by Kat Mizera
“Yes, but I’d like there to be something for just us and I found it.” He smiled.
“So what’s the next reason?”
“Because I need to know how much you trust me. Seeing that you didn’t trust me hurt me. I know now there were a lot of things going on, and the fear you felt while in Russia with Raina undoubtedly skewed your decisions, but it still hurt.”
“I’m sorry,” she whispered.
“I know and just like saying that you want to do something with me I’ve never done with anyone else is a girl thing? Well, proving that you trust me, with what I’m going to do, is a guy thing. Me acting like a caveman and taking back my woman.”
She nodded. “I actually understand completely and trust you completely. As long as you keep in mind that things are different when a woman is pregnant. You weren’t with Debbie when she was pregnant so that’s my only concern—keeping the baby on your mind because I don’t think you’ve ever been with a woman that was pregnant.”
“I haven’t.” He leaned over and rested his head on her stomach, one hand running along the side. “But believe me, I love Anton more than anything in this world, and I’m already in love with this baby as well. My only goal right now is making you happy—making up for everything that’s gone wrong since we got married. Sex, believe it or not, is secondary.”
“Of course I believe it.” She smiled and ran her fingers through his short hair.
For a long moment neither of them moved except for Toli’s right hand gently massaging her abdomen. Finally, after a telling look that bespoke of love and passion and a million other things, he pressed a kiss just above her belly button and reached up to pull the blindfold back down. Her naked body was positively stunning and he couldn’t help but run his hands up the sides of her legs, hips and torso. With his fingers splayed along her rib cage, he used his thumbs to fondle her nipples, bringing them back to the taut peaks they’d been before they’d started talking. God, she was sensitive there.
Glancing at her flat stomach, he moved his fingers along it and whispered in Russian how beautiful she was going to look with his baby growing inside her.
“I got beautiful and baby out of that,” she murmured. “Care to elaborate?”
“I’m thinking of how beautiful it will be when my son is big enough inside you so that I can feel him move.”
“Have we decided it’s a he?”
“Yes.” He moved his lips back to her belly button, taking his time to get her worked up again. All the interruptions had become a little distracting, but he sensed her need to connect more than just physically—obviously their brief separation had taken a bigger toll on her than on him. He’d been hurt and confused but he’d been sidetracked by Anton’s kidnapping. She’d had to suffer alone when she’d believed he’d cheated on her and was involved with the MGB. He knew that she’d questioned everything about herself and their bond so he needed to make sure their emotional connection was just as strong as the one they had when they made love.
Although she’d downplayed it tonight, he knew it irked her that everything he’d ever done with her in bed he’d already done with other women. Now he was going to fix that; hopefully, it would be as erotic as he’d heard it was. She didn’t know it, but he was almost as nervous as she was. While he’d never hesitated to try new things, he’d usually been the one in control, and though he would be for part of today’s adventure, he would also be giving up control.
Pulling out the items he’d bought weeks ago, originally planning to use them on their honeymoon, he laid them on the bed beside him before slowly spreading her thighs. Her breath hitched slightly at his touch and he bent his head, swiping his tongue along her slit. With gentle fingers he spread her open and feasted on the succulent taste of her sex. He never tired of licking her, touching the most intimate parts of her with his mouth, and listening to the sounds she made while he did it. She was already making breathy little hiccupping noises that fell somewhere between moans and cries; it was hot as hell and always got him off. He held back, though, and slowly pulled away, leaving her frustrated and aching for more.
“Relax, sweetheart,” he whispered. “This will be different…but it will feel good, I promise.”
“Okay.”
Her breathless response was some combination of frustration, nervousness and excitement so he opted not to make her wait. Popping off the top of a bottle of lubricant, he poured a liberal amount on two of his fingers and rubbed it down her slit and up into the crease between her cheeks.
“Toli…” Her voice was now filled with uncertainty.
“Trust me,” he whispered, working the lube into the small ring of muscles that now clenched tightly against his finger. “Let go, sweetheart. If it hurts, just say the word and I’ll stop.”
