I reached out my hand to caress her. My fingers were trembling, my heart was pounding. The overhead light snapped on. Priestess stood on the steps, her face as pale as death.
"What are you doing?" she demanded. I snatched my hand away, guiltily.
"I was just…looking," I said lamely.
"Close it!" Priestess snapped. "Close it! You don't need to look in there! There's nothing there!" She was very upset. I can't say I blamed her.
***
The Summer Solstice water festival on Andrion 2 is delightful. For four days everything stops and the Taka spend all their time outdoors, picnicking and frolicking in the forests during the day and dousing each other with water for luck. Every evening they gather around the lakes and the rivers and the Grand Canal, and launch little boats constructed of leaves and carrying miniature candles and offerings of candies and sweetcakes—food for the Gods. And the black waters are transformed, winking with hundreds of little candles drifting along under the stars, with the shores lined with whispering Taka, and the children diving in to liberate the candy and sweetcakes from the Gods.
We strolled along the lakeshore under a canopy of great trees. The black hulk of Stonehall rose behind us against the starry sky. Priestess was by the lake with the crowd, helping Stormdawn launch a boat. Priestess and I had taken leave. It had been a lazy, carefree day, and it was to be a lazy, carefree night. Moontouch was by my side and Deadeye followed us lazily, a stabbing spear over his shoulder. There was really no need for a guard. The Taka had never been happier. Southmark was united, the exosegs were all but exterminated, the priests of the Cult of the Dead were long gone, and Kenton Cotter-Arc's gang had been driven out by the Legion. Southmark was strong and free once again—just like ConFree.
"Let's sit here, Moontouch." A stone slab, from the old Stonehall, set under a tree. It offered a good view of the lake, a black pool sparkling with a galaxy of little golden candles, a lake of stars, flickering faintly. A burst of laughter from the shore. Deadeye vanished into the shadows.
Moontouch was silent, her liquid eyes focused on the lake. She had been very silent, lately. I knew her well enough to be worried about it.
"Tell me, Moontouch."
"I cannot, my Master. Your slave cannot obey you."
"I know you can see the future, Moontouch. I've never wanted to see it before—so I never asked you. But I want to see it now."
"Why do you want to see the future, Slayer?"
"I want to know what to do, Moontouch. I don't know what to do, right now."
"Do nothing! Why must you do something? Do nothing! Stay here—with your family!"
I was startled by the vehemence of her reaction. I had told her nothing about the struggle that was raging inside me. Her eyes blazed—still staring at the lake.
"I only want to know a little. Just enough to guide me. So I can make the right choices."
"There are no choices to make. You must stay here, for the sake of your family."
"I don't want to leave my family, Moontouch. That's the last thing I want to do. You, and Stormdawn, and Priestess—you are everything to me. I want to stay here the rest of my life. But I am very uneasy, right now. I feel…guilty, being so happy, when my comrades are out there, fighting the O's, for me. For us. All I want is a little reassurance…that I'm doing the right thing."
"The future is dangerous and deceptive, my love. Nobody can predict your future. You make it yourself. Read your own heart—then walk your own road. I cannot help you."
"But you can read the future—I know you can!"
Moontouch stood up abruptly, gazing down at me imperiously, her face cold and set. I stood up as well, and she spoke.
"Hear me then, Slayer of my Foes, immortal Godkiller from out of the Great Dark. I speak from the Realm of the Dead. You will abandon me, and your son, again, leaving us to face our enemies alone. I see a White Death, invincible, wasting mighty empires. And innocents, trusting in you, betrayed and abandoned—by you! I see an endless war, and your people exhausted, in despair. I see men without minds, killing without remorse, and children without hope, waving the flags of an evil God. I see two madmen, leaders of the forces of light and darkness, locked in a struggle to the death for the future of humanity. You will follow the one, and fight the other, and never know which God you serve. I see you…leaving your mortal flesh, to walk among the dead. All this I see, if you abandon us. All this can be avoided, if you stay. The Dead have spoken! I can say no more." And Moontouch collapsed into my arms.
