My heart breaks for him. To be as young as he was, and to be thrust into a situation such as that, with no planning and no warning – it was probably the scariest moment of his life.
“When I finally woke up, I was a heavy sleeper back then, and came out, her mom, my mom, and Maggie were standing there all facing me like I should have known what they were talking about.”
“Where was your dad?” I ask quickly, the first thought that popped into my head.
“At the time he was at work, and then he wanted nothing to do with me because I’d ruined my life.” He puts his hands in his pockets. “We talk every once in a while now, but I’ve made peace with it. He left me, not the other way around. Anyway, her mom pushes her toward me, tells me she’s pregnant, and I’m responsible for the both of them now.”
“What did you do?”
“I was panicked and shocked. I did probably what any kind my age would have done. I asked her if it was mine.”
“Oh shit, Mason.” I rub my face as those words come out of his mouth. “You didn’t?”
“I did, and she slapped me, her mom slapped me, and my mom cried in the corner. It was all a hot mess. Eventually everyone calmed down, and the whole story came out. So to answer your question, I wasn’t there for this part. I wasn’t even there for the sonograms,” he admits. “There’s a lot of things I wanna do differently this go round, and the first one is to take care of you. So let’s get a test and see what’s happening.”
My heart pounds as I grip his hand in mine, looking out over the tests that will potentially change our lives. Without even thinking, I grab one, not sure which one it is and not even caring.
“If I’m pregnant, it doesn’t matter how much it costs or what brand it is, it’ll still give me the answer I need.” We make our way to the checkout; I reach in to a cooler, grabbing the biggest bottle of water I can find. “Gonna have to pee on it, right?”
Mason smiles, pulling me close as we stand in line. “You okay?” he asks softly, his breath pushing up tufts of my hair.
“Nervous, but good. If it happens, it happens. If this isn’t it, we’ll try again. It’s still something you want, right?”
“I want it all with you, Rina, never ever think that I don’t.”
When it’s our turn, I feel good as we put our purchase on the counter, pay for it, and quickly leave. As soon as we’re in the Jeep, I’m cracking open the bottle of water and drinking it down. Determined not to have to wait much longer to find out what in the world is actually going on.
Menace
There have been times in my life when I’ve not been sure how to feel, how to react. This isn’t one of them. Sitting on the bed and tapping my foot is all I can do though while I wait for Karina to come out of the bathroom. It’d be weird if I was in there while she peed on the stick. We aren’t that type of couple yet. I’m not sure if we ever will be, if I’m honest. As she comes out, I stand. “How long do we have to wait?”
She’s holding the test in her hands. “It says to wait three minutes, but unless this second line goes away in that time, we’re pregnant.”
Her eyes meet mine, and I rush across the room to pick her up in my arms. “Rina, you sure?”
Tears are quietly streaming down her face as she nods. “Look.” She holds the test up for me to look. Sure enough there are two lines. Two lines means pregnant.
Even though I’ve been here before, I feel like my heart is going to beat out of my chest. It’s different this time. Instead of feeling fear, all I feel is excitement.
“Should we tell Caleb?” she asks, wiping the tears from under her eyes.
“God I love you.” I kiss her deeply, savoring the moment I have with her. The fact that in the middle of finding out she’s pregnant for the first time, she thinks about Caleb. “Yes, but let’s emphasize he should keep it quiet until we’re ready to announce it to people.”
“I love you, too.” She smiles so brilliantly at me, and I lose my heart to her again. If anyone ever asked me, I literally wouldn’t be able to list all the ways she’s changed my life since she walked into it, heels clicking, hips swaying. “Should I text him or FaceTime? He might be in class, or he might be doing something important,” she worries. His schedule changes up depending on what day and what he has going on.
“He’ll love whatever you do,” I try to reassure her.
Setting her down on the ground, I watch as she grabs her phone and takes a quick picture of the test as it sits on the bathroom counter. Coming over to her, I slide in behind, wrapping my arms around her waist, kissing her neck as she texts Caleb.
K: The reason I was asleep when you called.
She attaches a picture of the pregnancy test to the message. “How long do you think it’ll be until he checks it?” she asks as she leans back into me.
“If it were me, a couple hours, maybe a full day. Since it’s you, and you rank higher on his priority list than dear old dad does, he’ll see it within the hour, or even minutes.” My voice is dry as I make fun of how quickly he answers her, and how slowly he answers me.
When the phone rings, I give her a pointed look. “Told ya.”
“You’re on speaker.” She sets the phone down as we listen to his voice on the other end.
“Are you two fucking kidding me? Seriously? I’m going to be an older brother?”
“Better late than never, right?” I joke with him, remembering how he used to ask for a sibling when he was younger.
“I’ll be the best big brother on the planet, and whatever this is, brother or sister, couldn’t ask for a better mom and dad.”
Karina and I look at each other, her emotions plain as day in her eyes. Caleb’s words have touched her, they’ve touched me too. Sometimes I’m not sure what I’ve done to deserve him. “Thanks, Son, we’ll let you go, we’re sure you’re busy.”
“Never too busy for news like this. I’m assuming I need to keep this quiet?”
