Madison's Choice

by Skye Michaels

  Oh God! He had a son who was eventually going to be a teenager—in a mere five years! If that wasn’t poetic justice, nothing was. He remembered one notable occasion when he had been thirteen. His dad had died when he was twelve, and Mike, who was thirty-one at the time, had stepped into the role of father figure. Mike had caught him and his two best friends, Pete Johnson and John Steele, in the foaling barn smoking pot Pete had stolen from his older brother’s room. They had just wanted to try it. Mike had whipped their butts then and there, and then after giving them a lecture about A, smoking in the barn at all, and B, smoking dope and killing their brain cells, he had made them clean stalls for the remaining two weeks of summer vacation. As he had told them at the time, “If you’re going to be stupid, you have to be tough!” Those two weeks had seemed like an eternity in Hell. On the last day of summer vacation, Mike had called them into his office. They were all shaking in their boots! He’d told them he was proud of them for taking their punishment like men, following through on the stall cleaning, and doing a good job. Then he had handed each of them a paycheck for the two weeks of stall cleaning at regular stall cleaners’ rates. They had all been thrilled with the windfall. None of them had ever touched the stuff again, not even when they had gone to college. Ross smiled to himself. Pete and John still called Mike “sir.”

  “You could go in and talk to her at the club. She’s there every day. Or possibly you, Robbie, and I can go in and have dinner with her at the club one night this week. That would give you both time to process this and might make your first meeting a little easier. I know it will be uncomfortable for both of you. Think about it, and let me know what you want to do.”

  Ross dropped his head into his hands as the enormity of the situation began to sink in. “Okay. I just can’t believe it. I need time to wrap my mind around this!”

  Chapter Nine

  Ross couldn’t wait until the next weekend to see Madison. He called her at the club office and said, “Madison, this is Ross. I think we need to talk.”

  “I guess we do,” she responded cautiously. “What do you suggest?”

  “Since this is family business, Mike suggested that it might be easier on all of us if we met at the club for dinner and to talk. It’s quiet, private, and neutral territory. How about Wednesday night? Is that convenient for you? You can have your parents or someone else join us if that would make you feel more comfortable. I don’t want you to feel like the Hamiltons are ganging up on you. I’m going to want to see my son soon, but we can talk first and work out the details.” She could hear the anger underlying the reasonable tone of his voice. He was mad, and Madison couldn’t really blame him.

  She had been dreading those words. She had not said anything to Nickie about meeting his father. She wanted to be sure about Ross first, about what he wanted from her and Nickie, and about what kind of man he had turned out to be. She also wanted to be sure that Nickie was properly prepared, if that was possible. This was not going to be easy on any of them.

  “That sounds like a good idea.” She really would not mind having a buffer for this first meeting. “Dinner at the club on Wednesday then. How about 7:30?” She could run home and change. Nickie could have dinner at her parents’ house and spend the night.

  “See you then,” he responded.

  * * * *

  On Wednesday night, Madison waited in her office to hear from the front desk that the Hamiltons had arrived. She was nervous and totally on edge. She had made up a package of pictures of Nickie from his birth through his birthday in May for Ross, and she included a copy of his birth certificate. If Ross was interested in being a part of Nickie’s life and he was the man she remembered him to be, she wouldn’t keep him out. She realized that Mike and Robbie would want to know their nephew as well. When she was advised they were on site, she met them in the dining room. She had dressed carefully in a black silk suit that was businesslike but conformed to her figure in a flattering, feminine way. She had pulled her long, straight, silky dark hair into a loose knot at the nape of her neck with a few loose tendrils around her face and applied a minimum of makeup. She wanted to look good but not like she was on the make or out to catch Ross’s eye.

  Madison was not surprised when she saw Ross for the first time in nine years. He looked just as he had that long ago summer, but he had filled out and matured. He wasn’t a boy or a guy. He was a very handsome man, confident and self-possessed. There were some character lines around his eyes, and he was tan and fit-looking. He was wearing black dress slacks with an open-collared white shirt and a gray tweed sports jacket that complimented his black hair and emphasized his wide shoulders, narrow waist, and long, long legs. God, he’s still gorgeous.

  Mike leaned down to brush a kiss on Madison’s cheek, and then he said, “Oh Hell!” and grabbed her into a crushing bear hug. “You’re family now, girl.”

  She smiled up at him and then at Robbie and said, “I guess I am.” She turned to Ross and put out her hand to shake when he, too, pulled her into his arms for a hug. She felt a frisson of fear, or was it excitement, course down her spine.

  He whispered in her ear, “You have some ’splaining to do, Lucy!” in his best Ricky Ricardo imitation with just the slightest bit of menace in his voice.

  She smiled tentatively. He had always had a quick sense of humor—she just had not expected to see any of it today.

  Conversation was general and only slightly strained during dinner. Madison gave them the package of pictures and watched as Ross’s eyes filled with tears, and he roughly cleared his throat. Oh God! How am I ever going to explain this?

  When dinner was over, Robbie said, “Why don’t you two take a walk around the grounds and talk this out.”

