A Stone in the Sea

by A. L. Jackson

  Just like she was touching me from across the space.

  “Tell me about Mark?” Her voice was soft with the appeal, asking for more.

  Wasn’t prepared for her to ask something so out of the blue, and her request squeezed at my ribs, because God, that wound was forever raw. I swallowed around it and rolled to lie on my side. Like she was drawn, she did the same, and in that second, the world felt small, like the two of us were side-by-side. Like she was right here with me, and those slender arms were wrapped around me. And there was no sound—nothing vocalized—but I could hear her whisper those same words that terrified me.

  I love you.

  But she was saying it with her care, with her concern for me. Because she saw me. The real me. The girl didn’t give a fuck who the world thought I was or the way other people saw me. I’d been so fearful of her knowing, of it changing what we were…how we were.

  But no.

  Shea reached in to touch beneath it.

  “He was my best friend.” The admission came on a pained murmur, my mind spinning back to that time.

  “My life was so fucked up when I was a teenager, Shea. So much fucking bad that it makes me cringe to start giving you the details, but I don’t want to hide any of that from you anymore, either.”

  I hesitated before I continued. “All of us…me and the guys…” Nostalgia wrapped around me like a dense fog. “We’ve been friends forever, grew up in the same neighborhood, went to the same school. But Mark? He and I were always closest. Just seemed to get each other. By the time our teenage years hit, his life was as messed up as mine. Maybe there was some kind of solace in that, knowing we both hated it at home, knowing we had little brothers there we had to take care of.”

  Shea flinched as if me saying it caused her pain. “What was home like?”

  Desperation filled her tone, and she leaned in closer, as if she were reaching deeper.

  Deeper.

  Deeper.

  Deeper.

  I had nowhere left to hide.

  But I found I didn’t want to be doing that anymore, anyway. Giving vague explanations and bullshit answers. Even though I’d never directly lied to Shea, I’d always skirted around my truths. Keeping her in the dark. I didn’t want any more secrets between us.

  “Everything fell apart when Julian died.” Grief grabbed me by the throat, and the words came abraded as they ripped from me. God, I wished I was in Shea’s bed, in her embrace. “My mom…she was the fucking best. Filled up with so much love. But when she lost him? She never came out of it. She got lost somewhere inside herself and the memories. My dad was always kind of a prick. Drank too much. Said shit he shouldn’t say to us when he was pissed off. But without my mom there to intervene…” Too many memories came pressing to the forefront, and I squeezed my eyes shut.

  “Baz,” she whispered.

  I opened them to all that concern staring back at me. Affection. Sorrow. Care.

  “Let’s just say our house turned into a war zone and I was on the front lines battling our father to keep him away from Austin.”

  A whimper slipped from her.

  Real.

  Real.

  Real.

  “Needing to protect Austin should have been enough to keep me out of trouble,” I continued with a shake of my head, “but it was like I was drawn to it. Like it gave me relief from all the bullshit at home. When Austin got a little older, instead of staying at home and protecting him, I started dragging him along with the guys and me. Letting him hang out and witness all the shit a little kid shouldn’t see.”

  A regretful smile tweaked my mouth. “Playing…that’s really where all of us connected. We’d hide out in Ash’s garage for hours, getting high, writing songs, dreaming of making it big and getting the hell out of our neighborhood.”

  I realized then I was sharing things with Shea I’d never shared with anyone before. All the guys? They’d been there. Been through it.

  Now she was seeing it through my eyes.

  “But it got to the point where getting high was no longer enough and over time it got worse and worse. Snorting and shooting anything that was put under our noses, fucking anything that walked, stealing shit to support it all. We had something good—this chemistry between us that made something magical. But we let all the bad take over the good.”

  “You do have something good,” she disputed quietly, words loaded with encouragement.

  “Yeah, but Mark didn’t get to see it last. I got out and he didn’t. It almost stole my baby brother, too. I’m responsible for all of that.”

