by Derek Palmer
"You live here, in this house?"
Linnea had stopped in front of the building and I had stopped with her. I hadn't really paid that much attention to it, but now when I looked at it I had to admit that it looked better than the other houses. One more thing that I hadn't noticed while moving here, in this city. Or maybe I had noticed, but I hadn't really thought it through. The fact that I had to dampen my sensing should not mean that I stop using my other senses as well. Or brains. I reminded myself that this was not some forest I was familiar with. No, this was probably the most dangerous place I had ever been. Most dangerous for me.
I didn't have to fake the astonished look on my face.
"I know that Mrs. Hansen owns the house and she rents some of the rooms out. I made a promise to help to maintain the house as a part of my rent."
Except that she had not accepted any rent from me yet when I tried to offer it.
"Mrs. Hansen? The widow of that Mr. Hansen? Does she have..."
The look on my face confirmed her suspicions and then she shook her head.
"Stian, do you know who she is? Or, how come you know her?"
At least I got a reaction out of Linnea. I guess it was the first real reaction after her initial anger towards me - and that had been lame. Only now the tone of her voice told me, without doubt, that I must be some sort of an idiot for not knowing who Mrs. Hansen was. Without any warning, all the frustration I had been piling inside me came to the surface before I could stop it.
"My dear lady, Linnea, I have been here in Aston one month. Besides you the only people I know here in this town are Mrs. Hansen, the other tenants and a few people in a restaurant on the other side of town."
Linnea was silent for a moment after my outburst and then she started to apologize: "I'm sorry Stian, I didn't..."
I stopped her by putting my finger carefully to her mouth and shook my head.
"No Linnea, it's me who needs to be sorry. All this just sometimes feels almost too much for me. Inside here is still a boy who mostly had the best time of his life in the forest, alone."
Linnea wasn't like any other girl or woman I had known. It was like she tried to read my moods or what I said and react accordingly. That, combined with the feeling that she was able to do some magic, worried me a bit. Or, in fact, quite a lot.
"That's okay, Stian. I didn't know that... which restaurant was it?"
"Private Prospects, why?"
Suddenly Linnea's eyes were like saucers.
"That restaurant... that's the place where everybody wants to go. I mean everybody important."
Now I was able to smile a bit.
"Well, the dishes didn't look that spectacular, but the storage areas were nice and clean. So, maybe it is something special."
Linnea looked me with a serious look on her face. Well, even more serious than normally. When I looked at those green eyes there seemed to be something that still seemed to be bothering her.
"You are seriously saying that you just accidentally met these people?"
"Yes, as a start I just got a ride from the boat to the restaurant from the crew."
"And you had never met those people before?"
"How could I? I came to the town where the boat left from just one day before departure. I just got to know the crew during the boat trip."
"You really have no idea, do you, Stian?"
"No, I really have no idea what you are talking about."
I was almost able to feel Linnea's gaze on me when she looked at me for a moment.
"You are telling the truth here. You have all the time been telling me the truth."
Something in her reminded me about the Elven women - most likely the ability to say something and leave the most important things unsaid, to be figured out. I seriously reminded myself that I couldn't trust her. Especially not her. What really worried me was her comment about me telling the truth. For sure she couldn't be able to tell if I was lying, could she? I reminded myself to be extra careful with her.
The lunch itself went well, since Esra, Mrs. Hansen's cook, was more than happy to add a place for one more person. Yes, the lunch was fine - forgetting the fact that I felt like an idiot - again.
"Linnea, it's so nice that you can help our Stian here with his studies. Have you already checked if there are some books in the library that you can use as support?"
I almost stopped the other of the Lykke twins by saying that there were no such books in our library, but she managed to continue before I totally made a fool of myself.
"You know, with that red pass of his, either of you can borrow a suitable book or books from the University Library for a few weeks."
The Library. The University Library. Of course I knew that there was this Library and I had planned to visit the Library once I had time and knew a bit more about things. Of course the Library also had books that could help me with calculus. After all, it should have a copy of all the books ever printed in Anglon.
"Oh, I didn't know. I guess Stian forgot to mention that."
Linnea was almost smiling when she said that, and I wanted to disappear under the table. It was clear to all of them that I had had no idea. I concentrated on my stew and hoped that the lunch would be finished soon. I wondered if there was another side of Linnea that I hadn't seen - since she smoothly changed from a silent, very subdued student to an almost smiling and sociable young woman. I swallowed a few times, took the hits that were coming in my direction and tried to smile when it was expected. Because I knew that I needed some help. No, I needed lots of help with my Mathematics.