***
From the terrace atop Alpha Station's Rec Center there is a terrific view of the starport. I would sometimes go there after work to think, standing by the railing as the sky slowly darkened. Thinking was not good for you, but I did a lot of it anyway. And somehow it was easier, with the entire port spread out before me, the aircars gliding in gracefully on invisible roads in the sky, blinking their lights, the floodlights of the port slowly coming to life, and the music of the stars in my head, crawling over my skin. It was always an awesome spectacle, and it always calmed me.
A few days after the Water Festival, I stood there pondering my fate. Massive blue-black thunderclouds piled up on the horizon, higher and higher, and the sky darkened fast. I smelled rain in the air. A storm was good news for the Taka. It meant that the Gods were answering their prayers, and the Water Festival had been a success.
A few flickers of distant lightning ran through the clouds. The lights of the starport were building, a great orchestra of light, responding to the Gods. It was inspiring, I guess. The starport always put things into perspective for me.
"Hello, Thinker." She had come up behind me, silently, a phantom in white.
"Priestess…hi." The wind picked up, playing with her silky hair. She joined me at the railing, looking out at the port and the darkening sky. She seemed completely relaxed, blinking dark brown liquid eyes. She was slender and lovely—an angel, fallen to earth. I certainly didn't deserve her. I had vowed I would love her forever, and never leave her…just like Moontouch.
A deep rumble of thunder sounded. More lightning. A few raindrops spattered around us. A flight of leathery birds shot past, screeching.
"I can't take this much more, Thinker."
"What do you mean?" I turned to her in surprise.
"You're so gloomy. We used to be happy. You don't ever smile any more. Why can't we be happy—the way we used to be."
I turned back to the port. "I'm sorry, Priestess. I'd like to be happy. It's all I want—a happy life. I want everyone to be happy."
"You're not trying very hard."
"I got a pers note from Dragon. He was wounded. Tara's missing."
Dark clouds raced overhead, spitting a fine rain. A great roar arose from the port. A shuttle lifted, rising into the sky at a steep angle, leaving a hot phospho wake. We could feel the power from there.
"Is Dragon all right?"
"He says he's fine."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"I didn't want you to worry."
"What happened to Tara?"
"The O's got her. Augusta 6."
Lightning flashed, seemingly right over the port. Thunder cracked. A light rain fell on us. It was already pouring over the starport.
"Thinker…" Priestess turned to me and brought her hands up to my shoulders. "Please…forget about all that. There's nothing we can do." She looked into my eyes. "We're here. They're there. Let it be. We've done it. It's over. We've given the Legion everything we have, and we've lost…too much. We've lost almost everything. It's time for us now. Where is our baby? You promised me we'd have a baby!" Throwing herself at me—I could never resist her.
"Yes—we will. Of course we will, Priestess. But we agreed we deserve a little time by ourselves, first." I cupped her head in my hands, falling right into those magical eyes.
"We haven't exactly been alone, Thinker. And don't give me silly excuses like that. You want to go back, don't you? You want to go back to the front.
Are you insane? You must be insane!"
I closed my eyes, clutching her, almost in despair. It was raining harder; we were getting wet. "We're all insane, Priestess. They're dying, for us. Is it right for us to stay here, hiding from reality? Is it?"
"Is it right for you to choose death, over life?" she countered.
"I don't know," I said wearily. "I know…it's insane. I shouldn't even think it."
"Beta Three, look at me." I looked into her eyes—trapped, again. A sweet typhoon of love rushed over me. She suddenly seemed very calm. "I made my choice long ago," she said. "I'll live or die by your side. You just tell me what you want to do and I'll be there, whatever it is. Insane or not, I'll stand by you till the end." It was so unexpected it took my breath away. A bolt of lightning shattered the sky. I kissed her, losing myself in her sweet mouth. It was pouring. We were getting soaked.
"Priestess…you're wonderful. I'm going to love you forever. I promise."
