew Autumn in for one last kiss just inside her front door. “What are you doing tomorrow?”
“Waiting for you to call.”
He grinned. “You won’t have to wait long. Hurry, push me outside before I change my mind about leaving you.”
Her low murmur of laughter wrought all kinds of havoc in him, and it didn’t help when she slipped both arms around his neck and tugged his face toward hers. “One more.”
He groaned. “Woman, you’re killin’ me. With every kiss, I want to leave you here even less. I’d like nothing more than to just take you home with me.”
“But you won’t.” Autumn’s smile worked some kind of healing magic on his heart. “You’ve already shown me what a gentleman you are. So I won’t make it harder…well, not too much.” She touched her lips to his—just a sweet brush of heaven—and then pulled away. “Thank you for a wonderful evening, Russ.”
“Thank you for making it wonderful.” He released her and then tucked a finger under her chin, so he could lift it up and dip in for one more brief brush of their lips together. “Tomorrow, then.”
“Tomorrow,” she breathed. Then she slipped inside and closed the door between them.
Russ drove home in a daze. He was in over his head. Completely. When had he stopped fighting the idea of letting Autumn into his life? In what moment had he given in to his heart, and let himself fall? Because that’s what he’d done. Fallen. Hard. And he didn’t regret it, not even a little. He’d marry that little Bakersfield redhead tomorrow if she’d have him.
He pulled into his driveway, surprised to see lights blazing from the downstairs area. That probably wasn’t too strange, since Ceci and Shay were both there, although he’d half-expected them to be asleep. What puzzled him was the car parked next to Ceci’s. Shay had ridden with her friend, and this vehicle had not been in his driveway when he left. So who was here in the middle of the night? Something felt wrong. He unlocked the front door and strode down the hallway. Just inside the living room, he froze.
Three pair of eyes stared back at him. Ceci’s. Shay’s. And…
A tall blonde lounged on the sofa. She rose, dropped her magazine with a regal flourish, and sashayed across the floor to his side.. “Hello, darling,” she purred. “I’m so glad you’re home.”
Ceci and Shay sidled past the two of them. Neither of the women quite met his gaze, and the front door closed with a soft click.
Amusement lit the sultry blonde’s blue eyes and curved her bright red lips. “Well, that was a bit rude wasn’t it? Your girlfriends left without saying goodbye.”
A dull ache in his jaw alerted Russ to his clenched teeth. “As I recall, you’re pretty good at that yourself. Why are you here, Linda?”
20
“Linda is at Russ’s place?” Autumn sat huddled in one corner of the sofa, wearing her favorite worn-out pajamas. She’d had hot chamomile tea in an effort to counteract the coffee she and Russ had shared. She’d read a few chapters from the Bible—her new favorite Book—and was headed for bed when Ceci arrived home. After her friend filled her in on what was happening when she left the Amundsen house, she’d started shaking and couldn’t make it stop.
Ceci tucked a warm throw around her and then pulled Autumn into her arms. “Yes, honey. Linda’s there…but don’t go dreaming up trouble that may not exist. She didn’t tell us what she’s doing in town. She tried to get us to leave, said she could keep an eye on a sleeping child as well as anyone else, but I wasn’t about to leave her alone with Dalynn.” She shuddered. “Anyway, when we refused to go away, she pulled a magazine out of her bag, buried her nose in it and didn’t look up until Russ came home. Shay and I made fast tracks out the door immediately, so I have no clue what’s going on over there.”
“She’s back.” Autumn’s voice cracked, but she didn’t bother to clear her throat. “She wants to come home, and Russ…he’ll have to say yes, won’t he? Because she’s Dalynn’s mother—and because he believes what God brings together should stay together.” Even as she spoke the words, she recalled what he’d said mere hours earlier. “Even if she wanted to come back, I don’t love her.”
But that was before Linda actually did come back…
“Oh, honey, you don’t know that. I know you’re worried, and I don’t blame you, but try not to imagine the worst.”
