by Dark Angel
A pang of guilt shoots through my chest. I don't even know how to do it. How can I break it to her that I’ve known for a while that I'm leaving? That I’d known before I’d really pursued her, in fact? How can I tell her that and still let her down easy?
She'll be upset with me. Hell, I'm upset with me.
I rub my hands down my face. There's no way I can do that to her. Not now. I'll wait until the very end before I tell her. I can't ruin what we have now. It's all I have left of a life I'm about to lose. I want it to be perfect until the end.
It's going to hurt her. I know that. I'm a dick for thinking of doing this to her. But I'm also selfish, and I’ve never been in love before. I don't want to suffer through heartbreak until it's completely necessary.
Am I doing it wrong? Probably. But I haven't done a lot of things right, and I don't know how to fix it.
I'm torn. I know I have to go back. Deep down inside, a very small part of me is patriotic, and I care about what becomes of my country. I don't want it to fall into the hands of distant relatives who don't care what happens to my people. I have only recently realized I feel that way about it, right around the time Nicole pointed it out, in fact.
Until then, home has just felt like a punishment. I can't stay here. I can't ditch my parents and my people like that. But I want Nicole. I want to be with her, and not just for a couple of booty calls, either. With her, I see something long term. I've never thought I would get to this stage, but there it is.
And now I'm about to lose everything but my country.
At least that's something.
Nicole
"That was great," I say as we walk out of the movie theater. I hold onto Thomas’s hand. "Thank you."
He smiles at me. He’d taken me to an artsy movie, the kind that I loved so much. He’d paid attention when he’d worked through my stack of DVDs. The movie had been fantastic, and Thomas was the perfect boyfriend.
We aren't official, yet. I don't know if he'll ask me, or if we'll carry on the way we do without labels. A part of me feels like we don't need them. I know where I stand with him and how I feel about him. Every day, he shows me how he feels about me.
It's not just the sex, either. Of course, that part of our relationship is great, too. Taking that next step has been amazing, and I feel like I'm connected to him in a way I've never felt with anyone. But Thomas is just a great guy, overall. Attentive and caring, and he listens when I speak. How many guys do that?
"Are you okay?" I ask when we walk to the car. My arm is looped through his and our sides are pressed against each other, our strides matching.
"Why?" he asks.
"You’re quiet, a little distant."
He nods. "Sorry. My dad called, and we never get along very well. Sometimes I think the only reason we get along at all is because we’re in different countries."
"I’m sorry to hear that," I say. I'm starting to learn that Thomas isn't in a very good place with his parents at all. He never says much. It's more in what he doesn't say that I figure it out. Still, it helps to know what's bothering him.
"Don’t worry about it, though," he says and kisses me. "Come home with me? Distract me."
I smile and nod. He kisses me again, and we stand by the car, making out for a short while.
"Is it helping?" I ask.
Thomas nods. "A bit. It'll work even better if you take off your clothes."
I smile. Heat washes through my body and pools between my legs. The feeling is all too familiar to me now. I want him. Making love in his apartment is just that much better than in mine. It feels like when he’d taken me there, he’d let me in all the way, and it's a treat whenever he does it again.
We get into the car, and Thomas turns the ignition. The car purrs to life, and we pull off.
"You know," I say. "I think we should go away for a bit before the summer ends and I have to go back to class. What do you think? I’ll pay for my half and everything."
Thomas smiles. "You don’t have to do that."
I shake my head. "I want to, though. I think it'll be fun."
"It will be," he says. I look at him. A dark cloud seems to hang over him. He barely smiles, and we haven't talked about much since we’d met up today. I’ve been doing most of the talking, and even though he responds to me, he doesn't offer up much conversation of his own.
"How can I make it better?" I ask. I hate seeing him like this.
Thomas shakes his head and puts his hand on my thigh. "I’ll get over it. Don’t worry. You just focus on what we’re going to do when we get home. I have all sorts of dirty things planned out."
