by Tawny Weber
“It’s great.” It didn’t happen nearly enough, but it was the life both he and Zane had chosen. Luckily, their mom and Kerri had always supported their decisions. He remembered what Quinn had told him about missing her mom. “You said you weren’t planning on staying in Little Creek. Will you move to Seattle when you leave?”
“I’m not sure. It doesn’t matter where I go, really. I just need someplace where I can figure out what to do next. Who to be.”
“Is that why you’re taking online courses? So you can figure out who you want to be?” When she frowned at him, he shrugged. “I noticed the textbooks on your table.”
“Nothing gets past you, does it?”
She didn’t sound happy about it—or about him knowing she was taking online college courses—and he wondered if she was angry. Or embarrassed.
“I think it’s great that you’re working on your degree.”
“It’s no big deal,” she said, her cheeks pink. “It’s just a few business courses.”
Taking hold of her arm, he stopped her. Turned her to face him. “It’s great. You should be proud of yourself for going after what you want.”
“I’m not sure it is what I want. But it’s the best way for me to prove Peter wrong.”
Peter. Her ex. The idiot who’d cheated on her.
“Prove him wrong how?” he asked, having a feeling that he wasn’t going to like what she was about to say.
She tugged free of his hold and crossed her arms. “When we were first married, I told him I wanted to take some classes at the community college but he refused to pay for it. Said my brain wasn’t my strongest asset and me trying to get an education would be a waste of time and his money.”
Xander’s hands fisted. Nope. He didn’t like it. Not one bit. “He was wrong.”
And an asshole, but he was sure she was aware of that.
Still, she looked so wounded, he took her by the shoulders and leaned in, holding her gaze. “He. Was. Wrong.”
“I stayed with him,” she blurted, gripping his forearms. “He thought so little of me, he lied and he cheated, and I still stayed with him.”
In that moment, Xander would have given anything for ol’ Petey’s address. The bastard deserved a good beating for hurting Quinn. For making her doubt herself.
“But you did leave. You’re here and you’re living life on your own terms.” He softened his tone, his thumbs caressing her upper arms. “You’re smart and you’re strong. Stronger than him. Stronger than your mistakes. Now you just need to be strong enough to forgive yourself for those mistakes.”
* * *
FORGIVE HERSELF? Quinn wasn’t sure she knew how.
Was afraid she wasn’t capable.
Because forgiveness might lead to forgetting. She could get complacent. Could slip back into old habits. Could go back to being the woman she’d been—married for her looks, expected to sit still, look pretty and be quiet. Back to the princess who’d craved attention and adoration.
But gazing into Xander’s eyes, listening to him, it was easy, so very easy, to forget all that. To believe in the possibilities.
The possibility of getting her college degree.
The possibility of paying back every last cent she owed.
The possibility of moving on. Of trusting a man again.
Of falling in love.
She jerked, her breath catching.
So much for being smart. For being careful.
“Quinn?” Xander murmured, watching her with a frown.
She stepped back, forcing him to let go. “I have to go home,” she said, proud of her cool tone. “My shift starts soon and I need to get ready.”
More like she needed some space, some time alone to shore up her resolve, to remember what was important.
They were silent on the ride back to her place—her doing, she knew, as she stared out the passenger-side window, kept her thoughts to herself.
Where they belonged.
He’d barely pulled to a stop in front of her apartment when she unbuckled her seat belt and reached for the door handle.
“I’ll wait,” he said before she could get out. “We’ll go register for the reunion together, then I’ll drop you off at Myer’s.”
“I’m not going to the reunion.” Yes, yes, she was supposed to go, had agreed in a weak moment to hand out the award for most valuable graduates to Zane and Xander. But she couldn’t go through with it. The lines between past and present were blurring too much already. Attending the reunion would only make things worse. “So no need to register,” she continued. “And no need for you to wait. I’ll walk to work, like I always do.”
No sense changing that now. She might get some stupid, crazy idea. Like that just because she could count on him once for something as simple and silly as a ride to work, she could count on him for other things, too.
“You’re skipping the reunion?” he asked with a frown. “Why?”
“I have to work.” Which wasn’t technically true. At least, not yet, but she’d make sure it happened. As soon as she got to the bar, she’d ask Dianne to add her to the schedule for that night. “And I have no desire to relive my high school days.” She opened the door. “Thanks for—”
“Have dinner with me.”
She froze. “Working. Remember?”
“Tomorrow then.” He paused and the air in the cab thickened. Heated. He touched her, his fingers brushing against the nape of her neck, and she shut her eyes against a fierce wave of longing. “I want to see you again, Quinn.”
She wanted that, too. Wanted it so much.
And that was the problem.
She faced him. His hand curved around the back of her neck and she knew, if she didn’t tell him the truth, he’d pull her to him. That he’d kiss her and she’d be powerless to resist.
“I already have plans tomorrow,” she told him. “With Zane.”