“Please, until we have all the info and were sure things are fine.”
I squeeze Karina in my arms as she buries her head in my shoulder.
“Will do, I gotta go to class, but please let me know what’s going on. Just because I’m here doesn’t mean I can’t be home soon if I need to be.”
We all hang up with plans to get together for the weekend, and as I’m left with Karina, we smile at one another. “I don’t know about you, but I could use a nap. This has been an exciting day.”
Wrapping her arms around me I hear her muffled voice. “Mason Harrison, you are speaking my language.”
Standing up, I wrap her legs around my waist and walk us over to the bed. Wordlessly, we strip, and after I pull the sheets back, we fall in between them together. When we lie down, I curl around her, her back against my chest, and my hand on her stomach. In my arms lies everything I live for. The only thing missing is the other piece of my heart in Tuscaloosa, but I’m realizing more and more every day, it’s time to let him go, let him live is own life.
As I drift off to sleep, I do so with one of the biggest smiles I’ve ever had spread across my face.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
Karina
October
I’m beyond intimidated as I walk with my hand tucked into Mason’s along the family section of the football stadium. This week we’d gotten the call that Caleb would be playing in the Auburn game and everyone who could in the MTF is with us. That includes Whitney, Ryan, and Stella. Part of my intimidation is watching this game with Whitney.
“Remember last time we were here?” She smiles over at Ryan as he carries Stella, wearing a cheerleading uniform. She’s got stickers on her cheeks and carries a pom pom in her hand.
“I do.” he gives her a look that says they only see each other.
“Yeah we have a lot in common with that.” She hits elbows with me.
“We do?”
I know zero about football, and I have a feeling I’m way out of my element with the rest of them, including Stella.
Pretty sure Stella knows more than I do, but I also know I wouldn’t miss Caleb’s debut for the world.
“Yeah.” She gives me a grin. “I was pregnant last time I was here, too. Like close to popping, but it’s always been my dream to go to a home game. Ryan made it happen for me, and it was one of the most special times in our life. Seriously, thanks for inviting us today.”
Mason and I still haven’t told everyone; we were waiting for November, and I’ve been careful not to let slip, so I’m speechless as to how she knows. Unless Mason’s let it slip, and if he has, I might kill him, because keeping this secret is slowly killing me.
“You’re glowing,” she answers for me before I can ask the question. “And your boobs are huge. Same symptoms I had, and I kinda have a sixth sense about pregnant women now. I knew Leigh was before she told everybody too.”
“We’re gonna tell everybody in a few weeks. I have cute announcements picked out,” I explain, wanting her to know that I’m not trying to keep it a secret forever. I’m not ashamed we’re having a baby; I just want to make sure everything’s good before I tell the world. “I just wanted to make sure everything was okay before we started telling.”
“No, I get it.” Whitney reaches over, taking Stella out of Ryan’s arms as he and Mason go grab us some drinks and food. “I was scared to death to tell anyone I was pregnant. I worried constantly that something would happen and then I’d have to tell all those people I’d no longer be having a baby. Of course, I was older than you and I’d had problems conceiving before.” She pushes Stella’s bangs out of her face, using a wipe to clean up her mouth. “I love this one, and I’d like to have one more, but I just don’t think it’s in the cards for us. We’ve tried off and on since we had her, but still no positive pregnancy test.” Her voice sounds wistful. “How many times did it take you and Mason?”
“Just once.” I let a smirk play across my face. “Surprised us both, to be honest. I thought I was coming down with the flu or something.”
“Same here.” Whitney gives me a one-armed hug. “Ryan and I weren’t even trying; I didn’t think I could actually get pregnant. My ex-husband and I tried for years, but nothing happened. Luckily for us, Ryan had great little swimmers.”
I snort as she talks about Ryan and his swimmers.
“Now I just think God is trying to tell us this one’s gonna be a handful and we don’t need another one.” She bounces Stella in her arms.
Looking at the two of them, I hope I can have a relationship like they have with the child I’m having. Reaching down, I put my hand over my stomach as I watch Stella grab for the pearl earring in her ear, rubbing the stud. At the same time, Whitney reaches up and rubs her fingers along the pearl necklace she always wears. They are two peas in a pod, and it’s easy to see how much they love each other. And when the boys return, the way Stella reaches for her daddy has my heart bursting. I can’t wait to see our child reach for Mason like that.
“Let’s go, ladies.” Mason holds on to some of Ryan’s food as he scoops Stella up in his arms, carrying her up the bleachers to where our seats are.
Whitney barely holds in the squeal as she sees how good they are. “I can’t believe you all brought me to this, like I don’t think you realize just how much I love you all.”
“It was either you or Violet, and when we asked Violet, because of her relationship with Caleb, she threw the tickets at me and told me to ask you. Apparently you embarrassed her last time she watched a game with you?”
“Not my fault she didn’t know which team to cheer for,” Whitney defends herself.
“Will you protect me if I do the wrong thing?” I whisper over to Mason.
“With my life, babe.” He puts his arm around me, kissing the side of my head as we anxiously await the kickoff.
Whitney gives me a high-five when they make a first down and I cheer loudly.