"You really live with those people there, in your own room?"
The tone of her voice was lighter than it usually had been with me. I looked directly into those green eyes and nodded. "I have my room at the third floor, yes. Not so big, but certainly better than the student accommodation."
Again, I could feel Linnea's eyes on me as we walked back towards the University. When she started to talk her voice was low but firmer than usual.
"All the people of Aston have heard about Mr. Hansen. I mean all. He was the man willing to finance any business - for the right price. Which was usually, in his case high, or very high. Another thing was that somebody always collected his debts. Always. When he suddenly died, you could almost hear the collective sigh of relief, but then people were also afraid about what would happen, who would take his place."
"What happened?"
"Nothing happened. Nothing. There were rumors that some men tried to take over his business; but after a few failed attempts, they stopped trying as Mrs. Hansen was already running the business, with a much softer touch but still successfully. However, rumors were that there was nothing soft in the way those few men were handled. Now it's almost common knowledge that Mr. Hansen's widow either finances or owns a great deal of the businesses around the city. All kinds of businesses."
That was by far the longest speech Linnea had ever given. Even if I had had no plans to get her to my bed I had to admit that getting some attention felt good - so I smiled.
"Okay."
"Okay? Is that all you're going to say?"
I shrugged. "What should I say or how should I react? I may be a naïve boy from far, far away, but I do know that there's a lot of ‘unofficial’ business. Even more now that the taxes got higher. For sure I'm not going to give up my room and move to common accommodation because of what you told me."
I could almost feel how Linnea looked at me when I said that, and when I turned to look back at her I wondered if we would really be friends at some point. Except that I needed to remember that she might just as well be a foe. On the other hand, I felt that maybe, just maybe, she started to be a bit more open towards me after that one lunch or perhaps I was just imaging it. I knew that the problem was that I craved a friend, but I didn't want just anyone. Back there on the west coast I had been able to be on my own, but I had also been able to go hunting to refresh my thoughts. Out here I wasn't able to do that, nor did I have
any friends I could really trust. This was going to be much harder than I had originally suspected.
"Why do you say that you are some naïve boy when you definitely are not?"
Suddenly I remembered her previous comment about telling the truth and then I remembered the ways she had been looking at me sometimes. I turned towards Linnea.
"Can you really tell if somebody is lying or not?"
That question was out of my mouth before I could stop it. The question had been bouncing so much inside my head that a careless moment let it out. Shit. Double shit. The look on those green eyes was suddenly like the one of a squirrel when it was looking at a lynx. When the lynx was way too close. It was like she would have liked to answer me, but she couldn't.
I smiled at her and shook my head. "That's okay. Even if you are able to do that, your secret is safe with me. But it must be a real hell for you at the University since there are lots of people willing to lie to you in order to get what they want."
I was fishing here. I needed to know. In a way, she had looked almost terrified when she had talked to me about things that I didn't know about Aston, and the people here. Like she had been worried about me. I also decided to take my chances here and I added some magical push to my Anglon, even if it shouldn't have been possible - but somehow it was, for me. At least a bit.
Maybe she nodded the slightest. Or maybe I just wanted to see her nod. I also dared to open myself a bit so that I was able to sense her.
During the dinner when there had been quite a lot of verbal jabbing pointed in my direction, I made a decision. It wasn't because of the teasing since I had been through worse - much worse - while being the only male among the Elves. No, I understood that by being extraordinarily careful I was acting against my own nature and it didn't matter if I spoke about Stian or Arne. Each of them had done things that required some courage, sometimes some foolish things. But the truth was that I had things to do and I had a sort of a plan. Not a detailed plan, but a plan about things I needed to achieve. Getting those things done meant that I needed to become active, to take some measured risks. This was one of those moments.
I had been practicing my sensing, not just shutting it down because of all the people, but also focusing it. It wasn't working that well yet but it was working somewhat. So, when I had last spoken to Linnea I had also carefully opened my sensing towards her, forcing myself to ignore other people walking close to us. For a moment only Linnea existed for me.