His fingers tensed and he quickly yanked his hand away. Fisted it around the steering wheel as he stared out the windshield, his expression hard. “When?”
“Tomor—”
“No,” he ground out. “When did he ask you out?” He looked at her, his eyes narrowed. “Or did you ask him?”
“I... He asked me.” Had invited her to coffee, an innocent coffee date in the middle of the day. But Xander didn’t need to know that. Her palms were damp and she wiped them down the front of her shorts. “He came over this afternoon. Before you did.”
“He came over,” Xander repeated flatly, “today, and asked you out and you said yes. After I kissed you last night. After you kissed me.”
It wasn’t a question, but she answered it anyway. “Yes.”
He turned away from her again.
Just like she knew he would.
Wasn’t that why she was telling him this? She was testing him. She needed him to back off. She was falling for him—too hard. Too fast. She needed some space so she’d done what she’d had to do.
But she hadn’t meant to hurt him.
“Xander, I...” She stopped. She had no idea what to say. What to do. Once again, she’d gotten herself into a mess she had no idea how to get out of.
“You’d better go,” he said, still not looking at her. “You don’t want to be late for work.”
It was a dismissal. One delivered in a cold, angry tone he hadn’t used with her before.
One she knew damn well she deserved.
“Goodbye, Xander,” she said around the lump in her throat.
She climbed out, shut the door and walked up to her apartment, feeling him watch her as she went. It wasn’t until she was safely inside, the door shut, blocking her from his view, that she let her head hang. Her shoulders droop.
She’d wanted to push him away.
Mission accomplished.
7
WHEN QUINN STEPPED OUT of Myer’s the next night, she spied Xander leaning against his truck under a streetlight.
Everything within her stilled only to start up again in a rush of pure adrenaline.
And no little amount of desire.
For a moment, she wondered if she was hallucinating, if she’d somehow conjured him up with her imagination. After all, ever since he’d driven away from her apartment yesterday, she’d thought of him. Had looked for him both that evening at work and tonight, her heart in her throat every time the door opened, hoping he’d walk in, that he’d sit at the bar and watch her. That he’d offer to take her home.
He hadn’t.
So she wasn’t quite sure whether or not to believe what she was seeing.
Until he spoke. “You’re done early.”
Yes, that was definitely his deep voice. He was real. He was here.
She wasn’t sure whether to turn and run like hell.
Or throw herself into his arms.
She did neither, just crossed the empty street. “Steve’s closing tonight. What are you doing here?”
He straightened, his voice soft and husky and honest in the night. “You know what I’m doing here.”
Her knees went weak. Yes, yes, she knew damn well what he was doing. What he wanted.
She wanted it, too.
She’d dreamed of him this morning, a hot, wicked dream of them together in her bed. Of his hands on her breasts. Between her legs. Had fantasized about him while she was in the shower, the water pulsing against her sensitized skin.
The man was altogether too tempting. Dangerous to her self-control.
But she no longer cared. She wanted him. More than she wanted to protect herself.
Mostly, though, she’d missed him.
It didn’t make sense, but there you had it. They’d spent such little time together, but she missed hearing him talk, the way he looked at her, how he listened.
She liked being with him. She just liked him, period.
And she was so very tired of being alone.
Tonight, it seemed, she didn’t have to be.
“Take me home.”
* * *
BY THE TIME he followed her into her apartment, Quinn’s stomach was a jumble of nerves. Xander hadn’t spoken. When she told him to take her home, he’d simply held the passenger-side door open. He’d stayed silent during the drive, climbing out after he’d parked in front of her apartment and circling the truck to open her door, then following her inside. Now he stood inside her apartment by the door, as if he was unsure of his welcome.
As if he was unsure whether or not he wanted to stay.
“Do you want a drink?” she asked, hating that she was so nervous her voice shook.
This wasn’t the first time she’d brought a man home, for God’s sake. She was close to thirty, had dated plenty before meeting Peter, had been married and divorced. She wasn’t some trembling, hesitant virgin. She was a strong, confident, sensual woman who just happened to have been on a self-imposed sexual sabbatical for the past year.
Still, there was no need for her heart to be racing. Her stomach jittery.
He hadn’t even touched her yet.
“Or,” she continued, deciding the best way to calm her anxiety was to take matters into her own hands, which she did by sliding her hands up his chest then linking her fingers behind his neck, “we could skip the drink.”
But when she rose onto her toes to press her mouth to his, he leaned back. “My brother...”
Letting go of him, she fell back to her heels. “I thought you said you and your brother didn’t do everything together.”
His mouth thinned at her lame attempt at humor. “You were with him today. You went out with him.”
Damn it. This was her own fault for telling him about Zane inviting her out.
Her own fault for going.
“It was only coffee,” she said. “We spent an hour at the local café. We caught up, chatted a bit. It was nothing.”
“Nothing,” Xander repeated flatly. Obviously it was something to him.