“O-okay.”
He kept his touch light, pressing against the tight little hole but not going in. He moved up and down the crease, stroking her in soft sweeping motions that soon had her moving against him, growing more in tune with what he was doing with each passing minute.
“Toli…” Her gasp was raspy, filled with longing. “I need you!”
“I know, baby, and soon you’ll have me. I’m going to do something I’ve never done before, so it will be an adventure for both of us, okay?”
“Yes!” She was beyond aroused, startled at how good it felt to have him massaging her crease and fingering her ass. She’d heard others talk about ass play, but had never really asked about it because she hadn’t been sure she wanted to try. With Toli, however, she was willing to do almost anything.
A small gasp left her as Toli poured a streak of lube right down her crack and then pushed something small and round into her rectum.
“Toli!” she squeaked out his name, not uncomfortable but definitely startled.
“Easy,” he whispered. “They’re called anal beads. I got small ones—does it hurt?”
“N-no, but—”
“Shh.” He pressed another one into her and she took a deep breath.
“Toli, it’s…” Her voice trailed off as another slid up into her.
“What is it, love? If it hurts, I’ll stop immediately.”
“No, it feels…” She hesitated. “Honestly, it’s kind of cold and weird, but no pain, nothing bad, just different.”
“Good.” He pressed further until nothing but the small round handle protruded from her backside. It was sexy, he thought, running his hands over her cheeks. Even sexier was the fact that she was practically quivering with need, her pussy clenching and unclenching as he watched.
“Now what?” she whispered.
“Now I’m going to fuck you,” he murmured, moving over her and finding her mouth. “And right before you come I’m going to pull them out. The research I’ve done says it’s going to make you come like never before.”
A slow smile spread across her pretty face. “That happens every time you touch me—so this is gonna be epic!”
Toli slid into her without hesitation, knowing she was aroused as hell and on the verge of spinning out of control. Just the mystery of trying something new—for both of them—had her even more excited than usual and he let out a long moan when he felt how wet she was. “Damn, baby, you’re so tight and wet.”
“The pressure…” She moaned mid-sentence, words eluding her as his thick cock filled her to the hilt and made the beads in her ass feel bigger and tighter. “Oh, goddamn, that feels good.” Her breath was getting shorter and she lifted her hips to take him even deeper.
Without warning Toli flipped them over, making Tessa gasp and land with her chest against his. “Ride me,” he said softly. “And when you’re about to come I’m going to pull them out.”
“Mmm.” She was already moving up and down on his shaft, her body matching his rhythm as he glided in and out. She pulled her lower lip between her teeth and tipped her head back, myriad sensations making her crave more. The beads had somehow morphed into fiery little aphrodisiacs that had her clenching and
squeezing him like never before. The feeling of both holes being filled was much sexier than she’d ever imagined and now she raced towards a release she couldn’t seem to hold back. She let out a moan of frustration, desperate to hold on to something that felt this good, but unable to keep herself from tumbling into the abyss that led straight to a familiar tightening. This was the feeling that told her she was losing control whether she wanted to or not.
“Toli!” Her shriek came just as she felt the first ball slide out. “Oh!” Her orgasm shook her from head to toe and the pressure of the beads coming out of her forced her into a never-ending loop, her pussy contracting over and over. Toli was still thrusting up into her as the waves of pleasure came one after the other and she convulsed so hard it was almost painful. “Oh!” She collapsed against him, her body trembling from the aftershocks, every inch of her skin still charged with sensual electricity.
“Easy, sweetheart.” Toli had never seen anything like it as Tessa’s orgasm seemed to go on forever. He wasn’t sure if it was multiple orgasms or just one long, intense one, but he’d never seen her shake like this or jerk so hard or squeeze him this tightly. It had taken all of his self-control to keep from coming right along with her, but that would have ruined the second part of the surprise. And based on what he’d just witnessed, he wasn’t going to deprive himself of the pleasure.
“Holy cow,” she groaned. “What the hell? That was amazing!”