"Good. Can you do one thing for me?"
"Anything!"
"Let's get out of the rain."
***
On a lovely sunlit morning, we were having a picnic feast in the shade of several huge overhanging trees lining the South Pool. The South Pool used to be Stonehall's reservoir, in the distant past. It was a huge expanse of water, girt by massive stone blocs and lined by the jungle. Now it had been cleaned up and rebuilt as a public recreation area.
"Have some wine," Priestess urged me. Her hair was all wet. She had been swimming, in a sleeveless top and minis.
"No thanks."
"Come on, trooper—relax! Live a little." She poured some Andrion Blood into my cup. It was raw stuff, but good.
"Enjoy life, my love," Moontouch said. "Taste Andrion's life blood. It is your own." Moontouch always spoke in riddles, but it never bothered me. Stormdawn shouted, down by the pool, splashing around with friends. A sunny, perfect morning, but my heart was like ice. I sipped at the wine—warm, burning its way down my throat.
It is your own. Yes, Andrion was mine. It was where I belonged. I had finally found a home, with Moontouch and Priestess and Stormdawn. A home in a hostile galaxy. A family to love, a family to love me, and the hell with the rest of the universe. I loved Moontouch and Priestess and Stormdawn—what else was there to worry about? What did I care about the Legion? I'd put in my time in Hell, and the bastards had sentenced me to two years for my trouble. I didn't owe them anything! Was I crazy? I should feel guilty, because I wasn't dead?
Maybe Priestess was right. Maybe I was insane.
Stormdawn came charging out of the pool, spraying water all over his mom.
"Mommy, can I have some water? I have to ting! Daddy, can you play with me?"
"Slow down, Storm," I said. "Have a drink first." Moontouch poured him some water into a little cup.
"Daddy, Mommy said you're going away. Is it true?"
"No, Storm, Daddy is not going away." My heart was frozen. Moontouch didn't even blink. She carefully topped off Stormdawn's cup.
"Daddy, I want you to promise me you won't ever leave us again." Stormdawn took the cup from Moontouch and gulped down his water thirstily. What a beautiful child—so like his mother.
"I'm not going anywhere, Storm," I replied.
"Promise! Cross your heart and hope to die!"
"I promise, Storm," I said. "Cross my heart and hope to die."
"Go ting behind the trees, Storm," Moontouch said.
"I don't need to ting!"
"Go ting!"
"All right! Don't yell at me!"
Cross my heart and hope to die, I thought. All right—fine. I stay. Right here. With those I love. And the Legion can burn in Hell.
***
"GOOD MORNING SOLDIERS!" Andrion One stood before us, up on stage in a blazing spotlight, as the lights in the rest of the great auditorium dimmed. He was in his blacks, radiating confidence like a tacstar, and each word was a stake slamming into my heart. As he spoke, a glowing vision arose on the d-screen behind him—a ruddy planet girt with hazy clouds, circled by sparkling rings of silvery dust. It was truly beautiful. Most of Alpha Station was jammed into the auditorium. We knew it was bad news.
"YOU WILL ALL BE PLEASED TO LEARN," he continued, at deafening volume, "that Starcom has just announced the Omnis have attacked another ConFree planet! Camelora 7 is located in the Outvac, not far from the Neutral Zone! It is heavily populated, by ConFree citizens! And the Outvac is our AO, as you all know! The 22nd Legion has announced that Camelora 7 will be held, at all costs!" Andrion One paused, head up, looking us over. I knew his history. He was Legion. A Legion immortal, carrying our history in his head, a delegate from the past. Most of his body was artificial by now. Maybe even his mind. I often thought eventually we'd all become artificial, and then we could stop worrying about love and regret and heartache, and other mortal maladies. We'd all be perfect soldiers. But that was my problem. I was always thinking.