A violent shudder shook Autumn’s body. Her teeth chattered, and she had a hard time responding. “It’s only ‘the worst’ for me, Ceci. If Linda returns, Russ’s home will be complete again. Dalynn has a mother, and he has a wife. That’s good, right?”
Ceci held her tighter. When she finally did answer, tears clouded her voice. “I guess that depends…on a lot of things. Let’s not talk about it anymore. Just let God work things out however He sees fit.”
Autumn opened her mouth, but—for maybe the first time in her life—she closed her lips and refused to allow a single word to slip past. She wouldn’t even think the negative thought, especially about God, the God who’d taught her love. She took Ceci’s hand and whispered words she’d uttered only once before in her life. “Will you pray with me?”
Her friend slid to her knees on the floor.
When Autumn knelt beside her, still shivering, Ceci pulled the blanket over her once again. She kept one arm draped over Autumn’s shoulders.
Ceci prayed aloud.
Autumn wept in silence.
~*~
By nine o’clock the next morning, Ceci’s car was packed with their belongings.
They returned their keys to Miss Angie, who hugged them both but held on to Autumn a long time.
“Autumn, dear, are you sure this is the right thing to do? I hate to see you leave before God is finished.”
“Finished with what, Miss Angie?” She kissed the older lady’s cheek. “He’s already worked a miracle in both my life and Ceci’s. The thing with Russ…well, I guess that wasn’t meant to happen.”
“Are you quite sure, dear?”
“Linda’s back, and I can’t stand in the way of a family being a family.” She shook her head and blinked back another wave of tears. “But I’m pretty selfish, I guess, because I can’t stay here and rejoice with them, either. I—I just can’t.”
“There, there, dear. Just rest in the Lord.” Miss Angie’s smile, while not as bright and cheery as usual, still managed to deliver a beam of light into Autumn’s gloomy heart. “He can work things out in His way, whatever your location. He knows where you are.”
Autumn squeezed the hand of the woman she’d come to love like a mother. “Thank you, Miss Angie…for everything. I’ll never forget you.”
“Nor I you, dear.”
Autumn took one last look around the beautiful lodge grounds, and then opened the car door. She caught her breath when a blue jay swooped over her head and landed on top of the car.
> Across the roof, Ceci gaped.
“Now, how did you know I was leaving, Mr. Blue?” Autumn shook her head, still awed by the bird’s presence in her life. “Thank you for coming to say good-bye.”
She held out her hand, and the jay dropped the charm that dangled in his beak. He sat, preening himself, while she read the engraved words aloud.
“Love bears all things, believes all things…” She pulled in a strangled breath, released it, and then turned the charm over. “…Hopes all things, endures all things.” Blinking rapidly, she cocked her head at Mr. Blue, who returned the gesture. “I guess I’ll have to think about this one, little friend.” Tentatively, she laid her open hand on the car’s roof, and the bird hopped on top of it. “Thank you for being God’s special courier while I was here at the lodge.”
The bird tilted his head and…looked at Miss Angie.
Her hostess winked.
Or had she? When Autumn blinked and looked again, the woman’s expression was pure innocence. She gave her head a shake. Clearly, this whole thing with Russ had her off her game. She bent to place her face close to her hand, and—just as she’d hoped—Mr. Blue nuzzled his crest against her cheek. Then he hopped off her hand and lifted into the air. He hovered long enough to let out a string of harsh squawks that bore a distinct tone of reprimand, and then zoomed off into the distance. Autumn sighed. Even Mr. Blue didn’t understand her sudden departure.
“Seems awfully sad for you to leave before you have all your charms,” Miss Angie said.
“It sounds pretty final, Miss Angie. Are you sure there are more?”
“Oh, yes, dear. There’s one more.”
“Well, I guess Mr. Blue will have a longer delivery route next time. If God wants me to have it, well—you said it, Miss Angie. He knows where I’ll be.” She offered the landlady as genuine a smile as she could muster and then climbed into the car beside Ceci, who already had the engine running. “Goodbye, Miss Angie.”
“For now, dear.” Miss Angie stepped back and waved as they backed out of the carport.