There were no exact words to describe what I felt. In a way it reminded me of that sense of pushing and pulling inside your head which was one way to estimate each other’s magical powers. A crude way, as I had learned; and a stupid one, too, since it left no question about your own skills. However, if done correctly, even a small push or pull could totally change the most powerful spell the other person was trying. But this sensing... it was like listening to whispers or watching leaves move in the wind or sensing a cold or hot breeze in your skin or smelling some new scent or seeing some colors that do not really exist... All inside your head, and all at the same time. Already as a child I had learned to differentiate the animals with my skill and I knew the difference between Humans, Elves and Trolls. What I was trying now was something totally new. Somehow I felt that it could be done. The intelligent beast with magic skills had been able to do something like it.
I didn't really want to think how I knew that. I just did.
If I hadn't been sure about Linnea's ability to do magic, I was sure now. Almost as soon as I had confirmation of her skills, I pulled back and closed myself again, but not before I had gotten some sort of magical portrait of her. Now I also knew that she wasn't able to mask her skills as I was. Besides that, I knew something else. I was certain that the girl walking next to me was truly terrified inside that well-maintained and subdued cover of hers. Most likely she was more terrified than I was, she was just hiding it better. Masking it.
Maybe this was a start. It had to be.
--
Chapter 17
There was no time for a real discussion after that lunch at my home, as we had to hurry to our next lesson. It wasn't until after our last lecture when we were able to somewhat return to what we had been talking about.
"Like I said before, Linnea - if you have a secret it's safe with me. In many ways, that kind of gift would remind me of a curse. Especially all those young men talking to you, telling all those things..."
Linnea almost snorted. Had I not known better, I would have believed that her reaction was not genuine, but now I knew better.
"Like, I didn't know it anyway, Stian? I know that I'm not a beauty and if a boy or a man wanted to be with me it was because I had something else they wanted. After all, they could always close their eyes."
She tried to make it sound like she hadn't cared but I knew better. Especially after getting that magical portrait. So, I put my hand on her shoulder and stopped her and made her look at me.
"Linnea, more than anything I want to be your friend."
I didn't dare to put much magical emphasis to that, just the tiniest bit. Then, just like sealing a letter, I sealed that statement by quickly kissing her forehead. I made sure to smile when I pulled back.
"Since you can see if I'm lying, I do admit that I also hope you'll help me with my Mathematics and - being a young male - I'm not able deny that the idea of that 'something else' has been in my mind, too. But I'd rather be your friend than ruin it by demanding that 'something else'."
For the first time since meeting her, she looked really out of balance for a moment, instead of just being passive. Only for a moment, but still. Now, I'd either trust my instincts or not. The look on my face turned serious and I looked at the ground for a moment before raising my gaze again. All the time, I kept my hand on her shoulder and she hadn't made any move to push it away.
"If we are going to be close friends, Linnea, there's something else I need to tell you about myself. Something about my heritage..."
I dared to open myself a bit more and the feeling I got from her was that she was even more terrified than she had been. There were lots of mixed feelings floating around and I started to worry if there was somebody else like me who'd be able to 'see' her.
"I'm not a bastard son of a noble, but an orphan since my teens. I was a hunter, but I have also been entertaining some women older than me - much older than me - and I have also been sleeping with someone they did business with."
I kept on carefully watching Linnea and how her feelings changed when I made my 'confession'. I wasn't lying - I didn't dare to risk it if she really could see it. Now I was almost fascinated to follow - to see/feel/sense - how Linnea changed from truly terrified to almost relieved. I carefully closed myself again, but not before making sure that I wasn't able to sense anything threatening around us.
"Why did you lie about it?"
"Should I have been proudly claiming what I have been doing, really?"
"There must be worse things than that, like..."
"Like killing?"
If I had tried to shock her it seemed that I was only partly successful. Instead, all of a sudden there was some life behind those green eyes again. For most of the time those eyes had seemed almost colorless but now they were green, definitely green. More importantly, she didn't pull away.
"It depends."
I put a smile on my face, trying to make sure that my smile was not a happy one. Well, that was easy, even though the reason for that was totally different than she probably thought. Inside my head, I wondered how long it might take before I would be able to be myself again. That Stian who could occasionally go out to the forest and hunt - or just enjoy the wilderness. I held my gaze on those green eyes.
"If it happened in order to protect those close to me?"
"Do you love those older women?" She totally ignored my question and her own question was a loaded one, but I had only myself to blame. I lifted my hand from her shoulder and looked into the distance. Which in this c
ase was a battered building wall not so far away. What if she really could see if I was lying? Or why couldn't she?
"I do care a whole lot about them. After all, without their help I wouldn't be here studying."
I was surprised to feel the tip of Linnea's fingers wipe my cheek. "There's nothing wrong in admitting that you care about some people, Stian."