"What this means for us," he shouted, "is a historic opportunity to serve the Legion, and to serve humanity! Our comrades are dying, right now, for us, while we're riding desks and sipping dox and catching the rays in this backwater country club! Soldiers, as a result of this latest Omni attack, Starcom has announced adjusted strength levels for the front! All rear echelon commands have been required to contribute as necessary! You will all be pleased to learn that Andrion Command has been ordered to contribute 5,500 volunteers! Soldiers, I don't know about the rest of you, but I am certainly going where the Legion needs me, so there are now only 5,499 opportunities left for the rest of you! We expect to have these slots filled by tomorrow, so don't put off your decision—see your Super right now! The Legion thanks you! ConFree thanks you! Your descendants thank you! One last thing! For those of you who may not quite understand, what the Legion means when it says the planet will be held at all costs, is that we are to kill all the O's on Camelora 7, or they are to kill all of us! There are no other options! Soldiers of the Legion, do your duty! To the death!"
"DEATH!" We roared out the response, but to me it sounded more scared than scary. 5,500 volunteers! That was most of Andrion Command!
***
"We don't have to volunteer!" Priestess declared, pale and shaken. We were in my tiny office cube with the door closed. Normally, office doors were never closed, but there were a lot of intense private discussions going on at that very moment, all over Alpha Station.
"No," I replied, "We don't have to volunteer. We can stay right here, running Alpha Station, with whoever else doesn't want to volunteer. We'll probably get along with them fine." We were standing face to face beside my desk. It was dead quiet.
"We don't owe the Legion anything!"
"Except your life. And mine. And everyone else in Beta. Without the Legion, Beta would have died on Uldo."
"We would have, if Tara and you hadn't disobeyed orders! The Legion would have left us!"
"We never could have done it without the Legion!"
"They killed Two and Four and Six and Seven! How many more dead do you want? Let's stay out of it!"
"Two and Four were killed by the Systies, and Six and Seven were killed by the O's—not by the Legion."
"It's the same thing! It's suicide! The Legion is the finest instrument ever devised for the killing of young Outworlders! It's a suicide corps!"
"You always used to believe in the Legion, Priestess. You carved a Legion cross into the walls of that Omni base on Andrion 3. Remember? You've changed."
"Why are you defending them? They put you away for two years!"
"We deserved it. I accept my fate. Then, as now."
"I'm sick of accepting fate! Let's make our own fate!"
"What do you want to do? Stay here?"
"Yes, stay here! Otherwise, we die! Otherwise, it's suicide! We've just found ourselves, after all the killing! We love each other! Can't we live together, happily? Can't we have a baby?" There was cold sweat on her forehead. I think she knew how hopeless it was.
"Stay here. Fine. We certainly deserve it. You're right."
"Let somebody else fight the battles!"
"All right. Fine."
"We've done our part!"
"Yes. That's true. Tara's probably dead anyway. I mean, chances are high she's dead. Kind of like when Beta had disappeared in the Mound. Chances were very high you were all dead. It was kind of crazy for Tara and me to come looking for you, the way we did. Expending all that effort—with all that backing from the Legion. Billions of Credits, with the total support of the Lost Command. All the resources we needed."
Priestess was pale and silent, looking into my eyes.
"It's not as if we know for sure nobody's going to make an effort to find her," I continued. "I mean, chances are high she's dead, and the Legion's certainly kind of busy, but…well, we've done our part, right? Somebody else can find Tara."
"That's not fair, Thinker."
"No. It's not. But listen, Priestess, I'm perfectly serious. I'll do whatever you want. If you tell me you want to stay here, I'll leap at the chance. Every fiber of my being wants to stay here, where I belong. I know what it's like out there, in an A-suit—I've been there! But you've got to realize, if we stay, we're going to be thinking about Tara, and One and Dragon and Valkyrie and everyone else from Beta. They're out there still, fighting just like before. And we're going to wake up in the night, thinking about them. I already am! And every time we look up at the stars, we're going to see all those Legion troopers out there, suffering and dying, for us. And we're going to be asking ourselves if we're doing the right thing."
Cross of the Legion Page 3