He grins, and it's his usual naughty grin. When we park the car and get into the elevator to his penthouse, I'm already turned on beyond belief. I want him. The first time we’d been in this elevator flashed in my mind’s eye, and I kiss Thomas.
When the elevator door opens and we step out, a woman sits on the floor. She gets up when she sees us. She has red hair and freckles. She's wearing a beige coat and high heels, and she has the rich sheen some of the people in these parts have.
"Thomas," she says, walking to him. She puts her arms around his neck and presses her lips against his.
"Hey," I say, but it comes out more as a question.
Thomas pushes her away from him.
"Jessica," he says. He glances at me before turning his attention back to her. "What the hell are you doing?"
"I came to see you. You’re always avoiding my calls. I didn’t know what else to do."
Thomas shakes his head. I'm dumbfounded. What's going on? It's clear that Thomas knows this woman. An uncomfortable feeling settles in my chest.
"Who are you?" I ask her.
She looks at me, sliding her eyes down and back up my body as if she's sizing me up. She doesn't even look apologetic about kissing Thomas when he’d brought me up with him.
"Oh, you’re another one," she says.
Another one? She sounds bored when she says it.
"Jessica, you need to leave now," Thomas says.
Jessica shakes her head. "Don’t push me away again. I can’t stand it when we don’t talk."
I frown at Thomas.
"Who is she?" I ask him. Maybe he'll answer me. Thomas opens his mouth to say something, but Jessica answers for him.
"Another one of his women," she says.
Okay, maybe not the answer I want to hear.
"What?" I ask numbly.
"Don’t you know? Honey, you ought to have known. You’re not the only one. Thomas never has only one woman."
Thomas shakes his head. "That’s a lie."
"Isn’t it?" Jessica asks him. She looks at me. "Ask him if it’s true."
I look at Thomas. I don't want to believe Jessica. She looks like a past lover, scorned. But suddenly, I really need to know.
"Is it true?" I ask Thomas in a voice that's barely a whisper.
Thomas hesitates. That's already answer enough. "It used to be," he says, confirming it. "But it’s not like that anymore. Not since I met you."
Jessica laughs. "Do you think she’ll believe you? Admittedly, I did, but I didn’t have anyone to warn me." She looks at me. "Trust me on this, honey, he’s going to fuck you and leave you. He’ll keep you around just as long as he’s having fun. He’ll make you feel like you’re everything. When he gets bored, that’s when he’ll dump you, and you’ll be left to wonder what the hell you did wrong."
I shake my head. I don't want to believe her. But Jessica clearly knows Thomas. And he's getting paler and paler as she carries on talking.
His jaw clenches tightly. "It’s not like that," he says through gritted teeth. "It’s different with you, Nicole."
Jessica shakes her head. "Did you tell her about your money, your kingdom?"
Thomas looks angry. "Shut your fucking mouth," he hisses at her.
Jessica smiles, aware that she’s struck a nerve. "He told you he’s a business person, didn’t he? That he has to take over the family busin
ess, right?"
I nod. I don't know what to believe anymore.
"Did he tell you that the family business is running the country? That he’s the crown prince of Elanda?"
I'm confused. My head swims like I’ve been drinking too much. I open my mouth to speak but I can't find the words.
"I was going to tell you," Thomas says, but he doesn't sound as confident as usual.
"Were you?" Jessica asks before I can answer. "Or were you just going to leave back to Elanda after the weekend and never see her again?"
Thomas is furious now. "Where the hell did you hear that?" he asks.
"What?" The news hits me like a freight train. "You’re leaving?"
Thomas starts shaking his head, but he stops himself and nods instead.
I cover my mouth with my hand. "It’s all true, then, isn’t it?" I ask. "Everything she just said? Even about the women? And her? You slept with her, didn’t you?"
"Everywhere you can imagine," Jessica answers. I'm starting to get irritated with her answering for Thomas all the time. "Even the elevator."