  Shea blinked furiously, head shaking in denial. “We’re all responsible for our actions, Baz. You. Mark. Austin. None of you can take back any of the choices you’ve made. And Mark…he paid the greatest price. And I’m so sorry you went down that road together. I can’t even begin to imagine the way you suffer over it. But even before I knew any of this…before I understood where it came from…I saw the way you protect your brother and the rest of the guys. That you’d give up anything to take care of them. Maybe I didn’t know that guy, who years ago was running from home, getting involved in everything he shouldn’t, but I know him now. I know you’re a good man, Sebastian. I’ve seen it. Felt it. I know you.”

  She choked over bewildered laughter. “I spent so much time trying to figure you out. How rough you were…the things you said…all the reasons you were pushing me away. I tried to match it up to this amazing guy who stood up for everyone around him. The one who for the first time in my life made me feel truly alive.”

  She blinked what seemed a thousand times. “Watching you on stage—”

  A sharp pain sliced through me. I hated the thought of her seeing me there, like that, through the eye of a lens—through all the pictures that had been snatched of me through the years. My most vile moments. My most vulnerable moments. The brazen lies and the half-truths, not to mention the cruel reality of who I really was.

  “It’s incredible, Sebastian.” Eyes askew, she chewed at her lip, before she opened up and showed me a little more of her. “What you said the night when you left? About you never wanting me to look at you the way those girls did who came into the bar? Never, Sebastian. I would never see you as only that. But when you’re on stage? It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. It’s…it’s terrifying and stunning and completely breathtaking.”

  My head swam with what all those videos must have looked like to her, this girl who was all sweet and country delving into the chaos of my world, the way our music came out sounding like it was us against the world—hate, hard, and hostility.

  And here she was.

  Embracing it.

  “It scares me,” she admitted, “who you are. What you do. But I understand it’s part of you.”

  “Shea,” I almost pleaded, this girl wringing me tight.

  This amazing girl.

  My girl.

  Didn’t think that could ever happen, and I still had no fucking clue how we were going to make this work. Because I was either going back to jail or going back on the road, and neither of those things exactly boded well for the makings of a solid relationship.

  Glancing away, she cleared her throat, then settled her gaze back on me. Guilt slid across her features. “I couldn’t stop watching you, Baz. I’m sorry I invaded your privacy like that, but anything and everything I could find on you, I read. I watched countless videos of you onstage. Stalked Sunder’s Facebook page. I’m not proud of it, but it felt like a lifeline. Something tangible to hold onto when I thought I’d never see you again.”

  “Trust me…if I’d have had a direct tap into your life, I’d have been watching you, too.”

  She swallowed but didn’t look away. Exposed. Refusing to hide anything. “I saw the pictures that were taken at the show last week. Saw the girls flocking all around you.” Her voice cracked on the emotion. “That hurt so bad.”

  I blew out a regretful sigh and roughed a hand over the top of my head. “That’s w
hat I tried to warn you about when I left, Shea. That life I live? There’s always going to be those girls throwing themselves at me. Girls who’ll do anything to get at me.”

  “I don’t care about them.” Her tone was hard, forward, and rushed. “What they do. As long as it’s me who you choose, I can handle all the rest.” Her hand fisted against her chest. “Just tell me it’s going to be me, Baz. Only me.”

  The words got choppy. “It’s only been you since the first time I saw you at Charlie’s. You’re the only thing I want…the only girl I’m ever gonna take. You hear me, Shea?”

  Relief washed through her expression, before it pinched in distress. “This last week…did you…?” She trailed off with the suggestion.

  I raked a flustered hand through my hair. “Fuck, Shea, the only pussy I was thinking about was yours. Believe me. You don’t have to worry about that. I promise you.” I huffed out some of the frustration that’d been boxed up inside, all that anger and anxiety. Dread. “You think it was easy for me? Thinking about you moving on?”

  “What?” She shook her head as if she were truly confused, like there’d never even been a chance of it.