“I’m getting the hang of this!” I yell at Whitney, tweaking Stella’s nose as they go back to the line of scrimmage.
“We’re gonna score this time, I can feel it,” Whitney screams loudly. “C’mon, boys! Show them who you are!”
Honestly, she scares me, but she’s not judging me the way she judged Violet at the high school game, so I’ll take it.
This time, the quarterback tosses the ball toward Caleb, jumping up his hands connect and he cradles it protectively, breaking a tackle. There’s nothing but empty field in front of him.
“Run the ball, Cale!” Stella screams from where she’s being held in Whitney’s arms. Mom and daughter are screaming loudly.
The cheers and screams of the crowd are deafening as he runs faster than I imagine any other person can run. My heart is pounding as I watch him run to the end zone. Our group is literally losing their minds as they put the six points up on the scoreboard.
Beside me, I look at Mason, who’s not losing his mind; he’s just staring at his son with a proud smile on his face. Down on the field, the team is celebrating, smacking each other around and giving out high fives. Caleb takes off his helmet, holds the football in his hand and points to us. When I look out again he taps his chest twice, eyes connecting with ours. Given my hormones I sob like a baby while Mason holds me close.
Menace
It’s completely different waiting after a college football game than it is a high school one. I don’t know all the guys on this team, I haven’t had the personal relationship with their parents, and not everyone knows me as “Caleb’s dad”. But that doesn’t mean I’m not as excited to see him tonight as I was after those football games. In fact, tonight, I’m probably more excited than I’ve ever been.
“Caleb!” Whitney yells, and I realize he’s walking toward us.
In the course of the months away from us, he’s grown up more than I thought possible. He’s muscular, filled out in a way he wasn’t at home, he stands taller, and the scruff a little darker and fuller on his face.
“Hey, y’all.” He makes a beeline for Stella who runs toward him.
“Cale, Cale!” she screams, so happy to see the friend who isn’t around as much as he used to be.
He spends a few minutes with her, and then hugs Whitney and shakes Renegade’s hand, thanking them for making the trip.
“I don’t know if you know this about me or not,” Whitney begins. “But this totally wasn’t a problem for me to do,” she deadpans. “In fact, if you have more tickets I could have, I’d take them off your hands in a jiffy.”
“I’ll keep that in mind, Whit.”
“Just sayin’ if you need me to do your laundry or something for them. I’d be happy to.”
“Oohhh.” Renegade throws his arm around her neck, pulling her back to his front. “Trust me; you do not want to be doing a teenage guy’s laundry.”
Caleb laughs and turns to us. “Thanks for coming, you two.”
Karina encircles him in her arms, holding him tightly. “I’m super emotional right now, and you’re just gonna have to deal with it.” She wipes the tears from her eyes. “It’s not something I can help, but I am so damn proud of you.”
They speak quietly to each other for a moment, and then my son stands before me. There’s a look on his face I’ve never seen before. “You did so good out there.” I hold open my arms and let him step into them. Hugging him tightly, I say up a little prayer that he continues to be the man he is right now. That he continues to do the things I wasn’t able to do and make the things he wants to happen, happen for himself.
“I brought something for you.” He reaches into his bag, pulling out a football. “It’s the one I made the touchdown with. I asked them to hold it so I could give it to you. If it weren’t for you loving me enough to stick around, I wouldn’t be here. I’ll never know all the sacrifices you made, and I’ll never understand what you went through in order to be the amazing dad you’ve been to me my whole life, but know I love you for every single one of them.” He shrugs, putting the football in my hand. “I just thought it was important that you know that
.”
“You amaze me, Caleb, every single day, and if anyone’s lucky, it’s me.” Those are the only words I can push past my tight throat.
His mom will never know what she missed when it comes to this kid. I used to feel sorry for him, because he missed out, or so I thought. No, now I’m sorry for her, because she’ll never know what it’s like to have this sort of relationship with him. There is nothing I would ever exchange for the bond we have, and I hope like hell I have it with this new child I’m having. I hug him tightly, before I push him away to arm’s length. “You hungry? I know you probably don’t wanna hang out with us old folks, but we’d love to hang out with you.”
He winks at Stella. “I could eat, and it would be my pleasure to hang out with my family.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
Karina
November
School is routinely kicking my ass. Even though I’ve just passed my three-month mark in the pregnancy, I’m not feeling much better than when I started, and I’m still getting sick on a regular basis. It doesn’t matter, though, the show must go on and I don’t want to take time that I don’t need yet. Because the due date is around the first week of May, I’ll more than likely be taking maternity leave at Spring Break, so I don’t want mess with any of the plans I already have.
It’s taking me longer to finish grading papers and make lesson plans. Pregnancy brain is really a thing, and I’m suffering from it, all the time. I’m finding more often than not, it’s easier for me to get things done at school, so I’m staying a little later than normal every night. The librarian keeps the library open since she does work too, and I’ve been finding going in there with her helps keep me on task. Grabbing my laptop and my water bottle, I close up my room and head to the front of the school.
“Hey Karina,” she greets me as I come through the double doors.
Menace Page 18