That's it. It's enough to break me.
"I can’t believe you," I snap at Thomas. Suddenly, out of nowhere, tears spill over my cheeks. "I trusted you! I loved you."
I don't know what else to say. I do the only thing I can think of.
I flee.
The elevator door opens just as I press the button, thank God. I can't imagine anything worse than having to wait for it with Thomas and Jessica right there. I step into the elevator and press the button for the lobby.
"Nicole, don’t go," Thomas says and rushes toward me. The doors close, cutting off his voice and takes me away from him.
Thomas
I can't get her back. No matter how hard I push the elevator button, it won't bring her back to me. After I stand there hammering the button like an idiot, I run toward the stairs. I take the stairs two at a time, hurling myself toward the lobby. It's far down, but adrenaline surges through my body, and I won't stop for anything.
When I burst into the lobby, everyone stares at me.
"Is she gone?" I ask no one in particular. They all blink at me. Nicole isn't in the lobby. Of course, she'd be gone.
I pull my phone out of my pocket and dial her number, a number I know by heart now. Her phone rings until it rolls over to voicemail. I hang up and dial again. The ringing rolls over to voice mail a second time. I lean one hand on my knee, trying to catch my breath. When I dial her number a third time, it goes straight to voicemail. She’s switched off her phone.
"Dammit!" I shout. Everyone looks at me again.
"You," I say, pointing at the doorman. "Why did you let Jessica up?"
The guy blinks at me. "I thought she was a friend. She’s been here so many time before."
He's right. She hadn’t come back to my place since I’d told her off. I hadn’t thought to tell the doorman that she wasn’t welcome here. He'd done nothing wrong.
I turn back to the elevator where an older lady just steps in. I step in with her. She glances at me. I refuse to talk to her or even look at her. I'm fuming. I'm so angry, I could break something. Angry and hurt.
The lady gets off at the fifth floor, and I ride the rest of the way alone. When the elevator door opens, Jessica is still standing in front of my door.
"Why the hell are you still here?" I ask.
"Tommy, don’t be like that," she says, reaching for me. I step out of reach.
"Don’t call me that!"
"You’re angry," she says.
"What gave it away?" I asks, my voice dripping with sarcasm. If she knew what was good for her at all, she'd leave me the hell alone.
I unlock my door. Nicole should be here with me, not Jessica. I step into the apartment and turn around, blocking Jessica who has started to follow me in.
"You're not welcome here," I say. "Not in my apartment, not in my life. I never want to see you again. If I do, I’ll have you arrested."
I don't know what my face looks like or how she interprets my voice. For the first time, she looks like she realizes I'm serious. I glare at her. Without another word, she turns around and walks to the elevator. I watch the doors close behind her, and she disappears out of my life. For good I hope.
Inside, I try Nicole’s phone one more time. It's in vain, of course. It's off, and she won't switch it on tonight. I need to talk to her, though. I need to explain everything Jessica said to her. Everything can be explained, except Elanda and the fact that I'm a prince. And my leaving. Fucking Jessica. Why the hell had she opened her stupid mouth? I know the answer to that. Revenge. Malice. Where had she found out? Very few people know that I'm leaving. I guess she was desperate enough to find out something like that.
Nicole’s face flashes before me. She looked so confused. Shocked. Hurt. I had never seen her cry, and I hat that I had been the cause of it. I can't take it anymore. I have to talk to her.
I grab my car keys and lock the apartment again. In no time, I'm back on the road, heading toward her apartment. I don't care if she doesn't want to see me, if she won't let me in. I want to shout out my apologies to her from the road if that’s what it takes.
I park in front of her building and press the buzzer by the door. I look up to where her windows are. They're dark. I press the buzzer again and again, hoping, praying that she'll answer.
She doesn't. When the door opens and someone comes out, I wait until the last moment and slip into the building. I run up the three flights of stairs and hammer on her door.