“I can see that,” he chuckled, wrapping his arms around her tightly.
“Didn’t you come?” she asked, frowning suddenly.
“No.” He smiled. “I was too busy enjoying how it felt for you to come like that—it was beautiful.”
“Was it?” she flushed slightly. “It was intense. I’ve never had an orgasm that strong or that lasted so long. Wow.”
“And now it’s my turn.” His eyes met hers meaningfully.
“What?” She looked down at him in confusion.
“Just as you trusted me, now I’m going to trust you.”
“You mean with…” Her voice trailed off. “You want to try them too?”
“Unless you’re not willing…”
“I am, but I never thought you’d be interested in anything anal.”
“I think this is as bold as I’d get with ass play,” he admitted, “but anal beads and maybe a finger sounds sexy to me. You?”
She nodded. “Yeah. You just never seemed like the type to give up control like that.”
“It’s about trust, sweetheart. You gave it to me, and now I’m going to give it back to you.”
“Oh, Toli.” Her eyes misted over. “I love you.”
“I love you more.”
Chapter 18
The morning of Tatiana’s memorial service was warm and sunny, despite being September. Waking up in Tatiana and Sergei’s home in Boston, Toli looked over at his sleeping wife and silently thanked his lucky stars he had her back. She looked so beautiful lying there beside him, her pretty face relaxed, he felt a wave of emotion as it occurred to him that Sergei would never again wake up next to Tatiana. He could hear sounds downstairs and figured maybe his brother could use some company. Today was going to be a long, hard day and he hoped he had enough strength for both his brother and himself. Although their relationship had ended a long time ago, Toli was still struggling with his sister-in-law’s death as well. They’d met when Toli was just 16 and they had been each other’s first everything. Knowing that she’d died in part to protect his son made his heart tug painfully in his chest. He’d been trying to minimize his grief by telling himself that letting Tessa see him mourn might hurt her, but she’d noticed his struggle and was quick to assure him he could grieve however he needed to.
He slid out of bed quietly and pulled on a pair of shorts before slipping out of the room. He headed down the stairs and found Sergei in the kitchen with Nikolai, feeding him breakfast. Sergei looked like hell, he thought sadly, taking a moment to watch them together. Toli had always thought his younger brother was smarter and better looking than he was, but today it was hard to tell. He hadn’t shaved in at least a week and the bags under his eyes were turning purple. Though he smiled and affectionately played with the little boy, it was obviously a struggle for him.
“Good morning.” Toli spoke softly and Sergei glanced up.
“Hey.”
“Can I do anything?”
Sergei shook his head. “I’m just going to feed him and get him dressed before the funeral.”
“You need to shower and shave,” Toli said, going to the counter and pouring himself a cup of coffee. “You’re a wreck.”
“I know.” Sergei glanced down at his stained T-shirt.
“When are you supposed to report to camp?” Toli asked.
“Last week,” he said. “But they told me to take all the time I need.”
“Don’t,” Toli sat next to him and put a hand on his brother’s shoulder. “As soon as you can find a nanny, go to work. Staying home won’t help you heal—it will only make you mourn longer.”
“Toli, I don’t know how to get up every morning.” Sergei’s blue eyes were haunted. “They killed her right there in front of me. She took that bullet so he wouldn’t kill me.”
“A testament to how much she loved you.”
“But it was supposed to be me!” he rasped, closing his hand around the base of the coffee cup next to him. “She died for me!”
“Then don’t disrespect her sacrifice and throw away your own life by wallowing in self-pity. Look at your son.” Toli picked up the fork Sergei had abandoned and held it out to the little boy, who quickly inhaled the proffered eggs.
“He looks so much like her,” he whispered, turning away. “What do I tell him, Toli? What do I tell him when he asks about his mother?”
“The truth,” Toli smiled. “What a beautiful, loving woman she was. What a skilled, caring surgeon she became in spite of a million obstacles. And how much she loved her husband and son.”
“I know.” He got up and absently refilled his coffee cup, oblivious to Nikolai, who’d begun banging on the table.