  Ross got up from the table, and taking Maddie’s arm, he helped her from her seat. They walked out on to the veranda and down the steps to the walkway skirting the pool and the pond at the bottom of the lawn. They walked in uneasy silence until they reached the cast iron bench next to the pond and sat down.

  “Okay, let’s have it. I want to know everything that happened and why you did what you did,” he said. While his tone was not overly harsh or aggressive, she could tell he wasn’t in the mood for a line of bullshit.

  “After the accident, after we had broken up, I was very upset. I felt partly responsible for Flashfire’s death. I didn’t let him out of the stall on purpose, but I admit I should not have gone in there. He was just too much for me to handle, and he knew it.”

  “That’s true. Flash was a brat. Remember how he used to trot up in front of the hot walker arm then put his head up and let it smack him in the back of the neck and stop the walker for himself and all his friends? He burned out more than one motor that way.” Ross laughed and Madison could see it was a good memory. “You know, that’s the first time I’ve been able to remember anything about him and laugh. That’s a really good thing.” Ross put his arm across the back of the bench and played with her hair.

  She was very aware of his arm along the back of the bench and his fingers toying with a lock of her hair. She was more than vaguely aware of that old attraction. She continued nervously, “Anyway, you and I didn’t see each other again, and I left for school. A few weeks later, when I didn’t get my period, I thought it was because of the stress of all that had happened. When I still had not gotten it after a few more weeks, I got a home pregnancy test, and it was positive. I was terrified and didn’t know what to do.”

  “And you never thought to get in touch with me?” He frowned.

  “Come on, Ross! You know how we left things. I considered calling you, but I knew that you had not forgiven me, that you hated me. What good would that have been to you, me, or the baby? I thought about it and decided that an abortion was out of the question. I also did not want to be an unwed mother here in Ocala. My family is all here. I went to school here. It would have just been too humiliating. So I decided to quit school and move to New Jersey to live with my grandmother and have the baby there.
She was willing to let me live with her on the condition that I continued school. I got my bachelor’s degree at Seton Hall. In the meantime, Nickie was born. I told my classmates and teachers that my husband was deployed in Iraq, and I wore a wedding band. It was just easier that way. When Grammatha died, I came back home. I missed everyone here, and Nickie needed a family.”

  “Grammatha?” Ross raised his eyebrow.

  “I know…but she loved that name.” Maddie laughed softly. “Nickie couldn’t say Grandma Agatha, so it became Grammatha.”

  “Did you ever think that maybe we might want to be part of his family?”

  “To be truthful, I didn’t. I didn’t know if you still lived here or if you were married with a family of your own. Nickie and I were doing fine. Gram left me well provided for. I have a good job. I own my cottage on Fifth Street in the District just down the street from my parents’ house, free and clear, and there’s a nice trust fund for Nickie’s college expenses. I have all the financial help and emotional support I might need from my family. I had no intention of coming to you or your family for anything. Nickie is a great kid and the love of my life. I don’t need anything else from anyone,” she said proudly, unwilling to let any of her insecurities show. She realized in retrospect that it might have sounded a little smug or even callous.

  “Well then, thank you for allowing me to make a biological contribution,” he said angrily. He was clearly furious. “There are no exceptions to the rule, Maddie, and the rule is if you get pregnant, you tell the father of your child.”

  “And what would you have done? Quit school? Gotten married? I didn’t think it was fair to ask that of you, to saddle either of us with an unwanted marriage. Neither of us was ready for that.” Truthfully, she had not been ready to be a mother at eighteen, but she had coped and done what she had to do.

  “You didn’t follow the rule, Maddie, and it cost me the first eight years of my son’s life. How can you make that up? How can you give that back to me? Do you think my family would not have stood by us? We would have had all the help we needed from them as well.”

  “Ross, I was eighteen. I did the best I could under the circumstances, and I think that I did pretty damn well! Our son is happy, healthy, well adjusted, and smart as a whip, not to mention an occasional pain in the butt! I’m sorry you missed out on a lot of that, but if you want to be involved in his life now, I’m willing to let you take part. I haven’t told him anything about this yet. I didn’t want him to be disappointed if it didn’t work out.”

  “Damn straight I want to be a part of his life. You’re willing? That’s really big of you, Maddie. Don’t think you can keep me out of his life.”

  “Ross, please. This does not have to get adversarial. We can work it out so that we are all satisfied. I want the best for Nickie, and I want him to have a father.”

  “Have you ever married or anything? What about boyfriends?”

  “No. I have not had time for that. With school, work, and Nickie, I didn’t have the time or energy to devote to relationships. I was not into clubbing or dating. My pregnancy put an end to my carefree girlhood. I had a child to think about.”

  While they had been talking, Ross had been looking through the pictures of his son. At the bottom of the pile, he came to the birth certificate. He opened it and read it. “You listed me as his father? And gave him the middle name Ross?” He looked amazed.

  “Of course I did. You are his father, and I wanted him to have at least a part of your name. You see, Ross, I wasn’t mad at you, and I didn’t hate you.”