"Keep it down," a neighbor shouts. "She’s not here."
I had known it all along. The dark windows had been a dead giveaway. Nicole always left a bathroom light on when she was home.
I walk back down the stairs, taking them one by one. It's the slowest I've approached stairs all night. I push my hands into my hair. What the hell am I going to do now? I don't know any of her friends or her parents. I have no idea where she would've gone. I don't know where to start looking.
There's nothing left to do but to get back in my car and go home. I ride the elevator back up, unlock my door again, and lock it behind me. I walk to the living room and sit down on the couch. I drop my head into my hands.
Is this how it's going to end with her? Is this the way it's going to be? I hadn’t wanted this. None of it. Maybe I should've told her what was going on in my life. She deserves to know, after all. But this. I never wanted this.
I wanted to say goodbye, eventually. I wanted to tell her. I’d been dreading it, and I put it off. I hadn’t wanted to lose her until the very last minute.
Maybe this is for the best, though. This is one way to end things. Tying all the loose ends, right? She would've been upset with me, anyway. She wouldn’t have understood. No matter what I did, whether it had all come out like now, or if I’d made up some other reason, it would've ended in heartache for the both of us.
Maybe it's best that I leave it here.
I strip off my clothes, leaving them in a trail to the bedroom and switching off lights as I go along. I crawl under the covers naked and put a pillow over my head. I want it all to go away.
By the end of the weekend, it'll all be over. My life here will be wrapped up as if it never happened, and I'll leave the country, escaping back to a place where the heartache and my past don't exist.
This is it. It's for the best.
It's over.
Nicole
When I flee Thomas’s building, I don't go home. He would've come looking for me there, and I don't have what it takes to face him. Instead, I go straight to Lisa’s place. He tries to phone me twice before I switch off my phone. I want nothing to do with him.
I press the buzzer to Lisa’s apartment until she answers in a sleepy voice.
"It’s me," I say. She buzzes me up right away. I'm crying. I climb the stairs to her door. When she opens, she jolts.
"What happened?" she asks.
I walk into the apartment and collapses on the couch. My
cheeks are stained with tears, my makeup is probably leaving streaks down my face, and I shiver with cold even though it's a warm night.
"You were right," I say, talking through my tears. "It's all just a mask."
Lisa sits down next to me and puts her arm around my shoulders. "Tell me what happened," she says.
I do. I tell her everything, from the moment we arrived at his penthouse and Jessica was there, until I left.
"He's the crown prince of a country or something, and he’s leaving. Like, soon. He never told me."
Lisa shakes her head, frowning. "This doesn’t make sense," she says. "I don’t understand."
I shake my head, too. "I know. It’s so confusing. But he lied to me. About everything. And the women. God, he must've had so many. I was such a fool thinking he was different than the rest of them. You were right. I hadn’t known him at all."
Lisa rubs my back and makes shushing sounds, trying to comfort me. There's nothing to be done, though. There's no way to heal a broken heart or to reverse betrayal.
"I came here because I was scared he would come looking for me," I say.
Lisa nods. "You know you’re welcome here, anytime."
I hug her. "This is such a mess."
We sit in silence for a while, and my crying stops. I feel ridiculously worn out. I'm suddenly so tired.
"A crown prince, huh?" Lisa says after a while. "Does that even add up?"
I nod. "His name is Thomas Silber. It adds up. I’d read up on their royal family when I’d gone to Germany."
"That’s crazy," Lisa says. "And he didn’t tell you anything?"
I shake my head. "Nothing," I say.
Lisa nods. "Why don’t you come to bed," she says. "It’s been rough, and it’s late. Tomorrow, everything might look different."
I nod and get up, even though I don't believe it'll look any better in the light of day. I follow Lisa to her bedroom and get into the other side of her double bed. She switches off the light. In the dark, she says, "You really loved him, didn’t you?"