  Humorlessly, I laughed. “Lyrik…that asshole just wouldn’t let it go. Knew I was miserable without you and he rubbed it in every chance he got. Had me convinced that fucker Derrick was over here making his move, sweeping in to take care of you after I trampled all over your heart. I’ve been plotting that poor guy’s murder for the last week.”

  I said it like a joke, but damn, it was no laughing matter. The idea of Shea with some other guy? Motherfucking torture. Lyrik had goaded me until he knew I was seeing crooked, my sight warped and disfigured, then he went in for the kill just to prove his point. Wonder what that country drawl sounds like with her screaming his name? Bet it’s hot. I wanted to rip his throat out. When he saw I was about to break, he point blank told me to go and get my girl before he went and got her for me.

  “What…the sound guy?” Shea asked with her nose all scrunched up, all sorts of adorable, ruining me a little more.

  “Yeah.” Dickhead couldn’t keep his eyes off her and I knew it was damn near impossible for him to keep his hands off her.

  I understood the affliction.

  “You’re ridiculous. There’s nothing going on between me and Derrick.”

  “He wants there to be.”

  “No, he doesn’t.” She giggled this sound that was all light and sweet.

  A soft chuckle spilled from me, my mood floating on that honeyed harmony, eyes swimming in that warm caramel. “You’re completely blind, Shea. But right now? Let’s just say I’m completely fine with you not seein’ it.”

  She smiled a coy smile. “That’s because all I can see is you.”

  And I was probably grinning like a damned fool. But who could blame me? Hadn’t had something like this in my life before. Not ever. And it felt fucking amazing.

  “I like your bed,” she said, tone turning seductive and teasing.

  I groaned. “Don’t mess with me, woman…I’ll be over at your house and dragging you into this bed.”

  “Oh, you will, huh?”

  “Ten days without that body? Dying here, baby.”

  “Can’t wait to see you,” she whispered, eyes turning intense, all that tangible energy billowing between the distance. Stronger now that we’d busted down some of those walls separating us.

  “Tomorrow’s Sunday. You still have the day off, right?”

  “I do.”

  “Why don’t I pick you and Kallie up tomorrow morning…bring you over here? You haven’t ever been here before. We can hang out on the beach and barbecue or something.”

  “Really? But are all the guys in town?”

  A smirk lit on my face. Of course they were. It’s just what we did, supported each other, however our lives were going down. “They said if I was coming back, then they were, too.”

  “Are you sure you want Kallie around all of them? Is that not weird?” Protectiveness rose up in her when Kallie’s name was mentioned, like she felt the need to defend her daughter. Truth was, the thought of Kallie hanging around all my hard-ass friends who had not a clue how to act around a little kid was kind of weird. But they were going to have to get used to it.

  “It’ll be cool,” I said with a shrug.

  Her smile was soft. “I think I’d like that then.”

  “Good.”

  A big yawn took her over, the girl all sleepy and sexy and about five seconds from being my complete undoing.

  “It’s late. I better let you get some rest.”

  “Yeah…but it’s hard to let you go,” she admitted shyly.

  “Not letting me go. I’ll be right here and I’ll be there to pick you up at ten, okay?”

  “Okay.”

  A smirk flitted all around my mouth. “Goodnight, Shea from Savannah.”

  Her expression darkened with her storm, something severe and profound.

  Her voice was rough. “Goodnight, Sebastian from California.”

  At five minutes before ten, I pulled up in the Suburban in front of Shea’s house.

  This morning I was up with the sun, too anxious to sleep.

  I cut the engine and jumped out, running up her walk and onto her porch, something like joy taking over every cell in my body with each pounded step.

  The second I rang the doorbell, the front door flew open. Kallie stood there, bouncing on her feet, excitement blazing from her like a full-body halo.

  “Baz, you’re here! I missed you so, so much!”

  She was wearing a blue and white checkered swimsuit and a pair of denim shorts over it, flip-flops on her insanely tiny but chubby feet. Of course she had that butterfly crooked in her elbow.