“Why don’t you go take a shower and clean up?” Toli suggested lightly, sticking more eggs into Nikolai’s mouth so he would stop yelling.
“I, uh…” Sergei looked lost. “What did you say?”
“Shower.” Toli repeated gently. “Go up to your room and take a shower. Then shave. Can you do that?”
Sergei nodded slowly. “Yeah. Okay. But Nikolai—”
“Niko and I are having breakfast and, if you recall, I already raised a kid and am now raising another. I’m fairly certain I can figure out how to feed and dress him.”
“Yes, right, okay.” Sergei turned and disappeared.
Toli watched him go thoughtfully but was immediately yanked back to reality as Nikolai grabbed for the plate of eggs. Toli tried to stop him but was a fraction of a second too late and the plate somehow tipped up, sending eggs flying straight into Toli’s face. He sighed heavily just as a snicker made him turn.
“Good job,” Tessa grinned, reaching for some paper towels and handing them to him as she put Raina in the chair next to Nikolai. “A little rusty, eh?”
He snorted. “Whatever. He obviously became wild and untamed while he was in Russia.”
She laughed. “Honey, they’re all wild and untamed when they’re toddlers. You’ve forgotten what this age is like because, with Raina, all we have to do is mention Jazzy and she straightens right up.”
He grunted, wiping the egg, literally, off his face.
“How’s Sergei?”
“Not good,” he sighed. “Hopefully taking a shower.”
“He looks tired,” Tessa nodded, breaking eggs into a bowl so she could make breakfast for them. “I know he’s not sleeping because I’ve had to get up to go to the bathroom and I’ve seen him sitting in front of the TV, just staring.”
“I’m not sure how to help him,” Toli admitted. “I can’t even imagine if it had been y
ou.”
“I know.” She squeezed his shoulder. “We just have to be here for him. I wish he could get traded to the Sidewinders, so we could help with Nikolai and you could see him regularly.”
“That would be ideal,” Toli mused. “But I don’t think it’s possible right now. Sergei got a fairly large contract and he’s doing well here. They may not be anxious to let him go, and I can’t think of anyone the Sidewinders would be willing to trade for him. Zakk would probably be their top pick, and that’s not happening.”
She chuckled. “Yeah, Zakk isn’t going anywhere willingly right now.”
Toli finished cleaning up and was about to put Nikolai on the floor when the little boy screwed up his face.
“All right, buddy, no crying today, okay?” Toli scooped him up and held him close to his chest.
“Mama!” Nikolai whimpered.
“Oh, hell,” Toli sighed.
“Mama’s not here,” Tessa said gently, pulling the child from Toli and rocking him against her. “Auntie Tessa is here. You want a bottle?”
“Baba!” Nikolai’s tear-filled eyes met hers with a tiny nod.
“Okay, we’ll go rock.” She turned to Toli. “Can you grab a bottle out of the fridge? I made a bunch last night. Microwave for 15 seconds and bring it to me?”
“Sure.” He did as she asked and watched her settle into the big chair in the living room. Watching her rock his nephew made him sad and happy at the same time. He hated the thought that Nikolai would never again be rocked by his mother, and that he wouldn’t even remember her. Yet the idea that Tessa was now carrying his child, and had stepped in to help with his nephew without batting an eyelash, confirmed everything he’d already known about her: she was without a doubt the perfect woman for him.
Tatiana’s wish had been that her body, when the time came, be donated to science so that other doctors and scientists could benefit in some way from her death. Sergei had given the body to the medical school she’d attended in Russia, so there was no body and the service was merely a formality. Although Sergei had initially balked, Toli had talked him into it, saying he needed to say goodbye and the people close to him in the U.S. needed a chance to show their support. So as friends and teammates gathered in a large, private room at a popular local restaurant, Sergei wandered around aimlessly, as if he couldn’t quite figure out why he was here. Tessa was keeping an eye on Nikolai, so Toli tried to surreptitiously stay close to Sergei without being too obvious about it.