  Madison watched as Ross relaxed a little and made an effort to adjust his attitude and dial down his threatening body language. He took her hand in his big tan one and said, “Maddie, we’ll work this out. We’re adults, and we both want the best for Nickie. I want to see my son. Why don’t you bring him out to the farm on Saturday? Will that give you enough time to talk to him about me? We’ll have lunch with my mom, Mike, Robbie, and their kids, and Nickie can meet the rest of his family.”

  Madison looked at him with trepidation. Now she had to explain this to Nickie, and she did not have a clue how she was going to go about it. “Okay. We’ll be there about 11:00 if that’s all right.”

  “That’s fine. In two and a half days I get to meet the son I never knew I had. This is a little scary for me, too, you know.” He was obviously trying to keep a lid on his temper and a reasonable tone to his voice, despite the anger she could see was welling up inside him.

  She smiled at him and said, “Yes, it’s very scary.”

  Chapter Ten

  Ross had a lot of thinking to do, and he had a hard time getting to sleep that night. He was anxious to meet his son for the first time but nervous about it as well. The birth certificate said, “Nicholas Ross Snow.” It should be Nicholas Ross Hamilton. How could he explain to an eight-year-old that he was his father and that, through no fault of his own, he had missed the first eight years of his life—all without appearing to blame his mother? He had missed four a.m. feedings, dirty diapers, bath time, story time, Christmas mornings, building blocks, pre-school and kindergarten graduation, the first day of big-boy school, and Cub Scout campouts. Would Nickie be resentful, angry, hurt? Ross didn’t know. He didn’t have a lot of experience with kids except his niece and nephew, but he had not been responsible for them. He knew horses—kids not so much!

  He did know that he wanted this child with an intensity that made him feel hollow inside with a hard pain in his gut. He had not felt this much emotion since Flashfire had died in his arms. Once again, he felt the need to mourn all he had missed. He hadn’t realized he could feel anything this deeply again. Maybe that was a good thing. Maybe he could finally let go of that hurt, really forgive Maddie, and move past it all. He realized that would be the only way he could make this work.

  And what about Maddie? She was a beautiful woman, no longer the promising girl she had been at eighteen, and she was the mother of his child. That was a stunning thought. He remembered the fun they had that summer—inner tube rides down the Crystal River, the evening trail rides, the nighttime swims in the pond, making love on a blanket under the live oak trees, and watching the incredible array of stars in the Milky Way. Apparently he hadn’t been as conscientious about condoms as he had thought.

  All in all, it had been a fabulous summer until the accident that had killed Flashfire, the dream horse he had trained himself. Ross was especially proud that they had bred a champion open jumper to an Eden Creek brood mare, Flashy Girl. The resulting foal, Flashfire, had been a fantastic open jumper, and Ross had a great time showing him at the annual HITS Horse Show. They had cleaned up against the top horses that came in from all over the country for the three-month show every winter. Nobody could beat his time on the course. Ross had virtually paid his college tuition with jumping purses.

  Flash was fearless, tireless, and fast as lightning over the six-foot and better jumps. He sailed over the water hazard like it wasn’t there, took the triple oxers like a champ, changed leads over the jumps, and turned on a dime. He rarely clipped a rail and all his rounds were clean. But even more important than all of that was the fact that they were totally in sync. They were a team and each trusted the other implicitly. When his best friend had died in his arms, a part of him had died as well. After the accident, Ross lost interest in show jumping and turned his attention to finishing his education so he could come home and begin his racing career with his brother. Eden Creek became the focus of all his ambition.

  Now he had a son to think about. He prayed he could make it all work.

  Chapter Eleven

  Thursday morning, after a really restless night, Madison called Anne at the club and told her she would be in late. After breakfast she told Nickie that they were going to have a family meeting and that she had something important to talk to him about. While he was every bit an eight-year-old boy, he often displayed flashes of maturity beyond his years.

  He watched her carefully as s
he poured herself another cup of coffee and another glass of orange juice for him.

  “Honey, I had a big surprise at work the other day. I ran into some people I knew a long time ago, before you were born. They were your Aunt Robbie and Uncle Mike. I also saw your daddy. I did not know he still lived here.”

  “My dad? I didn’t know I had a dad,” he said in surprise. Maddie’s heart broke at the hopeful light in his eyes. Maybe she had more to answer for than she had imagined. She had tried to answer his occasional questions about why he didn’t have a father like his friends at school in a way that would not upset him, but that was basically honest. Maybe she had not succeeded as well as she had thought.

  “Well, Nickie, everyone has a dad. Sometimes though, mommies and daddies don’t live together. If that’s the case, most of the time, children live with their mommies. But now, your daddy and his family want very much to meet you and get to know you.”

  “How come they never wanted to know me before?” He looked puzzled.

  “When I found out I was lucky enough to be having a baby, and I was going to be your mommy, I was so excited that I went to live with Grammatha in New Jersey, and I forgot to tell your daddy about it.” Madison had to admit that this sounded really thin to her ears. What was Nickie going to think?

  “You forgot?” He looked doubtful.

  She pushed on. “Yes. I’m sorry that I did. So now, your daddy and your other family want very much to meet you. They asked us to come and visit them on Saturday. What do you think? Would you like that?”