  Jesus help me. I couldn’t do anything but pick her up, hug her, because fuck if I hadn’t missed her, too. I held her to me and murmured, “I missed you, too,” into all that wild hair, my head spinning because I was still having a hard time wrapping it around all of this.

  She jerked back, eyes swimming with a thrill. “You’re gonna take me to the beach?”

  “Yep. Does that sound okay to you?”

  “I love the beach!”

  “Good thing because we’re going to play on it all day.”

  She formed a fist, her little arm pumping like she was giving me a cha-ching. “Yes!”

  A chuckle rumbled from me and my attention drifted to Shea who was standing at the bottom of the staircase, one hand on the railing, tender smile trained on us.

  Adrenaline spiked, a churn of it rushing through my veins, and I was itching to drive my fingers into all that blonde flowing down around her, that temptation brushing over her bare shoulders and swinging down her back.

  She was dressed for a day outside in the sun. A long, printed flowy skirt hugged her waist, draping down to end at her calves. A tight, white tank barely concealed the black bikini top outlined beneath it, thin straps coming up to tie around her neck.

  Fucking gorgeous.

  Knock the wind right out of me kind of gorgeous.

  Sing from the mountaintops kind of gorgeous.

  Leave me begging on my knees kind of gorgeous.

  Yeah. That kind of gorgeous.

  Redness crawled up her neck, and I knew her mind had gone traipsing into thoughts the same, eyes sucking me down like she’d witnessed the sunrise for the first time.

  How in the hell was this girl mine?

  I strode toward her, Kallie still tucked in the crook of my arm. I didn’t hesitate, just drove a hand beneath the river of her hair and gripped her by the back of the neck. I kissed her hard and she kissed me back. Nothing salacious or obscene. But with purpose. Reluctantly, I pulled back, thumb caressing her cheek. “Good morning.”

  Kallie started giggling and Shea was all smiles and blushes, and every kind of sexy when she swayed in my hold. “Good morning.”

  “Are you ready to go?”

  “Yes!” Kallie supplied.

  Shea af
fectionately rolled her eyes and slung a big beach bag stuffed full of all the girlie shit women thought they needed whenever they went to the beach. Somehow I didn’t mind. “Apparently so,” she said.

  She sidestepped me and headed toward the door. She went to grab the booster seat she’d left sitting just inside the door.

  “Here, I’ve got that.” I swung down with Kallie still secured against me, picked it up with my opposite hand.

  Laughing hysterically, Kallie hooted like she was on a rollercoaster, clinging to my neck like a safety net. “Don’t drop me, Baz! Don’t drop me!”

  My pulse thudded some strange beat, volatile satisfaction.

  “I’m not gonna drop you, silly girl.”

  We followed her mom down the walk and to the Suburban. I set Kallie down while I fixed her seat in the back right behind Shea. My head spun a little more. Two months ago, had someone told me I’d be concerned with adjusting a car seat so it was level in the back of this Suburban—the one that’d been bought with the sole purpose of rolling around my crew—I would have sneered, told them they had me mistaken for a very different guy.

  Leaning down, I picked Kallie up from under her arms. “In you go, Little Bug.”

  I strapped her in, made sure she was secure, and ran around and hopped in the driver’s seat. I leaned over the console to grab a quick kiss from Shea.

  Contentment swept through me when I threaded my fingers through hers, and she sighed and sank more comfortably into the leather seats like she felt it, too.

  We drove the twenty minutes out of Savannah and into Tybee Island, and cruised around to the end where Anthony’s house butted up against the beach. The whole way, Shea and I chatted casually, Kallie all too willing to chime in and offer her opinion and excitement or confusion on just about everything.

  Parking in the circular driveway, I climbed out and was quick to round the front to help Shea out. I dipped in and stole another kiss, because I saw no point in trying to resist.

  I was fucking hooked.

  Kallie jumped down from her seat and ran up the walkway ahead of us, flapping her arms and jumping around as she scrambled up the seven steps that led to the double doors.