She needed to remember that.
“Are you going to see him again?” he asked.
“No.” But he didn’t seem convinced so she repeated it. “No. I...” She shook her head, irritated and scared and knowing she had to make this right. “I don’t want Zane,” she whispered, telling him the truth. She didn’t want his brother. And if their coffee date had been any indication, he wasn’t interested in her, either. Oh, they’d had a nice enough time, but that was all it was. Nice. Two old classmates catching up with each other. There’d been no sparks. No connection.
Nothing even remotely close to what she felt when she was with Xander.
Taking a chance, she touched him again, laying her hand on his chest, settling it there, over his heart. “I want you.”
And admitting that was among the hardest things she’d ever done. Standing there, waiting for him to accept—or reject—her?
Torture.
Which she was sure he damn well knew.
“I want you,” she repeated. “You’ve gotten under my skin. In my head. The whole time I was with Zane, I thought of you. I can’t stop thinking about you.” She frowned at him. “It’s annoying as hell.”
“That what this is? A way for you to try to get me out of your system?”
“Yes. No.” She shook her head. “That’s part of it.”
“Part? What’s the rest?”
She took a deep breath. “The rest is that I’ve finished considering my options, and while I’m still not sure this is a smart idea, I’m willing to take the risk. I want to take it. With you.”
* * *
SHE WANTED HIM.
Quinn’s words, the reality of what she’d said hit Xander hard, like a punch to the gut.
But he couldn’t take what she was offering. Couldn’t give what she wanted. Something was holding him back.
Mainly the jealousy eating away at him.
Goddamn his idiot friends, this stupid challenge and his brother’s competitive streak. Zane had never shown any interest in Quinn before and Xander suspected he had no real interest in her now, wouldn’t have invited her out for coffee if not for the challenge.
Then again, if it hadn’t been for the challenge, if he hadn’t known that Zane would take it seriously and try to get Quinn to go to the reunion with him, Xander might not have gone after her himself.
Maybe he should be grateful for his idiot friends and the stupid challenge.
And he would be, he promised himself. Later. Much, much later.
“I couldn’t stay away,” he admitted, wondering how she’d gotten him so tangled up in such a short time. “I tried. I really did...”
“You stayed away last night,” she pointed out, and beyond the irritation in her eyes, he saw the hurt.
“It wasn’t easy.” But he’d been pissed. Had managed to keep it together, to keep it under wraps during the reunion registration while Zane had bragged about bringing Quinn a freaking cupcake and they’d learned about the parade in their honor. He held her gaze. “But it was what you wanted.”
She opened her mouth. Shut it. “More like I wanted to see if you’d stay away.”
Her confession rocked him. He almost had. He’d known her telling him about Zane was her way of putting distance between them.
She’d pushed him away.
He’d let her. Had almost convinced himself that walking away was for the best. For both of them.
But he didn’t give up. Not when he wanted something.
Not when it mattered.
“You’re under my skin, too,” he told her gruffly, setting his hands on her hips and drawing her closer. “In my head.”
She shut her eyes briefly as if in relief, then laid her other hand on his chest, too. Tilted her face up to his. “Trying to get me out of your system?” she asked, a teasing glint in her eyes.
“Going to try.” He skimmed one hand up her side, his fingertips trailing over her tank top—red tonight—grazing the bumps of her rib cage, then the soft swell of her breast and over her clavicle bone. Sliding his hand up the silky skin of her throat, he curled it around the back of her neck and fisted her hair in his hand. Tugged her head back. “But it’ll probably take a few times.”
She once again linked her hands behind his neck. “Probably?”
“Definitely,” he murmured, lowering his head. He brushed his mouth against hers. “It will most definitely take a few times.”
He kissed her, the taste of her roaring through him, the feel of her—hips and stomach and breasts—against him like fuel on a fire. Having his arms around her, kissing her, had desire heating his veins, his body hardening.
The hold he had on his control slipped but he shored it up. He wanted to take his time. Hell, it wasn’t every day a man had the chance to take his fantasy woman to bed. He wasn’t going to rush it.
He kissed her, again and again and again, slow and deep, his tongue sliding against hers languidly. He slipped the hand at her hip under the hem of her shirt, caressed the slope of her waist. She was warm and soft and clung to him, her core pressed against his growing arousal. She rolled her hips and he groaned, set both hands on her waist to keep her still.
To keep himself in check. In control.
“Mmm,” she murmured against his mouth before breaking the kiss and leaning back. “It’s not going to work, you know.”
“It’ll work,” he promised. “Trust me.”
She laughed and if possible, he got even harder. “I’m sure it will but that’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about you trying to slow us down.” She nipped at his chin then soothed the sting with a soft, wet kiss. “I don’t want to go slow. I don’t want you careful and sweet. Not the first time. It’s been such a long time for me and I have such a hunger for you,” she murmured, and had the blood roaring in his ears.
